"What the heck is a beard?" I ask just what I had been thinking. I had never heard that term before and I know it would nag me until I new.

Sebastian leaned back against the red cushion of the booth. He pulled a napkin from the dispenser and wiped his mouth. As he did so, I looked around the place. I'd call it retro themed, as if it was pulled right from the fifties. It was a bit cliche for a diner, but it was cute. The walls were white with the trims and borders painted red. Our table was a shiny red color just as the booth cushions were. The order counter also had little cushioned stools. Pictures of the fifties hung on the wall and it was all so cute.

"I want you to be like my cover...since I'm still in the closet." Sebastian's voice pulled me from observing my surroundings. I look over at him, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You want to lie?" I asked. I was doubtful that his idea was good. "And what is a beard? You never specified."

"A beard is a person who covers for someone who's in the closet. They play as their significant other so that said person can remain in the closet..." He explained slowly, an unsure look coating his face. "Not lying per se, just withholding the truth. Not letting it be known."

I could feel anger swirling in my body. There was no way I would be able to do that. I looked hard at Sebastian, drilling him with my gaze. My eyes trailed over his blonde hair that was kind of slicked to the side, one strand falling into his face. His skin had gained some more more and it was a huge difference from the pale it had been earlier. I couldn't help but look at his lips again. They were pink and plump and I had enjoyed kissing them over the years.

"You want to rub salt into my wounds?" I ask him softly. There's no way I can do this. It'd be way too heartbreaking.

"No!" He's quick to respond. Sebastian reaches for my hand but I pull away. It feels a bit like we're back to square one.

I shake my head at him and lift up my soda. It's a bit watered down now from the melted ice. "I can't be close to you without actually having you."

Sebastian is quiet for a moment and I'm afraid to look at him. I don't want to see what he could possibly be thinking or feeling. Instead, I have my gaze trained to the clear glass with a red and white striped straw in it.

"Emie..." Sebastian sighs. "I'm so sorry. I don't want you to feel this way...I love you, Emie bear. I still want to be with you."

"You're so confusing!" I nearly shout, but settle for a slightly raised voice. Luckily there weren't too many people in here right now. "Why do you keep saying that? You don't want me, Sebastian, so just stop giving me false hope that we'll be together. I can't take it!"

I get up and make my way outside. How could he? Or am I not being understanding enough? Throwing my arm over the other, I clutch it and find my way to his truck. I'm full of all these feelings I don't want. Confusion is at the top of that list. Is it possible for a male who's gay to have feeling for the opposite sex? There's no way unless he's just in love with my personality. But he wouldn't want to kiss me nor...become intimate. Sebastian has already proven that last part.

Hearing footsteps, I look up from a pebble to see Sebastian cautiously making his way over to me. He stops in from of me before moving to the side and leaning against the truck next to me. We say nothing to each other and just enjoy the quiet. A bird chirps every few seconds and cars pass on the street. The trees rustle and suddenly I can't take this silence.

"I don't want to fall even more in love with you. I can't let you be all I know because I'll never get a happy ending."

I look up at him to see his gaze already settled on me. Sebastian's blue eyes are soft as he looks at me. Giving me a small smile, he grabs my hand and gives it a small squeeze.

"I'm not asking you to. I just...I don't want us to end so soon." He admits, his eyes sheepish. "I just want to be selfish so bad. I want you and I want things to be better than this, and I want you to help me come to terms with all of this."

I bite my bottom lip in thought. This gives me the perfect reason to be selfish too. Sebastian can remain mine for a little longer.

"Okay, let's do it."

* * *

I watch my chest rise and fall as I breathe. My eyes trail over Sebastian's ceiling as we're both laid on his bed. His ceiling is white just like every house ever. It has the grooves that make up flowers, the same as my ceiling. The only difference is that his room is larger than mine and he's got little glow in the dark stars up there. To this day, I have no idea how they stuck with the ridges of the flowers.

Music is playing in the background, something soft and classical. Sebastian would never admit it, but he loves classical music, well, anything orchestrated without lyrics. He's not much for current things like pop, rock, rap, or hip hop. He had somewhat of an old soul and it was something I had always valued.

"Do we...just act the same? Won't people notice that something is different." I ask softly, speaking what's been on my mind.

The bed shifts, the mattress making that annoying creaking sound. I look over to see Sebastian has turned on his side to face me. His elbow is bent while his hand holds his head up. I follow his lead and turn on my side. We're a lot closer than I had thought we were. The tips of our noses almost touch and our chests are touching. It takes me a lot to stay calm and remember that our relationship is now fake.

"Of course, nothing has really changed, Emie bear." Sebastian says. He reaches his free hand out to grab mine. "We're the same as we were before. Nothing changes. It's still a relationship."

My eyes trail past his shoulders and to a single photo up on that wall. It was two kids sitting in wood chips at the park. A playground was set behind them and slightly cropped out of the frame. The yellow paint was old and chipped giving away the old age of the play area. Sebastian and I had been ten at the time and our petty puppy love was fresh. We were small and didn't know what we felt which is why we actually ended up getting together three years later.

I remember that day pretty well actually. My mom had taken us early, around noon. Our parents had already been acquaintances and seeing as their kids grew closer every year, why not set up playdates? You can maybe call this our first every date?

I remove my gaze from the photo and look back at Ten. "Will..." I trail off awkwardly, clearing my throat to save time. "Will we still kiss?"

Sebastian gives me a small smile, his eyes lighting up in amusement. A laugh then leaves him before he's choking with them. I watch as he rolls away from me, his body shaking. Once he's finished, he turns back but not before wiping a fake tear from his eyes.

"It's not funny!" I whine. I feel annoyed and foolish for asking him that. Maybe I should've known better since Sebastian did come out as gay to me. Why the heck would he want to kiss me?

"I'm sorry, Emie." He shakes his head, a smile still on his face. "You're adorable, ya know?"

"Jesus, Sebastian. Rub salt in the wounds why don't you." I roll away from him, crossing my arms. I quickly unravel them, though, as my body is in an awkward position for that.

A hand grabs my shoulder and gently pulls me back so now I'm laid flat against the bed. Sebastian shifts and pushes himself over me. My breath hitches in my throat at our proximity.

"Do you want to kiss, Emie?" Sebastian asks, but he doesn't wait for a reply before his lips are pressed to mine.

It's then I realize...maybe Sebastian really is as confused as I am. Maybe the both of us are just in over our heads and we have no idea what we're doing. I know that I don't know what's happening anymore. So does he?

Are we just saving something that isn't meant to be saved?

*hello, hello. So how was this chapter? I hope it was enjoyable enough. How do you guys feel about Emie and Sebastian keeping on? I wanted them to be in a confusing situation because teenagers are always confused. Haha, just kidding, but some people really are confused during teenage years. With puberty and stuff, you kind of just start to get some feelings that you may or may not want. The best advice I can offer is to just go with it. Don't stress about things that don't need to be stressed about. You like guys? Cool. You like girls? Rad. You like them all? More choices, lol just kidding. But none of that matters, it's not a big deal. Do what you want! Now, do you think Sebastian is leading Emie on? I think he's just as confused and has no idea what he wants. Is Emie a fool for agreeing? I think she lowkey is. Anyways, let me know with a comment and maybe a vote? Thanks for reading and see you next update!*