The second their lips disconnected, Dan's common sense came back to him. Kissing Phil felt amazing! He had never felt this way. He had never wanted to be with someone all his life as much as he did for those 2 minutes. But the minute he stopped, his thoughts flooded in. Phil seemed to have cured his drunkeness.

What? I'm definitely not gay. I just thought I had a crush on him because we're best friends. I don't like him that way. I don't. I don't. I don't. Being gay is weird. Its wrong. Its unnatural. Everyone will hate you. You don't need to go out with another boy when there are perfectly good girls who would love to date you. Phil doesn't even like you the way you - Phil doesn't like you. He's not gay. He likes girls. I think. Stop being gay! What would Dad say? He would disown you. Don't blow this.

Dan was so consumed in his own thoughts. His stomach twisted to think what everyone would say if he came - He wouldn't be coming out. Straight people don't need to come out.

This was so hard.

Dan wanted to sob and leave. So he just ran, leaving Phil alone. He held in his tears, all the way to the Owlery. He couldn't face the rest of his House. He couldn't. He was a disgrace. How could he even think of being . . .

You know.

What would his mom say? She was loving, but he didn't know how she felt about that.

And all his Muggle friends? Albeit not many, they would probably leave him.

What about Phil?

The most important person in Dan's world. He was probably grossed out. He wasn't blushing. That was all in your head, Dan. He wasn't smiling, that was a grimace.

His thoughts were eating him alive and all he could do was sit in a dark corner and sob silently. It was nearing 12:30am and he wasn't the slightest bit tired. But he wanted to sleep. He needed to sleep. He needed to stop thinking, even if it was only for two hours. He hated himself for thinking he was gay. There's nothing wrong with gay people, he thought. I'm just not one of them.

Just then, he heard a shuffling near the entrance, and a pale girl with bright red hair and big, black square glasses walked around, searching for the source of the noise. She found Dan and crouched down, patting his back.

"Oh, god," she whispered.

"What," snapped Dan. "Are you here to poke fun at me? I'm not gay. Not for Phil. Not for anyone," he corrected himself.

The girl shook her head, a bit shocked by Dan's attitude but she understood why he felt that way.

"I'm not here to make fun of you, babe. I'm here for you. I know you don't know too well but we've been in every class together since first year. Not in a stalkery way, heh."

He noticed her emerald green and silver scarf. She giggled and sat down next to him.

"I saw you kiss your friend. What's his name?"

Dan felt like he could trust this stranger, for some odd reason. She seemed so kind and like she was really listening.

"Phil," he whispered. He didn't know why he felt the need to whisper. He wiped his eyes.

"That's a cute name. Does he like you, too?" Dan shrugged.

"I don't like him. We're just friends. Best friends. I don't know why PJ and Chris had to do that . . . He's probably disgusted beyong words at me right now."

Now the girl shrugged.

"I don't know, Dan. I've seen the way you two look at each other. It's beautiful, really. But if you're strictly friends . . ."

The two sat in almost uncomfortable silence, the girl's hand on Dan's back. It was just a little awkward, what with the lack of communication over four years, but Dan appreciated her kindness. Dan seriously needed to sleep, though.

He got up and started to say, "Well, I should be heading up -" when the girl's nose started dripping with blood. Dan was momentarily still, surprised to see the metallic liquid for no apparent reason but then he whispered, "Constocruentus," and at once, the blod clotted.

"Thanks!" said the girl. "What was that spell? I get nosebleeds a lot . . ."

"Blood clotting spell," Dan explained, quite dumbly. The girl giggled and thanked Dan once again.

Before turning to leave, Dan asked, "Aren't you coming?" She shook her head.

"Well, what's your name?"

"Harley. Harley Queensworth." He smiled wearily, his eyes still puffy.

"Thanks . . . For - you know," he said awkwardly. She nodded.

________

He had lied to Harley.

He liked her, but he needed to be alone.

He walked around the giant castle, still astounded at the vastness of it all: the huge, moving paintings who looked at him sideways, wondering what a young boy like him was doing, walking around the castle at 1am; the great locomotor stairways that never stopped moving; the beauty of the bricks that made this fantastic school. He thought about how great and humongous this castle was, and how small his problems were in comparison. He thought about how one day, no one was going to be alive to worry about whether he was gay or not. He thought about how one day Phil would no longer be alive, his cold pale skin, staying forever that way. His bright blue eyes, no longer sparkling. His adorable smile, never to curve again.

Dan felt empty.

He wandered around some more, not caring if anyone saw him. He just realized how huge this universe is, and how in contrast, he is merely a speck of dust.

But not Phil. Phil is the Sun. Phil is the moon. Phil is all of the planets and comets and asteroids. He blushed, thinking about how before the Incident, he was talking about all his house plants he kept next to his bed in his dorm. "I'm naming this cactus after you," said Phil. "Because you're a prick." He laughed.

Suddenly, Dan heard a hissing noise, almost silent, but it was there. Then a voice, "Kill. . . Must kill . . ." Dan was petrified, stopping in his tracks entirely.

The voice said something he couldn't quite make out, and his curiosity got the better of him and followed the voice, that seemed to be coming from the pipes underground. The persued the hissing until he reached an out of service girl's bathroom on the second floor. He hesitatingly pushed the door open and tip toed in. The voice got louder; it seemed to be coming from inside his head. He almost felt like someone was watching him, but was too terrified to look behind him.

In a shaky voice, he said, "Who's there?" Then immediately regretted it. Like a murderer is just going to say, 'Yeah, I'm in here. Care for tea?' Dan thought.

He heard a muffled cough behind him and whirled around to see no one. He walked up to a mirror above a sink and looked at himself. Puffy redness near the bags of his eyes, tear stained cheeks and swollen lips. Dan looked just gorgeous. He sighed.

Then the voice again, "Come . . . Join me," then muffled laughter.

"What do you want with me?" Whispered Dan. Then silence. He heard a loud gasp behind him.

"Dan!" A familiar voice screeched.

Dan looked at a raven haired boy in the mirror, then turned around, blushing.

"Why were you following me? Did Harley send you?"

Was that jealousy in Phil's eyes?

"Who's Harley? No, they didn't. I just . . . Wanted to apologize. But, Dan . . . Are you a Dark wizard?" Phil immediately regretted asking his question but didn't take it back. Slytherin, good at Potions, and now talking to himself? Phil thought. Then he corrected himself. No. You don't judge someone on something they can't change about themselves. He let Dan explain.

"What the hell? No. I don't think so. I mean . . . no," He rambled on and on, trying to prove himself. Phil giggled.

"Good. I didn't want to have kissed a Dark wizard." Dan blushed at that.

"About that . . ." He mumbled. "So . . . Areyougayorwasthatjustadrunkthing?"

Phil laughed. "Come again? All I heard was gay and drunk."

Dan breathed and repeated himself, more slowly this time. Phil blushed.

"I mean . . . I don't know if I'm full on gay, but I do like . . . One boy. I have for a long time," he stuttered, looking at his shoes.

"Oh," Dan said. "I don't want to be gay. I really don't Phil. I hate myself. You wouldn't hate me if I told you I was, would you?"

Phil looked astounded. "Why would I hate you for something like that? I could never hate you, Dan. Being gay isn't a good thing or a bad thing. It's just a thing."

Dan smiled. "Thanks," he mumbled. Phil held out his hand, and Dan didn't hesitate to grab hold of it.

It felt so good to have just one person he could truly trust. He felt Phil cared for him. The emptiness inside him filled with fluffy warmness. "Don't hate yourself," whispered Phil to Dan, placing his head on the crook of the other boy's neck. Dan sighed.

________

A/N: Hey friends! Almost 1k reads???????? What¿ Also, a hybrid of amaz1ngphil is my inspiration for Harley. Anyway, I start school on Tuesday. *shuddering* I will try my hardest to update at least once a week, if not biweekly. Please don't hate me if I fail to comply. Ily'all, and thank you for reading! xx