Weeks passed and true to his word, Ryan acted like nothing had ever happened at the party. I felt both relieved that I didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of the fact that he rejected me, but also depressed by the fact that he didn’t feel anything at all.

He f*****’ put me in the friendzone.

Let me tell you, I have NEVER been exiled to the friendzone before and I have a newfound empathy for anyone who has ever been here.

I feel so…powerless.  What am I supposed to do here? Wallow around and wait for nothing? I don’t think so.

Having absolutely no experience with this situation in the past, naturally I googled it.

How to stop being a pathetic little f***

Ok that was a bit too harsh,

How to stop being hung up on someone.

There, that was better.

I scrolled down the website and scoffed at some of the suggestions, mainly because Ryan and I were never actually together.

But I came across a couple that actually seemed reasonable.

Get up and exercise or find something to distract yourself that makes you happy.
Easy. I’ll just go to the dance studio after school instead of hanging out. I still had to meet up with Ryan one more time to put the final parts of our joint essay together, but I’ll probably make up some excuse and just do my part by myself.

Write a list of all the reasons why you shouldn’t be together. This might hurt, but it’s for the best.
1. He’s not the type of boy to go for the ‘bad’ girl that doesn’t always follow the rules.

2. I’m not the girl that guys want in the long run, I’m the girl they have fun with before settling down with a ‘good’ girl.

3. We get along so well as friends. It’s better if we keep things simple, because I wouldn’t want to lose his friendship if our relationship went sour.

4. I can’t keep waiting. It’s not in my nature.

5. I can’t even tell if this is love or just infatuation. And that is dangerous territory I don’t think I’m ready to venture into.

…geez they weren’t kidding when they said ‘this might hurt’.

Start seeing someone else. There might be a really cute guy in your life that you’re overlooking.
Who else was there? Were there guys I was overlooking?

_______________________________________________________________________

I kept my eyes open and on the lookout for any guys that piqued my interest all throughout the day.  I kept telling myself over and over ‘Remember Ava, you don’t want a relationship, you want a distraction. You know what works and distractions have never gotten you hurt in the past.’

Nope, not him.
Not that guy with the pants about to fall off either
Those piercings are gross, what even is that? A cow ring in his nose?
Hmm he’s hot but dumb as f***
That dyed hair is not doing it for me.
Ohh that guy with the glasses and sweater is cute.
That blondie over there looks sweet.
Pretty blue eyes over there just caught me staring, haha now he’s blushing adorably after I winked at him.

HANG ON. Oh F*** I was subconsciously searching for Ryan lookalikes.
Since when did my taste in guys change so drastically?!

“Hey Ava,” a voiced called out from behind me.
“Oh, hey Grayson, what’s up?” I said. (A/N: If you don’t remember Grayson, refer back to chapter 3, but basically he is one of Ava’s exes)
“I see you’re on the lookout again.” He winked,
“Shut up,” I said rolling my eyes and slamming my locker door shut, “What, are you watching me?” I joked.
“Actually yes I am. What boy could tear his eyes away from you?” He said smirking at me.
“Ok not the answer I was expecting, and I’m flattered but cut the crap Gray, do you need something from me? Because if not, I’ve got to get to class.” I said frankly.
“Ouch, “He said, jokingly holding his hand to his heart, “But yes I did want something. You know me so well Ava!”
“What is it?” I asked, starting to lose my patience.
“A second chance at us.” He said seriously.
I froze. “Are you kidding me? I thought we already went through all of this before.”
“Woah calm down Ave, I’m just messing with you.” He said defensively. See I hated that part of Grayson, I couldn’t tell when he was being serious or not and I hated when he wouldn’t cut the bullshit and get straight to the point.
“But I do want one last kiss, you know, to make sure that we’ve closed the book for good and that there was no way we would work out.” He continued.
I would be lying if I said I’d never wondered what it would be like if we were still together.
“What do you say?” He asked hesitantly.
“Well I guess I’ve got nothing to lose…” I deliberated.
“Great! It’s our last, so make it a good one.” He said, placing one hand on my cheek and pulling me into one long kiss. I tried to kiss him back, but it felt so wrong.  His pace did not match mine at all and his lips were rough and chapped.

We broke apart and paused in silence for a second before Grayson said “Nope, Nothing. You?”
“Nothing at all.” I agreed wholeheartedly. Ryan’s lips had felt so soft and perfect, they were heaven compared to Grayson’s. Even if he didn’t kiss me back.

“See you around Ava.” He said giving me a hug before disappearing off to class.

I waited until he was completely out of sight before wiping my mouth the back of my hand.

“What was that?” asked Kim disapprovingly, walking towards me from the other side of the hallway. Kim had never liked Grayson.

“A lapse in judgement.” I answered, before walking with her to class.

But it felt good to know that I was extremely capable of getting over boys and their confusing ways.
___________________________________________________________________________

I can’t believe it’s Christmas already.
After spending all my time throwing myself into dance, work (teaching dance to little kids) and school and studying for mid-year exams, I’ve finally managed to push Ryan out of my mind. Every day I repeated that list reasons to myself and I am convinced that we are simply better as friends.  I went through distraction after distraction before I realised that I didn’t need a boyfriend. I was content to be my own person, stronger than ever. Nothing could shake me now.

At least that’s what I thought.

Christmas Break was just around the corner and Rose had come to all of us with unbelievable news.

She told us she has an uncle in Chicago who’s a famous realtor, and that he was in charge of a huge showcase house that would be completely remodelled after the New Year.  So he invited Rose to bring some friends and stay there for a few days because it doesn’t matter if the place is trashed.

To be honest, while some of the others weren’t sure about having Christmas without their families, I was pretty excited to not be spending Christmas alone for once. My Mom always took the Christmas shifts because there was bonus pay since nobody wanted to work during this holiday season. Sure I always woke up in the morning with a present on my bed, but what is money compared to family?

Everything seemed to go smoothly, it was almost too good to be true! But I guess I shouldn’t be so sceptical and just enjoy the holiday with my friends.
We managed to find cheap flights because of some group deal even though tickets during this time of year would usually cost an arm and a leg.

Surprisingly all of our parents allowed us to go, mainly because Luke, Rose and I were already 18 and could ‘babysit’ the others as Luke put it.

We were getting a maxi taxi to the airport and I was the second last to be picked up on the way; the last being Rose. I’d packed all my bags and was running around the house trying to look for anything I might have forgotten.
But I was in such a good mood that I was singing Christmas songs, or more specifically Mariah Carey’s All I want for Christmas is you. It’s so damn catchy!

Dancing down the stairs I belted out the last lines  
I just want you for my own,
More than you could ever know,
Make my wish come true________All I want for Christmas______is

“Ryan!” I cried out in shock as he appeared, grinning at the bottom of the stairs. Oh shit.
I misjudged my footing and thanks to my stupid slippery airplane compression socks I slid and fell straight into Ryan’s strong Christmas sweater clad arms.

god how much more clichéd could this get?

“I got you.” He said reassuringly as he set me down. And I hated how after weeks of trying so hard to control my feelings, my heart rate accelerated at the warm sensation of being held by him.

What was he doing here? Kim was supposed to come in and get me!

“Geez you gave me a heart attack.” I said letting out a deep breath as he chuckled softly, “Where’s Kim?” I asked.

“Kim’s in the taxi, she said she suddenly felt car-sick and asked me to come get you since Alyssa has fallen asleep on Luke’s shoulder.” He explained.

“Oh she did, did she?” I said dubiously. Kim never gets car-sick. She boasts all the time about having a strong stomach so why was she faking it now?

Luckily I was seated next to her on the plane and there was no way she was getting out of being interrogated this time!

“Kimberley Taylor you have a lot of explaining to do.” I said menacingly.
“oh you know what I’d love to explain whatever it is you want me to explain but *YAWN* I’m just so tired I think I’m gonna take a nap–“ She said, putting on a sleeping mask.
“Not so fast,” I said, pulling the mask away.
“Well missy I think we should think about who needs to do the explaining here. What have you been doing for the past 2 weeks? You’ve gone through 3 new boys, you didn’t hang out with us at lunch and none of us really know what’s going on with you!” she protested.

 I stared at her blankly, genuinely at a loss for words. In the midst of trying to ‘distract’ myself, I completely forgot about my friends.

“Kim…I’m sorry. I’ve been an incredibly selfish and ignorant friend and I’ve only focused on myself. Can you ever forgive me?” I apologised as sincerely as possible.

She paused for a few seconds and looked at me coldly, making my heart sink. But the next thing I saw was a twitch at the corner of her lips as they broke into a smile and she pulled me into a hug. Or as much of a hug as airplane seatbelts will allow.

“Come here babydoll, you know I could never stay mad at you. But we were all just worried, especially Ryan.” She said.

“Um about that… I’ll explain everything.” I said, preparing myself to tell her the whole story.

Kim sat in silence, for the longest period I have ever known her to be quiet, while she listened to me tell her about what happened at the party and how I felt about Ryan.

“What?! He didn’t kiss you back?!” She practically shouted.

“Kim! Shut up! Do you want the whole plane to know?” I whisper-shouted. Ryan was only a few rows away and thank god I saw that he had headphones in his ears when I looked over.

“But that doesn’t make any sense…” She mumbled quietly to herself before turning back to me.

“Are you sure he wasn’t just___I don’t know, in shock? Like maybe he was scared or had no idea what to do.”

“Kim I’m sure that Ryan has kissed plenty of girls before and would know what to do.” I said flatly.

“No that’s not what I meant, like it’s something he wasn’t prepared for and he didn’t know how to react.” She explained.

Something he never even thought about, something he didn’t expect. If you liked someone you’d imagine kissing them, if Ryan never thought about it then what doubt did that leave me with?

“I don’t think so, after all, when I asked him if he wanted to pretend it never happened, he just said ‘sure.’ Look, all of these things point to the fact that Ryan just doesn’t see me as more than a friend. And I’m ok with that now. I’m moving on.” I said, trying to sound optimistic towards the end.

“Yes but Ava you don’t know that Ry–“ Kim began to protest passionately, but then stopped abruptly.

“I don’t know what?” I prompted.

“Oh nothing.” She said casually, trying to cover up something.

“Kim it can’t be nothing, what is it?” I hated when people did this, if it was ‘nothing,’ then they wouldn’t say anything in the first place!

“Sugar, all I’m trying to say, “ she said after a pause, “is that everything can be seen differently from another perspective. Try stepping into someone else’s shoes once in a while.”

Then, picking up her sleeping mask again, she smiled tiredly and said “Anyway I really am tired Avey and I think I’m going to take that nap now.”

I nodded and leaned back in my chair, trying to contemplate what she just said to me.
Everything can be seen differently from another perspective…
What did she mean by that?

I tried to put myself in Kim’s shoes and I must admit I didn’t really like what I saw.

To Kim, even if she did know me well, I must’ve seemed like a whore, looking for guys to hook up with as a distraction, spending time with them instead of with my friends, heck she even saw me make the mistake of letting Grayson kiss me though she’s told me time and time again in the past that Grayson was just trouble, that there was something dishonest about him that she did not like at all.

Shit this other people’s shoes stuff was serious business.

Could I bring myself to try and see ‘me’ through Ryan’s eyes? I don’t think I’ve quite moved on enough yet to do that.

_______________________________________________________________________

When Rose told us her uncle said the house was showcase home, and that the previous owners had a thing for the grandiose, none of us expected the amazing mansion we were currently standing in front of, looking up in awe.

After the interior remodelling, this thing was estimated to go onto the market for a couple million!

Wow and as soon as we stepped into the foyer, we see two gigantic double staircases, winding their way up to the second floor. These people sure knew how to consume money like it was water.

After settling into bedrooms that each nearly spanned the length of my entire house, we headed downstairs to hear the game plan for the next few days.

With Rose being as meticulous and organised as ever, she explained that there were 3 main jobs to do; Cooking, decorating and chopping and gathering firewood. By drawing name out of a hat, the pairs would be decided.

Believe it or not, but Luke is an incredible cook, so we had no problems in letting him be our chef, which left the 5 of us to draw from the hat.

Please, please don’t let me be with Ryan

Wait why was I even thinking that? If I was over him then I should be able to stand doing a simple job with him.

“I got cooking” said Alyssa, reading the little piece of paper in her hand.
“Decorating” said Rose.
“I also got decorating” said Kim

“Great! Well then you two will be heading outside to chop some firewood.” Said Rose turning to me and Ryan.

Well I guess I got my wish.

“Relax,” Kim said to me quietly as I headed upstairs to get my coat and scarf, “If you’ve moved on, then this should be easy to get through. You won’t even be near enough to him that you have to talk to each other.”

“Yeah, it should be a piece of cake.” I agreed, feeling positive.

_________________________________________________________________________

Piece of cake my ass.

None of the jobs were going smoothly.

Luke and Alyssa were in the kitchen cooking, but while Luke is practically a chef, the extent of Alyssa’s culinary abilities is putting bread in a toaster.

“Hey Luke this isn’t spicy enough, I think we should add some hot sauce.” Alyssa suggested.
“Lys, somehow I don’t think the mashed potatoes need hot sauce.” Luke replied as patiently as he could.
“Hey Luke this tastes sweet, I think I mixed up the salt and sugar.”
“Oh my god Alyssa what have you done?!”

You’d think it’d be perfect that the artists of our group were assigned to decorating. But no.
Kim and Rose just couldn’t seem to agree on how to set everything out, especially the tree.
“We need a theme. Should we go classic red and green, or maybe red and gold? Or we could try silver and blue.” Rose suggested.
“No, just put on all of the colours, the eclectic decorations are what will really give it that good ol’ Christmas feel! Kim argued.
“…I don’t know, but whatever we do we are NOT putting tacky tinsel on that tree.”
“What are you, the Grinch? Tinsel is what MAKES the tree!”

God there was so much fussing and arguing inside that it was actually a relief to go outside.

“Wow it’s a madhouse in there.” Said Ryan whistling low.
“You’re telling me!” I laughed, more freely than I had with Ryan in ages.

“So, um, do you want to chop or should I?” He asked nervously
He looked so serious that I just couldn’t help but smile.

“You chop, I’ll gather the kindle.” I said.

“Ok then.” He said, heading over to the chopping block while I scoured the ground looking for dry twigs and sticks.

DAMN IT.  I turn away for one minute, and the next, Ryan has already chopped like 3 logs. He looked so….manly.

Even in the middle of winter in his North Face vest (he took off his adorable Christmas sweater from his Granny) I could see his muscles ripple through his thin long sleeved t- shirt as he swung the axe down hard and fast, splitting the wood.

Let me tell you I was the worst kindle gatherer ever.  I kept getting distracted; every time I heard the impact of the axe on the wood, I flinched, my eyes flicked to Ryan and watching him effortlessly pull the wood apart with his bare hands made my core clench and quiver.

I bit my lip as I unconsciously stared, distracted again. And just like that, I started thinking back to the party and what could have happened.  He unzipped his vest and wiped the sweat from his brow which just made my stupid heart skip another beat.

He turned around and almost caught me staring, but I suddenly became extremely interested in counting the sticks in my hand. CRAP, what am I even doing?  What ever happened to ‘moving on’?

“How did you get so good at doing that?” I asked.

“Chopping firewood? I did it all the time with my Grandpa on my grandparents’ farm when I was younger.” He replied

The secret meaning to my question was actually How did you get so good at making my heart race.

“Hey you two are you done getting the wood? Dinner is just about ready so come inside.” Luke called out to us as he opened the front door.

____________________________________________________________________

Dinner was delicious, even with Alyssa making things just a little harder for Luke in the kitchen!

We all decided that we should play some games after we had finished.

And what better game than Two truths, one lie.

For those who have never heard of this hilarity ensuing game, Two truths ,one lie is basically truth or dare without the coward’s option of dare, and double the fun of truth.  I say that ‘dare’ is the coward’s option, contrary to popular belief, because while it takes guts to endure an embarrassing ordeal, it takes balls to reveal something personal and private.

Well, I also say it’s the serial killer option because someone who picks ‘dare’ every single time, obviously has a lot of secrets to hide.

Anyway, the way the game goes is that everyone must present three statements about themselves. Yep you guessed it; two truthful statements, and one lie.  But no boring statements allowed, like “I like cake” or “I hate homework.” They had to be decent.

Then, the other players would take turns guessing which of the statements were true and which one was false. If you got both the truths and the lie, you would get a point. And the person with the most points win. Or so every game ever created goes.

However, to spice things up, Kim suggested we play in teams of two which meant we would have to guess the truths and the lie of our partner and vice versa in order to get points.

Geez, I wasn’t too happy about this twist in rules. You see, I’m a pretty competitive person and when it comes to games, it’s every man for themselves in my book.  Other ‘teammates’ just dragged you down.

If I sound cynical I’m not going to apologise, because I’ve been going it alone for a while now and so far it’s working well for me.
And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that when you’re on your own, there’s nobody to disappoint or let down but yourself.

We all agreed that the pairs we were in earlier would work just fine as teams, except that ‘Team Salt and Pepper’ as Luke and Alyssa had dubbed themselves, had an unfair advantage because of the fact that they were dating!

So we had ‘Team Salt and Pepper,’ ‘Team Bedazzle’ and….

“Team Axe” Ryan and I said simultaneously. Look it wasn’t very original but it sounded cooler than ‘team tree’ or ‘team wooden stump.’

About halfway through the game, we realised we weren’t getting anywhere because everyone was still saying stuff like “My favourite show is the vampire diaries, truth or lie?” (Everyone knew the answer to Alyssa’s statement.)

So I decided it was time for dessert, which happened to be my signature drink appropriately named; ‘The best damn hot chocolate you’ll ever taste.’

But basically it was just hot chocolate spiked with a splash of Kahlua and good ol’ peppermint schnapps.

Next thing you know, secrets started tumbling out left right and centre. Oh the power of a little booze.

Here is a list of the most interesting and shocking revelations:

1.       Kim was (and still is) a die-hard Backstreet Boys fan.

2.       Alyssa can’t wink, no matter how hard she tries. Seriously, she can’t.

3.       Luke would go gay for Harry Styles.

4.       Rose had a secret celebrity crush…on Captain America.

5.       Ryan Haywood, is a virgin.

Oh sweet baby Jesus. Ryan with the face of an angel and the body of a Greek god, is as virginal as the Blessed Virgin Mary.

That was enough to make me gulp down the rest of my alcoholic beverage in one go.

I got up to take my mug to the kitchen, when Kim chimed in “Hey Avey can you take mine too?”

And then proceeded to suspiciously wink at Rose, who also asked “Mine too?”  

“Fine,” I said exasperatedly, rolling my eyes in mock annoyance, but then smiling as I took their mugs.

“Moi Aussi!” Luke piped up, with a milk mustache covering his upper lip.

“Luke we know that what you said about being French is a lie!” Alyssa chided.
“Mais non, Je suis Luc avec un ‘c’. My Mom’s family is from Paris I swear!” Luke countered in terrible french, clearly less sober than his girlfriend.
“Yeah, Paris TEXAS” she shot back without missing a beat,

We all doubled over laughing at Luke’s shocked face after Alyssa wiped away his ‘mustache’ and evidently the only French thing about him.

Ryan suddenly got up and said “here I’m getting up too, I’ll take it” reaching for Luke and Alyssa’s mugs. 

“Thanks man!” Luke said enthusiastically.
“Luke! Why can’t you do it yourself? Don’t make Ryan do it!”
“Hey he offered!”

“It’s fine Alyssa, I did offer!” Ryan said laughing.

We walked over to the fancy showcase kitchen with a huge marble countertop together and put the mugs in the sink to wash later. But just as we turn around to come back to the couches by the fireside, Kim yelled “STOP RIGHT THERE YOU TWO! Look up!”

We glanced at each other, momentarily confused until we looked up and saw a sprig of mistletoe tied with a red ribbon onto the cord of the light hanging above us.

Rose was giggling like a 4 year old as she high-fived Kim. Those two…. argh I swear Kim put it there on purpose!

 “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” they chanted and slow clapped.

Was I really going to kiss Ryan again and just bring back the awful memories of rejection that I’d tried so hard to forget? No I’d go through the loophole to the Christmas tradition.

I went up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips softly against his cheek, giving him a small, brief smile as I pulled away, just to show him that I was fine about everything.

“BOOOO!” They chorused.  Obviously I must have been a little too generous with the spiking of their hot chocolates, because they sounded like one of those pre-recorded audience reaction tapes on corny tv shows.

“Kiss for real! ON THA LIPS!!”
Rose was such a light weight, remind me never to give her alcohol ever again. ARGH!  She said she had a better tolerance now, but nope; now she’s pointing enthusiastically at her pouted duck lips to emphasise her point. Kim’s no better, pulling a fish face while Luke fist pumped and Alyssa continued to boo.

I turned to face Ryan and we knew from the look on each other’s faces, that our friends were NOT going to stop until we gave them what they wanted.

“Are you ok with this?” Ryan asked, his eyes, seemingly darker than usual, searching my face for an answer.

I paused and deliberated with the voice of reasoning in my head.

I didn’t know whether I could go through with this without being shaken, but I guess if I really moved on it shouldn’t affect me, right?

“Why not,” I said casually, while I tried to calm my nerves and reassure myself that this would be nothing I couldn’t handle, “Just as frien– “ I tried to continue,  but  Ryan  interrupted me.

“Good.” He mumbled, briefly.

And I swore that in that moment, that I saw something glimmer in his eyes just before his arms wrapped themselves around my waist, and he pulled me close to him, to capture my lips in an earth shattering kiss.

My eyes widened momentarily in shock as his soft lips met mine, but they quickly flickered closed as I shivered in pleasure and became aware of the sparks shooting throughout my entire body.

My hands found their way to his chest where they rested and gently gripped the fabric of his t-shirt.

His lips moved ardently against mine, drawing me in, caressing my soul, holding me captive in his embrace. 
I wanted this moment to last forever.

It had already been longer than the usual duration of a platonic kiss and I heard the wolf whistles and cat calls coming from my friends, but they seemed miles away.  My mind was hazy with endorphins and dopamine and serotonin and all those crazy hormones, and all I cared about was then and there; kissing Ryan for as long as I could.

We broke apart finally, chests heaving as we breathed in oxygen once again. But the tension in the air around us was electric as his arms remained holding me tight and my eyes were mesmerised by his; they were like the stars, but ocean blue.

What was there to say? What should I say? Should I remain silent? I wanted to say everything and yet nothing at all.

I had no idea, yet again, what I was supposed to do. And it was terrifying.

No, I should be stronger than this! Snap out of it Ava it was just one kiss!

But thankfully I didn’t have to say anything; my tipsy friends who got me into this situation in the first place, provided much distraction, to my immense relief.

“Dayum girl, that was one hell of a kiss!” Kim called out.  You can say that again.

 Rose’s cheeks were flushed and she grinned and nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

“Hey Alyssa what’s that on your head?!” Luke exclaimed

 “What?! Oh – “Alyssa freaked out for a moment, but then rolled her eyes as she saw the piece of mistletoe that Luke was holding above their heads. 

She laughed and pecked his lips briefly, but Luke pulled her back in and their kissing began to get more heated.

“OK I’ve seen enough face-sucking for one day, GET A ROOM GUYS” said drunk Rose who, under the influence of alcohol, becomes very blunt. 

Luke picked up Alyssa Princess style and raced upstairs to the bedrooms, laughing and giggling as they went.

“… I think I’m gonna call Raleigh” Said Kim, her mood suddenly solemn. She must be missing her boyfriend who couldn’t come visit during the break. 

“And I,” said Rose, “am going to get ready for bed because I am BEAT!” slumping over a cushion on the luxurious chaise lounge she was sitting on.

“Honeybee you barely had one drop of alcohol but I think you’re wasted. Let’s go on upstairs and try to get you sober” said Kim, holding her arm out for Rose to pull herself up.

Rose headed over to the staircase (more like skipped) with Kim following leisurely behind her. But just before she disappeared around the corner, she turned towards us and asked

 “You two gonna be alright?”

“Yeah, I think we’ll just sit and talk a while and then head up” said Ryan.  We were going to sit and talk? I did not want to have to talk about what just happened. It would be all kinds of awkward and uncomfortable and…confronting.

“Sure thing babycakes. Night y’all.”  She said dimming the lights as she left.

Then there were two.

We remained silent. He leaned against the cupboards behind him and I felt his gaze on my face, even as I averted my eyes. I don’t know why it made me feel so vulnerable to keep eye contact with Ryan. I hated how…exposed I felt.

But all the same I wanted to look at him too. Just not when he could tell that I was.

In my peripheral vision I saw him turn around and grip the table, exhaling a deep breath.

A peek, just one small peek at his face was all I wanted.

But I got more than I bargained for, because the moment I found the courage to look up, Ryan turned back around. And I froze.

He glanced down for a second and I marvelled at the feathery shadow that his lashes cast upon his cheek, until his eyes flicked up to meet my unguarded gaze.  

“Ava, “he said, his voice all low and husky as he moved closer to where I sat, perched on the island countertop.

And every inch he moved towards me, was a bullet to my resolve, set my heart racing, rattled the locks I tried to clasp over the Pandora’s box of feelings I’d rather not open.

“Yes?” I breathed, trying to read his serious expression.

“Don’t try to tell me that you didn’t feel it, that you don’t feel it whenever we’re together.” He told me.

“If I recall correctly, you didn’t seem to feel it that night” I said bitterly, the memory of that sinking feeling I experienced, began to build up painfully in my chest.

I know full well that what we’re talking about, is the constant chemistry between us that built up to that explosive kiss. 

I couldn’t ignore it or deny it, but I always thought he was oblivious to the way he makes me feel.

I saw the hurt in his eyes and I immediately felt guilty.
“um, sorry that came out harsher than it was supposed to.” I apologised

“No, I’m sorry if I disappointed you,” he said, “But you’re wrong.”

What?

“You don’t know the half of it Ava but believe me, I’m making my move now,”

His face inched closer to mine and my gaze fell to his lips again.

Why would he say this to me now? Why not weeks ago? He couldn’t do this to me just when I was finally moving on.

“I waited for you for so long.” I told him.

“I didn’t know,” He replied in pained, hushed tones as he covered my hands with his on the countertop. 

“How could you not know?”

“A girl like you waiting for a guy like me? Only in my dreams”

My eyelids flutter closed as his lips brushed against mine lightly.

“We can’t…” I whispered, wanting to slap myself but trying to stay strong.
“Why not?” he asked, confusion etched onto his face.

 Because I don’t deserve you, you deserve someone better and I’m just no good at commitment.

“Is there someone else?” I saw him swallow thickly, his adam’s apple bobbed as the muscles in his throat contracted.

“No, it’s not that,” I told him. There wasn’t anyone else that stayed on my mind like Ryan did. But it wasn’t about me, this was about the fact that there was somebody else out there that would be the one to make him happy. Happy for forever, not an unknown period of time before he realised he’d made a mistake.

 “Then why?” he questioned , his lips moving languidly down the column of my throat eliciting I an involuntary moan from me as they passed over my pulse point. Curse you weak spot!

“What about you? Isn’t there some other girl?” I managed to get out, breathing heavily.

“Not since I met you,” He said quietly, not meeting my gaze as I saw my favourite blush bloom on his cheeks.  A small, bashful smile twitched at the corner of my lips as I processed his words, and my heart was beating wildly in appreciation.

I tried to speak, “Ryan, I –“, But he interrupted me,

“Just 3 days Ava, just let me have you for Christmas” he said in desperation, “If you really hate it that much we can completely forget about it, we can go back to being friends, imagine it’s a dream. I just, I just need some closure.”

 I don’t say anything. I opened my mouth to speak but I had no words.

He took my hand and placed it against his chest, right over his heart; I could feel it beating as erratically as my own.
“Push me away right now and I promise I won’t try again.” He said staring at me intensely.

 I couldn’t look away, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak.
I’ve never met anyone who could arrest me like this, and send me into internal battle, with my mind and my heart.

 3 days couldn’t hurt, right? And like he said, we could go back and pretend it never happened.  Piece of cake.

His eyes searched mine as he waited for me to say something.  I felt the seconds pass in what seemed to be an eternity. His thumb brushed over my hand and I knew he was giving me the final chance to back out, but I didn’t take it. I just couldn’t. But as to why; I have no idea.

He leaned closer and closer towards me, and pressed his lips, feather light, onto mine. 
And in that moment, I felt the heavy ropes of indecision fall away.

“Ryan” I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck as he held me tight and deepened the kiss. I never wanted him to let go.

___________________________________________________________________________

 After a solid hour of making out, the clock struck midnight and we broke apart, but our foreheads were still pressed together.

 “Cookie we have to sleep” I whispered,
“I don’t want to” he protested, his eyes closed.

I kissed the tip of his nose and slid off the counter, burying my face into his chest. He smiled, his eyes still closed, and my heart did a little flip at his adorableness.

Walking up the grand two way staircase, me on one side and Ryan on the other, we looked over to each other yet again, and raced up to the top laughing as we went.  He picked me up in his strong arms and gave me one last, lingering kiss.

“Sweet dreams” he said as we walked in opposite directions.

But what I didn’t realise, is that I was stupid enough to forget that this would all end in the next few days.

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Hey guys it's Cerise! I'm so sorry I haven't uploaded in ages and I know it's the usual excuse but I was really busy with getting organised and starting University!
This chapter was emotionally draining to write, because I really tried to capture the conflicting feelings of both Ava and Ryan.
And believe me, you're about to get sucked into a whirlwind of feels. I hope you enjoy the ride, because we're only just getting started :D