I actually got an update in on Thomas Brodie-Sangster's Birthday <3 xxx. Yayyy. And I got all these other Newtmas stories I wanna write and I have no idea how I'm gonna do that so..... Anyway I shall dedicate this chapter to - Mashton233 cause reasons (I don't actually have a specific reason besides liking their comments so... And this chapter is half the length of my two previous but I have my reasons. I hope it's still good enough. And I'm still trying to find a good song for this chapter and failing so yay.

"You're awfully quiet Tommy." Newt glanced up at the other boy who was currently looking down at him and playing with the others hair that framed his face.

"That's cause I'm thinking."

"What about?" Thomas shuffled closer to Newt, contemplating on the answer he were to give.

"Do you still have those dreams? You know, those certain types?" It had been two weeks since Thomas had come back, two weeks since Newt told him, and two weeks more of barely sleeping because certain reoccurrences in his dreams.

"Maybe. Why?"

"I wanna hear more about it." Newt blushed.

"What makes you think that I'll tell you anything?"

"I'm your boyfriend." Boyfriend. There it was. A label he had now received from simply agreeing to being in a relationship with someone else. Newt hated labels and tried to avoid them to the best of his ability but they were simply unavoidable. And Newt had brought this one upon himself. But Newt wanted this, or he wouldn't have agreed two weeks ago when he had been asked. He could've said no if he wanted to, but he didn't.

"And suddenly I'm required to tell you every little thing?"

"No, but this is something I'm curious about because it might help me."

"And how would knowing about my dreams help you?"

"Because if we ever get to that point in our relationship where, well you know, then it might be good for me to know what you like and dislike." They were both blushing, still facing each other as Newt responded.

"Yea, you've mentioned that, but don't you wanna figure it out by yourself? You like to study me and memorize what makes me go crazy."

"You're right. I like to memorize every little bit of you and every response you give. But if we really ever go there, I don't wanna screw it up. Because if I screw it up then I'm going to be really mad at myself that I couldn't give you what you deserve. Which I probably still can't give you even if I don't mess it up because you deserve more than I could ever give." Newt grabbed a hold of the others cheek, caressing it softly as he silently told him to calm down.

"Listen to me Tommy, if there were to be a day where we do anything, then I'm sure you'll do just fine. If you can already drive me crazy in my unconscious state, imagine what you can do when I'm awake." Thomas smiled, a real smile that he for the most part only gave Newt, and Newt managed to mirror it back. An action he rarely did.

"Hey, Newt?" Newt had his eyes closed, but he blinked one eye open to look at the other as if to tell him that he could continue.

"Mhmm?"

"When we decide to just go for it, I don't want it to be planned. I want it to be uncoordinated, unknown, and maybe a bit messed up." Newt smiled.

"Just like us together."

"Yea. I want it to be us, not someone we create in a master plan to do it right."

"Messed up like me?" Thomas shook his head and laughed.

"Like us." And he laced his fingers with Newt's, placing them on his chest as the other fell asleep.

____________________

Screaming. Newt remembered hearing a piercing scream as he woke up hurriedly and sat upright, glancing down at Thomas to make sure that it wasn't him. But Thomas was sound asleep as Newt placed his hands in his hair, tugging on the ends, trying to reassure himself that he wasn't going mental. He needed a cigarette. It was risky as he was at Thomas' house and Thomas hated Newt smoking with a passion, but he really needed it. Wasn't this what started your last fight? Maybe it was, Newt couldn't remember as he got his lighter out from his leather jacket. He walked over to the window, which went higher than his slender frame as it started from the floor and went all the way to the ceiling. Thomas' house was modern, really modern, and Newt felt poor just stepping into it. The window was split down the middle so that you could open the top without falling out, and that's what he did as he lit the filter and looked out into the darkness of trees facing him.

He'd just thrown out his cigarette which hit the grass below, when a strong set of arms wrapped around his hips. Thomas was awake.

"T-Tommy?"

"No. A serial killer. Of course it's me." Newt turned around to face the other boy, glancing up at his lips.

"I hate you smoking." Newt let out a loud audible sigh as he glared at Thomas.

"We've been through this."

"That doesn't mean I like it. Or accept it for that matter."

"What about this do you find so hard to accept? It's a bloody cigarette that you smoke for ten minutes before it's thrown to the ground."

"Actually you only smoke for around five minutes. You inhale quite a bit at once. And since five minutes isn't enough you usually light another." Thomas gestured with his hands as he spoke, something that he often found himself doing, and it kept Newt interested in the conversation as he tried to follow the others movement.

"Look, Newt, I might hate it, but it's your decision that I clearly can't take control over. But I hate your reasoning for it. It scares me. It terrifies me more than any horror movie I've ever seen." Newt rolled his eyes.

"Ah, you're talking about wanting to die again."

"Y-yea." Tears were slowly evident in Thomas' eyes. He cared for Newt a lot, and hearing these things always broke a little piece of him. Thomas felt so helpless when it came to Newt, and he was close to breaking down again because of it.

"Tommy please don't bring this back up. I can see what this does to you. It hurts you. I can tell, and then I immediately feel just as hurt for making you upset."

"Can you at least promise me one thing?"

"I can try." Newt looked at the other, a little bit of fear displayed in his pupils as he waited for the others wish.

"Try to smoke a little less. You smoke two packs a week. Can you please try to make it one? For me?"

"I don't do things for others. And don't use the fact that you're my boyfriend as a reason." Newt was harsh and aggressive as he spoke, but this was what he was familiar with, and he could see it shatter and break the other with the sadness he displayed in his eyes.

"Okay. Let's put the whole me being your boyfriend thing aside for a minute. Can you please do this? Please?" Thomas' voice cracked at the end of his sentence, and he was slowly crumbling as Newt just stared emotionless at the boy.

"No." Newt was shocked to hear himself say that, he would've expected to say yes, and his own cruelty surprised him. He liked Thomas and all he managed to do was drag the other into his mess whilst crushing him and his desires to pieces. And that's when Thomas fell to his knees and started crying, and a few tears streamed down Newt's face as he forcefully removed them from his cheeks with his hands, making sure not to let a whimper escape his lips and alert the other.

Thomas continued crying on the floor with his head in his hands, Newt still completely frozen in place. He felt cruel. Newt was a terrible person. He made his boyfriend cry, and it wasn't even the first time. Newt was breaking him more and more every day by being around him, and he just let it be that way. He was his own sort of devil that had laid eyes on Thomas and was now targeting such an innocent and sweet boy that would never hurt a soul. Thomas was like an angel that had happened to fall for someone on the opposite side that came from the deepest depths of hell, and Newt was playing the game like any sadistic devil would. But then there was this little part of Newt, maybe the small angelic spirit that he had in him, caged and trapped with no key to open, which tried to reach out for Thomas. A part of him wanted to comfort Thomas, be nothing but sweet and gentle to the loving person in front of him. But it was trapped, and the only key Newt had come to know was Thomas himself, and he wasn't able to let it free when he was on the ground. And that's when Newt himself slid down the window, sat with his knees to his chest and his elbow rested against them as he nervously bit his fingers.

He dared to glance at Thomas one time, and a set of wide brown eyes were looking back at him. He'd stopped crying, but now Newt had started, small whimpers escaping his dry and chapped lips as he tried to make minimal amount of noise. And then Thomas did something that Newt should've done. He pulled himself to his feet before sitting beside Newt, wrapping his arms around the other while Newt leaned into him. He always put Newt first, no matter how upset he was, and Newt wished he could do the same.

"I don't understand why you like me. I'm cruel. I'm a terrible boyfriend. Emotionally unattached. Why Tommy?"

"Because there's a side of you that I've fallen for, and I don't always see it, but it's there. And I've fallen for the rest of you along the way. It's like you're multiple pieces in a long stack of dominoes, and when I fall for one, I automatically fall for the other. I can't help what I feel for you, I can't exactly describe it. I just feel it. It's there and I know I can get through to you. I just need a bit of patience."

"Why bother trying to be patient?"

"Because it's about you. I think you underestimate my feelings for you. I can't just simply forget and move on. You hurt me so much, but it's a process. We'll figure it out. I'm fine being hurt if the end result is good."

"What if it isn't?"

"Then it'll still have been worth it. But it won't work if I'm the only one willing to put in the effort. We're in a relationship Newt, and both people have to put in effort for it to work. It's going to be difficult, of course it will. We'll take it a step at a time. I just need to know if you're willing to put in some effort." Newt turned his head, looking into Thomas' eyes and bitting his lip.

"I'll have to open up." He whispered as Thomas sighed.

"Gradually, yes."

"Can I trust you?" The question left Newt's lips faster than he'd wanted it to, but now it was out and he needed to wait for an answer.

"Yes. I know you have trouble with trust and all that but I promise you that you can trust me with anything, Newt."

"I'll try Tommy. I'll try to put in the effort. I'll try to be nice. I'll try to show you how much I really like you. But I fail with a lot in life, and this might be something I won't be able to go through with."

"But at least you will have tried. It's better to try and fail then not to have tried at all."

"Are you quoting something famous?"

"No. Or maybe, it just crossed my mind."

"Tommy, I promise you I'll put in as much effort as I can. And I also promise that I'll cut down on the smoking. For you." Thomas smiled, his sudden burst of happiness radiating off of him as he leaned their foreheads together. And at that point Newt's lips were craving Thomas'.

"Tommy." Thomas looked at Newt, waiting for him to continue as he hesitantly placed his slender fingers on Newt's cheek, his heart rate increasing.

"I want to kiss you again."

"Then kiss me." And Newt brought their lips together so quickly that Thomas toppled over, Newt going down with him and straddling the others waist.

Newt was still confused, still unfamiliar with everything, but like Thomas had said, this was all a process. He'd get through this, and Thomas would help him. Thomas would be his guide for now, but he'd have to risk some things himself. A step at a time.

And that's when Newt slowly and hesitantly brought his lips down to the others neck, trying to remember what Thomas had done. How the hell do I do this?

He trailed light kisses down to Thomas' collarbone, but Thomas had been a bit harsher and more forceful against Newt's skin, so that's what Newt tried. He got a massive burst of confidence when he heard the other let out a low moan before biting down on his lip, and Newt's lips displayed a smirk as he gently bit down on the skin below Thomas' ear.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Tommy." He pulled away and looked at Thomas who had let out a whimper at the sudden loss of contact and cold hitting his exposed neck, but then he laughed.

"Fitting." Newt gave him a quizzical look before sudden realization crossed his features.

"What I'm doing is a mess." Thomas giggled and left a gentle kiss on the others lips before continuing what they both were thinking.

"Just like us."