I dedicate this chapter to Phoebe aka POMlove who's story 'Beauty and the Geek Boy' is just so adorable and gives me a million feels! Go check it out! She deserves your reads and votes >_<

This chapter is not for the faint of heart, prepare yourselves :'(
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There they were again, those 3 little words that made my heart stop.

There was this insecure little girl inside of me that just couldn’t completely shake the thought that I wasn’t cut out for this; I’d never had a serious relationship before, I’ve never wanted someone so desperately, I am not the type of girl that you’d bring home to meet your mother and be approved of.
Ryan, Brad, these girls, this society, they were in a whole different world to the one I inhabited. 

What if, like I’ve thought from the beginning, no matter how much I might like him, no matter how hard I try to be good, I’m just not right for Ryan at all?

Maybe we’re just not meant to be together? Are we just going to end up with heartbreak and sorrow?

…I’ve never been in love before and I have no idea how I’m supposed to know what it feels like when it happens. I don’t know how Ryan could be so sure he loved me, so certain about it that he would put his heart on the line for me and confess again, so that maybe I would say those 3 words back.

He looked at me with such hopeful eyes, his face was full of emotion and sincerity and I felt so vulnerable, so overwhelmed that when I opened my mouth not even knowing what was going to come out, I choked.

No words came out.

There was a lump in my throat, formed by a million fears and insecurities that just refused to disappear.

I was like a deer in the headlights; my eyes were welling up with emotion but they could not leave his and I could only watch as the light faded from them, the longer the silence between us grew.

Say it! SAY IT! TELL HIM!  I was screaming myself hoarse in my mind, but what a load of good that was doing when my body seemed to have disconnected.

He released me from his hold and turned away, unable to look at me, the hurt etched deeply on his face and waves of humiliation and pain radiating from his back “God I’m such an idiot!” He muttered brokenly.

“Ry-an” I uttered, sounding like a strangled cat as the lump got bigger and I reached out to turn him back to me.

His face, his expression, was so forlorn that I was shocked by the foreign tightening in my chest that followed, the visceral knot that began to form in the pit of my stomach as I came to grips with the fact that it was all because of me.

I was the cause of his pain.

And it felt like I was being ripped to shreds on the inside because of it.

“Ava I’d appreciate it, if you stopped playing games with my heart.” He said quietly, his voice shaking slightly, with anger, or hurt, maybe both, I couldn’t tell, “maybe it wasn’t on purpose but you’ve been leading me on and every time I thought about giving up on you, I just couldn’t do it.”

His stormy blue eyes pierced into mine and my chest felt so tight it was getting hard to breathe; it was like all the oxygen had been sucked from the room.

“I felt like you were giving me signs, you kept giving me hope and I naively kept holding onto it,” He ran a hand through his hair exasperatedly, “that maybe your feelings were changing, maybe, just maybe you felt the same way I did.”

‘I didn’t mean to! God knows I tried to stay away, but you made it so difficult for me!’  

He closed his eyes, probably unable to look at me and how cowardly I was, just standing there, paralysed as he told me how he really felt.

“I told myself I would wait for you, for as long as it took for you to fall in love with me but you’re breaking me Ava. I keep getting hurt and don’t know how much more I can take,” He told me, his voice was raw and strained.

‘You never had to wait! I was yours from the beginning!’

His eyes flashed open again and I saw the suffering I had caused in them, and the lump was becoming painful, it felt like my throat was closing up. My bottom lip had begun to tremble as well and I had to clamp my teeth down to make it stop. The metallic taste of blood met my tongue as I bit down harder, physically trying to distract myself from the flood of guilt and remorse rushing through me.

“I need to go.  I can’t be around you right now, I think__” He paused, his agitation so opposite to my paralysis,

“I need you to stay away from me for a while.”

What?

 “I need time to think some things through…”

He looked at me one final time before he turned to walk away, to see if I had anything to say to him.

But his words had hit me with the force of an atomic bomb and I was in a state of shock, incapable of saying or doing anything.

All I could do was watch the hurt and disappointment cloud his beautiful eyes, and pain etch into his perfect face.

“I get it now.” He said almost inaudibly as he turned and strode away through the billowing gossamer.

That was it, I was gone. My world began to crash around me before my eyes as I watched him walk away and I fell limp against the cold unrelenting pillar, sliding down into a crumpled heap on the floor.

I’m an idiot.

I concluded, as my troubled breathing turned into my shoulders heaving.

I’m an IDIOT

I screamed internally as I realised the tightness in my chest was my heart breaking

I love him

I thought, as all of the emotions that had been building up inside of me finally broke loose and overflowed as tears; hot, wet tears of sorrow and regret as I came to this realisation too little, too late.

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I’d been sitting there on the floor, full of self-criticism, trying to cry silently while earthquake-like sobs racked my body, (I hadn’t cried in so many years that I forgot how to stop once having started), when I became aware of someone sitting down next to me and pulling me into their arms as they stroked my hair and whispered soothing words of comfort.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok Babe.” Brad said, “What stupid thing has my brother done to make you cry like this?”

“He did No-Nothing, it’s all m-my fault” I sobbed as my head rested on his shoulder,” I’m an idiot Brad, I I-love him, I love him. I love him” I wept, sounding like a broken record.

Of course I loved him, what else could this feeling be? How could I care so much about Ryan and not know for the longest time that with every touch, every look, every word spoken, it was love.

“It’s okay, you’re alright” Brad consoled, holding me tight as I cried into his chest, “you’re both idiots, but love will do that to you.”

I silently thanked god for the fact that Brad wasn’t actually the big jerk I first thought he was; there was no ’I told you so’ or ‘it was so obvious’ even though I knew he had been right from the beginning.  I’d been in denial because I’d already made the decision to move on and I didn’t want to look back. But it was inevitable, I couldn’t escape being drawn back to him and now that I know why, I don’t want to run anymore.

“I’m sorry I turned your shirt into a giant handkerchief,” I said, sitting opposite him, still on the floor, as I dried my eyes. I’d calmed down a bit and stopped crying, but I still felt numb.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got 10 more just like this one at home,” He laughed.

I tried to smile at him, (as bright as someone who felt like shit could smile) but I just didn’t feel like laughing.

“I guess you want to hear about what happened,” I said quietly.

“You can tell me if you want to, but I saw enough of you guys making out to guess what happened.” He smirked at me, a mischievous glint twinkling in his eyes.

“Shit you saw?!” I swore as my face dropped and immediately reddened with sheer embarrassment. What if other people had seen too?!

“Relax Ava. Nobody would come this way and the only reason I found you guys was because I was actually looking for a hiding place too!” He laughed at my reaction.

Both the Haywood brothers seemed to have the ability to read my mind…

“He…told me he loved me again,” I started to say.

“Again?!” Brad sat up straight from where he had been leaning against the pillar, clearly amused by this new piece of information.

“The first time was a little while ago…” I explained shyly. Geez, talking about Ryan made me all shy and self-conscious, not to mention I was telling all of this to his brother.

“And I didn’t know how to respond, deep down I should have known I loved him all along, but when I opened my mouth to speak I just…choked.”  I explained. I felt new tears prick at my eyes as I remembered the way Ryan looked at me after that.

“Was he mad, angry? Did he spontaneously combust?” Brad asked,

“He was just …so hurt, so sad.” I answered. Another punch in the gut.

“What exactly did he say?”

Although he was concerned about me, telling Brad about the recent soul-crushing events was like rubbing salt into the wound, and then adding lemon juice.

“He told me to stay away from him for a while, and that’s when the waterworks began.” I tried to laugh at myself as I rubbed at my eyes again, but it wasn’t making me feel any better.

“It’s mortifying; I never cry, I’m not weak, I have a high pain threshold. And yet I’ve been reduced to tears.”

It amazed me that the people you loved the most could make you both laugh and cry.
I guess I always knew Ryan had a big impact on my emotions…

“Let’s get you home Ava, I think we’ve had enough fun for one day.” Brad said as he kindly helped me up from the floor.

But as we emerged from behind the drapes and headed for the exit while Brad and Ryan’s mother was giving a speech, I saw something that felt like a tonne of bricks had been dropped onto my already broken heart.

Melissa was with Ryan.
And she was leaning into him and hanging off of his arm like her legs were made of jello.

To make matters even worse, she just happened to turn around right at that second, to see my puffy red eyes and tear-streaked face, probably smeared black with mascara.

But I was in too much pain to put my guard up, I couldn’t even conceal the pathetic expression of helplessness I knew I must have been showing.

And she smirked. She grinned spitefully and tried to pull Ryan (who was listening intently to the speech), closer so he would turn around to see me too.

No. Please don’t turn around, please, You can’t see me like this!  
I felt so fragile, if he turned around and saw me so pitiful and weak he’d be glad if we never had anything to do with each other again.

But to my surprise, Brad flipped her off before she could carry out her plan and she got the shock of her life, you could see it in her face as she quickly spun around and simmered down.

And then finally, we went home.

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I knew my mom was home but I didn’t want her to see me like this. Anger and ranting? She was used to that. But I honestly think she’d have no idea how to deal with my tears, since they were such a rare occurrence.

So I asked to be dropped at Rose’s.

“Hey Ava oh my god, are you alright? What happened?!” Rose exclaimed as she opened the door before quickly ushering me inside.

Seeing my best friend just immediately take me in with open arms while she didn’t know what was going on, and didn’t care, sent salt water flowing down my cheeks again.

“It’s Ryan,” Brad said for me, and that was all Rose needed to know.

“Thank you for bringing her here, Brad I’m assuming?” Rose thanked him over my trembling shoulders.

“The one and only.” He winked at her.

“Is that Ava?” Kim said walking in from the other room. I didn’t know she was here but I wasn’t complaining; right now I needed all the girlfriends I could get. “Oh Babycakes not you too,” she said giving me a tight hug, “What’s with all the crying, did you and Ryan have a fight?”

I was done denying it and I didn’t even care how Kim knew, it was probably just so obvious to everyone but me that I was in love with Ryan.

“I hurt him Kim, I hurt him so badly and there’s no way to fix it.” I sobbed.

“Yes there is honeybee, there’s always a way as long as you’re willing.” She soothed with her warm golden voice.

“Ave I know you’re hurting right now but we’ve got another serious issue on our hands.” Rose said cautiously.

“Ava?” I heard Alyssa’s muffled voice call out from the lounge room.

I know we hang out together all the time but it felt strange that everyone was here…

“I guess I’ll leave you ladies to it then.” Brad chimed in from the doorway, having been temporarily forgotten in all of the fuss.  “Ava if you need anything, call me. We can postpone the experiment for a while until you feel better.” He smiled reassuringly.

“Thanks Brad.” I thanked him sincerely, “Can I…ask you a favour? Can you make sure Ryan is ok? I appreciate you helping me, but I caused him a lot of pain, he’s suffered so much because of me and I just really want you guys to be close again.”

“Behave, and be a good older brother.” I warned.

“Aye aye captain. Will do.” He saluted as he left.

“So what’s this serious issue guys?” I asked as I finally wiped away the last of my tears and pulled myself together.

“Well…” Kim trailed off

As we walked to the lounge room I saw Alyssa curled up into a ball on the sofa with pillows, blankets and tissues all around her. And she looked like she’d been crying even more than I had!

Did she and Luke break up? No please don’t tell me they did, they were so in love, they’d been together for so long!

“Lys what happened?!” I demanded worriedly as I raced across the room.

She took one look at me when I sat down next to her and burst into tears again.

“Ava, I’m pregnant.”

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Doesn't your heart hurt? Are you thinking 'WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!!'
Well please don't hate me too much because at least Ava has FINALLY realised that she's crazy in love with Ryan!!!
We're gonna see her faced with some even more difficult decisions to make now that she's come to terms with her feelings.
We're gonna see Ryan discovering some new things about himself and who he wants to be.
You're gonna hate Melissa even more
AND you'll get to know Luke and Alyssa better thanks to this shocking discovery!!
All in good time my lovely readers, all in good time...

Don't forget to VOTE, COMMENT and FOLLOW !
Thanks for supporting me and reading my story, I hope I can keep you hooked :D

Love Cerise xx :)