When it comes to matters of romance, I admit I was a fool.

The only time I'd given any thought to marriage was with Ambrosia, but I was looking at it from a child's point of view. All notions of love I had died with her—or so I believed. Because of that, I never viewed anyone with an amorous eye, or entertained even a sliver of possibility that I could have a bond like the one Pa and Ma shared. 

Until I met a woman who was, if anything, persistent. 

 It was Faye who chased and courted me, though it took a long time for me to recognize it.

She came to the colony years after me, with two others she had met in the woods, and the story she told when she was the guest of honor was a tragic one. 

She was born with her gift, coming from a family of wolves who lived a good life in the woods. But she lost her parents and three siblings when their home was attacked by what she described as "pale-skinned, long-toothed ghouls". The monsters held her family captive, and over several agonizing hours Faye watched them devour her parents and siblings until a chance to escape presented itself. Barely alive, Faye fled and endured more hardship before eventually finding companions she could trust.

Despite her horrific past, Faye was friendly and laughed often, and was quick to make herself a valuable member of the colony.

"I'm happy because I'm alive," she once said to me when I asked about her sunny disposition. "Aren't you happy to be alive, Josiah?"

She saw a kindred spirit in me, for we had both stared evil in the face and survived, and were intimate with death and loss. She understood my cold and distant nature was an attempt to keep others safe. Faye knew that desire all too well. 

But unlike me, Faye did not wallow in despair by seeking solitude, no, she fought against it. 

While others enjoyed pursuits like painting and plants, Faye's passion was bringing a shy and troubled young man back to the light.

Ambrosia would have thought very highly of her.

To better understand what I had been through, she visited the library to learn my story. Years later she told me that the moment she concluded reading was the moment she decided to love me. 

There were many in the colony who advised against it, telling her that getting close to me was a fool's errand, for I was content to be alone.

"You would sooner capture the moon than Josiah's heart," they said.

This only spurred her on.

Knowing they had hosted me during my first days, she asked Ragnor and Celene about me and returned to the library several times to reread my story, determined to find the key to breaking down the walls around my heart.

"He's lost too many people," Ragnor told her, "and he's afraid of losing someone again."

I, of course, was completely oblivious and wouldn't know anything of her efforts until after we were married.

Faye's flirtation was subtle, though Ragnor and Celene would argue against that opinion. She made sure to sit beside me at every dinner and engage me in conversation, while I remained shamefully awkward and distant. I was never bothered by her attention, but neither was I flattered.

I assumed she was being friendly like everyone else in the colony.

When I spoke she often giggled, leaving me confused and wondering which part of what I said had been humorous.

After several weeks, I realized that she was always with me during my daily tasks, as if a miracle had paired us together in anything from hunting to cleaning to gardening. She would speak about a range of things, from her favorite season to memories of her family, and my resistance to offer any details of my own mind was only met with more attempts to engage me in conversation. I was not completely silent and talked as much as I wanted to, which, in her view, was never enough. There was even a secret contest in her mind, she later revealed, where she used every trick she could think of to make me laugh. I found her company charming and was happy when we were together for chores. 

When I was with her the world felt a little less empty.

"I've been thinking about your wolf," Faye said to me at dinner. "It makes me sad that he doesn't have a name."

"Why does it need a name?"

As she always did, Faye giggled at my reply. "Everyone needs a name. You say your wolf is not you, but someone different. If it's not Josiah, it deserves to have its own identity, don't you think?"

It was curious remarks like this that began to change the way I saw myself and the world. Unlike everyone else, Faye never thought it strange that I believed my wolf was another. Instead, she suggested giving it a name, a notion that had never struck my mind.

She was odd, in a way that only great tragedy could create, but it was tempered with tenderness and whimsy.

The next day I went into the woods for a walk by myself and talked to the animal inside of me.

What do you think of what Faye said? Would you like a name?

I would, it answered.

All right. How about Champion? Because you're the Champion of the Pit.

I don't like to think about what happened at the circus.

You're right. How about...

I searched my memory for suitable names.

Antony? That was the prince's name.

It's not mine.

Maybe something fierce, like Bone Breaker or Titan Slayer.

I've slayed no titans. We ran from them.

What about Josiah? That's a good name. The wolf snorted. You're right, that's not it.

I went through all the names I could think of. Sampson. Jedd. Otto. Knight of Ambrosia. Stone Smasher.

None of them pleased the animal.

What are your suggestions then?

The wolf considered it.

I could be called Smelly because I like to smell things.

Eh...I think we can find a better name.

What about Poem? Because I like to write them?

Are you sure you wouldn't prefer Champion?

We went through several choices, from "Hat" to "Stinky" to "Water". I wasn't convinced the wolf understood what kind of word a name should be.

I've got it! the wolf exclaimed. Flower! That's the best one. My name will be Flower.

Flower?

Because Ambrosia had hundreds of them around her house. And there is a flower on the bottle Interra and Amatha gave you, that saved us from the spiders. And when we were in the plains with Jedd, I could smell them every day. Yes, Flower is perfect.

It was a name I wouldn't have picked, but the wolf was pleased and would hear no other alternative.

Flower was proud of his choice and told it to everyone we passed that day.

When Faye heard the name her eyes lit up.

"That's a fantastic name! Oh, I'm so happy the wolf found it."

There was a magical quality about her, and no matter how deep my sorrow was she had a way to bring me from it.

But every so often I made her courting difficult.

"Why do you always keep to yourself?" she asked once.

"I don't want to grow attached to anyone because in the end, they all die."

Faye's face scrunched up. "That's a silly way to go through life. For every loved one lost, a new one can be found."

"What about your parents? Your siblings? You can't find anyone to replace them."

The smile faded from Faye's lips and I felt a pang of remorse that I had caused its fall.

"It's not about replacing people, Josiah," she said softly. 

"Aren't you afraid that something as terrible as what happened to your family might happen to the next person you love?"

"Of course. But I'm more afraid of never feeling love again. Without it, the world would be as empty as you want it to be. It would be a terrible place."

"I can't bear losing someone again. I'd rather never feel love than feel that kind of pain. It's better to be alone."

She sighed and her tone fell flat. "I guess you're right."

Faye left me alone for a time after that, and I caught several mournful looks from the young woman. I had upset her, and it was up to me to make it right.

A few weeks later I found her in the library, hunched over a book, her finger lightly tracing over the words as if caressing them.

"Hello, Faye."

Her eyes did not leave the page. "Hello, Josiah and Flower."

"Speaking of flowers..."

I pulled a bouquet from behind my back. It was not the prettiest thing, with dirt still clinging to the uncut roots, but I had spent most of the morning picking them.

"This is for you."

"Thank you. Set it on the table, please."

"You're welcome. I thought you'd like the foxgloves most."

"Foxgloves are poisonous if you eat them. I hope you remembered to wash your hands."

"I just thought they looked nice."

She sniffed and turned the page.

"What are you reading?" I asked.

"One of Flower's poems. I don't understand how such beautiful words can be written by a heart that has decided not to love."

"I've upset you. I'm sorry."

"It's not what you said, it's that you meant it. I didn't want to believe everyone, but I think they're right. You're determined to be alone for the rest of your life."

"I'm not alone, I have you and Ragnor and Phelan and—"

"We're your friends, but you refuse to get close to any of us. You fight the urge to care."

"I don't want to endure the sorrow that—"

"So if I died tomorrow, you wouldn't care?"

I sighed. "That's not what I mean."

"Make up your mind, Josiah. Love us or don't. Trust us or keep to yourself. I won't waste my time on someone who doesn't care about me. If you can't find space in your heart for me, we should leave each other alone."

A longing tugged on my heart at the thought of never speaking to Faye again.

I took her hand and she raised her eyes to mine.

"Even if it ends terribly," I said, "it will be worth it to have you as my friend."

She smiled and the world was brighter for it.

From that moment on, we spent most of our days together. I made her laugh and she quieted the unease in my mind. It wasn't always easy, and on more than one occasion it was a struggle for me to speak my thoughts. I assumed that, having read my story, Faye had learned all she needed to about me. That was not the truth, as Faye gently explained many times. She knew the events of my past, but she didn't know me. And she wanted to.

It was hardest of all not to give in to the panic that rose whenever we were together, that at any second disaster would strike and take Faye from me. It took time to learn how to keep her company without looking over my shoulder or shuddering when she touched my arm. 

Sometimes, when my emotions had built up or Faye asked a difficult question, I would burst into abrupt tears. Faye would wrap her arms around me in those moments and stroke my hair with her fingers. She never laughed at my crying or tried to force me to continue speaking about things that upset me, but allowed me to reveal things in my own time.

And when sadness overtook her, I did the same. We learned how to comfort each other in a way that no one else could. Both of us suffered from nightmares on occasion, and we told each other about them. In this, we found comfort from the terrors that lurked in the corners of our minds. To this day, whenever my dreams are tormented by titans and monsters, Faye appears and chases them away. 

When she questioned me about Ambrosia's mark, I confided that the woman had been my first love and her death had changed my view of the world. Faye was never jealous of my past, but always attentive, and because of her gentle understanding, I was slowly healed. 

I found myself worrying less about losing her. My humor and joy were restored and I began to laugh more.

She is the only one who was able to bring me back from the void, and for that she is the most special woman in all the world.

I began to notice the knowing smiles and nods that came our way. When Faye and I were together, it became increasingly obvious that something was being whispered among our peers, and we were not invited to hear it. 

Even Ragnor and Celene remarked on my friend.

"Faye is rather pretty, don't you think?" Celene asked during one of my visits to their home.

"You'd be a fool if you say, 'no'," Ragnor interjected.

"She is pretty," I replied.

The couple laughed and sighed at each other.

Ever the simpleton, I didn't understand what their exchange meant.

"Look at you!" Ragnor said. "A strong, young man. I'd say you've never be more ready."

"Ready for what?" I asked. 

"For the next chapter."

That night I stood in front of my mirror at home, wondering at the reflection that stared back.

When did I become old?

"Am I a strong, young man?" I asked myself before turning to study the back of my shoulders. 

One morning Faye invited me into the woods under the guise of a hunt, but when I arrived at our meeting place I was surprised to discover that we were alone.

"We'll need more people to carry the meat," I said.

"We'll catch smaller things today," Faye said with a coy grin. "Isn't it a pleasant morning? The sun is so warm."

"The sun is always warm."

"Yes, it is. But I think there's more heat when you're by my side."

I shook my head. "I don't understand. How could the sun—"

Before I finished, she changed into a wolf, a sleek, black-and-white furred beauty, and began to jump around like an excited fox.

"Let's play for a bit!" 

"I suppose we have some time."

Flower joined her and the animals gallivanted through the trees, with all the carefree frivolity of children at play.

"I like your smell," Faye's wolf said as it nuzzled Flower's mane.

An hour passed and I grew nervous, thinking of all the work that needed to be done, but Faye's spirited urging kept me from worrying too long. The sun moved while we chased each other, until it was time to return home.

"We didn't catch anything," Flower noted.

"No, but I doubt the colony will go hungry." 

Faye insisted we keep our steps slow and enjoy the scenery.

I found it amusing that she could see the woods with fresh eyes. The trees and dirt were the same we traveled through every day, and all the smells and sounds were as familiar as home.

Without warning, Faye transformed back into a human, becoming the lovely young woman with brown eyes and curled hair that was always untamed from running or dancing. I caught a glimpse of her pack symbol just above her left knee, an image of a wolf fang.

She didn't run behind a tree, and because we left the colony as humans, wearing paper-like rags that were designed to be torn and left behind after we changed into wolves, Faye had nothing to cover herself with.

And she didn't hold her hands in front of her body. 

When Flower lowered his gaze, she laughed.

"There's nothing to be afraid of."

"I'm not afraid."

"Why do you turn your face away?"

"To be polite."

"I don't mind if you look." She picked up a twig and began to wrap her hair around it, idling as if nothing in the world mattered. "You should recite one of your poems. Or better yet, you should write one about me."

Flower kept his eyes on the ground, unsure how to engage his unclothed friend, until a hand gently touched the top of his head.

"Change back," Faye whispered. "I have to tell Josiah something."

I was not as confident as my friend, so Flower found a bush nearby to duck behind. When I was myself again, I stood up but remained in my spot where the leaves could shield me.

Faye was sitting against a tree with her mouth scrunched into a pout.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing. I just imagined that by now...you would have guessed."

"Guessed what?"

"My secret."

"I didn't know you had a secret, Faye."

"You're the only one. To everyone else, it's as visible as the sun and moon."

"What is?"

"You really don't know?" Her face fell into despair. "Or maybe you don't like me."

"Of course I like you!"

Her frown lifted into a smile. "If you like me, come here. And then I'll tell you my not-so-secret secret."

With great hesitation, using my hands as a cover, I moved to her. She patted the ground, and when I sat she rested her head on my shoulder.

"What's the secret?" I asked.

I was so preoccupied with what was eluding me that I was entirely caught off guard when Faye pressed her lips against mine. I fell onto the ground, taking Faye with me.

The impact separated us for only a second, and then Faye's mouth was on mine again. This kiss was less surprising, but no less welcome, and I returned it with excitement as a wondrous feeling overtook me.

"That's my secret," she whispered when we finally parted. "What do you think?"

I brushed a lock of hair from her face. "It's the best one I've ever heard."

"Josiah," she sighed, "Champion of the Pit, Ambrosia's Herald, Watcher of Lightning's Sheep, Winner of the Precious Egg. Your list of titles is long. Maybe...you could add 'Faye's Husband' to it?"

Before I could answer she joined our lips once more.

Our wedding took place a month later, and we celebrated with a day of food and dancing. 

Phelan led the ceremony and oversaw our vows, while the rest of the colony showered us with gifts and well wishes. Ragnor even blessed the doorway of my home before I carried my bride through it. 

On our first night as husband and wife, I took the vial of tears from around my neck and gave it to Faye, and told her that she was the one I wanted to protect above all. Her belongings were moved to my home shortly after, and from that moment on our lives were never separate.

Time traveled at rapid speed, and in a blink we welcomed our first child into the world. A son, named Ekon, in honor of Faye's father.

Our daughter came two years later, and we named her Credence in honor of you—

Josiah paused at the sound of a whimper. Credence was crying and struggling to hide it from him.

When she noticed her brother's concerned look she smiled.

"I'm happy for you," she said. "You found your home and now you have a family. I'm crying because...All that precious time I could have had, meeting your children and Faye, being there at your wedding. There's so much I've missed."

Josiah took his sister's hand.

But you needn't miss any more of it, Credence.

My life is full of joy. Once I feared that comfort meant the beginning of doom, but I understand that happiness doesn't need to have a cost. Misfortune filled my younger years, but now I've spent more of them in peace than I did in danger. The heart I tried to harden into stone was softened by the love of my wife and children.

I will help you find that same kind of joy.

And what a life it is, Credence! Sometimes I think it is more than I deserve. Flower has his poetry, but I have my own passion. What began under the instruction of the twin brides has become something of an obsession to me: The loom.

Through it, I'm able to turn my pain into something beautiful. I wouldn't say that I am a master of it, but I've spent many years in practice. 

When she discovered my fondness for weaving, and knew I had learned it from the twins and further exercised my skill under Ambrosia's guidance, Faye sighed and said, "These women in your life have taught you an amazing skill. What's left for me to teach?" 

I pulled her close and kissed her. "You taught me the most important thing of all: How to love again." 

My home is full of tapestries, they decorate every wall and there's still more to create. I've finished pictures of all kinds, images of loved ones and fond memories.

There's one of Grizzleda in the pit, and another of Sampson and Angela holding Moira in front of their tavern. I've even made portraits of Marmy Jo, and the odious Gretel and Hansel. My whole life is in them. When my children were very little and needed me to tuck them into bed at night, they would point to the tapestry they wanted to hear the story of.

My favorite is a picture of Ma and Pa and you and I in our home, gathered around the fire and happy, the way I remember us being. The sort of life I try to give my family now.

I no longer dread the night, for that is when I come home and watch Ekon and Credence play. Oh, I cannot wait for you to meet them! There is nothing more rewarding—or humbling—than children. Not even the pit could have prepared me for the way their faces can move me to tears, or how their voices carry the song that plays on the strings of my heart. I would move the whole world for them. They've taught me that it takes time to care for things. Time, and unending patience.

Now I am the one who scolds misbehavior and gives comfort when it's needed. I've even been known to give a stern lecture now and then. Can you believe it? I'm a pa, though sometimes it feels like only yesterday when I was sleeping next to you at home.

I used to tell them stories of our childhood, and now they can recite them by heart. They know all about their aunt, and are looking forward to meeting you, as is Faye—

"They knew you were going to find me?" Credence asked. "How?"

Josiah's expression turned grim. After a beat, he released a long sigh. 

For many years my life continued without trouble. But some time ago, there were whispers of a growing darkness. The council dismissed them at first, until danger traveled right to our door.

The warning that our peace was over came in the form of a new arrival at the colony.