I don’t know what was worse, having to watch this constant group of girls that were hanging around Ryan, or that he wasn’t doing anything to deter their affections.

In fact he was actually paying them attention to them.

Holding doors open for them, waiting for them at their lockers, laughing at their stupid jokes.

Stuff like that, I could tolerate. But there was this one girl, I saw his hand reach out and tuck a strand of hair behind one girl’s ear and I just– 
Having never had my heart broken before, I imagine that this is what it feels like.

More than a few girls had been asking him to tutor them, to the point that Ryan starting offering private tutoring sessions after school in the library.

It’s no secret what they were actually trying to do; get him alone in the library and learn a thing or two about ‘human anatomy’ if you know what I mean.

‘Over my dead body…’ I thought. I was NOT about to let that happen.

Ok so I was having trouble with putting a stop to interfering with Ryan’s life, but I am in a constant state of ‘what am I supposed to do with this?’
I don’t have any right to tell Ryan not to like other girls, or for those other girls to stay away from him either.

I say that so easily, but apparently I’ve over-estimated the amount of willpower that I possess, as I am currently in the library hiding behind a shelf of books and peeking through a small gap while I wait for Ryan and whatever girl was hanging off his arm this time to arrive.

I watched him and a short blonde walk in and sit at a table in the study area. He pulled out her seat for her and she squeezed his arm in appreciation.

I shoved my face as far as it would fit through the very small book sized hole in the book shelf, in order to get a better look at her. Goddammnit she was gorgeous.

‘He’s just being a gentleman. He’s always a gentleman,’ I chanted in my head as my hands gripped the wooden shelf they were perched on.

He placed his hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear before he smiled his adorable, dazzling smile at her and walked away from the table.

‘F*ck it Ryan I wish you didn’t treat every girl so nicely!’ I shouted internally.

Blondie was gorgeous but she was just like the rest of them; the moment Ryan stepped away, she pulled out her make-up compact and started vigorously powdering her face, pouting her huge lips as she then applied an excessive amount of lip gloss.

Oh and there it was; the boob readjustment and then she tugged her top down a little to boost her cleavage. She was definitely planning to do more than just studying today.

What am I even doing here? I told myself I’d just have one peek at them and go home like a normal person, but now that this lioness in disguise was poised to sink her teeth into Ryan, I couldn’t just leave now could I?

But seriously, I actually couldn’t leave. With my current position in between bookshelves, the study area where Blondie and Ryan would be sitting, and the library entrance/exit, there was no way that I could leave without them seeing me.

‘Well crap Ava, what happened to you being supposedly smart?’ I mentally slapped myself for not thinking that far ahead.

I’d have to watch them be alone together and all gross and flirty while I try not to gag.

“Great, just great.” I muttered under my breath. But just then, another girl walked in and glanced around the library as if she was looking for someone. She was tall and she looked sweet and once it seemed like the person she was looking for wasn’t here yet, she took a seat at the table next to Blondie giving her a small smile.

And then, she walked in.

A cloud of saccharine sweet perfume and red curls carrying her Prada handbag as she too, glanced around the library with distaste. Her red lips were upturned as if she’d never been here before and disapproved about how dull and drab the place was.

‘Bitch what did you expect? It’s a school library for god’s sake not Buckingham Palace’ I thought as I rolled my eyes and my face contorted into a grimace.

“Hi” She said, addressing Blondie and Sweetness, with all the airs and graces of a Queen, “have either of you seen a boy about this tall walk past?” she raised her hand above her head to indicate the height of a person that was roughly as tall as Ryan.
“He’s blonde and used to wear these ugly square glasses?” She continued, but the two girls had confusion written all over their faces.

“He drives a Porche and dresses in high end fashion labels?”
Yes this was definitely Ryan that Melissa was talking about, but from what she was saying, all she seemed to care about was his money. My blood began to boil.

“Is he really hot?” Blondie asked. Well that just showed she was only interested in his appearance.

“And kind?” Sweetness chimed in. Ok I liked Sweetness the most; at least she took notice of Ryan’s personality.

“I guess you could call him ‘hot’ and if by kind you mean sort of a pushover, then yes I guess.” Melissa said nonchalantly, inspecting her pink acrylic nails.

“Oh you’re talking about Ryan Haywood!” Sweetness exclaimed, “I’m actually meeting him here so he can tutor me in english– ”

“Um What? I came in here with him and he was supposed to tutor ME” Blondie interjected

“Girls, girls, both of you must’ve made a mistake because I asked Ryan to tutor me, today.” Melissa said dismissively, “So you might as well go home right now because I’m sure he’ll tell you the same thing once he comes back.”

“SHHHH! Use your inside voices girls!” yelled our librarian.

But that didn’t really stop them; the three girls just continued to argue and bicker in hushed tones, whisper shouting that Ryan would definitely choose them to tutor.

I couldn’t help but laugh as relief flooded through me and I gently thumped my head against the shelf, thinking about how stupid I was being.

Trust Ryan not to turn down any of them but instead create a study group so he could help everyone at the same time. I don’t even know if he realised that they had other plans…maybe he even thought they were just being friendly.

“Boo” came a ghost like whisper right in my ear. “SHIT!” I shouted as I spun around and nearly jumped out of my skin.

“Ryan what the heck–“ I exclaimed, forgetting we were in the library.

“Shhh!” He hushed me, as he clamped a hand over my mouth and pulled me by the waist into the corner.

I was wedged in the junction between the bookshelf and the wall as Ryan angled his body to partially hide me from view, from anybody who passed by the narrow aisle.

Within seconds we heard the loud click-clacking of our librarian’s thick heeled loafers as she got up from the front desk and stomped closer and closer towards where we were standing.

My heart was still surging with adrenalin from the shock of being caught, but the fact that Ryan was so close wasn’t exactly helping to calm me down.

His head was turned away from me, looking out to see if the coast was clear. But I was looking at him; I couldn’t help myself.

Seeing him this close was almost as painful as it was pleasurable, and something I hadn’t realised I wanted to do so badly.  

A tiny patch of freckles scattered across his cheeks, the soft curve of his eyelashes, the outline of his Adams apple as it connected to his collar bone, the lovely shape of his lips which, if you looked closely enough, were ever so slightly un-even.

Every little detail about him was so fascinating to me. Every imperfection was perfect in my eyes.

‘Hold me. Kiss me. Touch me!’ I pleaded wordlessly. ‘Something, anything, anything at all…’  I thoughtas my chest tightened with the selfish and inexplicable need to close the gap between us.

I let my guard down as I watched him, and dangerously let my emotions reflect in my eyes. I know, it’s stupid to believe the whole ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’ thing, but I felt them well up with something far more complex than just salt water. I’ll tell you that I don’t cry, ever. Not over anybody or anything no matter how much it hurts. Well at least not anymore.

I was lost in my thoughts as his head turned back to me, too fast for me to school my expression.

And his eyes locked with mine.

It’s like I could hear the bolts click into place as I found myself unable to break this intense eye contact. But it seems like he couldn’t either.

He was startled at first, I could tell, surprised that I’d been staring at him, but he knew something was up; that something was different. And it could have been simply because I didn’t look away, but I was scared to death that it was because he could see right through me, see the selfish desires in my eyes.

There is something definitely messed up in my brain. I really seem to enjoy torturing myself by getting into these situations with Ryan where I am caught perilously between wanting to capture his lips with mine, kissing him fiercely, and running away so that I don’t have to deal with how conflicted he makes me feel.

Every time I think I’ve cleared my head, he just comes right back and overwhelms my senses.

I felt his gaze scan my face, and then came the all too familiar magnetic pull that seemed to draw our faces closer and closer together. It was a force that I was now ultimately too weak to fight.

‘Just a little more’ I wished as the gap continued to close slowly.
‘One more kiss and it’ll never happen again’ I swore to myself, just as the sound of a stack of heavy books being dropped onto a table rang out through the usually quiet library.

‘Oh my god can’t a girl go to the library and NOT have the shit scared out of her?’

“Girls! I warned you once and I’m not going to warn you again. I don’t tolerate noise and I certainly don’t tolerate swearing!” barked our librarian who stood on the opposite side of the bookshelf we were hiding behind.  

She was literally only a few feet away and I could have been in so much trouble if she found me and Ryan in this relatively compromising position. And by relatively compromising I mean that Ryan’s attempts to hide me from view involved his arms outstretched on either side making it look like he was pinning me between the wall and the bookshelf, not to mention that that our faces were indeed only inches apart and I was once again out of breath due to almost having a heart attack for the second time today.

But man I was relieved.  I couldn’t afford to get busted again; it’s not the first time I’ve been caught making ‘trouble’ in the library if you know what I mean.

Ryan flinched away from me at the impact of the sound, his was expression unreadable and I could only guess what he was thinking as he peered through the gap between the books that I had previously been using to watch him.

“But none of us swor-“ Sweetness tried to explain, while Melissa and Blondie continued to silently mouth insults to each other.

“Silence! I don’t want to hear it. Another peep from any of you and I’ll throw you out!” Our librarian shrieked, her eyes bulging out of their sockets as she turned and stalked away, back to her desk.

I heard a gush of air as Ryan let out a sigh of relief, “Well that was close,” he said turning back to face me.

“Ryan you idiot what the heck was that!” I whisper shouted at him.
“What? It was a harmless joke and what are you even doing in the library anyway?” He whisper shouted back.

“I uh-I come here to study, that’s what people do in libraries dummy” I said coolly.
“No you don’t, you hate school libraries.” He said, sounding so sure as he folded his arms across his thin-tshirt clad chest and leaned back against the shelf.

“How did you kno- You know what nevermind, what are you doing here with all those girls?” Ugh it was such an elementary school kid move to deflect the attention to the other person, yet I was doing just that.

“I’m tutoring them and I was going to explain that it would much more beneficial if we all studied in a group, but I can see now that that isn’t going to work…” He trailed off, peering through the bookshelf again at the trio of girls, still bickering away.

“Oh my god, are you kidding me Ryan? You know why they’re all fighting right?” I asked, slightly disdainfully.

“…because they wanted one-on-one tutoring?” He guessed. Well at least he got half of it right.

“Yes! They all want to get you alone so that they can flirt with you and get more than just your knowledge if you let them.” I explained, practically seething with anger at how oblivious he was being. I was still so worked up about other girls being interested in Ryan.

“Why do you care so much if I offer more than just good tutoring?” He asked, emulating my disdain.

“Because you’re an important person to me and I don’t want to see you get hurt! Can’t you see that they’re just going to use you?” I ran a hand through my hair in exasperation. I don’t understand, Ryan isn’t the type to argue often and his responses are really throwing me off my game.

“My entire life I’ve encountered people who seem to just want to use me for something Ava, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m dealing with.” He said a little bitterly taking a step away.

There was a lump forming uncomfortably in my throat and it felt like I was going to choke as I opened my mouth to speak. “What, are you going to teach them all and then pick your favourite to take home with you?” I asked quietly, not making eye contact.

He paused, and for a second I panicked that I might have been right and I didn’t know what to do.

“No I couldn’t do that,” he said

My hammering heartbeat began to calm itself down as my worst fears were assuaged.

“Not when I know that the girl I was once in love with is spying on me in the library because she’s jealous.”

He proceeded to wink at me as he turned around and began to walk away with a small smirk on his face.

“Ryan I am not jealous! I–   “ I tried to whisper frantically after him, but he was too far away and I couldn’t afford to raise my voice any higher.

Then suddenly his face appeared in the gap in the bookshelf on the opposite side. “Relax Ava, it was a joke. I know you would never actually be jealous over me…” he trailed off solemnly as Melissa and the others caught sight of him.

“Ryan what took you so long? You know it’s not good to keep a woman waiting~” I heard Blondie purr as they lead him back to their table.

“Sorry ladies, I was looking for a book but it turns out the library doesn’t have it,” he said, covering up smoothly, “Now shall we begin?”

I shut my eyes and slid down the wall onto the floor. Sitting with my legs pulled to my chest I tried to cool down; I was exhausted.

My face felt flushed and hot and I knew my cheeks were as red as tomatoes. Yes I blushed. It is apparent that even bad girls can blush.

I felt heat rise to my face when he teasingly accused me of spying on him because I was jealous. BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING and I’m not proud to admit that he saw right through me.

But somehow there was something in his mind that made him think otherwise and saved my cover. It’s something that’s affecting his self-esteem and this isn’t the first time I’ve noticed it. It’s right up there with the complex I know he has with his wealth as well as with brother and being ‘second place’ among other things. But I wish he would just realise that he is that guy that girls are jealous over. I wish that he had the confidence to believe that I was definitely jealous enough to be spying on him in the library.

It would save me the great trouble (not to mention the courage required) of having to tell him myself.

I’m frustrated by the fact that I can feel myself becoming increasingly weaker to resist him every time we meet and now I think it’s time that I do something drastic.

His words 'the girl i was once in love with' echoed hauntingly in my head and made silent cracks in my heart. It was clear that I was disappearing rapidly from Ryan's mind, being replaced by other girls while I was still stuck here being left behind.

It’s going to be excruciating and I’m sure I’m going to hate myself for it, but instead of trying to avoid him like i've been doing up til now, I'll make sure we're together as much as possible.

 All so that I’ll learn the hard way, to finally move on.

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Hi everyone I am so sorry, so so so sorry for not updating sooner but my first semester of university drained me and I really needed a good break!
But I hope you liked this chapter and I'm here to tell you to PREPARE FOR MORE!
Look forward to the next chapter where some NEW (and very interesting) characters are introduced ;)

As always, comment and vote if you like the story so far!
Cerise xx :)