I know we'll be alright,
But I'm not tonight,
I lost a friend, I lost a friend,
I lost my mind.

~~~

I sat, stroking her silky brown hair, cradling her head in my hands. She was beautiful, the epitome of pure innocence.

Alana looked up at me and smiled making a grin tug on my mouth. A book was in her lap. She wanted me to listen to the story she had just written.

But just as my sister was about to open her mouth to speak, another voice said my name and snapped me out of my trance.

It was raining. Why was it raining? I liked the rain. Rain made me happy. I definitely was not happy cradling Alana's dead body in my arms.

Multiple paramedics had approached me, trying to get me to let go of her so they could take her to the mortuary. They finally managed to pull my arms away and snatched her away, leaving me with nothing.

{but I never really had anything did I? How the hell did I lose a friend I never had?}

There was blood on my shirt which had spilled out from the gaping hole in Alana's head. The hole that had been made my the bullet my mother had shot at her, before proceeding to decorate her own body with designs from her pen knife. She had left herself to bleed to death on the porch, knowing she did not deserve the quick and easy death Alana had.

I collapsed on the porch, letting the raindrops fall on my face. Carlos had taken the triplets somewhere. I didn't know where and I honestly didn't care. It was Benito that had climbed up the mountain to tell me. I had just stared at him for a minute before running as fast as my legs could carry me down the mountain and back to my house.

My emotions flooded my at once but I refused to let myself acknowledge them. {how could I be sad when I was not the one who perished? Who was there to be angry at apart from my dead mother?}

Gabi was saying something but I wasn't listening. The voice was like a blur in the background and all I could hear was the pounding of my own heart.

My mother had killed her own daughter. To put her out of her misery she had written in the short note she left for us. There's no hope for people like us.

Mama had never looked at Alana the same after her diagnosis. To her, my sister was as broken as her. And we all knew she hated herself.

I knew I couldn't stay there. I could never come back to this house. Too much had happened. More than I could bear.

Carlos texted to tell me that he was a little way from the house. Benito had chosen to meet up with him instead of coming back to the gory scene.  I pushed Gabi aside and walked the kilometer it took to reach the car. Even though it was pouring now, I could see my siblings' faces from the car.

{scared, lost forever, broken}

Carlos hesitated when I told him I would drive but slid into the passenger seat and handed me the keys anyway. We were all going to look for a new place to stay for the time being, before dealing with police, because none of us had plans to return to this town once our sister and mother's funeral was over.

The rain came down harder and harder until I could barely see. I continued driving anyway, despite Carlos' warning to stop. Out of nowhere, a branch hit my window, smashing it and causing me to jerk, making the car swerve out of control.

The last thing I saw was my terrified face in the mirror before the car flipped.