Rule 1: 

Under no circumstances are the four allowed to use the thorn beasts for jousting tournaments. Nor are they allowed to use the excuse of 'training' or 'battle'. Actually, let's just keep them away from the thorn beasts in general.

Rule 2: 

Diwiz is no longer allowed to participate or hold drinking contests. Last time he did we lost half of our alcohol supply and we had to help clean up about fifty people who were drunk out of their minds. 

Rule 3: 

Kronos is no longer allowed to use or modify flame based weapons. There are no words needed to express why. And no. Not even if he asks nicely. 

Rule 4: 

Vore under no circumstances is allowed to go on a 'Glory Crusade' with his men. The fallout from such an event is undesirable.

Rule 5: 

Gik is no longer allowed to be challenged for his sharp-shooting skills. He's not allowed to be issued a challenge and he is unable to issue one himself. We already know what happened to the challengers that won.

Rule 6: 

Diwiz is no longer allowed to keep a collection of live scrub grubs. When we found his original collection they flooded the 'Retribution Arc' and disabled its engines; causing us to drift in space for a whole month as repairs were made and the infestation was cleared. I'm still finding scrub grubs hiding around in the ship and it's been THREE YEARS since the incident. 

Rule 7: 

There is no such thing as Banished porn. No, not even on Venezia. Though, it would give some good revenue if sold on the black market, but using Atriox? HELL NO!

Rule 8:

Diwiz must always be on his medication. We don't need another 'methane crusade'.

Rule 9:

Any requests for Kronos to be augmented are to be denied. That is because I have already have been sent multiple requests. And no, not even if he says 'For science'.

Rule 10:

The four are not from an alternative timeline. They cannot issue orders with the reasoning of 'preserving the timeline' or anything related to it. 

Rule 11:

The four are also not allowed to get high under any circumstance. Ever.

Rule 12:

Using any word for accident is not an excuse for any disaster or casualty that you have caused, Vore.

Rule 13:

Killing a surrendered enemy was funny exactly once, Gik. The fifth time was just outright frustrating. 

Rule 14:

Kronos, no more pinky torture techniques. People let you off the hook for your brutal tactics, but that? That's fucked up.

Rule 15:

It is true that no one expects the Banished Inquisition. That's because there is no such thing.

Rule 16:

Diwiz, stop throwing rocks at the hurgok! You can't replace those easily!

Rule 17:

Gik and Diwiz, stop posting classified information on old Reddit sites. No, you can't post it on 4Chan either.

Rule 18:

The four are also not allowed to make song requests over Ship-comm. Especially 'Like a Virgin'.

Rule 19:

NO. MORE. DUEL. WIELDING. SHOTGUNS. FOR. DIWIZ. He somehow killed a flippin hunter out of his vehicle with just two shotguns! I mean, how do you do that!?

Rule 20:

Pissing in an area does not mean it's your territory, Gik. Nor does making random nests. A few sticks and feathers are not considered nests by the way.

Rule 21:

Armor is not rated over 9000, Kronos. Ships are also not rated over 9000. Okay, how about Kronos is no longer allowed to rate anything over 9000.

Rule 22:

If I keep on seeing people dress in bee costumes saying 'Bee me. Me bee.' I may actually kill someone.

Rule 23:

They are not the king of anywhere, or the queen. Don't encourage it.

Rule 24:

Stick to your bedtime schedule, Vore. You got one because you got rowdy and you know it. No more glory crusades. 

Rule 25:

Kronos, please stop with your 'LEEEERROY JENKINS!' charges. Out medical supply won't last if you continue.

Rule 26:

The four are never allowed to give unregistered materials to Forerunner artifacts. Especially play dough. We don't need another dough mech.

Rule 27:

Gik, I understand if you enjoy rigging people's snipers to miss so you can win in competitions, but this is a safety risk for them in combat situations.

Rule 28:

There is no such thing as Banished Speed Dating. Anyone who agrees with the four that it happened needs to be sent to Calmly Floats for re-evaluation.

Rule 29:

The four are also not allowed to star or appear in any reality TV show. Not even if they ask nicely. 

Rule 30:

Diwiz is unauthorized to lead any special forces squad. Nor is he allowed to be in one.

Rule 31:

Vore is not allowed to reload anything with religious intent. Not even if it's for a crusade.

Rule 32:

No more 'Kick Me' signs. If this happens again I SWEAR UPON OUM'S MOTHER!

Rule 33:

...

How in hell did they put a moa in my quarters?

Rule 34:

Diwiz is no longer allowed to be on porn sights. Nor is he allowed to make porn, or allowed to watched people do the porn, or anything with porn in general. Not even if he says 'If it exists there is porn of it'.

Rule 35:

No more doorbell pranks. I mean, how the hell are they accomplishing this?! There are no doorbell attachments installed anywhere on the ship!

Rule 36:

Vore does not have authorization to build a templar. No, not even if it sounds awesome.

Rule 37:

The simulator is only allowed for battle practice. No more of that Oum damned 'you know what'. It still gives me nightmares.

Rule 38:

Kronos, we're not getting a beer angel. No, not even a statue, or a fountain, or a small replica.

Rule 39:

Chainsaws are not the answer to every problem. Nor is more chainsaws, or chainsaw cannons, except for the one time. 

*chuckles*

Yes, it was awesome. 

Rule 40:

YOU DON'T FEED THE GODDAMN GRIZZLY BEAR VODKA, KRONOS!

Rule 41:

Gik is to be placed in a cell for a week if tries his Smeagol impression again. How the hell did he climb up the walls!?

Rule 42:

Diwiz is not allowed to smoke weed. Nor is he allowed to give weed to prisoners and hang out on the intentions of 'becoming bros'.

...

He is also not allowed to refer to prisoners as 'my man' or 'my gal'.

Rule 43:

Were not shipping people together! No, not even if they 'need dat love.'

Rule 44:

Kronos is not allowed to hang out with monkeys. He is also not allowed to shock monkeys, or do anything with monkeys in general. No. More. Damn. Monkeys.

Rule 45:

Note to never stick Vore in the same room of any amphibians. His eating habits are surprisingly messy.

Rule 46:

No. These rules were not forges by secret Covenant loyalists with the intention of 'brainwashing Banished troops into serving them.' These are meant to make sure that you four don't do something stupid. No, your not allowed to edit this document!

Rule 47:

The T-posing needs to stop. We're still cleaning up from the mess.

Rule 48:

We're not doing a 'No Russian' re-enactment. 

Rule 49:

As much as I would like to kill Ozpin and Salem, a crusade is not going to work, Vore.

...

Okay, maybe not this time.

Rule 50:

The four are never -and I mean NEVER- allowed to try and destroy the indestructible 21st century UNSC washing machine. They spent two M19 rockets, four M9 grenades, and a whole canister of pyrosene-V until they realized that all it would take was a brick to cripple it. Everyone on the damn ship heard it!