"Hey, Fuzen," Shun greets.

I blink, then open the door to Hideaki's apartment further. She still hasn't returned from her mission--but then again, it had only been just over three days. "Yeah?" I ask.

He limps into the apartment at my unspoken welcome, collapsing onto the sofa with an exhausted groan. I offer tea, which he declines. "Sorry for just showing up uninvited," he says, absentmindedly rubbing at his bad leg. "But I wanted you to know so you wouldn't just show up at an empty shop."

I blink. "Wait, what?" I question immediately. "Empty? Where will you be? And Mizuko?"

"We've decided to go to Mizu's old village," Shun explains slowly. My eyes widen. "An old friend of his contacted him and offered to help us open a sister shop in the village. His friend's been wanting to open a shop for a while, and we're heading over to scope it out and maybe give him a loan to help set up shop."

"You're leaving."

Shun seems a little scared by the suddenly blank look in my eyes. "Just for a bit," he reassures. "It shouldn't even be over a week. Two at the absolute most.We'll be back soon."

"What about your leg?" I ask bluntly.

He sighed, rubbing it once more. "We'll have a wagon and donkey. It won't be as fast as running, but..." there's a bitter core in his eyes as he remembers all that it is he's lost. "But don't worry about us protecting ourselves. Mizu may not be a ninja of Konoha or complete duties anymore, but he still is plenty good enough to protect us if it comes to that," he laughs.

I nod. "Will you be seeing, y'know, Shri?"

Shun's eyes narrow at just the mention of Shri. "For some reason Mizu wants to," he replies in a tone that's almost a snarl. My stomach drops, and I wonder if I am one of the reasons he's decided he wants to confront Shri. Because of what I'd said.

"Oh," is all I murmur.

The angry look in Shun's eyes drop rather suddenly, replaced by one of fatigue and sorrowful understanding. "Mizu loved him once, you know," he admits. "Shri, I mean."

I give him a startled look, which he laughs at. "How?" I ask.

He shrugs. "That's what I wondered. I mean, he was horrible, what he did to Mizu--" at this Shun's fists clench, then he takes a deep breath in and lets it out. "I guess you don't choose who you love. And Mizu, despite knowing Shri so well--or maybe because he knew Shri better than anyone--loved him." He shrugs again, sharp and pointed.

"He loves you," I tell him.

Shun waves me off. "I know, I know," he assures. "I just don't know why he insists on hurting himself like this. Nothing good could come from talking to Shri. Nothing. Especially now that he's in charge."

I glance at him. "He is?"

"Yeah. His dad died, now he's in charge. And that's another reason not to go. I mean, you saw how he was, how religious--not that religion means hating people like... like mean and him. But he was so intolerant. So hateful. He was... disgusted. All the things he did to Mizu," he shakes his head sharply. cutting himself off. Then, "I think I want to kill him."

This shocks me. The first time I had ever heard Shun admit to wanting to hurt, to kill someone had been in the heat of battle--and he had threatened Shri then, as well. I had never seen him want to hurt someone like that again. He's Shun. He heals and he never likes seeing people hurt and here he is, sitting peacefully on the couch discussing how he would like to kill Shri and it's in this moment I realize that hate was truly infectious.

I sigh, body shaking with the force behind my breath. "I don't know, Shun," I murmur. "Shri was--is, I'm sure--a hateful asshole. And I really wouldn't be upset if I saw him dead. But I... I don't want to see you kill him. Y'know?" I give Shun a weak smile. His eyes are dark and bitter still. I suddenly realize that if it had only been Shun who'd been faced with Shri's hate he wouldn't have cared at all. But he loved Mizu and cared about me and the minute that Shri hurt me and destroyed Mizu he crossed the line. Shun just loved too much.

"Mizu said something similar," Shun says, the darkness in his eyes suddenly being swept away by a loving light. His entire expression softens and I have to look away because it hurts. I feel incredibly selfish because I'm unable to be truly happy for Shun and his love for Mizu. I was selfish and weak and horrible and I couldn't move on and be happy like Shun.

"Hm," I murmur.

"I just wanted you to know," Shun stands, assisted by his cane. "We're leaving tomorrow."

"Thanks," I stand as well and smile. "I hope it turns out."

After he's existed the door he pauses, looking back. I study him for a long moment. He looks far too young for the cane at his side and limp in his stride, his eyes full of dark and light and I feel very old and very young looking at him. Then he smiles, the moment is broken, and he turns away while I'm left with an apartment that's as empty as I am.

***

The grass is slightly damp, soaking my knees as I kneel next to Daisuke's grave, leaning up against the tombstone. Tears prick my eyes. I say nothing for a long while. Something about the air makes me feel as though I'm intruding upon the sanctity of this ground. I'm something new in an old world or something old in a new world and either way I just don't fit anymore. His grave is too personal and too impersonal and in the end I have to leave, and head instead towards the KIA stone.

I finger the names in the stone and it's more bearable here, somehow. Daisuke's name is one of many. Not the first. Certainly not the last. Not even the youngest. Just another casualty.

"Daisuke Igarashi," I whisper, reassuring myself that he's still alive. "Daisuke Igarashi."

I take a deep breath in and let it out.

"Everyone's leaving me," I whisper to the dead stone. My words brush up against the rock, falling away into the world, leaving no impact with no one other than the dead to hear them. "Hideaki. My Father. Shun. Sensei, too. Sensei cares but he's far too gone and gone too far for me to follow--or is it the other way round?"

I rest my head against the unfeeling stone. I was not the first to come here and grieve. I wouldn't be the last. I'm probably not even the youngest. Just another casualty.

I stay there for a long time before I feel a hand on my shoulder. I don't react. "It's sad here," Sensei says, too loudly. "Let's go somewhere else."

I shake my head, still pressed against the memorial. "I don't want to go," I reply tiredly.

"C'mon, Fuzen," and this time Sensei sounds a little more desperate, a little closer to breaking and I have to remind myself that Sensei might be here but he is very much gone. "Let's go see the academy students or watch a butterfly or anything else."

"Go away, Sensei," I murmur. "Please. Just... not right now." I shrug his hand from my shoulder and ignore the hitch in his breath that sound suspiciously like a sob.

There's another set of footsteps, then a voice I vaguely recognize murmurs, "C'mon, Hachi."

I turn in time to see Kakashi take Sensei by his shaking shoulders and lead him away, a terribly tired and disconsolate look in his eye. Guilt hits me like a hammer blow to the stomach but I can't bring myself to say anything. I watch them go, watch Kakashi pull him closer protectively as they walk away from me and I feel as though I should've, would've followed but I can't. Sensei glances over his shoulder, a single, clear plea of "Say something!" in his eyes.

Instead I turn away as the tears fall down my face, hitting grass long dead from salt water that came before mine.

_________________________________________________

Well. Um.

Yeah. Update! Yay?

I feel like you guys are going to be getting depressed and angry here with me for how fricking depressing this book is being. WELL BIATCHES HER TEAM FELL APART AND SHIZ IT'S NOT GONNA BE FLOWERS AND RAINBOWS. Nah but seriously you guys might be upset (sorry) but I feel like this is more realistic maybe? Most fanfics have their OCs just spring back like "OKAY my entire family/clan/team died but its all shits and giggles and I'm super powerful and I'll avenge them and everything's AWESOME!" And by the next chapter they're completely over the death/horror/massacre they'd witnessed/survived.

What do you guys think?

ANYHOW Please comment! Please comment llong and beautiful comments! The inspiration is needed and appreciated!

Comment! Vote!

Bye!

gaara119