January 2011

Carla Mason:

The sun is barely up and I can already hear them shouting.

With the insubstantial illumination of my nightlight, I scramble out of bed in flip flops and open my door a crack to peep outside. The lights in the hallway are off so nothing is visible. Only the retorts my parents are hurling at each other can be heard with dangerous clarity.

I shut the door and climb back into bed.

When these fights used to happen before, my older sister—Jenny—used to come to my room to check up on me. She would wipe my tears and hug me tight and tell me nice little stories of happy families. She has stopped doing that now. It is not like I have any tears that need wiping, I tell myself. I am strong. I can manage.

Outside, I can hear the sky rumbling. Thunder roars in my ears and my parents shout even louder.

Cutlery rattles; my breath shakes.

I climb out of bed again. The light in the house next door is open too, and some of its illumination is filling in through my window. I reach up and pick a frame off my bedside table. In it lies a photograph of Jenny and me. It's not visible in the dark, but I don't need the light so see the two smiling little girls with arms slung over each other's shoulders. Even without sufficient illumination, I know they are standing on a beach, their backs to the sand castle they had just made. I know each and every detail of the picture, yet I still need to see it.

Sprinting as fast as I can to the switch board, I shut off the nightlight and turn a single bulb on in my room. The photograph becomes visible again, and I look at every detail to make sure nothing has changed from the last time I checked it.

It hasn't.

The undersides of my ribs ache with longing, and I really want Jenny to come rushing into my room. I want her to huddle me closer to her and to lie down next to me and tell me stories of how good overruns evil and everything turns out the way we want it to be in the end.I want her to feed me the lie that everything will be okay, and the sun will rise and burn, engulfing the darkness in the radiance of a thousand fires.

I want all those lies and all those fantasies to hoist me up and carry me into a world where everything is safe and nobody yells and everybody's nice; where the thunder doesn't speak louder than our laughter, where the lightning outside isn't as bright as the fire burning behind our eyes.

I remember Jenny telling me once to never open the lights when Mom and Dad are fighting at night. She says it draws attention.

I want attention.

I want Jenny to come rushing to my room and to tell me everything will be alright, that I don't have to worry, that nothing's wrong.

Slamming my hand on the switch board, I switch on all the lights on in my room. It is so bright, like all the stars from the sky have come for a visit to my room.

With the lights still on, I lie down on my bed waiting for Jenny to come. I get excited at every squeak of the floorboard, at every sound of shoes scrapping against the wood.

I close my eyes.

The light in the next door house goes off and I know it without having to open my eyes. From my closed eyelids, I can already sense a certain dimness—like a star has decided to take its leave from my room.

Under my duvet, I wring and unwring my hands in anticipation. A cold, salty tear escapes my eyes and runs down my neck. It is far too moist for my liking and far too cold for my burning skin.

I keep my eyes shut.

But even with them closed, I still know that Jenny never comes and the lights in the house next door remain shut for the remainder of the night.

*****

Author's note: Thank you so much for reading the first chapter of this story! This was a venture from my comfort zone, because I mostly like a humorous style of writing, but I am so glad I took the chance. It was so much fun writing this, and I hope you will have as much fun reading it.

As it turns out, I haven't learnt how to make a decent cover in my months off, so i'd appreciate it if you guys can recommend me some good cover makers!

I am eager to know what you guys think thus far, so do let me know in the comments. Update days will be Thursdays and most Saturdays, but because I am coming back after so long, I will upload another chapter this Saturday as well. And it is going to be from Eric's POV, so I am super stoked to be able to share that with you.

Hopefully, I will see you guys tommorow. Have a great day ahead!

-RZ.