Ryan’s POV

Without even turning around I knew that Ava had arrived.

She was back.

People were scrambling out of the way left right and centre as I heard loud, angry stomps coming down the hallway.

My heart involuntarily started beating faster. Stop, remember what you promised yourself? You can’t keep doing this anymore. Act like you don’t care.

During the whole time Ava had been sick, I’d picked up and put down my phone a million times, contemplating whether or not I should call her or even just text her. Ava never gets sick. She made me so worried, I was going out of my mind.

I felt ridiculous dressing like this, it wasn’t really me but at the same time I wasn’t entirely opposed to how different it made me feel, and maybe different wasn’t always a bad thing. I felt…pretty confident actually.

I wondered if Ava had seen the ad, or even the photoshoot pictures I did for Ana. She assured me they would only be broadcast on a small scale; maybe on fashion tv or in a magazine or two. It was mortifying for me to have to do some of those poses, and luckily I had my back to the camera in the worst of them.

I couldn’t do it at first, I was so stiff and I didn’t know how to put my arms around the girl I was modelling with without feeling like I was being disrespectful to her. I could tell the photographer was getting a little annoyed when Ana came over to talk to me.

“Don’t worry Ryan, you’re not actually a model so nobody expects you to know how to pose like an expert!”

“I just feel so…awkward about it.”

“Because of Jenna (the girl model)? She’s used to it, the thing is that you have to stop taking it personally. Imagine that you aren’t yourself, that you’re just a model and this is your job.”

“I don’t think I can do that without looking like a robot…”

Anastasia paused for a minute, thinking hard before her face beamed with a moment of epiphany.

“Alright darling if you can’t take it impersonally, think very VERY personally; I want you to imagine that it’s Ava you’re holding in your arms, that whenever the shutter goes off, she’s watching you. How do you want her to look at you? And more importantly, how would you feel if she looked at you that way? Show the camera that.”

When I closed my eyes all I could see was Ava biting her lip, looking at me with those eyes, beckoning me to come closer…

And then it was like a switch had flipped and everything felt so natural.

Ana couldn’t pay me since I was technically doing her a favour and I technically didn’t belong to any modelling agency, but she insisted that she would compensate by giving me all the clothes in her A.R.C Pour Homme collection.

“Darling, from now on don’t wear anything else and I guarantee you that the ladies will be falling at your feet.” She said.

When I first walked into school like this a few days ago, I noticed a couple girls staring so maybe that was a good sign…but then they started giggling so maybe not.

The second day, when I decided to drive my Porche to school instead of my trusty Mercedes, there were more than just ‘a couple’ of girls, it was more like a couple of groups of girls. But that’s the thing, once people find out you have money, they start noticing you when they didn’t really give a damn before.

By the third day girls were starting to follow me around and neither Rose nor Alyssa or Kim could walk or talk to me without getting lost in the crowd.

Ana was right, there were girls falling at my feet. But I knew that they only cared about what I looked like, not who I actually was.

And really, I only wanted one girl in particular falling into my arms.

Leaning casually with my back against my locker I tried to calm down and look unperturbed as I watched a raging mad Ava walking over here, hot as ever in a cropped leather jacket and short shorts. 

Really short shorts.

I gulped and chanted in my head “Don’t stare. Don’t stare. Don’t act like you care.”

But my eyes betrayed me and my gaze travelled up her long, smooth, tanned legs. I couldn’t help it, images of those slender legs wrapped tight around my naked waist as my hands ran up and down her bare thighs filled my mind…

This is bad. By trying not to care about her, all that did was make it easier for me to fantasise about her inappropriately.

*SLAM* I quickly snapped out of it as she slammed her locker open, 3 doors down from mine.

“What’s up with you?” I asked, trying to sound detached. But she just looked at me and groaned in what seemed to be irritation.

Waves of embarrassment and discomfort rushed through me and just like that, the confidence I’d been building up just came crashing down. I guess my new look wasn’t up to her standards. I’d even styled my hair extra carefully today, but from the way her eyebrows scrunched together I probably looked ridiculous.

I think a lot of girls don’t realise just how self-conscious guys can be. It’s like they think just because we’re guys we don’t care about what other people think of us, but we do. Especially when it comes to girls we like.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Did I do something wrong?” I asked, trying to mask my uncertainty. I didn’t know how far to push this; her eyes were darkening like she was angry, but I had no idea why and I didn’t like entertaining the thought that maybe I was the reason.

“Not you in particular, but everything and everyone is grating on my nerves today…” she said, mumbling the last part as she glared at a couple of freshmen who were staring at her, probably out of jealousy.

I chuckled inwardly as they scurried away when the bell went; they had nothing on my girl.

Shit I have to stop doing that. She’s not my girl and she probably never will be.

She made that abundantly clear.

Ava stormed ahead of me towards Pre-calc, clearly still mad about something. I knew better than to cramp her space, so I kept a small distance behind her.

She slammed her books onto the table making everyone jump at the impact, and in the process she knocked over her chair as well, but I don’t know if that was on purpose or not.  I felt my heart constrict as she stood in silence with her eyes shut and her hands in fists. I was struggling to fight the urge to come up behind her and take those fists into my hands, coaxing them out of their tight grip.

But instead I silently picked up her chair, laid out her books and took a seat at the desk next to her, pulling out a strawberry lollipop from my bag in the hopes that it would make her day a little bit sweeter.  When she opened her eyes again I saw them widen a little as she assessed the new arrangement and my heart was pounding against my ribcage when she finally noticed the candy in my hand.

She looked at me and her face softened, it was almost like she could see past this charade I was putting on, with her piercing tawny-green eyes.

It made me uneasy how transparent I felt whenever she looked at me, like she knew that behind all these flashy clothes and accessories I could never be more than plain boring old Ryan.

Our hands brushed against each other’s momentarily as she took the lollipop and I felt a shot of electricity shoot up my arm, straight to my heart. I wondered if she felt it too, but if she did, her face didn’t give anything away.  I guess Christmas really meant nothing to her, just another casual fling.

But it wasn’t for me.

“Thanks,” she said in a soft voice, “Strawberry’s my favourite, how did you know?”

I was fighting a grin as I smiled inwardly at the very first memory I had of her in freshman year.  But I wasn’t about to tell her about it because she would think I was a stalker or something.

She was walking down the hallway with her (still) best friend Rose and they were whispering about something I couldn’t hear until they got closer to where I was standing at my locker.  From day one I’d thought that Ava was trouble and that it was best to stay away from her. According to my parents, I was to date only nice, responsible, rule-abiding girls, and since I didn’t think it was even possible for me to get a girlfriend, I didn’t really go against them.  Anyway I was busy organising and ordering the books in my locker when they passed by.

“Oh yeah, Ava I got you a strawberry lollipop from the cafeteria today coz I know they’re your favourite.” Said Rose

“HUSH!” Ava hissed, looking around them “Not so loud Rose! I’ve got a reputation to uphold and girls like me aren’t supposed to be sweet and candy loving and all that crap.”

Rose just giggled and asked “well do you want it or not?”

Ava blushed a little and whispered “of course I do, now let’s go!” and off they went.

I remember laughing to myself at how interesting this supposed ‘bad’ girl was and how exciting it felt to know a secret about her that nobody else knew. 

“I had a hunch.” I replied

“A hunch huh?” she repeated, in between sucks, “That’s weird, most people pick me for a liquorice girl, probably because of my black heart. Very funny don’t you think?”

Her eyes held a mischievous glint to them but I didn’t really hear the last part of what she said because my eyes were subconsciously drawn to her luscious peach-pink lips, brightly tinted by the candy. I felt my pants tighten as I watched her tongue twirl around and around that glossy lollipop.

It DEFINITELY wasn’t my intention when I offered it to her, but suddenly I felt flushed as my thoughts strayed away again and I couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like if that lollipop was my …

Snap out of it Ryan!  

Sensing that she was waiting for me to say something, I struggled to get my head out of the clouds and all I could say at the present moment was “Uhuh”

Thankfully she continued talking, “Just for the record, I HATE liquorice. Can’t stand the stuff!” waving her lollipop around adorably.

Seeing her so passionately professing her hate for liquorice was so cute that I burst out laughing.

“AHEM!” We turned to the front of the class where our strict teacher Mr Kirk was standing with his arms folded. “If you two lovebirds would be so kind as to stop flirting, we will begin class.”

Thoughts of Ava being mine, holding her in my arms, kissing that wicked mouth of hers, came flooding back; along with all the pain of rejection. It felt like Mr Kirk had just poured salt onto an open wound.

“Oh we’re not dating” I said quickly. I just wanted class to start as fast as possible so I could fill my head with meaningless numbers and symbols.

Ava made a joke and Mr Kirk said something about not caring about Ava’s love-life and I heard some snickering from the douche-bag jerks that Ava usually went out with. They were probably laughing about what a joke it would be if she and I were actually together.

I couldn’t help but wonder if it was all just a joke to her too.

I couldn’t look at her right now for fear of seeing something in her body language or reaction that would confirm my worst nightmare.

There was still a part of me that hoped, wished that she felt the same way about me and that there was something else keeping us apart.

You’re delusional Ryan, what else could there be? I don’t understand how she could make me feel so many things, make me care so much about her, drive me crazy, but I didn’t make her feel anything at all.

I tuned out to the rest of the class and looked out the window where a thunderstorm was brewing.

You know that saying? The one that goes if you play with fire, you’re gonna get burned

What nobody ever tells you is that you can’t help it. You keep chasing that flame no matter how many times you get burned, no matter how badly it hurts and I don’t think you can stop until there’s nothing left to burn.

I think it's time that I just moved on; I can't wait for Ava forever and if she doesn't want me, well it seems that there are a lot of other girls that suddenly do.

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Comment and vote if you like the story so far guys!

Yay part 2! Although i'm not really happy with how I wrote these chapters, i'll probably edit them later.

What do you think is going to happen now?!! Ryan is thinking about moving on, is he going to?Ava is still trying to figure out what she's feeling but if she does, will it be too late?

Stay tuned my lovely readers, there is still much to come ;)

Cerise xx :)