You guys are the best readers ever for constantly supporting me and being so patient <3

Enjoy!!

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AVA'S POV

"Ava can I talk to you for a second?" Rose asked hesitantly as we sat down in the cafeteria for lunch.

"Yeah what's up?" I nodded curiously, trying to stop my stomach growling as I stared at the food in front of me.

"Alright, so I really don't mind you borrowing my clothes, and I'm happy to keep lending them to you but, um..." the tip of her tongue flicked out nervously as she wet her lips; as though she was trying to find the most delicate way to deliver a blow.

"But?" I probed apprehensively. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that Rose was trying to tell me that I 100% did not suit the new super-feminine style I was doing my best to try out, and that I should go back to black leather jackets.

She deliberated for another second; sinking feeling confirmed.

"So it's true then," I blurted out quickly, "I really do look weird dressed like this! Rose why didn't you tell me sooner!

"What! No!" She exclaimed, "Honestly you look lovely in my dresses and skirts, you don't realise that you are actually...really cute."

She laughed freely at the fact that my face fell at the mention of 'cute'.
I didn't want to be cute! I wanted to be elegant, ladylike, that good girl type...someone Ryan would be proud to take home and meet his parents. I already met Brad and he would get a kick out of me dressing like this.

"I guess I'm just worried about you. I haven't seen you change so drastically, not since you quit ballet and we both know there was a lot of pain and anger behind that." She concluded. Her wide doe-eyes framed by impossibly long lashes, looked at me with concern as she took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Ava I know you're hurting a lot right now because of Ryan, not to mention all of this other stupid stuff with Melissa and our Moms. I just wanted to know if you were trying to change yourself, just to get Ryan to notice you? Or is it that you're trying to become the person you think he wants?"

"..."

Well she wasn't entirely wrong if I really thought about it, but the way she phrased the question slightly irritated me. It made me sound like a lovesick fool.

Alright, admittedly I am.

But what am I supposed to do when I've never chased after a boy so seriously, so desperately before? I wasn't changing my clothes and my behaviour JUST so that Ryan would notice me, that was just a side effect I wasn't quite prepared for.

"Rose it's not exactly like that...but I can't say my legs don't turn into jello every time he looks at me." I sighed. "ARGH! Why is this so complicated? I just want him to know that I'm serious about him, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do because this is the first time I've ever been in love and it's turning my life upside down." I sunk down in my seat and put my head in my hands, covering up the fact that I was blushing hard just by remembering what it felt like being held by him, touched by him, kissed by him...

Rose was silent and when I finally looked up at her, she was grinning at me with the strangest expression on her face. I felt like any second now she would let out a squeal of excitement.

"Stop making that weird face!" I demanded embarrassedly.

"I'm not doing anything with my face!" she protested, but the corners of her lips kept tugging upwards into a Cheshire cat-like grin no matter how hard she tried to stop. (Evidently not very hard).

"Ok sorry! I don't know, I just feel really awe-struck and all fuzzy inside to hear you say that kind of stuff, and to see you acting so cute like this! And we're in public!" She laughed wholeheartedly.

"Rose please stop you're making it worse!" I groaned, trying futilely to quieten her down.

"This is the best!" She slapped my leg excitedly.

"Oh geez I'm going to strangle you!" I threatened playfully, joining in with her laughter as I pretended to reach for her neck.

"I'll stop I'll stop, oh my gosh!" She laughed once more, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. "How are your routines coming along?" She asked me, changing the subject.

I groaned exhaustedly. "I can't feel my toes anymore, but I'm somehow getting everything together." I replied before taking a huge bit of the cheesy slice of pizza I was holding.

"Oh good! So I guess that means you found some people to perform with you as backup dancers," she said, also taking a bite of her pizza. Such a small, cute bite compared to my monster-sized chomp.

'Crap, not ladylike at all Ava...' I made a mental note in my head to 'chew like I have a secret.'

"Yeah, 2 of the guys in my dance studio were really enthusiastic about helping me out when I pitched the idea to them." I explained.

"That's so cool Ava. Honestly, you're going to blow everyone's minds when they hear your voice!" Rose exclaimed excitedly.

If this surprise attack plan to blindside Melissa worked out (by some miracle), then even I had to admit it was going to be epic.

"I've still got to get used to singing AND dancing simultaneously. It's not as easy as it looks!" I told her, a little pessimistically.

"Things will work out somehow. Not just with the competition, but with everything else." She said, giving my shoulder a supportive squeeze.

"And if they don't?" I asked half-heartedly.

"Then we'll still be right here with you." She smiled, "Life has a funny way of surprising us. It always does. There's always good mixed in with the bad. Bad things that happen, often turn out to be for the best. And you won't lose your way if you remember what's really important in the end."

"Family and friends?" I offered as a response, feeling a little like answering the kinds of questions that Kids' TV shows ask.

She nodded. "And love." She added simply, her eyes twinkling. Rose has always been a romantic, and she was much more sensitive and in touch with her feelings than I've ever been.

"The good days seem even better and the bad days aren't quite so tough when you have people that you love, and that love you too." She concluded cheerfully.

Love huh?

At this point, any mention of that emotion was synonymous with 'Ryan.'

Ah geez, I need to cool down. My face felt permanently red as the memory of the way Ryan was looking at me last Thursday.
Did he have to make it so obvious that he was checking me out? Making me feel like my skin was on fire as his gaze swept over me, trailing languidly and quite literally from the tip of my nose to the tips of my toes.

Where did that smirk he wore come from as I stumbled forwards?
Why couldn't I tear my eyes away from his?
I was searching for signs of the Ryan that I used to be able to make blush. That sweet boy was still there, but there was a wicked streak in him that only recently appeared at full force; some kind of confidence and conviction that made me weak at the knees.

And when he came over, when he leaned in to whisper those heart-stopping words into my ear, his face was so close to mine that I actually forgot how to breathe...Because for a split-second I almost had a heart attack thinking he was leaning in to kiss me.

Then he just walked away like nothing happened!

'Who was teaching this puppy how to be a wolf? Teaching my little lamb how to be a lion?' I had thought as I sagged against the wall a little and tried to get myself together. I had been entirely unprepared for that seduction attack.

Ryan was still Ryan though. The way he seemed to understand the things I said with my eyes in the library, made me hope a little more and made me want to try a little harder. And when he inclined his head towards me ever so slightly, his eyebrows adorably furrowed with concern for me, my heart had felt so full. The fact that he knew me well enough that we didn't even need to speak to communicate with each other, just made me fall even deeper in love.

When I decided to wear that necklace, I wasn't even sure Ryan would see it. How was I supposed to know we were going to the AV department during his free period? That golden opportunity to see him and talk to him (albeit indirectly) was just too good to be true. Maybe Rose was right after all; maybe things would find a way to work out in the end.

Maybe we are meant to be together.

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I felt so happy on Monday, watching Ryan's reaction from afar when he discovered the cookies I baked for him. I was worried that he wouldn't have eaten anything since he was so nervous about his French oral. I'd stayed up til midnight baking after I got back from practicing my routines at the studio, so I was feeling pretty exhausted. But seeing that eye-crinkling smile spread across his face was enough to brighten up my whole day.

Come Tuesday, I wasn't sure anything was going to be ok at all.

How did things end up like this? Today started out so well and now while I'm sitting in 5th period and barely concentrating, everything seems to have turned to shit.

In 3rd period I received the worst mark I've had all year for my history essay, not to mention a harsh note from the teacher telling me my average is deteriorating. Then I got a text from my Mom saying that she wouldn't be home tonight, again, even though we'd planned for weeks to keep this date free. We were going to go watch a movie together. 'The promotion is just around the corner and it doesn't look great to the hospital if I became a director that can't be on call in an emergency.' Of course I understand that it's not her fault, but nevertheless I can't help but feel disappointed; I was thinking about asking her for advice about Ryan.

I'd gone to the bathroom at lunch and had the incredible misfortune of overhearing Melissa domineering over some poor freshman Bumblebees.

"Watch their every move. I want you to report back to me If you see them speaking even 1 word to each other." She commanded.

"But Melissa, what if they don't speak to each other?" One of the Bumblebees asked.

"That is the stupidest question you've ever asked me. If they don't speak, then I don't want to hear about it!" Melissa snapped back at the unlucky girl.

"Ok, well what if they do speak but we just didn't see them?" Another Bumblebee dared to ask.

"Well then you're not doing your job properly and I'll tell your boyfriend about you hooking up with his best friend at that freshman party last week." Melissa replied smoothly, and mercilessly.

The offending Bumblebee gasped in shock, stunned into silence wondering how on earth Melissa knew that information. Freshman mistake; what happens at a party doesn't stay at a party, it gets spread around the entire school the next day.

Clearly Melissa's preferred method of manipulation was blackmail.

School was nearly over, and I thought there was no way it could get any worse.

'One more period after this. Just one more and then you can leave and go practice your routines...' I told myself, trying to motivate my eyelids to stay open. 'Then when you get home you have to study for the next damn test you have tomorrow."

*Bzz Bzzzzz*

I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my jeans. Mr Gordon turned around with an irritated look on his face, but he wasn't quite sure if he was imagining hearing things, and I was doing my best to look innocent. He was old but had the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a bat. I wouldn't be able to read the message until class had ended.

"Alright class, since you've been so uncharacteristically well-behaved today, I will let you all leave 10 minutes early." Gordo announced gruffly.

Everyone jumped up in a frenzy of rustling papers, shoving books into bags and a screeching of metal chair legs grating against linoleum as my classmates scrambled to get to the Seniors' common room to hangout before having to drag themselves to 6th period.

I wouldn't be joining them; I couldn't get any peace there. It was far too noisy and crowded and I would just end up feeling irritated and even more tense.

I finally checked my messages, and when I saw it was from one of my backup dancers telling me they had to pull out, my heart plummeted.

It wasn't their fault, I mean, how could I be mad at someone that fell down the stairs and broke their leg?

'It can't be helped. It's not like they broke their leg on purpose,' I reasoned with myself clinically as I mechanically slung my backpack onto my shoulder and walked out of the classroom.

Ever heard of a downward spiral of negativity? Because I was being sucked into one, and right now I'm feeling pretty alone with no one to turn to.

Don't get me wrong I have amazing friends, but I just couldn't complain to them about grades and college applications because they were all dealing with that stuff too. College application due dates were looming, and every time I sat down to write to Julliard...I just kept getting stumped. I just wanted to be a film and theatre journalist like my Dad. It's one of the things I've been working towards that puts him in my future, not just in my past. But I couldn't forget the conversation I'd had with my Mom...which was more of an argument really.

'Why should you be in the audience when you could be the one on stage?' She argued.

'Are you serious Mom? So what, just derail my entire plan? How could I dishonour Dad's memory like that?" I snapped back in disbelief.

'Ava, you've been caught up for so long in trying to make your Dad proud by following in his footsteps, but he just wanted you to follow your dreams. Why do you think he used to call you Shirley Temple? He wanted to see you ON the stage and God knows you already have the talent.' She had concluded tiredly.

I piped down after that. She was just trying to support me. And she really did believe in me. I thought I could be content with just watching on, maybe even being a producer. But in my heart I know that I really do yearn for centre stage; just thinking about it makes my heartrate speed up.

'What are you afraid of honey?' She asked more gently as her tense expression softened.

'I...I don't want to mess up. There are so many talented people out there and I just don't know if I have what it takes.' I confessed, feeling a little vulnerable and unconfident.

'You don't have to have all the answers right now Ava, but you're never going to know unless you try. It doesn't matter if you make a mistake, you'll regret not giving yourself the opportunity in the first place. And what if it turns out that you are up there with the best?'

'...I'll think about it.' But I still had my reservations about just throwing my whole plan away.

I had my Mom to talk about college stuff to, but there's no way I could tell her about the stress I'm feeling thanks to Melissa and her threats.

I wandered vacantly through the empty hallway to my locker, my brain in overdrive thinking about other worries I've been having.

I'd spoken to Brad about Ryan, to Rose, to Kim, to Alyssa and even Luke probably knew everything as well.

I just don't know whether they understand how deep these feelings run and this guilt that constantly constricts around my heart. Maybe Ryan would forgive me like they keep telling me. But you know forgiveness isn't immediate, and I don't expect him to entrust every piece of his heart to me; not without hard work. Not without making him understand he already held all of mine in the palm of his hand.

Forgiven doesn't mean the pain is forgotten.

I thought about what Rose said about things always finding a way to work out. It's not that I don't believe her, and honestly I wish I was always as optimistic as she is. Sometimes I avoid telling even my closest friends the way I feel, because they have often have a tendency to brush things off with a 'don't worry' or a 'You'll be fine.' The thing about worrying is that the thoughts and anxieties swirl around in your mind and don't become any less urgent. Sometimes I think they get frustrated when their glossy, positive words of comfort aren't quite enough to assuage my fears.

I love them all dearly in each of their own ways, but I just can't quell this quiet ache inside that yearns for someone to understand this part of me. To understand all of me actually, even the parts I try so carefully to hide. Understand and not judge.

There was only one person that seemed to know me like that, but I couldn't go to him right now. But maybe I could very soon, once all of this was over; from the way we've been communicating over this past week and a half...maybe we did have a future together.

ARGH

How am I supposed to know what's going to happen in the future, if I don't even know what I'm doing right now? I just need a break. I wish there was a pause button on life so I could have a chance to breathe; because I feel like I'm slowly suffocating in all of these responsibilities, people to worry about, deadlines to meet, and pressure to succeed. I want to run away and disappear, but I can't do that because I have too many damn morals to ever abandon something worth fighting for...people worth fighting for.

I'd arrived at the locker area and I hadn't even realised that I'd been standing in front of Ryan's locker, not mine, for the last few minutes.

I let my backpack slip down my arm and fall to the ground with a muffled thud as I pressed my forehead to the cool metal of his locker door and just rested there for a moment; as if all the books and his notes and his wisdom in there would somehow travel into my head via osmosis.

I miss him so much.

He always knew just what to say and do to keep me sane.

I need my Smart cookie to tell me how to get through all of this crap.

Geez I was turning into an emotional wreck. I needed to snap out of it!

Still leaning against his locker, I closed my eyes and braced myself with my hands as I began to gently thump my head against it. Actually my head-butting was a little too hard to describe it as 'gentle', but it wasn't like I trying to give myself a concussion.

It was the literal sense of 'mind-numbing,' and I was well aware that I probably looked mentally unstable, but mind-numbing was what I needed right now.

I lifted my head for the fifth time and prepared myself for the metallic clang that would resound upon impact with the door, but it never came.

It never came because a large, warm hand with slender fingers got in the way. I looked up slowly and saw that that protective hand belonged to none other than Ryan.
He gazed at me amusedly, simultaneously concerned yet trying not to laugh at how absurd I must have looked.

"What did my locker ever do to you?" He asked light-heartedly.

If at first I was too surprised to react, I melted the moment I saw his smile. He was trying to make me laugh, but his sudden appearance had caught me off guard and vulnerable, and I hadn't had time to harden my heart. I must have looked tired and fragile; completely unlike the me that everyone knows.

My eyes welled up involuntarily with foolish tears that I willed away. But by the way that his face fell, I knew he'd seen them threatening to spill over.

He swiftly took my hand into his and glanced around before quickly leading me down the empty hallway, and pulling me into the janitor's closet.

The dark, tiny janitor's closet that could barely fit one person let alone two.

10,

9,

8,

7,

6,

5,

4,

3,

2,

1...

He counted. Softly, slowly, evenly; in time with our breathing, which gradually synchronised.

"Just breathe." He whispered comfortingly, "it's going to be ok. All of this stress is going to be over soon, you just have to keep going for a little longer."

10, "breathe in"

9, "breathe out"

8,

7,

6,

5,

4,

3,

2,

1...

I closed my eyes and focused on each breath, until I calmed down enough that my attention began to shift to Ryan.

He held me gently as we stood just one foot apart in the cramped space, the warm palms of his hands caressing my arms in slow, soothing strokes. The smell of cleaning spray and paper towels lingered faintly in the room, but they couldn't compare to the sensation of being enveloped by Ryan's familiar, delicious scent.

We were not nearly as close together as I would have liked, but close enough that I could take one small step forward and pull him into my embrace. Emphasis on 'could'.

"Feel better?" He asked gently. His deft fingers reached out to tuck a lock of my hair behind my ear. The heat from his palm searing my skin, burning a lasting blush where it grazed my cheek.

Thank god it's dark in here!

I think I would die of embarrassment if he could see me blushing from just a simple touch from him.

"Yeah, I feel a lot better." I replied quietly, my cheeks blazing as I sensed his gaze on me. In that infinite moment, I was fighting an internal battle about whether or not I should just throw my arms around him and skip class to stay here in this sanctuary.

But just as I was about to raise my arms, the bell blasted loudly and noise and chatter flooded the halls as 5th period officially ended.

Well that just ruined the mood completely.

"You should go out first," He suggested, "I've got a free period now, so I can stay here for a while and leave when there's no one around. You have theatre class now right?"

Wait.

Did he know that the Bumblebees were spying on our every move so that we couldn't interact with each other?

"I heard you were competing in the Society dance competition, you practice all night and that's why you've been getting up so early to try and study right?" He continued when it was clear I wasn't going to leave yet.

"...Did Brad tell you that?" I asked hesitantly, my hand hovering over the doorknob. Automatically I started plotting the older Haywood brother's murder.

"Yeah," He replied briefly, suddenly averting my gaze like he was hiding something.

"What else did he happen to mention?" I asked tensely.

"Hm? Nothing else, just that Melissa challenged you. I know you Ava, you'd never back down from a fight." He laughed softly, "and that she's making you stay away from me since I'm on the judging panel, and she doesn't want my vote to be biased."

Ah, so that's the conclusion he came to.

Brad hadn't completely betrayed me then, but I should have known he wouldn't be able to sit by and not say anything. He swore to me he wouldn't tell Ryan, so I don't think he would have told him about the threats to my Mom, or the fact I was actually competing for him.

So it still doesn't completely explain Ryan's recent bold, heart-attack-inducing behaviour. It's like he could tell I was head over heels for him without having to say a word.

The second bell rang, breaking me out of my reverie again.

"You should go to class, I don't want you to be late." He said, his hand reaching out to open the door for me, covering mine in the process. I'd never get used to that bolt of electricity that just shot up my arm from the sudden close contact.

I wanted to tell him how I felt about him, but the opportunity to do that was over. It would be just too rushed to confess and then leave.

'Just a little longer, I promise.' I silently swore.

"Um, I guess I'll see you this Sunday at the competition then." I mumbled quickly as I stepped one foot out the door.

"I'll be there." He smiled back at me.

And I don't know why, but the way he spoke made me feel like he was making a promise.

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NEXT CHAPTER OUT ON FRIDAY (100% definitely will update)
I've been M.I.A for so long, so I'm trying to make it up to you :'(

Please vote and comment if the wait was worth it! I REALLY want to know what you guys are thinking!!!

Take care,

Cerise xx :)