Song: 'Look After You' – The Fray

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My eyes close and I breathe in and out really hard as my body sways in an attempt to ease my angst. Harry pulls his knee up to his chest and rests his elbow on it whilst his hand fists in his hair. I take a deep breath and carry on through the tears that are sliding down my cheeks.

"Why do you never do as you are told?"

I remember his actions for each and every one of those words.  I touch my neck and remember the feeling of his fingers pressing against my throat. I recall the swipe of the back of his hand across my cheek and the slap of his palm across my other cheek. My eye twitches at the recall of his punch into my left eye so hard it closed immediately. His fist met my stomach and when I feel to the floor his boots joined the party and then decorated my face as well.

I am motionless recalling the scene but Harry can stand it no longer. He twists his whole body towards me and wraps both his arms around me, pulling me into his lap. His head rests against mine and his hand soothingly strokes through my hair.

"No more, I don't want you to relive this, Natasha please, please just no." He is shaking his head and trying to hold back his emotions but he has hold of me so tightly that I no longer feel afraid.

"I have to Harry, I need too. Afterwards Dan said he was going to bed and that he didn't expect to see me there the next morning. It took me ages to crawl to the front door I was in so much pain. I literally rolled outside onto the pavement and the door shut behind me. I called the only person I knew who could help me. The only person who had been there for me, just as she had promised my Mum she would be, your mum Harry. She came immediately and took me straight to the hospital."

I still for a little while until my nerves calm, my hand is flat against Harry's chest and I can feel his heart beat through his tee and his lumber shirt. His hand rubs reassuringly circles over my back.

"I had been fortunate or perhaps he was just aware of how much pain he could inflict without causing too many breakages. Either way, I had a fractured cheekbone that luckily did not need surgery. My whole body though was black and blue and bruised."

"Anne and the nurse on duty urged me to get the police involved and press charges but I was so withdrawn I couldn't even speak. To this day, it is my biggest regret not reporting him so he could not do it to someone else. However, at the time all I could hear in my head were his words to me as went to bed, leaving me in a aching heap in his hallway - 'Remember Natasha, it was you who threw the first punch.'"

"Your mum was so amazing, she took me back to her house and I stayed with her and Robin for two nights whilst my Dad made arrangements to come back to the UK. She held me whilst I cried and cried over and over. I don't want you to be mad at your Mum for not telling you. I would never have got through it without her."

Harry acknowledges me. "I could never be mad a Mum. I have suspected since the beginning she knew but I have never asked her. It would have been unfair of me to put her in that position. It had to come from you."

"Thank you." I kiss his cheek. "Of course, my Dad was horrified when he saw me. He still carries the guilt that he believes he should never have left to go to Spain. He moved back for six months. I had to change college and he drove me back and forth everyday. He became my Dad again and he looked after me. We would go for days out at the weekends. It was the one positive thing to come out of all the mess that I became close with my Dad again."

"I never heard from Dan again or anyone from the group, not even my best friend Kelly. Everyone disowned me. I saw him from afar one Saturday shopping in the Trafford Centre in Manchester and low and behold Kelly was on his arm. She was quite clearly hiding a bruised face. I sent her a message that night to ask how she was. A filthy response came back, obviously written by him, telling me to and I quote, 'fuck off bitch, you ever text this number again I'll find you'."

"I dated a few boys at college. They were really lovely but as soon as the relationships started to get serious and were heading towards getting intimate, I retreated back to my shell and broke off with them."

"My Dad returned to Spain and I threw myself into my course and the house and I mostly spent time alone. Your mum asked me to help out at her charity and I didn't even have to think about saying yes. It was the least I could do to give something back to her for her kindness and love. And that's when I met you in her kitchen. And everything was so different. You took an interest in me, our date was amazing and to think I nearly didn't go on that date with you. It was not because I didn't want to but because I was too scared."

"When I think back on it now, I think how stupid I was. I never thought I would let anyone treat me so badly and put up with it. I was ashamed and disgusted with myself. I felt it was my fault for being so weak. But over time and with counselling, I have learned to accept that it happened, I have processed it and ultimately it has made me stronger."

I take Harry's hand in mine and bring it to my lips, giving it a kiss. Then I snuggle the back of his hand on my cheek.

"You might be wondering what was so different with you to the others? You went away for two months on tour and during those two months apart we got to know each other. There was no pressure because you were on the other side of the world from me. I began to trust you and have strong feelings for you. When you came back from tour it was the same, you didn't pressure me into sleeping with you straightaway. We took our time and that's how I knew it was right. You love me, protect me and are there by my side through everything. You will never know how much I love you and it thrills me and scares me all at the same time."

There is a momentary silence. He has listened intently to me, never interrupting simply letting me speak. He pulls me onto his lap again and I rest my head on his shoulder, looking up at him.

"Natasha. Nothing I say can make it any better but I am so proud of you for telling me. I know it was really hard. Believe me when I say, you are not plain you are beautiful, you are not stupid you were vulnerable after the death of your Mum and he took full advantage of that in every controlling way. You are not weak, you are one of the strongest people I know. I now understand everything and I see why you find it so hard to open up about these feelings. One thing I know above all else is how much you love me. And yes, it thrills and scares me too but we're in this together." Harry looks at me and smiles.

"Thank you for listening I know it must have been hard for you to hear. Please tell me you don't see me differently, I couldn't stand that."

"If anything I love you more. I see a strong woman who had the courage to walk away and never look back. You should be so proud about how you have turned your life around. I love you so very much. The question is are you ready to close the book?" Harry looks at me inquisitively.

"What do you mean?" I look up at him, his sunglasses are on his head and the emeralds of his eyes are shining.

"Ready to close the book and put it back on the shelf. Hopefully you will never need to open it again and it will sit there for all time and gather dust. But, if there is ever a time you feel the need to revisit it 'for therapy' promise me you'll let me know because we will open it together."

I smile up at him and put my arms around his neck. "You have such a wonderful way with words."

"Well I do write songs for a living so that's just as well!"  He says, smirking.

"I am ready, ready to close the book." I respond sitting up and resting back against him.

"Good, let's do it." Harry holds both his palms out flat together like a book. "Ready? Put yours on top."

"Yes." I nod in agreement.

He brings his palms together with mine sandwiched in between as though shutting the book. He then lifts our hands towards the sky and throws his hands apart as if throwing all the painful memories, hurt and angst away on the breeze. I copy his actions with my hands. It is such an amazing moment that I begin to cry. It's a mix of relief, sadness, closure, happiness and release all rolled into one. Harry simply holds me round my waist and rests his cheek against mine. We stay together like that for a long time with no words spoken between us.

The sun set long ago and the evening breeze is no longer warm.

"Are you hungry?" Harry asks.

"Little bit, you?"

"Got to admit, yes famished. Shall we share fish and chips as you cannot come to the beach and not have fish and chips?"

"Sounds great." I offer with a smile. "Are you happy to go get it, I just want to take a moment alone for a while."

"Sure thing, see you in a mo." He pecks me on the lips, pulls his boots on and walks back along the pathway in search of the fish shack.

I look out to sea and I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Sometimes you have to wade through the bad to reach the good on the other side. Harry has been there for me again, loving me, supporting me and not judging me. I am so lucky to have his love.

He reappears with food, a can of lemonade for me and water for him. He unwraps the paper to reveal a large piece of battered cod and a huge pile of chips, all stuck together in a white tray. He has even remembered some tomato ketchup sachets and paper napkins!

Whilst wrestling to get one of the sauce sachets open it splits a little too quickly and squirts all over his white tee. He lets out a curse whilst I roll my lips together and place my hand over my mouth to try and stifle my giggle but it comes out anyway. He smiles at me and screws up his nose.

He thought he had picked up two wooden forks but only has one so he tucks in, feeding me chips off his fork. I gladly accept not realising one is covered in ketchup. He misses my mouth on purpose and it lands on my nose. I stick my tongue out at him and he laughs.

When we have finished, he gets up to find a bin to throw the rubbish away. The evening has really drawn in now and it is beginning to feel chilly. He returns carrying his mobile in his hand and his headphones dangling down. He bows to me and offers me his hand.

"Care for this dance madam?" He offers in his most gentlemanly of voices.

"I didn't think you did dancing." I respond coyly.

"I am making an exception today." He winks at me and smiles. His dimples dig in as he extends his hand to mine.

He pulls me up and I stand facing him. He takes a moment to look into my eyes then he tucks my hair behind my ear and grabs the headphones, placing one in my ear and one in his. As I put my arm around his waist and rest my head and other hand on his chest 'Look After You' by The Fray streams through my ear.

His arm circles around my waist and he entwines my fingers through his. He holds me close to him with the soft sand cold between my toes and the soothing sound of the beat of his heart. The sky has changed from harsh stripes of red and orange anger into pink and lilac beautiful swirls and once again, I am in his safest of safe places but this time there are no secrets between us.