I blanch at his words. They don't process because for some reason I'm not letting them. Sebastian's declaration is repeated over and over in my head, yet I can't make sense of the words. Gay? Sebastian gay? Sebastian is gay? What the heck is he talking about? He wouldn't be with me if he were gay.

"Sebastian, that's not funny," I say softly before clearing my throat and straightening my back. "Why would you joke about that? There are people who actually do struggle with their sexuality and you're making a joke of it."

Sebastian stares at me, a frown on his face. He shakes his head and scoffs. "I'd never joke about something like this, Emerson, you know that."

And just like that, the tether to sanity is broken. It's like something in me snaps and I welcome all these thoughts of self-doubt. I must not have been enough for him, maybe because I hadn't brought up sex earlier. Or maybe it's because he is so repulsed by me that I made him gay. I'm the reason Sebastian likes boys!

For the first time ever, I feel insecure. I mean, I wasn't raging with confidence before, but that's because there was never any reason for me to feel overly confident or insecure. All I did was exist. Now I feel myself plummeting into the abyss of doubt, insecurity, and I find myself lacking any confidence to handle this situation. What's happening?

"Emie?" Sebastian speaks. I absentmindedly look up at him.

Sebastian...my sweet boyfriend of five years. The day he asked me out was the best day of my life. As a thirteen-year-old, I was so elated that my crush had shown interest in me. I can still remember that he had been wearing blue jeans and a striped, collared shirt. He looked cute. Hiding his hands behind his back, he held a card and chocolates. The card had red and white chrysanthemums on it, which I later found out represents love and loyalty. I still have it because that card made me fall in love with flowers. It also got me interested in what different flowers represented. The only thing Sebastian had managed to squeak out was, 'girlfriend' before I threw myself at him in happiness.

"You've known for a while?" I question softly. My voice is a barely audible whisper. I'm getting emotional, but don't want to cry. "That's why you've been distant?"

I look up to catch Sebastian nodding. He looks solemn and his lips are turned down in a grimace. He refuses to meet my gaze. Jesus. Am I that hideous that he can't even look at me right now?

"I've always suspected," Sebastian admits, causing me to gasp.

"What do you mean you've always suspected?" I ask, confused by his confession.

There's no way. Would that mean that when he asked me out years ago, he was aware that he didn't like girls? Unable to look at him, my eyes move to the blue walls while my mind reels. When I turn to watch him, he runs his tanned hand down his face. I focus on the way his eyes close and how his nostrils flare slightly with each deep breath he takes. He drops his hand and fiddles with the side seam of his jeans.

"Did you 'suspect' when you asked me out?" I ask once he gives no reply to my previous question.

Sebastian nods slowly, his eyes narrowing as he winces. "Yeah...it's why I asked you out, Emie," he says, but his tone is unsure and questioning.

His words are like the last blow that shatters my heart into a million pieces. I feel betrayed, no, used like a tissue that's been soiled, and now has been discarded for a handkerchief.

"Let me explain, Emie, please!" Sebastian says quickly as he gets down on his knees in front of me. I stare at him, through him. There is no way I'm going to allow him to guilt me into feeling bad. I'm stronger than that.

"I've never really been attracted to any girls," he starts to explain, his lips in a frown, face sad. "I mean, I just figured that because I was young and I didn't want some petty, little, puppy-crush relationship, but I have genuinely never found a girl attractive, not even when puberty set in."

"But, Sebastian—"

"I know, Emie," he cuts me off. "When I asked you out, fuck, I didn't think about what I was doing. I just did it, you know. I was scared, Emie. Every time I stepped into the boys' locker room I'd get a hard-on."

My fists clench at my sides as he confesses this to me—I want to punch him in the face. It's as if he doesn't care about how his words will make me feel. I've never been a violent person before, but I genuinely want to hurt Sebastian for hurting me.

Sebastian's head drops. When he looks at me, he has the audacity to look hurt. I hate him for making me feel as if I'm the one who has been hurting him or has caused this scene. "I asked you out because you were so nice and pretty; you still are. I needed a nice girl to—I don't know, help me. I wanted someone who everyone liked, someone I could take home to meet my family and not have them hate her. You were perfect, Emie. You're just so sweet, and I needed someone who wouldn't pressure me about sex. I needed you to make me straight. And um, I kind of knew you had a crush on me."

As he carries on with his speech, my lips press together into a tight line. Each thing he says causes the tears to well up in my eyes, waiting for the perfect moment to fall. I've never experienced anything like this before. This was the ultimate heartbreak and unforgivable betrayal.

"You kind of just know, but I had denied it all this time," Sebastian continues. "I love you, Emie, I do. I love you so much and I think in a perfect world you'd be my soulmate. You are my soulmate. I really can't imagine my life with anyone else."

I cover my face with my hands as the tears finally fall, breaking through the gates. My body quakes as I silently sob leaves me. I hunch over to protect myself from Ten's brutal words. I feel my bottom lip tear, the dryness causing it to split as my mouth spreads with my cries. Being strong is the last thing on my mind, but I know that I have to be. I need to hear this.

"Keep going," I whisper hoarsely after pulling myself together and wiping the tears from my face.

Sebastian gives me a dubious look before he sighs. "It was when we went to Hawaii," he states softly. I watch as he catches his bottom lip between his teeth and his blue eyes water up. "I met this guy...his name is Cody."

My heart races and I can feel the pain setting in. I know what he's about to say. My resolve breaks and my eyes tear up again, the both of us becoming a crying mess. The name Cody is going to haunt my dreams and I'll constantly wonder what this guy looks like, and how he managed to entice my boyfriend.

"Jesus, he was just...something else," Sebastian breathes, shaking his head. "Something about him was amazing. He was so confident and fearless, like when we were trying to surf. He was so funny and understanding."

I want to erase Cody from his memory. The way Ten's talking about Cody is the way I constantly talk about him. I thought it was the way he talks about me too, but now I'm not so sure.

"On our last night, we hung out," he speaks again, a small, sad smile on his face. "We just walked along the beach and talked about anything and everything. We were like open books with each other. And, God, Emie, I'm so sorry. Cody and I kissed...and that's how I knew, Emie. I had been trying to make myself straight for so long, but I can't anymore."

I lied before. My heart hadn't broken until now. Actually, it had, but now Ten's taken a flamethrower to melt the shattered pieces so it can never be repaired again. And boy does it hurt. I feel like I should go home, sleep, and never wake up again. Whoever knew that heartbreak could hurt this bad.

Without thinking, I stand to my feet abruptly. I can't listen to him anymore. How can one picture their life with someone, but not want to be with them one hundred percent? Shaking my head, I cover my ears so I can't hear any more of his confusing explanations. My face is wet and it takes me a moment to realize I've been crying this whole time. The steady flow makes me believe my tears will never ease up again.

"Emie!" I hear Sebastian call as I push him away from me and make my way to his door. "Please stay and let's talk."

"No!" My body turns so hard that I feel my back strain with the force. "How could you? How could you do this to me, use me for so long, and...and then cheat on me as if I mean nothing to you?"

I don't wait for an answer. There's nothing he could say that would make this better. "I love you, Sebastian." I sob, a hand coming up to my mouth and the other resting over my stomach. I cry so hard that I feel like a lump in my throat is gagging me. "Did you even think of me at all while you were with this guy? Because I thought of you, every day! I would never do to you what you've done to me."

Sniffling one last time, I turn on my heel and race from his room. I fly down the stairs, stumbling slightly and pausing to catch my balance. I need to get out, I can't stay in this house any longer. My thoughts are a muddled mess as I think back to every moment we've ever had, all of the kisses we shared, dates we've gone on. All of that will soon be just a distant memory.

As I wrench his front door open and step from his house, he calls me one last time. Pathetically, I'm happy he does. I feel some sense of joy that he is trying to chase after me and has not just let me go. But all that joy is thwarted when I turn back to see him at the top of the stairs. He makes no move to come down, which makes me feel like I'm not worth chasing.

I shake my head and slam the front door behind me as I step out. Thunder rolls causing me to look up. The sky is gray and it's much too dark for three in the afternoon. I feel a drop on my head. As if the day couldn't get any worse, it begins to pour once again.

At least it'll wash my tears away.

*Word count before AN: 1854. Second edit: 12/4/19. Song at the top is Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis. This chapter was actually so emotional for me to write. I really stepped into Emie's shoes for this one and her emotions were my emotions. Please tell me your thoughts. Should the situation have been handled differently? If so, how? Let me know with a comment and don't forget to vote. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks for reading.*