This chapter is dedicated to Plurbit for making my amazing new cover! I love it, it's so cool! >_<

**************************************************

God only knows, but somehow when we returned to LA, things went back to normal, well as close to normal as they ever would be.

It was hard to be around Ryan at first, but we both learnt that feigning ignorance was the best way to avoid awkwardness.
Well you know what they say, fake it til you make it.

It probably helped that our class schedules had changed over after winter break and I no longer had any classes with Ryan except one.

It almost felt like the more things seemed to change, the more they stayed the same.  Regression to the mean and whatnot.

But I still couldn't look at him without my mind taking me back to Chicago, knowing that he wanted me too.

I don't know when it happened either but sometimes Kim and Rose hung out with him without me.
It wasn't that surprising to me when he and Luke hung out but I didn't realise when my other friends had become so close with Ryan.

It made me smile though. I knew he was a good person and I was glad that my friends thought so too.
I suppose I just missed hanging out with him. We had finished our partner assignment already and I had no more excuses to see him out of school. I can't believe that we've gone back to the point where I need to have an excuse to hang out with him. As a 'friend' he was probably my best guy friend and I missed just talking or laughing with him.

He seemed to be doing just fine which led me to believe that I made the right decision, and that all the regret and self-doubt I harboured was my own selfishness.

I wanted him to be happy even if it meant that I wouldn't be.

_____________________________________________________________

"Here honey, this is for you" my mom said, sliding $50 across the table"

"Uhhh thanks, I think?" I said uncertainly, as my fingers tentatively reached for the green paper.

"So when are you going shopping?" She asked,

"Shopping for what?" I said, not entirely sure what was going on.

"For dresses of course! Winter formal isn't far away right?"

Oh shit, she was right. In fact it was next week.

It made so much sense now why Alyssa had been asking me to go shopping with her because Luke refused to!

I wonder if that's where Kim and Rose took Ryan...he was too much of a gentleman to say no to carrying their bags for them.

Ok think Ava, think.

How much money do I have right now? Literally only the $50 my mom just gave me.
I would get more from work after I got paid from work this Saturday but today is Tuesday, I was going shopping with Alyssa tomorrow, I had a chemistry test on Thursday and I was also working on Friday.

I hadn't even decided whether I was going to book hair and makeup either!

"Uh yeah it's next week mom."

"I'm so excited for you, formals and proms were the best part of high school. Buy I remember it took me and my friends forever to get organised!"

"Oh yep I've got everything under control..." I told her, but that was a complete lie! I hadn't even spoken to Ryan about it since, well since Christmas.
_________________________________________________________

"Lys, you would look amazing in this one too!" I said, holding up another dress from the rack.
"Haha as much as I would like to, I can't wear 5 dresses to the formal, not when I can barely even afford one!" She laughed.

"Has anything we've seen so far caught your eye?" She asked me.

We'd been shopping for probably 2 hours now but I still hadn't seen anything I liked. Or rather, anything I liked that I could actually afford.

Ah screw it, I don't have enough time nor can I be bothered. I'll just wear my little black dress. I've worn this dress to every special occasion ever since I bought it last year, but hey it's a classic! It's that type of dress that can't be over worn no matter how many times you wear it.

I'll admit though, that I had wanted to look just a little bit prettier in front of Ryan; Just because we weren't together didn’t mean I couldn't still hope he thought I looked nice.

In truth there were nights when I lay restless in bed, wishing I had let myself be selfish so that Ryan might be lying there next to me.

It's his face that appears behind my closed eyes, his touch I unknowingly yearn for. Sometimes I can actually feel his sweet lips on mine, or his long fingers tracing feathery patterns across my back. One morning I even woke up to discover that somehow during the course of the night, I had taken off my clothes off and was freezing my ass off in my underwear while I clung to a pillow that had nestled itself inbetween my legs.

And thus I often came to school feeling colder than usual thanks to my early morning cold showers.

“What about this one?” Alyssa asked cheekily, holding up an offensive looking hot pink mini-dress with a million cut outs in it.

“Lys I would rather go to the formal in my underwear than wear that thing!” I laughed.

“I’m sure there’d be some people who wouldn’t mind that,” she joked.

“Hmm well they can look but they’ll never be able to touch” I winked at her.

And we headed off to yet another store, laughing as we went.

____________________________________________________________

Well this was it. Pre-calc; now the only class I had with Ryan and unfortunately the most BORING.

"Hi." He said as he took his seat next to me.
"Hi." I replied,
"How have things been?" He asked.
Shit without you "Oh you know, same old same old. What about you?"
" Same" He said.

But nothing felt 'the same' at all

"So, um winter formal is next week" I said, trying to make conversation.
"Yeah, I’m your date remember?” He laughed. And there was that eye crinkling, adorable, dimpled smile I missed so much.

“That and how could I forget when the pungent aroma of spray tan assaults my nostrils every time I walk through the hallways" he joked.

"Haha don't even get me started on 'the hunger games' that have been going on at the mall for weeks!" I added.

I can't remember the last time we laughed like this together, it felt warm.

"Hey I don't know if this is an actual thing, but are guys supposed to match their ties with their date's dresses?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

Err, usually only couples did that.
"Don't worry, I don't even really have a dress yet so I guess you can wear whatever colour tie you want!" I told him, playing it off.

"Wait, you don't have a dress yet?" He repeated.

I nodded, "I just haven't had the time to go shopping, but don't worry I've got this black dress I wore last year which I'm sure no one will remember if I wear again."

“Isn't there some kind of weird girl rule that you can't wear the same outfit to twice or your reputation will be torn to shreds?" He asked, unsurely.

"Ryan have you been watching mean girls or something?” I laughed, “Yeah some girls will definitely judge me but I don't really give a f*** about them so who cares?"

He looked vacantly into the distance for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing together adorably, creating a little 'v' between his eyes.

Then all of a sudden he smiled so brightly at me that I could practically see the light bulb light up above his head.

“Are you free after school today?” He asked hopefully.
Thank god it was Thursday and I actually WAS free. “Yeah, why?”

“Great! Do you want to go shopping with me then?”
“Ha! You actually want to go shopping with me? Don’t waste your free time Cookie, I’m sure you have better things to do than look for dresses.” Although I was secretly happy that we were now back at the stage that he wanted to hang out together.

“Trust me on this one.” He said reassuringly.

He was making it really hard to say no.
So I let myself be just a little selfish. “Ok.”
________________________________________________________________

Ryan’s POV

I couldn’t stand the thought of anyone criticising Ava for being unapologetically herself, especially when that was what I loved about her. But where do you draw the line at how far you would go to make the girl you like happy? Simple; there is no line.

I wanted every girl in the room to look at Ava and wish they were her.

And if my genius idea actually works, I hoped I could at least make her smile.

Wish I could say that would be enough for me, but for now it’s the next best thing.

You know I’m getting so tired of ‘not giving up,’ after I almost gave up. But what more can I do?

__________________________________________________________

Ava’s POV

I waited outside for him to pick me up at my house at 5:00. Sitting on my front porch I held a drowsy Poptart in my lap as I wondered why Ryan wanted to go shopping with me. I mean, I knew he kind of liked me but even guys that would say they were completely in love with their girlfriends, avoided shopping malls like the plague.

Suddenly a shiny black Porche Carrera pulled up in my driveway. This wasn’t the familiar old Mercedes I was used to seeing?  The convertible top slowly retracted to reveal Ryan in the driver’s seat.
He grinned at me and said “Get in loser, we’re going shopping.”

Oh my god. He actually has seen Mean Girls!

“Where are we going?” I asked, slightly in awe of the shiny-ness of his car as I got in and tried not to ruin anything.
“It’s a secret” He winked at me. I nearly swooned. He looked so excited, and that made me suspicious.

“Errr, isn’t the mall in the opposite direction,” I said as we drove straight past the turn we should have taken.
“We’re not going to the mall.”
“Cookie are you kidnapping me?!” Not that I would mind...
“Yes Ava I’m kidnapping you to take you shopping for formal dresses.” He said sarcastically.
“Woah ok Mr, since when did you become so sassy?”
“You must have rubbed off on me,” He said, shrugging his shoulders
My lips formed an ‘o’ as I stared at him in shock, my eyebrows raised to the did-you-actually-just-say-what-I-think-you-said level.

He took one look at my face and burst out laughing, not even stopping when I punched him in the arm.
“Wherever you’re taking me better be worth it…” I grumbled, crossing my arms and slumping in my seat as I stared out the window.

“It will be, I promise.” He said, still chuckling softly.

I could feel him smiling as he gazed at me, and I didn’t dare turn around to look at him for the hyper-sense of awareness I felt that threatened to make me blush.

_________________________________________________________

Ryan hadn’t been joking when he promised that agreeing to go shopping with him would be worthwhile. I became alert as soon as I saw the Beverly hills street sign, and then bolted upright as he turned into Rodeo Drive.

“Rodeo Drive Ryan?! You have got to be kidding me!” My eyes were as wide as saucers as mixture of excitement and shock flooded my senses.

“Nope, not kidding” He replied as he pulled into a parking spot. Getting out of the car, he appeared at my door in a few strides, opened it, and offered me his hand.

I couldn’t help but smile at how polite he was, “Always the gentleman,” I commented, daintily taking his hand. What sort of boy, in this day and age, had manners let alone knew how to treat girls like they were royalty? Ryan Haywood that’s who.

“I do try milady.” He replied, bringing my hand to his lips. And I felt my cheeks blush as his soft lips placed a warm, feather-light kiss just above my knuckles.

I don’t remember ever being one to blush so easily; maybe because I’ve never been treated like a lady before? That, and probably because it was simply Ryan.

Turning away before he could see my profusely pink cheeks, I didn’t fail to notice how Ryan’s Porche fit right in with the other fancy sports cars parked along the kerb. I forget sometimes that places like these are essentially his backyard. His humbleness and down to earth nature make it so easy to forget that he is actually part of the 90210 crowd.

“Shall we go?” He asked, still holding my hand in his.

“Where to?” I asked back, clueless as to where he was taking me, and also how he might think that I could even afford a pair of socks from one of these stores.

“It’s a secret.” He said, letting my hand go and raising a finger to his lips.

“So many secrets Cookie, I’m starting to think you’re a spy or something.” I laughed, quirking an eyebrow at him.

He looked around suspiciously before coming in real close and whispering in my ear “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

He started to walk ahead of me while I struggled to get the goosebumps on the back of my neck under control.

I hadn’t been in such intimate proximity with him for so long now that his actions just then sent everything into over-drive. It had just been a joke, but it was too close, too soon, I hadn’t prepared myself for the impact, and now I was recovering from a powerful aftershock.

“Are you coming?” He called out.

“Yeah, just a sec.” I said, jogging to catch up with him while I tried to rewire my brain.

After passing a dozen fancy shops with brand names that most people could only dream of owning, we stopped in front of a smaller sized one that in fact, had no sign.

But it didn’t need one, not when the dresses that graced the shop windows were that magnificent.

Dresses of every colour and design, detailed lace, beading, draping, silk, chiffon, organza and the list goes on. I could have stood there gaping all day.

“Ryan what is this place?” I asked, awestruck.

“This is where we’re going to get your dress,” He replied.

“Cookie this place is amazing but there is no way that I can afford any of these dresses!” I said, gesturing to the entire store.

“Imagine if you could though! Don’t you want to go inside?” he countered.

I looked into the shop window again, it was like the mannequins were beckoning me to come inside.

“…looking couldn’t hurt right?” I smiled sheepishly.

Stepping inside that shop felt like I was stepping into another world. Everything was so lavish and luxurious and…impeccable that I felt it was being dirtied just by me being there.

“Hi there, how can I help you?” A sophisticated sales girl (that looked like an actual model with her hair neatly tied back and her sleek little black dress) asked us.

“We’re here to see Anastasia, is she in today?” Ryan asked smoothly.

“Anastasia? Just a moment, she’s in her office,” The girl replied giving us a professional smile, but not before first schooling her momentarily surprised expression.

Who was this Anastasia?

Suddenly, a stunning blonde woman in her mid-twenties emerged from a door towards the back of the store and peered over at us.

Ryan gave a small wave and almost immediately the woman began walking briskly towards us, smiling widely as she came.

“Ryan darling! I never would have thought in a million years that I’d see you in this shop, oh! Could it be that you’ve changed your mind?” the woman said with a clearly British accent as she hugged him tightly.

A little too tightly for my liking. And what did she mean changed his mind ??

“Good to see you too Ana,” Ryan chuckled, completely fine with her affections.

“And who might this be?” she asked curiously, with one hand resting on his shoulder.

“This is Ava, she’s a good friend of mine. Ava meet Anastasia.” Ryan introduced us.

“A good friend ay?” She gave Ryan a strange look before smiling genuinely at me and proceeding to shake my hand profusely “Well any friend of Ryan’s is a friend of mine! Now what can I do for you? I assume you’re looking for a dress.”

“Yes, for our school’s winter formal but I don’t think that I-“ I began to say before she excitedly cut me off,

“Excellent! Come upstairs with me darling, we have the newest stock displayed up there” she grabbed my hand and pulled my up the massive staircase leaving Ryan laughing at as I flashed him a distressed look.

Upstairs, contrary to my initial beliefs, was even more spectacular than downstairs.
There was a massive glittering crystal chandelier that hung from the tall ceiling in the centre of the room.  There were velvet curtains tied to the side with tassels, revealing large boudoir-esque  fitting rooms, and a large gilded mirror that opened up the room and made all of its lavish contents, appear even more grand.

“Now Ava do you see anything you like?” Anastasia asked me

“Uhh, everything actually,” I breathed.

“hahaha I’ll tell my mother that,” She laughed earnestly.

“Your mother?” I queried.

“Yes, oh darling didn’t Ryan tell you? My mother designed all of these dresses, well not quite all I did design some myself but she rejected many of my sketches! Mariposa is my mother’s label and we’re based in the UK, but we do have a few shops in the US, like this one, that I manage.”

“Wow, all of these dresses? That’s impressive.” I marvelled, partially because there were so many different designs, and partially because it seemed like Anastasia didn’t need to breathe the way she was speaking at a million miles an hour.

“So you design too?” I asked.

“Yes I do, actually I’m currently in the process of launching my own collection with some help from Marc. My mother despises all that is not feminine or beautiful, but I delight in the excitement of hard and soft edges, my style is a little bit edgy and grunge, but I think there is something sexy about that and thankfully Marc J thinks so too.”

“Marc as in Marc Jacobs?” I looked at her in complete astonishment.

“The one and only.” She winked at me.

Just what kind of famous people did Ryan know?

“Enough about me though, when is this winter formal you speak of?” She asked,

“…it’s next week.” I winced, embarrassed that I was so unorganised.

“Oh dear,” she said, “well it’s a good thing Ryan brought you here then!”

“Anastasia everything is beautiful but in regards to price, I don’t think I-“ My breath was literally taken away as I spotted the perfect dress I didn’t even know I’d been searching for.

It was a floor length dress with a slightly flowing silhouette that draped elegantly from the mannequin, nothing dramatic or attention seeking. The fabric was an iridescent midnight blue and there were silver diamantes stitched beautifully along the waist in a branching olive wreath pattern.
It had a sweetheart neckline and was finished off by crystal filigree lace capped sleeves.
It was perfect. Annnnd I knew it would never be mine.

Maybe I could ask my boss for a raise, or borrow some money from my mom... PFFT as if.

“Do you want to try it on?” Anastasia smiled knowingly at me.

I could only nod.

She led me to the fitting rooms which were probably the size of my bedroom, and more nicely decorated too!

I slipped on the dress with ease and to my surprise, it fit me perfectly; it was like it had been made for me. I felt like a goddess as I spun around and the skirts fluttered around me beautifully, and as such, I felt even more disappointed that this fitting room would be the only place I ever wore it.

As I reluctantly began to undo the zipper and carefully peel the delicate silken fabric away from my skin, I heard Ryan and Anastasia talking outside. I couldn’t make out what they were saying over the music playing in the shop, but I did hear a squeal at one point. Geez, what kind of relationship did she actually have with Ryan?

________________________________________________________________

Ryan’s POV

­As soon as Ava stepped inside the fitting room, I quickly pulled Ana aside to speak to her about my idea.

“Ana, I need to ask you a favour.“
“Depends on what it is, but ask away” She said suspiciously.
“Is it possible for you to lend Ava that dress? Just for the formal and then she’d return it.” I asked earnestly.

“I can lend her the one on the mannequin because it’s only the display version of that dress so I can’t sell it anyway. Lucky girl, she’s the same size as that mannequin too!” She exclaimed.

“Seriously? Great! Thank you so much Ana I-“
“BUT”
“…but?” I knew there would be a catch.
“In return you have to accept my request and be one of the models for my new collection.”
“Deal.” I said without hesitation. If it would get Ava that dress, I could bear doing a photo shoot. Ana had been badgering me to model for her ever since my mom introduced us at one of Ana’s mom’s luncheon things. She said something about me being a natural but can you really imagine that? Me as a model? I would look so awkward.  Well at least she can’t say I didn’t try to warn her.

“Perfect!” she squealed. “However there’s one thing I don’t quite understand; the price of that dress is well within your budget, it would hardly be considered expensive to you, so why couldn’t you just buy it as a gift for your girlfriend?”

“…the problem is that she’s not my girlfriend.” True it would have been so much easier, but even if Ava was my girlfriend she would never accept it from me anyway without trying to pay me back.

If only she returned my feelings, that would be more valuable to me than all the money in the world.

“But you –“ she began
“I wish” I cut her off, knowing what she was going to say.

 “I see.  And there are only so many things you can do for her, even though you want to do more, because you’re only a friend to her.” She mused.

“She’s not the type of girl who would become friends with someone because of something like money either, she’s honest and independent and she…works hard to get what she wants.” I explained.

“A no shortcuts kind of girl,”

“Exactly.” I grinned, looking away a little embarrassed.

“Darling, smile just like that for the camera and all the girls and boys will be flocking to my stores to by my clothes!”
___________________________________________________________

Ava’s POV

When I came out of the fitting room, Anastasia must have gone downstairs because Ryan was waiting for me, sitting on one of the plush sofas.

“You’re looking pretty comfortable there,” I teased.

“I am comfortable,” He murmured appreciatively, taking my hand and pulling me down to sit next to him.

“Woah, no kidding, this seat is the most comfortable thing I’ve ever sat on in my life.” I said, as it felt like I was sinking into infinite softness.

We both leaned back and let the sofa swallow us up and squish us together where our weight combined in the middle.

Ryan rested his head on my shoulder, just like the cutest puppy ever, and I lay my head atop of his, relishing the way his soft hair tickled my cheek.

It was only then that I noticed the mannequin wearing my dress, was no longer wearing the dress.

“Ryan, why is that mannequin now naked when it used to be wearing a dress?” I asked, confused.

“That’s because that dress is now yours,” Anastasia replied for him as she came back up the stairs with an embossed shopping bag in her hand, “or at least until next week.” She laughed.

What?

“Ana has agreed to let you borrow the dress so you can wear it to the Winter Formal, then you can return it afterwards.” Ryan explained.

“For real?! No I can’t do that, isn’t that against store policy or something?” I asked in disbelief.

“Ava, when your family owns the business, you get to call the shots.” Anastasia winked at me.

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll ruin it or something?” I asked sceptically, trying to find the catch. There was always a catch.

“Not really a big issue, I can’t sell the display dresses anyway so whatever you do to that dress won’t cost me anymore than we spent to get it made in the first place. Besides darling, it’s only for a week and Ryan’s doing me a favour in return.” She replied, trying to reassure me.

“A favour? Ryan are you actually secretly paying for this? I can’t let you do that for me” I protested. It just wouldn’t be right, no matter how lovely the dress was.

“It’s just a favour Ava, not jail time,” He chuckled.

“And if you ask me, it’s hardly painful with all those girls there.” Anastasia added flippantly.

“All those girls?” I asked. I was so confused as I saw Ryan shot Anastasia a look to which she just shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

“I’ll explain later, but for now please just accept the dress” He pleaded

“…Ok.” I said quietly.
I didn’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve his kindness or his generosity. There’s no way it could have been easy to get Anastasia to let me borrow such a beautiful dress. And the worst part is that in stores like these, the clothes were so expensive that there aren’t even price tags on the dresses. For the people that usually shopped in places like Rodeo drive, money was no object.

But Anastasia was right, it wasn’t like he would actually buy the dress for me, I was only borrowing it.  He was just doing me a favour, like friends did friends favours.

After saying our thank you’s and goodbyes, we walked out of the store and I fell silent. It was still light outside and the weather was quite pleasant temperature-wise; a good sign that indicated Spring was just around the corner. Hah, trust our school to hold the ‘Winter’ formal right when Spring was about to begin.

“If I asked you how much that dress would have cost had I actually bought it, would you tell me?”

“No."

“If we turned back now and I asked Anastasia, would she tell me?”

“Not if she still wants me to do her a favour.”

“Are you going to tell me what that favour is?”

“Nope, but that’s partially because I’m not entirely sure myself what she’ll get me to do.”

“…drug mule?” I mumbled out loud as we kept walking.

Ryan stopped in his tracks, “what?”

“shit, did you hear that?” I asked.

“Ava I’m not- how could you- I can’t” he gave up trying after a while and just burst out laughing while I felt too embarrassed to laugh with him.

Look, in my mind it had been the only plausible explanation at the time!

“That was the first thing that came to mind! Don’t laugh at me!” I tried to defend myself.

“It’s ok, we just won’t tell everyone that you bought your formal dress on the black market, or your corsage through a drug trade.”

“Officially not talking to you.” I huffed as I got into his car and fastened my seatbelt.

“Sorry sweetheart, but you made it too easy.” He said ruffling my hair.

“HMPH” I hmphed.

I gave him the silent treatment all the way back to my house, but somehow he knew I wasn’t really mad at him at all. Well especially not after he let me have full control over the radio and allowed me to press the button that made the convertible hood go down. We even got drive thru Dairy Queen and I didn’t have to break my silence because somehow he just knew what I wanted.

Ah geez, he knew exactly how to appease me.

When we finally pulled up at my house, as always, gentleman Ryan walked me to the front door. I didn’t allow myself feel special though, because he did that for Rose and Kim and Alyssa too whenever we hung out and it was his turn to drive.

“Are you talking to me again?” He asked, smiling knowingly at me.

I smiled back reluctantly, knowing he knew he had won, and I slipped my arms around his waist, holding him to me for the first time in a long time.

“Thank you” I mumbled into his chest as I felt his arms close around me.

“What was that?” He asked, mocking me because I knew he’d heard me and because I’d been childish to him though he truly deserved only my thanks and praise.

I stood up on my toes and kissed his cheek before looking into his eyes and thanking him again.
“Thank you, for being the best friend ever today, and saving my butt yet again.”

He hugged me tighter to him just for one second before releasing me slowly, “anything for a friend like you Ava.”

Maybe it was my wishful thinking, maybe it was my selfishness, but a large part of me hoped that the melancholic bittersweet tone I thought I heard tinge his words, was real.

FRIDAY WEEK, Winter Formal, 7:00pm
Ava’s house

“Mom I think you’ve taken enough pictures! There’s still Prom left you know?” I told my mom who kept taking pictures of me while I was desperately trying to finish getting ready.

“Honey this is your senior year and I am your mother, I have the RIGHT to take as many pictures as I want, especially when you’re wearing that dress!” My mom said, ignoring my protests and continuing to take even more pictures.

But even I couldn’t stop smiling at the fact that I was actually wearing the dress of my dreams.

“Smile like that again, that was perfect!” Said my mom, moving around to get different angles, “Ryan is going to love you when he sees you like this.”

It was only a figure of speech, but it still made my heart thump. But it wasn’t the good kind of thumping, it was the suddenly-I’m-actually-nervous kind.

As his ‘friend’ only, should I really be this hopeful that he would think I was pretty? Probably not but apparently logic goes out the window when it comes to Ryan.

Ding Dong went our doorbell.

“Oh, the girls are here.” Said my mom excitedly. There isn’t much that gets my mom worked up, but formals, Prom, homecoming, anything like that always gives her this extra sparkle in her eyes.

‘High school is the best time of your life, so don’t waste your time while you’re still a teenager.’ She once told me.

We’d decided that girls and guys would go to the venue separately and we would meet up there.

Except for Kim, her date would be coming with us.
Kim’s boyfriend Raleigh is actually a year older than us, and he felt so bad that he couldn’t fly over to visit during Christmas, he was coming over now and he promised he would come again for Prom. Needless to say, Kim was over the moon and I for one was happy for her. Long distance relationships were really hard.

I felt that almost unpleasant feeling of adrenalin coursing through my veins as we pulled into the parking lot. I was really excited to see Ryan, I couldn’t deny that any more than I could control my erratic heartbeat. But at the same time I was nervous; although I survived the last 2 months, it was really hard for me to be alone, in intimate proximity with Ryan for a long period of time. Because when there was no talking and no music, what was left? All the things left unsaid between us, begging to be spoken, threatening to spill out.

Being near him clouded my judgement. And it’s not only that some things are better left unsaid, it’s also how do you even begin to say the things that are so hard for you to say?
Especially when you want to run and hide, but force yourself to stay.

_______________________________________________________________

Ryan’s POV

Ava always takes my breath away, but tonight when she appeared at the top of the staircase, the glittering lights of the ballroom caught by the crystals on her dress literally making her sparkle, my heart stopped.

I know it sounds cheesy, but the moment I saw her, time seemed to go in slow motion as I watched her walk down the steps towards me.  And I couldn’t believe that she spotted me out of everyone in the crowd, or that she was smiling at me like I was the only person in the room she was looking at, or that I wasn’t dreaming when she was standing right in front of me.

“Ryan, earth to Ryan?” she called, waving her hand in my face to break me out of the daze I was in.

Ok, not dreaming.  Snap out of it Ryan, she probably thinks you look like an idiot now.

“Ava” I began to say. It was almost all I could say; she was so irrevocably–  so irresistibly ‘her’, and in that moment that’s all that seemed to matter.
“Yes?” She looked at me expectantly.
“You look…” I struggled to come up with one single word to describe how unbelievably beautiful she looked to me right now.

“Gorgeous right?” Said Kim poking her head over Ava’s shoulder as she put her arm around her.

“Naww thanks Kim, you look magnificent as always” Ava laughed, turning to give her friend a hug.

And while she couldn’t see our faces, Kim winked at me and I mouthed a silent thank you to her.

Why of all nights did my mind choose to go blank and reduce me to an incompetent fool!

________________________________________________________________

Ava’s POV

There was no other way to describe him; Ryan looked as effortlessly suave, sophisticated and sexy as James Bond himself, in his perfectly tailored Ermenegildo Zegna tux.

Boys, let me tell you that a well-tailored suit to a woman, is the equivalent to the sexiest lingerie you can imagine.

It was a continuous mental battle to stop myself from looking over at him so often, but I took my chances whenever he was distracted and wouldn’t notice me staring.

“Ava, honey, op-stay with the aring-stay.” Kim whispered tightly in my ear from where she sat on my other side. (A/N: pig latin for ‘stop’ with the ‘staring’)

“Is it that obvious?” I asked worriedly.

“Well I thought I was the only one who noticed but Rose’s date just asked me if you guys were together or not because, well he told me to give you this.”

She handed me a folded napkin and when I opened it, it read:

Angel, if he doesn’t want you I’m here waiting with open arms,

I looked up to see Nate Saunders staring serenely at me from across the table.

I took a pen from my bag and wrote on the other side of the crumply paper,

You’re sweet. Thank you for the offer, but it’s complicated :(

Flashing him an apologetic look, I folded the napkin up and passed it to Kim to pass back to him.

And by the time I looked back, Ryan had turned back to the table and I really did have to stop staring.

________________________________________________________________

“Alright boys and girls, it’s that time of the night.” Our principle announced, “Yes that’s right it’s time for the slow dance! So grab your partner and head on over to the dance floor.”

This was it, this was what I had been both dreading and anticipating all night.

The band began to play the opening chords of this really old song from the 50’s called The Nearness of You, and couples began to sway together, lost in the bliss of being in each other’s arms.

I felt someone tap my shoulder gently and I turned around to see Ryan bow low and extend his hand to me.

“May I have this dance?” He asked.

I’m glad the lights in the room had dimmed, because I couldn’t stop myself from blushing at his noble gesture.

“You may.” I smiled shyly, accepting his warm hand. When did I become so shy?

Like the tide being pulled back to sea, he drew me close, his arm cradling the small of my back as I placed my own over his shoulder.

I stared at our hands joined together as we began to sway and marvelled at the way my hand looked and felt like it fit perfectly in his.

As the song played on, we were dancing as far apart as friends were supposed to be. But somehow, gradually, subconsciously, the space between us got smaller and smaller. Like a bee being drawn to honey, like a moth to a flame, it was impossible not to move closer to the thing…to the person that you wanted the most.

I wound my arms around his neck, and at once, his own wrapped themselves tightly around my waist.

I had to stop myself from sighing as I melted into him.

“Ryan, can I tell you something selfish?” I asked.

“I’m all ears,” he replied.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered into his ear.

His clean shaven jaw brushed softly against my cheek and his chin bumped gently into mine as we both tried to look at each other at the same time.

I felt the soft rumbles of laughter vibrate through his body as I pulled away a little and laughed along with him at our awkward impasse.

Gazing up at Ryan who smiled bashfully at the floor, I felt so serene and secure in his strong arms.

“Thanks. You don’t know how happy that makes me.” He said, lifting his head to look me straight in the eyes, and melt my heart.

I sighed and rested my head comfortably on his shoulder as I slipped my arms underneath his and held him to me.

I just wanted him to pick me up and carry me away. Don’t let me go, please don’t let this moment end.

‘HEY! Ava you can’t get too comfortable he’s not yours, remember?’ I reminded myself harshly.

He was doing it again; filling my senses so completely and clouding my judgement.

The second slow dance song began to play, but all of a sudden I was yanked brutally out of Ryan’s arms.

Tanner. Not again!  I groaned internally.

“THE F*** ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM?” he yelled, rage in his eyes as he gripped my arm.

“Let go of her,” Ryan commanded steely, trying to guide me away.

“OH I SEE HOW IT IS, YOU REJECT THE TANNERNATOR FOR 4-EYES OVER HERE” He continued to shout, shoving Ryan backwards.

“You think you’re better than me huh Haywood?” Shove.

 “Tone it down Tanner! ” I yelled, trying to get between them to stop things before they escalated.

“I hope you know she just asked you out of pity right punk?” Shove.

I looked worriedly to Ryan, his expression was stern and unreadable.  I couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Isn’t that right you little nerd?”  Tanner shoved him again, this time into one of the tables.

“What the F*** do you think you’re doing Tanner! Stop it! Stop being a spoiled brat!” I commanded him as the couples on the dance floor separated and backed away like a school of fish around a shark.

Tanner ignored me, pushing me out of the way as I looked around and pleaded with my eyes for some of the other jocks who were just standing around to help me restrain him before someone got hurt. That ‘someone’ being Ryan.

Ryan was backed up against the table with his arms up in a defensive fighting pose as he prepared to dodge Tanner’s impending attack.

Some of the other guys began to take their jackets off and move towards the scene to pull Tanner off Ryan, but they weren’t fast enough.

Tanner gripped Ryan by his collar and I saw his hand form a fist as his arm pulled back, ready to launch.

Without thinking I quickly tried to yank his arm away before he could release his punch, but Tanner redirected his target, turning around probably thinking I was another guy trying to stop him, and his fist flew right at me.

Swerving just in time, he narrowly missed my head and only caught my shoulder joint.

BUT IT STILL F****** HURT.

There was a loud unanimous gasp from the crowd of onlookers as I clasped my shoulder to ease the pain.

I moved my arm gingerly and rotated my shoulder to check for dislocation or a broken bone, but thank god; I’m relieved that it’ll only be a bad bruise, nothing more serious.

 I saw Tanner back away from me in guilt, shock and fear. I knew it had been an accident, but better me than Ryan.

Everything happened so fast after that. Someone spun him around as fast as lightning and the next thing I heard was the cringe-worthy THWACK of a bone crunching knuckle sandwich.

He stumbled as he brought his hands to his face, covering his bleeding, broken nose.

Who punched him? Who was the one standing there lividly, exuding power with his back to me, hands still clenched into fists, taut angry shoulders rising and falling as he breathed heavily? As he slowly raised his head, I saw exactly who it was.

Ryan. And he was fuming mad.

I’ve never seen him look so murderous, so dark and dangerous; this was not like him, I never knew he had this side to him.

And despite the severity of the situation, the fire I’d never seen before in his usually calm blue eyes, sent shivers of exhilaration coursing through my body, igniting a slow burn.

Now it was his turn to grab Tanner by the collar, bringing his bloody face close.

“Don’t you EVER lay a F****** finger on mygirl again or I’ll break more than just your nose next time!” He snarled.

And just like that, the slow burn turned into a roaring blaze.

There was just something so sensual, so irresistibly sexy about goody two-shoes suddenly swearing and acting all possessive, like a puppy that turned into a wolf.

But what made me feel almost unbearably turned on, was the fact that he did it for me.
And when he said “my girl,” my heart thudded hard and I felt a wave of desire rush over me. 

Tanner’s jock friends pulled them apart and dragged him away before he could retaliate.
That left Ryan who just stood there, looking conflicted at his bloodied fist.

People began to fill in the gaps on the dance floor, and within a few seconds, it was as if the whole incident had never happened at all.

I didn’t know how to approach this dark person. “Ryan,“ I called out from behind him,

 “Ava!,” he said worriedly turning around. His face had softened back to normal with concern plaguing his expression.

“Sweetheart are you ok? How bad did he hurt you?” He asked, hovering around me.
“It’s ok, he only got my shoulder and it’s sore, but it’ll only be a bruise. “I tried to calm him down. “It’s not like I’m going to faint and I need someone to carry me outside” I joked.

“Well I’m not taking any chances,” He muttered, swooping me up effortlessly all of a sudden, and carrying me princess style through the room to the exit.

He was still high on adrenalin; I could feel it thrumming throughout his body as he held on to me tightly and carried me outside to the flat garden benches, just behind the tall hedges in the scenic garden. 

Putting me down, he straddled one of the narrow benches and I sat down right next to him.

This was still dark Ryan; he looked stressed out, restless, his features were hard and cold. I could tell by the little v between his creased brows and the way that his dilated eyes darted, avoiding eye contact with me even when I moved closer to see if he was ok.

“Ryan are you Ok-“ I began to ask, but  the second my hand touched his cheek, his hand clasped around it firmly and I was interrupted by his lips swiftly capturing mine.

I try to speak and push him away in protest, but the waves of pleasure washing over me placated any mumbles of objection turned them into moans of approval. His lips were like water and I was a castaway that had been in the desert. I felt myself being pulled into a long-searched for oasis when he deepened the kiss.  So when he broke away I all but whimpered in complaint.

Just like in fairy tales, it seemed a kiss broke the spell Ryan was under. His sudden boldness, his dangerous sensuality, had disappeared.

“Crap, Ava I’m sorry I just forced myself on you” He apologised, pushing himself away from me, “I was just so worried when Tanner hurt you, even if it was by accident and it was like something snapped inside of my brain and then punched him like it was a reflex. I didn’t mean to break his nose but actually it felt pretty good and I’m sorry I called you my girl even though I know that you just want to stay friends, I felt really shaken up and I just needed to know convince myself you were fine and I couldn’t stop myself before I kissed you.”

“Breathe Ryan, breathe.” I soothed, “it’s alright, it was a traumatic experience for all of us and I know you just wanted to make sure I was ok-“

But I was once again interrupted by a blushing and rambling Ryan;

“But I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that, I I didn’t even ask you and-“

‘What was that quote again? A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous’, I thought as I crushed my lips to his, cutting him off.  I could sense his shock and I was about to pull away; this kiss was only supposed to shut him up, but when his lips started moving against mine, all rational thought was clouded and the only thing I could think about was kissing him.

All of a sudden, like pricking my finger on a needle, I remembered that we shouldn’t be doing this, that I was just going to end up being a big mistake in Ryan’s life once he realised that he wouldn’t want me in the long run. I couldn’t keep confusing him, interfering with his life, I had to stop. With all the strength I could muster up, I pulled away.

But even then, our lips had barely parted.

“…we can’t do this” I breathed, but I couldn’t bring myself to push him away just yet.

His eyes glanced down at my lips, and almost defiantly his face moved a fraction of an inch forward, his lips brushed against mine ever so softly and my resolve unravelled once more.

My hands gripped the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer to me while his own were wound around my waist. In a moment of pure need I surrendered to his searching lips. I felt myself becoming more and more lightheaded as the kiss became more potent, more urgent, making me want more…NO! I wasn’t allowed to want more.

Mentally slapping myself I pulled away quickly and covered his mouth with my hand, only to see the crestfallen look on Ryan’s face.

“We can’t.” I said, hoping I sounded resolute.

Ryan got up from the bench and took a deep breath, running a hand over his face.

“Let’s go, I’ll take you home.” He said, resignedly, “it won’t be much fun for you staying here with your shoulder like that”. His cold fingertips brushed over the bruised skin on my shoulder, and I shivered.

We walked in silence back to Ryan’s car and remained so until about a block away from my house. Ryan was tense, his hands were gripping the wheel tightly and I couldn’t think of anything to say to start up a conversation; for once the silence between us was awkward. This was not the calm, easy-going Ryan I was used to. Something was brewing beneath the surface, I could feel it.

“Why Ava? Tell me why we can’t.” He asked quietly, his eyes fixed straight ahead on the road.

My heart thudded loudly as I evenly replied, “because we’re better as friends, I’m bad and I do what I want, and you’re a goody-two shoes that shouldn’t be pining after me.”

“Bullshit! Give me a real answer,” Ryan bit back. I winced when he swore; he was angry.

I hesitated, unsure of how I should continue.
In my mind the words were pouring out: Because you’re too good for me. Because I’m not the type of girl you should end up with. Because I don’t want to end up being a mistake in your life and lose you once you realise you won’t want me in the long run.

Heck, I wouldn’t want me in the long run.

“This is just the way things should be Ryan, you made a deal with me during Christmas that ‘we’ would only be for 3 days and after that we could go back to being friends.” I said.

“Ava you knew as well as I did that we could never go back to just being friends after that.” Replied Ryan bitterly, still avoiding eye contact with me.

“Well you made it seem like a one-time thing and we agreed we wouldn’t let it affect our friendship,” I said, getting angry. He couldn’t just use those memories against me; Christmas was the happiest I’d been in a long time and he was about to ruin it.

“No you just don’t get it Ava!” he snapped in exasperation.

“I love you. I’m in love with you!”

His eyes wildly searched my shocked expression.

It was so strange, my chest tightened to the point of pain and it felt like my heart was going to explode; I felt like I was going to die. The intensity of my reaction overwhelmed me, I felt so many things that I didn’t know what I felt at all. I was paralysed.

“I hoped that after those three days you might have changed your mind…” He said quietly, looking away from me as we pulled up at my house.

I opened my mouth to try and tell him something, anything, about how I felt. But no words came out. My mind was a mess; everything was so complex, so conflicted that I didn’t even know where to begin.

How do you even tell someone that you feel strongly about them, but actually have no idea what you feel at all? How do you tell them that you want them fiercely, but ensure that they never leave you, get bored, or worse; get scared away?

The only thing that I was sure of, was that I didn’t want to lose him; I needed him in my life and the only way that could happen, is if we just stayed friends.

“Please answer the question,” he pleaded. Even when he was angry he was so polite, but I could tell I was pushing it.

“We just can’t!” I exhaled in exasperation, getting out of the car before things got any more complicated.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, but I could see his knuckles turning white as he clenched the steering wheel with a vice-like grip.

“Alright, fine. But let me know when you actually trust me enough to tell me the truth Ava.” He said darkly, and then sped off into the night, far far away from me.

“F***!” I swore out loud, scaring some birds in a tree,

He loves me.

*********************************************************
Comment and vote if you like the story so far!

Tell me what you think is going to happen next! I'll be interested to know what you guys are thinking :D

Cerise xx