Mama was already waiting with a takeout lunch of kebabs and naan and a homemade dessert of brownies for the three of us. Over a crowded kitchen island, we talked over our food about building a flower garden for the front yard and buying bug sprays so we could enjoy sitting on the back porch of our fenced backyard. We had this talk every year because the backyard would get untidy from disuse in the winter.

With a full stomach, I chose out a few plants and left the rest to them to figure out while I went to my room. I found a text from Salah waiting for me.

👑 Queen Salah 👑: Hey, what are you doing?

I replied, Nothing, just finished up a meal. What's up?

Instead of replying, Salah called. I lifted the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"What's up? Plumber do a bad job?"

"Nah, that's all fine. But...uh...thanks for the ride today. It was really nice of you and your dad," she said, but her tone wasn't as cheery and loud as it usually was.

"Yeah, no problem!" When Salah didn't say anything, I got a little nervous. What was it? Did she find out who Valentino was going to prom with? I then repeated, "So, what's up?"

"Inaya...I don't know how to tell you this. But you're one of my closest friends, and it's only fair... ugh, I just have to tell you."

"Yeah?" I held my phone tight in worry. Salah was usually straightforward. "Is something going on? Honestly, I kinda noticed it. You've been acting weird since getting in the car."

"Look, Inaya, I could be wrong," Salah's voice was unusually soft and kind like she was in a social work position. "But when I got into your dad's car, I thought the smell of it was familiar. But it was not in a good way. And today, when I got home, I realized exactly what it was. My apartment lobby smells like this sometimes, and my mom complains about how nauseating it is every time and that we should move." Salah paused and I didn't know what to say. "Inaya," she finally started again. "Some of my neighbors smoke weed, and some of them even offered to sell those drugs to me a few times...but that's what your car smelled like."

I opened my mouth to defend my dad's honor but then closed it—because what Salah said would explain how the weird smell in the car started after the random visit to an unheard-of deli and why he got overly conscious about sins and Mama loving him. She told me he used to have bad habits.

"I'm really sorry I had to be the one to say it. Technically, your dad's not breaking the law since it isn't illegal, and he's obviously not doing it around you, but...."

"But it's haram regardless," I finished for her. I swallowed hard at the sudden lump in my throat. "Thanks, I have to go now."

"Okay, bye, Inaya. Sorry."

"Bye."

I dropped the phone onto the bed, and my shoulders sank. There was a creeping coldness in my chest the more I thought about what Salah had said. My dad did drugs? No...there had to be another explanation for the smell in the car. But what if there wasn't? My heart was already breaking at the real possibility of it.

I couldn't go to Mama about this, and definitely not the culprit himself. I reached for my phone again to call Aunt Naomi. She must know about what those habits my baba had. How long did he have it?

I waited until it went to voicemail. The silence of the house scared me. I ran to flick on the light and open the curtains and all the doors. I hate this empty house.

On the verge of tears, I heaved myself off the bed, sat in front of my computer, and stared at the blank screen. My mind was in a daze. The welcome page of CrusadEon Online blinked. 

Before I could even check my Diplomat List, Valentino had already greeted me in the chat. My heart almost jumped out of my chest from joy at the message.

Heyyy!!!

Heyyyy to you toooo

Good day for questing!!

Let's do some together

Haha yesss

youre always so excited

I love it

My eyes blurred. Love you.

Valentino switched to voice chat. "Hey. Honestly, I only have myself to rely on. Besides my coach, I don't have anyone else to give me pep talks if I'm feeling down. You know my dad is always busy with work, and I don't really talk to my mom and sister...I wish I knew more. Ugh, I'm doing it already."

Noooo don't stop

You have every right to want to know

I feel the same sometimes about my family

"It be like that, huh? Wanna quest and get our feelings out of the way?"

:) I'm always ready to do anything with you!!!

I tapped the spacebar several times, and my drying eyes focused on the screen. A treasure chest appeared, and our characters ran forward.

I can't believe itttttt

That's gotta be the fastest win we've ever had!!!

"Yeah, well, I'm a pro." Valentino laughed. "C'mon. Let's do some more!"

Lollll

Wait!!! I haven't even gone through my rewards yet

"No time to wait 'cause I'm winning!"

I laughed out loud.

I have two friends at school who make me happy all the time

Thanks for doing the same :)

"Hey, don't mention it. You're one of the reasons I can come back from practice to an empty house and still be happy."

My eyes prickled. No, there were tears gushing down my face so hard I had to hide a hiccup and use my shoulder to wipe my face while I typed.

That makes me so happy to hear

Something happened recently and you just made my day

I still didn't know why Mama had depressive episodes and Baba had what I presumed was a drug habit for who knows how long. Neither understood how much I wanted a bigger family. To know my family.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Valentino asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

It's too soon

Does that make any sense?

"Sure it does."

I sighed. My thoughts went to my conversation earlier with my friends and the longing I felt as Ameena recounted stories relating to her nani.

Remember I told you I don't have siblings?

No cousins or uncles or aunts

Im not even close to any of my grandparents

I only heard Valentino's breathing on the other end. But he was listening. Well, reading.

Is it bad that I wish I had a family?

"No. I wish I did, too."

My heart lurched. I remembered the somberness of sitting beside him that morning. How he had a crowd of soccer mates and a fan club, yet was broken on the inside. I wish I could talk like this to him at school. I sniffled.

Can you speak Spanish?

There's traffic outside

Using text chat for now

But yea

I speak to my dad most of the time in Spanish

The rest in English

Thats cool

I cant really speak my mom's language

I just know some words here and there

Dont even know her culture that well besides the food

Man :(

I can't speak my mom's language either

I inhaled sharply, remembering my theory about him having a convert dad like mine.

She speaks another language?

Yeah. You ever heard of Bangla?

I jumped from my chair, my chest heaving.

"Valentino's Bengali-Salvadoran?" I practically screamed.

Remembering I hadn't replied to him, I swallowed and typed while I stood. I was glad I didn't have my mic on. My tears were replaced by exhilaration.

I think so!

She's Bengali?

Mhm

I wanted to ask From Bangladesh or the Indian side, but I didn't want to make him think I knew too much and give away my real identity. I sat on the chair again, reminding myself to calm down.

That's cool actually

I'm sorry you don't have that connection

I don't have much either

I never see a lot of my extended family either

I saw my grandparents from my dad's side a lot when I was little

But not anymore now

Don't even remember what they look like

It must be hard to be like that

I miss my lito and bito too

Lito and bito?

Thats what I call my grandma and grandpa

Salvadoran side

Oh, it's not abuela and abuelo?

Nah, a lot of families have their own version of saying grandparents

Thats so cute!

My Spanish classes have lied to me lol

But at least you miss them

Meaning, you have memories of spending time with them

I dont even have any

That sucks :(

Nooo

Its okay

Im used to it

Honestly I should be sorry. I'm dumping you with all this sad stuff

Nah you good

Always helps to talk things out

<3

Our chat went quiet for a few moments while I still told my racing heart to slow down. I couldn't believe it. Valentino is half-Bengali like me! That tan wasn't from his Latino genes; it was his mother's putting up a fight. Wait...is that why he acted weird when Salah mentioned my Bengali nose? Is that why he sat next to me as I read Bengali fantasy books?

No additional pocket money for us on holidays smh

Lollllll

Is that the only thing grandparents are for??

Youre so badddd

Easy cash is easy cash

YankE said that once

Oh I have to eat dinner now

But I'll be back after!!

I'll be here waiting

:)

I didn't bother taking seconds of Mama's goat curry, and I didn't think too hard about why Baba hadn't come home for dinner. My thoughts and heart were afloat. Is this why Valentino liked sharing lunch with me? It was his way of connecting to his Bengali side the way I read those books to feel closer to mine.

I kicked my room door halfway afterward, rushing to log back into CrusadEon.

Tbh

My days are sooo much better when I'm playing with you

"Yeah? Same here."

Valentino kept me smiling for the rest of the night with the sound of his voice.

Realizing it was a little past eleven, I rushed to wash up to pray isha. Mama walked by the room and saw me praying. She walked away without a fuss even though my computer was still on this late.

I stood and folded the prayer rug and watched as Mama turned off the hallway light. I glanced back at my screen—Valentino was still online—and I smiled. Despite everything, I still had him.