Song: 'I Think Too Much' - Kristy Lee Cook

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After the band's film 'Year In The Life Of' Premiere, when Harry boldly kissed me in front of a huge bank of paps and gave them the concrete proof they were hungry for that we are a couple, life went a little crazy for a while with the press and social media.  It was inevitable after his loving PDA that not only surprised me but also it seems the whole world.  However, I have tried my hardest to set my stall out and ignore most of the hype.  My preference is to focus on solely us long-term and finish my college course short-term.

Harry is extremely overprotective of me and that for him stems from many facets.  When we met my initial reluctance to go out with him, then difficulties letting him in emotionally and then once we did finally get together my vulnerability held me back.  We both know this relates to my past but with everything that subsequently happened with Brazen, it seems to have been side tracked.  I feel happy and secure with Harry and I love him but my past is always with me.
It is still early days for us, he hasn't mentioned it and it isn't affecting how we are together so I see no need to drag it all up.  I want my past to remain exactly there, in my past.  Therefore, I have taken the decision that only at the point he mentions it or it starts to affect us will I tell him.  

Due to his knight in shining armour tendancies, we have had a few differing thoughts about how my life will be organised going forward.  I am not naive enough to know that being his girlfriend I have to make some changes but for example, he wanted to get me security.  Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous!  Then he said that I should have both a public and private Twitter account and switch all other forms of social media to private.

At every suggestion I have refused.  It is not because I am trying to be awkward but because I will not succumb to any confines on that front because of whom I am dating.  Despite explaining to him that this isn't up for negotiation unless the need arises, which I thought may allay some of his fears, there has been much huffing and puffing coming from him over the last two weeks.  His argument is that he is more experienced in this and prevention is better than cure.  I get his view but pointed out that if I don't do or say anything out of line then there will be no need to cure it!  

Around the time of the Premiere, the band was completing their tour of the UK. The weekend after the Red Carpet event, they played Wembley Stadium in London. A truly iconic venue for sporting and music events for the past 90 years and the UK's National stadium.  It has hosted some of the World's major events from football and rugby cup finals to the 1985 Live Aid concert, to speedway, American football, Olympics and more.  The boys, even including Niall who is Irish, were honoured, excited and nervous for each of the three dates.  It was especially thrilling for Louis being such a huge football fan to walk out on the stage at Wembley to 70,000 screaming fans.

I attended the first two dates and was blown away by my first proper experience of being back stage.  It is like a well-oiled machine that is fine-tuned to perfection in all aspects of its co-ordination.  The amount of people it takes to create the masterpiece is incredible.  I was in my element people watching.  The 'family' that Harry always so lovingly talks about were all truly friendly, from the musicians of Dan, Jon, Josh, Sandy, their stylists Lou and Caroline, even Sarah's Kitchen catering to the security team.  Everyone was welcoming. 

The London dates have now finished and Harry has three days off before he is due to recommence the tour around Europe.  Although I have technically finished college from an exams viewpoint, I have one final assignment to complete and have agreed to stay with him in London on the understanding I can get some work done.    

My assignment is a case study with evidence required and when the topic was given to the course group I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how to evidence and present it.  There is only one barrier standing in the way and that is going to be Harry.

It is a warm Monday afternoon and I am stationed at Harry's big traditional dark wood desk surrounded by paper strewn across the surface, my laptop open and a pencil bitten between my teeth.  I like this room because it has such a warm traditional feel with just a hint of modern and fosters an atmosphere in which to work, in contrast to the rest of the house that is very contemporary and chic in its decoration for living and relaxing.

The desk is positioned at one end of the room next to a set of Georgian French doors. The opposite wall houses floor to ceiling dark wood bookcases that are cluttered with Harry's eclectic reading material and some photographs. A stylish purple velvet button-backed sofa and matching large footstool along with a patterned armchair sit just in front of the shelves, their casters rest on an intricate oriental rug that Harry brought back from his travels to somewhere in the world.

I have opened one French door just slightly ajar to let the fresh June breeze flood in through the gap.  It cools the surrounding air and helps keep my overworked brain alert.  I am so engrossed in my research that I don't even hear Harry return from a studio session he has been at in Central London until he is standing right behind me.

"You've got your studious face on, what you doing?"  He bends over and rests his chin on my shoulder and kisses my cheek. 

"Sorry, I didn't hear you come in."  I reply as his arms find their way around me to give me a big squeeze.  "My final assignment is due in one week so I'm planning what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it.  How was your day?"  I rest my hand over his at my chest.

"Yeah great session, got some new vocals down and they feel good."  He replies squinting his eyes at my laptop screen.  "The Moral, Ethical and Legal Face of Social Media," he reads out loud, "interesting topic, I can tell you a thing or two about that!"  He lets out a chuckle and kisses the top of my head.  "I'll leave you to it, I'm off to shower then make tea, do you want one?" 

"It's great about the vocals and yes please to tea."  I reply with a smile towards him as he walks out the door.  

Here is my issue.  His statement could not be truer.  He is a prime example of someone who is in the public eye and who has experienced all aspects of social media, good and bad.  It is my intention to pass this final module and pass it with flying colours and I am going to use what I know in order to do that.

After another twenty minutes, I decide to take a break.  I wander into the kitchen to find a freshly showered Harry, hair all tousled and wet, black tee and sweat shorts looking good enough to devour.  He is making the promised tea and looks really relaxed.  Now is the ideal opportunity to bring up my idea.

"Hi, I was just going to bring it to you."  He glances over at me. 

"Thanks but I fancied a break.  You know my assignment, well I have to evidence it with an example of social media interaction."  I say sheepishly.

"Right, any ideas on how you are going to do that?"  He is busy straining the teabags in the mugs.

"I want to do a Twitcam."  There I've said it, no messing around, it is out there in the room.

Harry drops the teaspoon with a clatter into the mug and jerks his head around towards me.  His green eyes flare wild into mine and I see his body tense up.   

"Ab-sol-ut-ely n-o-t, no way, no, not a good idea."  He replies shaking his head and with concern etched through his voice.

I hold my hands up in my defense.  "Just hear me out.  It's the perfect way to do this, to speak to my Twitter followers online and open up a discussion.  They ask me questions, I answer if the questions are acceptable and my assignment evidence is done, it's a win win."  By the look on his face I brace myself for the backlash. 

"No Natasha, it's not a win, win.  Many of your Twitter followers are the band's fans and as amazingly brilliant and supportive as most of them are, there are those as in any walk of life that are not.  I've been doing this for four years and still can't get my head around how people behave online.  It still affects me sometimes. You've only skimmed the surface in your experience of it so far, don't put yourself through it."  He is adamant in his safeguarding of me.

"That's the whole point though, it's spot on for the assignment. I've got a few fan followers on Twitter so I can just talk to them."  I plead trying to make him see the validity of it.

"So you are going to use the fact that you are my girlfriend to speak to my fans for your assignment?"  If I didn't know him better I would be angry but I know exactly what he is doing.  He so doesn't want me to do the 'live chat' he will say anything, however hurtful, to stop me.

"Wow, harsh observation, 'your fans' is a bit pompous.  I think they follow me on Twitter so technically they are my followers."  Despite knowing his good intentions I am still perturbed at his arrogance.

"But they are my fans, they wouldn't follow you if you weren't my girlfriend."  His response is curt and unfeeling.

"Hey, that's uncalled for.  Yes I've got followers on Twitter that just so happen to be your fans but they interact with me and it's not always about you, you know."  I am indignant now and my voice has raised a notch in frustration.

"What about privacy?  I don't want you answering questions about you, me, us, the band, it's private plus management would do their nut."  He's looking at me like I've gone mad. 

That is the trigger that is red rag to a bull for me and I blurt out a few callous thoughts to him.  "Firstly, you know better than to bring management up with me, they are your management not mine and have no jurisdiction over what I do, what I say or who I talk to."

"Secondly, you ultimately sell music but are also in the public eye and along with that comes you as a personality.  It's not just the music that sells music, it's about you, what you say, what you wear, where you eat, what car you drive, where you live, who you hang out with, who you date.  Whether that is right or wrong, it is all part of the package.  Trouble with you famous people is that you want your cake and to eat it.  Well that isn't how it works; you can't switch publicity off and on when you think you can for your own gain.  If you are true to yourself with nothing to hide then there's no issue."  My rant has reached shouting proportions.

And if almost to counter that rant, Harry replies in the calmest of voices.  "Well that was quite a speech, the truth will out."  He slams his mug down on the counter and storms out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him.

"Harry wait, where are you going, don't storm off."  I shout after him already feeling guilty at my hasty rant.

I receive an angry response from down the hallway.  "This pompous famous person is going anywhere away from you right at this moment."

Wow, I knew it was going to be tough but not this tough.  To be honest, it is the harshest thing I have ever said to him and of course I regret my hurtful words.  He said some pretty underhand things to me and 'use the fact you are my girlfriend' really stuck in like a knife.  How awful, I am not like that and never have been and he knows it.  I decide to leave him for a while, he looked so cross and I am feeling the same. 

I take my frustration out on the running machine to give me a chance to think things over.  The running does little to calm my nerves though because I have acted in haste and am now I am repenting at leisure.  I simply overthink like I do everything and get myself even more worked up.  

We have a golden rule that we never go to bed on an argument.  Harry's been hauled up in the living room for a couple of hours so I figure now is the time to wave a white flat.  He is slumped on the sofa watching TV and I gingerly sit down beside him but he doesn't acknowledge me.

"Hey, I'm sorry I was harsh, I didn't mean it, please forgive me."  I say quietly not knowing how he is going to react.

He let's out a sigh.  "I'm sorry too for what I said, it's just I don't want you hurt, I just want to protect you always and I can't do that if you put yourself out there." 

"I know but I'm a big girl and you've got to admit, it's a great idea."  I try to lighten the situation but he isn't budging on his thoughts.   

"Natasha, it's not a great idea and nothing you say will make me feel differently about it."  He responds calmly but adamantly.

"Well we will just agree to disagree.  I won't talk about you or the band or give away anything personal.  I will position it more to an online chat about social media and my followers' experiences." 

"So despite how I feel about it, you're still going ahead with it then?  He questions surprised.

"Yes I am."  My reply is firm and definite.

"Well, I will never tell you what you can and can't do but all I will say is that I don't support you on this and please don't involve me.  I don't want to know when it is or have anything to do with it and if it all goes tits up don't come crying to me." Harry looks away from me back towards the TV.

"I won't."  I reply matter-of-factly and with that our conversation is over and I exit the room and head for the kitchen to make supper.

The rest of the evening the atmosphere is awkward between us both.  Harry eats his supper in front of the TV, whilst I pick at mine in the kitchen.  I decide I don't fancy it and throw it in the bin.  Without saying good night, I head upstairs to bed feeling really angry and dejected.  I get myself all worked up about it and shed a few tears, probably because it's the first real argument we've had and I feel empty without his support.  He's made it clear he doesn't want to be near me so I head for the spare room and hide under the duvet before eventually falling asleep.

When I wake up in the morning I am boiling hot and cannot move.  As I come too, I realise Harry is spooning me, his arm draped around me, holding onto me so tightly like his life depends on it. 

"What happened to not going to bed on an argument?"  He says sleepily.  "I didn't know where you were."  Slight panic is evident in his voice.

"We didn't.  We just hold differing views on the subject.  I didn't mean what I said though I was frustrated and I'm sorry.  You don't really think I'd use the fact that I'm your girlfriend to get what I want do you?"  I can feel myself welling up.

"No, no, no of course I don't, I am sorry Natasha, I didn't mean what I said and I know you didn't either.  We were both riled."  Harry hugs me tighter to him. 

"I would never do that, ever, it's just not me."  My response is more of a question as I hope he doesn't see me this way.

"Sshh, I know, I am bothered about the Twitcam, that's all."

"Ok but I haven't changed my mind."  Soft determination is in my voice.

"I know and neither have I, agree to disagree right.  Just don't go disappearing off again I was really worried."

I smile lovingly at him.  "I'm not going to leave you over a Twitcam."  I swat his arm.

"Glad to hear it!"  He laughs and kisses me gently on the lips before mumbling, "love you" against them. 

"I love you too."

And with that we get hopelessly lost in each other, argument resolved as best as it can be by agreeing to disagree!