AVA'S POV

If it isn't blatantly obvious already, I am struggling to find a balance between school and my personal life.

Stressed is an understatement about how I'm feeling right now.

Tired is just the tip of the ice-berg as to how exhausted I am.

Frustrated is too simple a word to describe how badly I want to run to Ryan and tell him everything, but knowing that I can't because as always, it's not that simple.

All week I had come to school early to cram in some studying before 3 massive tests I had coming up, and left as soon as the bell rang to get to the dance studio to practice my routines. On the days I had to work, I came home late to either an empty house or one with a stressed out mother who spoke only of the impending promotion. I had scarcely seen any one of my friends, let alone Ryan, keeping in touch with the girls only via Facebook. It seemed like the world was slowly starting to cave in on me, and it was getting increasingly harder not to let it swallow me up completely like a black hole. There wasn't a second that went by when I didn't think about the competition, my Mom, college applications, Melissa, my aching feet, Ryan...and sleep. It was a vicious cycle, and it was starting to feel suffocating.

When I trudged through the hallways half-asleep at 6am, I didn't think the day would be different to any other Monday. I was so tired that I nearly missed the strawberry lollipop stuck to the inside of my locker door. I couldn't help but smile gratefully; funny how such a seemingly insignificant piece of candy was powerful enough to remind me exactly what I was fighting for, and the people standing by me. I didn't know exactly which one of my friends opened my locker because all of them knew my combination. However, not all knew my weakness for strawberry lollipops.

"Rose," I smiled poignantly to myself. My wonderful best friend had outdone herself this time.

It was 6:30am, she'd woken up even earlier than me to sneak in this surprise.

Where are you? ;)

I texted her, glancing around briefly as I expected her to reveal herself from her hiding place.

But I couldn't see her anywhere, and she didn't reply back even after 15 minutes.

Huh, maybe she had something to do this morning.

Grabbing my books, I stuck the sweet candy in my mouth and headed off in search of an empty classroom to study in before homeroom started. But as I hurried past the lockers, I absentmindedly glanced at Ryan's, and came to an abrupt halt.

'Weird, his lock is undone...' I thought as I backtracked to get a better look.

Ryan had told me before that he often came to school early to get some study done or help out in the library, which is why I never saw him in the beginning of the year (even though his locker was 3 doors down from mine). Maybe he had the same thinking as me and woke up extra early to try and get some alone time, away from the prying eyes of the Bumblebees who didn't find it so easy to get up in the morning. I smiled at the thought that we might have had that in common. So I clicked the lock into place and kept going without much more thought.

It wasn't until the first bell for roll call in homeroom rang that I felt my phone vibrate with a text in my pocket:

Hey Ava I'm at home, I've got a migraine so I'm not coming to class today :( Why'd you ask me at 6:30am though? I know I'm a morning person but 7:30am is the earliest I ever get up! And I'm pretty surprised you were awake before me Miss Night-owl :P

It wasn't Rose?

It was probably Kim then. She'd been getting to school early to use the art-rooms, trying to desperately finish off her portfolio in time before college applications closed. But 6:30am was pretty early for her; I know she loves to sleep in just as much as I do. And, well, I don't know if I've ever told her about my fondness of strawberry lollipops. It could be just a coincidence that she chose that treat to put into my locker, or maybe she'd noticed that I only ever ate the strawberry flavoured kind. I mean, Ryan had noticed. He even said he had a hunch on that day when I came back to school from being sick. Somehow he knew that it would be enough to cheer me up. Or maybe it wasn't even the lollipop, maybe it was just Ryan himself that was the remedy to my problems.

...was this Ryan's work again?

No it couldn't be. Kim and Rose were the only two that knew what had happened with Melissa. Right?

It wasn't until lunchtime that I noticed things starting to get a little stranger. I had the most bizarre feeling that someone had been watching me. And by someone, I mean Ryan.

There wasn't anything particularly different about the way he looked at me, but he just seemed to be glancing over to me more than usual. Was it because he wanted something from me? He told me he wanted the truth last time, but instead I've been forced to avoid speaking to him at all. I felt like didn't have the right to face him if he approached me, and I'm certain I wouldn't be able to say all the things I wanted to say. All the thing I needed to say.

Maybe it's just all in my imagination?

'Yeah, it's probably that.' I thought as I grabbed my bag from my locker and raced towards my car so I could get to the dance studio early. But I couldn't completely convince myself of that as I passed by Ryan, and those ocean blue eyes held my gaze just a second too long for my heart to handle.

What was that emotion I just saw? It looked a lot like longing...

My heart ached as I practiced The Swan that night, because I knew it couldn't be true.
"You are dancing beautifully tonight Myishka. I can feel your emotion, I can feel the pain of the white swan who has lost her true love." Tatianna praised, satisfied with my work.

On Tuesday my heart was still throbbing, but this time it was because I was the one yearning for him. Why did he have to look so especially irresistible today? His hair was perfectly mussed, and he was wearing his adorkable glasses instead of his contacts. Don't get me wrong, he is sexy with or without them, but there is just something about those square frames that is a part of who he is, and they send an extra shiver of desire through me. To top it all off, he was wearing that tight navy ¾ sleeve t-shirt I loved seeing him in; the one that accentuated all of the usually hidden muscles in his lean, sinewy frame.

He was sitting behind me in American Lit, 1 row back and 1 seat diagonal to my left, and I was really struggling not to sneak a peek and risk him potentially catching me. So I sat dead straight and I let my hair fall in front of my face like a curtain, as I leaned my elbow on the desk, to shield my wayward eyes. But halfway through the lesson I tied my hair up into a ponytail, as I usually do when I'm trying to concentrate. That was my downfall. Out of the corner of my eye I could just barely see Ryan rustle around in his seat. Automatically I turned my head just a fraction of an inch without thinking, and I felt my left cheek start to radiate heat as I sensed him staring in my direction. I turned back quickly and pretended to concentrate on the board as I tried to analyse the situation. 

I hadn't seen enough to determine the exact object of his focus, so he could have been staring at anything on the right side of the room. Like Mrs Jones, who was writing on the board. Or the clock on the wall. Or...me?

'No don't be stupid, he's definitely concentrating on class. Ryan wouldn't get distracted as easily as me. Yeah. I'm certain he's focusing really hard on our new topic, so it wouldn't hurt to sneak one peek at his adorable concentration-face now would it?' I convinced myself as I caved and looked over my shoulder.

F*CK.

It's me. He's staring at me.

My lungs stopped functioning for a second and I sucked in a hitched breath that could most definitely be heard.

'Ava what are you doing? Stop freaking out like a deer in the headlights and turn back around right this instant before you make things any worse!' I yelled at myself in my head.

So it WASN'T just my imagination! The hairs on the back of my neck weren't prickling with awareness for nothing, and my skin wasn't pooling with warmth because Ryan just randomly happened to be looking in my direction during class. 

No, I caught him staring. 

But he didn't turn away? He just kept gazing unapologetically as one corner of his lips twitched up into an amused half-smile; as if he didn't care that I knew he had been watching me.

Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe it just happened to be this one time. '10 minutes have gone by, surely he can't still be staring over at me...right?' I thought as I quickly threw a surreptitious glance at him.

BUT HE WAS. 

I just couldn't help myself could I? I had glanced over only to be met by eyes full of mirth, and the sexiest smirk slowly appearing on his face as he registered how flustered I was becoming as I scrambled to get myself together.

'Stupid, stupid girl! Why did you look back again?!' I chastised myself as I squeezed my eyes shut and looked away immediately, waiting for the waves of embarrassment to die down.

What's gotten into him all of a sudden! And what was he doing sitting with one foot propped up on the other knee as he casually leaned back. He might as well have invited me to come over and sit in his lap! This was torture and class couldn't end soon enough. I bit my lower lip and thrummed my fingers on the table anxiously as the last few minutes ticked by. But all the while, I felt like I could sense him silently laughing to himself. The bell finally rang and the other students rustled their books together and jostled out of the classroom, while I kept my head down and waited for him to leave first. His presence was unmistakable as he paused in front of my desk for a second, but I refused to look up and make eye contact.
I was completely vulnerable and I knew I would melt into a puddle if I saw that smirk up-close. I didn't want to look like a complete lovesick idiot in front of him. He sidled away quickly when Mrs Jones called out to him to help her clean the board, and I silently took back all the complaints I'd ever said against her, taking this golden opportunity to escape.

But I was naïve to think I could really escape so easily.

Try as I did to gather my books from my locker and quickly leave before Ryan got back, he returned just as I was fumbling around, trying to bolt my lock. I hadn't sorted myself out enough to deal with another incident with him. I was still too flustered. Yet I couldn't help myself as I stuttered with my steps and my eyes wandered up to his as he unlocked his locker. There was a wolfish look in his eyes that sent my hormones into chaos. The surreptitious sweep of his long lashes, as he considered me with a side glance, was sending me signals that he might still want me... the way I want him.

'What on earth is going on in his head right now?' I mused as I bumbled along to class unsteadily, too embarrassed by the fact that he was still smirking to himself.

'Is he trying to get revenge?'

I wondered sceptically whether Ryan was trying to seduce me like I had once tried to do to him, 'Or has he finally noticed that I'm basically Play-doh in his hands?' I mean, I was already aware that Ryan had a secretly darker, wilder, sexier side to him. But with the way he was watching me, paying such close attention...the soft-hearted, shy awkward part of me surfaced, unable to hide. No, Ryan would never do anything to hurt me. 

But he's definitely messing around with my emotions right now...

These were the thoughts that swirled around and around and around in my head, keeping me awake at night and clouding my mind during the day. If only Melissa and this stupid competition didn't exist, then I wouldn't have Bumblebees watching me 24/7 to see if I tried to talk to Ryan!

On Wednesday at recess, when I was putting my books away, I was so spaced out wondering about how I should react to this change in Ryan that I didn't register somebody coming right up to me from behind. He came up so close and so suddenly, that my heart nearly burst with surprise and disbelief as I found myself trapped between two strong arms, grasping the frame of my locker on either side of me.
I was immediately hit by his delicious scent, softly suffusing through my senses, while my back felt like it was burning where it lightly brushed up against his chest. His breath gently fanned the nape of my neck ticklishly, and his jaw ever so slightly nudged my temple as he leaned in to place a freshly brewed cup of coffee on the shelf. How did he know I hadn't had a chance to get one this morning? I knew he could hear me shakily trying to get my breathing back under control, but I wondered if he could hear my heartbeat hammering hard in my chest as I read the post-it note that was stuck on the front of the cup:

You missed your coffee this morning. Maybe now you'll stop daydreaming during class and getting distracted by me. I didn't even say a word to you :P

What was this sass! I mean it was true, but I never thought Ryan would have the nerve to point it out like that! Shyness momentarily forgotten, I slowly turned my head to look up at him, one defiant eyebrow raised sharply, questioning this new found arrogance. I opened my mouth to argue that I was most definitely not distracted by him, but those words never came out because I realised he was laughing, and I hadn't heard that beautiful sound in quite a while.

I thought he was mad at me? He should be. He has every right to be...so why does it feel like he's teasing me?

He smiled warmly at me as he let go of my locker, seeming to ignore the confusion written all over my face, and silently slipped a packet of sugar into the pocket of my red & black checked flannel shirt. And somehow, just like that, all the awkwardness and tension that had built up between us suddenly dissolved.
I stood there dumbfounded as I tried to process what the heck just happened. He flashed me a cheeky grin as he took the short walk back to his own locker, as if he was relishing my bewilderment at his actions. And as I fiddled with the puzzling post-it note with my fingers, I found myself mesmerised by the sight of him laughing quietly to himself, his eyes twinkling like he was thinking of something amusing that I was oblivious to.

Then the truth hit me like a tonne of bricks;

What the heck? Ryan was FLIRTING with me!

I didn't know why.
I didn't know how he knew there was a reason why I couldn't speak to him.
I didn't know what had happened in the last week and a half that suddenly changed him, and changed the way he was behaving towards me.
But I did know that I wasn't about to waste this opportunity that just presented itself to me.

He just gave me the best idea I've had in a long time; just the idea I'd been trying to come up with to try and bridge the gap between us.

If I couldn't tell Ryan I was serious about him, there were things I could do to show him instead.

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How was that guys?!
Just wait and see what Ava has in store for Ryan in the next chapter, and find out if these two can somehow work out how to communicate without speaking.
But the drama isn't over yet... muahahaha

Thank you all for being so patient and voting and leaving me comments; you have no idea how happy even the smallest bit of support from you guys makes me!

Take care, I love all of you! 
Cerise xx :)