Was it just me, or did Ryan suddenly become really close with Rose?

I was so busy all last week writing my share of our joint American lit essay, working on a chemistry assignment, being back stage stage manager for the Winter Play The Taming of the Shrew, preparing for a dancing competition that was coming up soon. I guess I just didn’t notice how much they seemed to be talking recently.

And not only were they all but joint at the hip, they were chattering away in French and I couldn’t understand a word they said.

Who even does that?

My best friend and Ryan apparently.

However they weren’t the only ones acting weird; Kim couldn’t look me in the eye for more than 5 seconds, every time I tried to talk to Luke he would start babbling about the weather or homework or something.

Even my Mom seemed suspicious.
“So tell me baby girl, do you have any plans next weekend? Any ‘hot dates’? Parties?” she had asked me randomly.
“Mom what the heck, ‘hot dates’? But actually for once in my life I literally have no plans at all.”
“Oh good!”
“Good?”
“I-I mean it’s good that you’re not going out. You have to focus on your studies to have a balance in life!” She had said hastily.

Since when did my Mom start giving advice? My grades were pretty good so she never bothered with that. And when the school notified her that I had some ‘behavioural issues,’ she yelled at me for making her leave work to see the principle and then grounded me.

She left for work until late the next day, so I left for the party I never planned to miss.
The only time I have ever seen her furious, is when I came home with my first tattoo. She softened a little bit when she understood the meaning of it…until I came home with my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, umpteenth tattoo.

In any case Alyssa seemed like she was as oblivious as I was, to the strange behaviour that afflicted our friends recently.  But I decided to ask her about it since it seemed like everyone else was trying to avoid me…

__________________________________________________________________________

The number one thing I liked about dance class, was that the intensity of the routine required focus, concentration and attention. And that meant I didn’t have to think about anything at all, I could just immerse myself in dancing.

But this time, for some reason it wasn’t doing the trick. Ryan was on my mind and no matter how hard I danced, he refused to leave it.

I looked at my reflection in the long wall length mirror, panting and sweating as my hands slid down my neck according to the routine we were performing.  And then BAM all of a sudden I imagined Ryan’s hands roaming all over my body, his torso covered in glistening sweat because we’d just finished having mind blowing se–

“Ow! Hey watch where you’re going!” yelled one of the other dancers as I literally collided with them.

“Ack sorry! I was…distracted” I said, throwing them an apologetic look before I caught up with the rest of the group and took my place next to Alyssa

 “Hey Lys,” I whispered, “do you think Rose likes Ryan?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“Hmm I don’t know Ave, they’ve been talking and hanging out heaps recently so it’s definitely possible” 

5, 6, 7, 8 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 4…

“Do you think they’ll make a good couple? I mean Rose is a good girl and kind and sweet and Ryan is the exact same so they’d be perfect for each other right?”  I rambled on and I hated how ditzy I probably sounded, but both of them had been acting suspicious for so long and it was making me agitated.

I just had to know

… and left right, back back FIERCE! I want to see fire burning in your eyes people!...

“Yeah as friends who share things in common maybe, but don’t be so sure.  You know that whole clichéd opposite attract is true.”

And finish! As soon as the voice of Cara our choreographer called out for a 10 minute break, you could hear one unanimous sigh let out as our class collapsed on the floor.

“I don’t know Lys, I just have this weird feeling about them… like in the pit of my stomach.” I continued ranting.

There was also a sharp pang right in my chest every time I saw them together.

Was I…no I couldn’t be. But how else could I describe what I was feeling?

Was I jealous?

 But why?

Sure I like Ryan a lot, heck sometimes I’m so damn attracted to him that I just want to tackle him to the ground and dry hump.

But I know he deserves a nice girl like Rose.  Literally the perfect girlfriend; one that wouldn’t give him any trouble, or annoy him or might possibly have other guys on her mind. One that was sweet and polite and that you would take home to meet your parents. One that wore pink not black, didn’t swear or sit on her seat like a guy with one foot propped up on her knee under the table. A textbook girlfriend that didn’t break the rules.

“In your stomach huh? You sure it’s not just a stitch?” she teased as we caught our breath and squeezed the heck out of our water bottles.

“Don’t overthink Ava, you might be surprised at how things actually turn out.” She said, vaguely and rather philosophically.

And I get that peculiar feeling that I’ve been sensing all week with everyone, like there’s something going on that I don’t know about.

But maybe I really am just overthinking things. I guess I’ve been really stressed out recently and I haven’t had that much sleep.

I decided to take Alyssa’s advice and dismiss it. She’s acting normal, I’m the one being weird.

…

“Do you think Ryan likes Rose?” I asked after a short pause.
 “What’s with all the questions?” Alyssa laughed, squirting me with her water bottle. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she was his type, but even if he did like her, why does it even matter?”  She continued.

Yeah. Why does it f****** even matter to me?!  I have no clue, but I do know that I want to be able to look at my best friend without this poisonous feeling brewing inside me.

“Hm yeah you’re right.” I quickly agreed before she could call bullshit on my answer.  “I think I’m just nervous for Rose finally showing interest in a guy other than Darcy for the first time.”

Yeah right, I’m just conflicted about how I feel about them together.

“You’re funny” she said, lightly punching my arm.

“How are things with Luke and you?” I asked, changing the subject smoothly.

“Oh you know, same old same old. Sports, cheer, study, sex. But we haven’t gone out on a proper date in AGES... Every time we see each other, we’re either too tired to do anything or we end up doing it and then going home. I wish he was just a little more romantic…”

Images of Ryan and Rose making out flash involuntarily through my mind, and a visceral mixture of anger and jealousy formed in the pit of my stomach and made it constrict.

It shocked me.

1. The intensity of my reaction to something that I imagined i.e. it’s not even real.
2. I wondered whether I jealous that Rose was spending more time with Ryan than with me, or if it was the other way round?

Or maybe it’s because they’re both hanging out together without me.

That would make sense, her being my best friend and all and him being …a really good friend?

Could you classify us as ‘friends’?

There’s this energy between us that I can feel  whenever I’m with him.  It’s an irresistible urge to tease him, find some way to make him smile or better yet, blush.

It’s like he has me mesmerised. But you can have friends that you feel mischievous around and are simultaneously fascinated by, right?

I should just stop and take Alyssa’s advice, don’t overthink things.

Close friends it is.

Besides, I already know he doesn’t see me as any more than that anyway.  OK, Rose is my best friend, Ryan is an amazing guy, I should be happy for them.

I should, but I’m not.

_______________________________________________________________________________

For rest of the week I couldn’t help but feel even more conscious of the fact that both Rose and Ryan were definitely avoiding me. Rose would only communicate with me through text and Ryan was the first to leave the classes we had together as soon as the bell rang. It’s like they were in their own little world doing some secret inside project thing.

It’s Friday now and I’m drained. I’ve been doing mental gymnastics all week long trying to figure out what the hell is going on but I’m still so confused.  This morning I drove over to pick up Rose in my car since her own was getting repaired after she swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel and drove up onto the kerb, putting a dint in a street sign. I would have just run over the squirrel.

 She looked so excited and happy to see me, practically tackling me to the ground as she gave me a strangling hug.

“WOAH, did you win the lottery or something, what’s gotten into you?”  I asked laughing as I detangled myself from her arms.

“Oh nothing, there’s just something special on tonight.” She said winking at me with a giggle.

Way to do my head in even more Rose.

“Is Ryan going to be at this ‘something special’?” I asked casually

“Yep” came her short and blunt reply as she got into the passenger seat. I love Rose and her endearing cluelessness at times, but geez I was going crazy here; crazy with jealousy when I shouldn’t be.

Ryan isn’t mine. And I’m certain I didn’t like him enough to hurt my friend.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t not want to know what’s going on!

Were they going on a date? It had to be a date, what else could ‘something special’ mean?

“Hey are you gonna start the car? It’s freezing!” Rose exclaimed, bringing me back to reality.
“Ah yeah sorry I was just trying to remember if I left anything behind at home, but I didn’t.” I replied, putting my keys into the ignition.

 And I haven’t had a proper conversation that wasn’t “hi” or “see ya” with Ryan since last week.

 If Rose wasn’t going to tell me what was going on and I couldn’t even get 5 seconds to talk to Ryan, then I’d target the others.

Alyssa? No I wouldn’t even attempt to suss her out; she was as cool as a cucumber and had a better poker face than Lady Gaga.

Luke can be quite the gossip hound and if you get him going you’ll find out about the Basketball locker room secrets, especially if he’s drunk! As for Kim, she just can’t keep a secret. Not on purpose though, she’s one of those people who look guilty all the time and feel that constant pressure of knowing secret information. If I was persistent enough with these 2, I knew they would eventually crack.

________________________________________________________________________

Well so much for making anyone crack.

My first target had been Kim.

“Hey Kim, Kim!” I called out, waving at her to get her attention.

She spotted me and pretended she didn’t see me.

“Kim I know you saw me!” I pressed,

I heard her mutter “Dagnabbit!” and then she literally ran away from me.

When I finally found Luke in the library of all places, her replied to my whispered questions with loud ‘WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU’s and ‘CAN YOU SAY THAT AGAIN?’s until our cranky librarian pulled him aside to give him an earful.

And just my luck, the bell rang and she kicked everybody out of the library except for Luke because she wasn’t done with yelling at him louder than he was speaking in the first place.

_____________________________________________________________________

It’s the end of the f****** day and I cannot wait to get into my car and blast my music to drown out the world.

Trudging through the hallway towards the doors I heard a voice call out to me.

 “Ava!”

But I’m so peeved that I immediately growled “What?!” before checking to see who it was.

“Hey are you ok?” asked a crestfallen Ryan just behind me.

The hard expression I’d been wearing softened as I saw hurt flicker momentarily in his eyes.

“Yeah I’m fine.” I snapped, much more harshly than I intended, but I guess I wasn’t just going to take being avoided for an entire week.

“Hey do you have plans tonight?” he asked, hesitantly rubbing the back of his neck.

“No not really.” I replied, but don’t you have a date with Rose?

“Great! Do you wanna come over and hang at mine?” his face brightened again and suddenly so did my mood.

Yes.

“hmm I don’t know Ryan, I’m pretty tired.” I said, trying to sound cool and casual.

“Please, I promise we’ll have fun!” He pleaded

Oh f*** it. He was doing the puppy dog pout and I just couldn’t resist how adorably silly he looked. I wanted to pinch those dimpled cheeks of his and kiss those tempting pouted lips.

“Ok ok stop making that face!”  I said laughing and pushing him away gently.

“Who else is coming?” I asked.

 “Oh just Rose,” he said. I don’t get it. Why did he want me to go on their date with them? I was not about to be a third wheeler.

 “Kim, Luke and Alyssa” he continued.

I breathed an internal sigh of relief. It didn’t seem like a date then…

“Cool” I said, slightly disturbed by the fact that I’d hoped it was just going to be him and me. Great I was already betraying my best friend in my head.

“I’ll see you then.” He grinned and opened the door for me like a real gentleman.

What is this feeling? I just can’t figure out what I’m supposed to do in this situation. I don’t want to hurt anybody, so I guess I’ll lock it away.

_____________________________________________________________________

 Rose came over a few hours before we were supposed to leave for Ryan’s house.

I tried to paste a smile on my face but I either I still looked as sour as I felt or it was the fact that Rose knew me well enough to tell when I was faking it.

“Listen, I know I’m probably not your favourite person right now and I’m sorry that I’ve been sort of avoiding you all week, but the truth is that–“

“It’s ok Rose.” I interrupted bluntly, “it’s completely fine that you like Ryan and I don’t want you to worry about my feelings or anything, because I honestly don’t like him like that.”

“wait what” she started to say, but I just needed to continue talking,

“And I’m so happy that you’ve finally found someone other than Darcy and –“

“Ava stop!” Rose said, grabbing me by the shoulders. “I don’t know what’s been going on in your head but me and Ryan aren’t together!”

“Oh.” Was all I could say.

Rose looked away from me and started to play with her fingers as she said “And actually, Marc said he got an email from Darcy and he asked how I was…”

I could see the pink blush that bloomed on her cheeks when she spoke his name.
“Rose, I’m sorry I just thought that you might have found someone else you liked.” I said awkwardly, giving her a hug.

“Sometimes I wish I did.” She whispered, slipping her arms around me, “But what about you huh? Did you really mean what you said about not liking Ryan ‘like that’?” she asked teasingly.

“I did.” I answered, but she looked at me skeptically and even I didn’t believe me from the way my voice sounded.

“Anyway we better start getting ready to go to Ryan’s. And I have a very late birthday present for you.” She said, revealing a Forever 21 bag and pulling out a black long sleeved sequinned bodycon dress with a plunging back.

“Oh my god Rose this dress is amazing!” I exclaimed,

“I knew you’d love it! Put it on.” She said grinning.

“Wait, wear it for tonight? Don’t you think it’s a little too dressy for just hanging out with the group?” I asked.

“It’ll be fine, just trust me.” She said, with a smile that made me think there was something she wasn’t telling me.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Now I was really confused.
Rose had curled my hair and pinned it extravagantly to one side and she’d even done my makeup for me when I normally would have done it myself. She said it was because she was going to help her cousin get ready for a party tomorrow and she needed someone to practice on.

I didn’t object because Rose always does an excellent job with this sort of stylist artist stuff, but it would be sort of weird to explain to the others.

When we pulled up to Ryan’s house, we weren’t the only car there. There were cars everywhere, parked in the driveway, on the grass, along the street.

There was music blasting from the house and you could feel the bass-line vibrations from a mile away.

As I got out of the car I saw Ryan sitting by the fountain waving at me.

Oh shit he looked so sexy. His glasses were missing, his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned revealing a thin t-shirt inside, and he was biting his lip as I walked over.

 F*** I think my ovaries just exploded.

“This doesn’t look like a hangout for just 5 people Mister.” I said suspiciously, “this looks like a party. GASP!  is Goody two shoes Ryan having a secret party while Mommy and Daddy are out?! I didn’t know you had so much badass in you!” I teased.

Blushing a little and smiling sheepishly as I hugged him hello, he whispered “Happy Birthday Ava, welcome to your party,” holding on to me a little longer.

“What?! This is for me?” I asked, so confused.

“Yeah Rose and I and I have been planning it since last week with help from the others and also your Mom”

No way.

I started hitting his chest with my fists, “ARGH! Ryan Haywood you had me going crazy all week long! Kim and Luke were acting so strangely and avoiding me, Alyssa had her poker face on whenever I was around,  and you and Rose were supposed to be going out on a date tonight and –“

He clasped my wrists gently to stop me from attacking him, “Woah slow down. Me and Rose on a date?  Where did that come from? She’s sweet and kind and I can understand why she’s your best friend but she’s not my type, we’re just friends.”

I must’ve looked at him with a really stupid expression on my face because he started laughing

 Ahaha, Ava you really must’ve been so confused. I’m sorry we made you go through that.”

That was an understatement! And I can’t explain the relief that flooded through my body like a tidal wave when he said that he and Rose were just friends. 

But if Rose wasn’t his type then who was? Rose was nearly everyone’s type!

 “C’mon, I’ll take you inside.” He said, still smiling as he reached for my hand. 

He led me up the stairs and we stood at the banister looking down below. Inside there were at least 100 people and everyone was cheering “HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!!!”

It was nearly every kid in our grade, or at least people who liked me anyway.

“Ryan…”

“Ava don’t. I want you to look back and remember your 18th birthday as being awesome, because everybody here thinks you’re awesome.”

“What the__Hey how did you know exactly what I was going to say?”

He looked at me and smiled , blushing a little like he was thinking about a funny joke or something.

“I guess, like you say, I’m just a smart cookie” he joked.

I rolled my eyes but smiled back at him and internally wondered about how well Ryan knew me even though we only really met this year… I guess some friendships are just like that. 

_________________________________________________________________

The party was fantastic. The food was delicious, all my favourite songs were playing, there was even a freakin’ strobe light! And I danced and danced until I felt someone come up behind me and cover my eyes.

Being a bit drunk by this point, I didn’t hesitate to reach behind me and zap this person in the sides with my fingers.

 “ACK!” they grunted and let go, allowing me to turn around to see Ryan.

We both started laughing for no reason, until he leaned in close and yelled that he wanted to show me something, over the deafening music.

“OK” I shouted back as I grabbed his hand so we wouldn’t be separated as we made our way through the mob of grinding teenagers.

He ended up leading me to his room.

“Take a seat,” he said, moving over to his desk and pulling open the top draw.

I jumped onto his bed and reached for one of his pillows to bury my face in.

Mmm I can only describe breathing in his scent as euphoric. I just held the pillow even closer to me as I sat up and heard him chuckling softly.

“Ryan your bed is so comfortable; I’m going to steal it from you one day!” I told him, sounding rather tipsy.

“Sorry Sweetheart but you’re never gonna take that bed from me.” He countered,

And before I knew what I was saying, this tumbled out; “Well then I’m just going to have to sleep with you.”

I saw a flash of shock in his eyes and thank the lord I was sober enough to cover up my mistake, “You know like next to you and I’ll take up ¾ of the bed and you’ll end up sleeping on the floor.”

He sat on the bed next to me with one hand behind his back and said “I think I could live with that.”

But before I could think of something to say back, he ordered “Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” 

I felt something small and curved fall onto my palm, and there was also the coldness of metal.
“Ok open.” He said, and my gaze fell upon a necklace.

It was a cookie with a little smiley face that wore glasses exactly the same as Ryan’s. It was connected by a gold chain to a tiny diamante heart charm. They looked like Swarovski crystals but there’s no way Ryan would spend that much on me. There was even a little blue bow tied onto it. It was so cute!

“I got you this because uh__well it’s a cookie wearing glasses since you always call me ‘smart cookie’ and there’s that little heart charm because___I call you ‘sweetheart’, so I guess it’s like a symbol of our friendship.” He rambled adorably.

“Our friendship?” I repeated, my eyebrow raised in intrigue, I found myself hoping that that heart symbolised something else.

“Yeah…you don’t have to use it or anything,” he said rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “actually it’s kind of stupid, crap I should have gotten you something better.”

“No, I love it!” I protested,

“Ava you don’t have to spare my feelings, seriously who would want a necklace with a cookie hanging from it anyway?” He said, blushing hard.

“Ryan listen to me, it’s perfect. I can tell you put a lot of thought into getting me a gift when I didn’t even expect one at all!”

It really did look like it was custom made, not something you could just buy in any shop.

He tried to look away in embarrassment, but I took his face into my hands and turned him back to me.

I looked up at him, and suddenly our faces were dangerously close together.

And by faces, I mean lips.

The longer I stared into his eyes, the more I became lost in the unknown thoughts and emotions that swirled around in the deep blue. And as I became increasingly aware of the position we were in, my eyes became hooded and my body felt like it was heating up.

My mind was all hazy and I wasn’t exactly thinking straight. In my intoxicated state I couldn’t stop thinking about how different and sexy he looked wearing contacts and how I wanted to put my arms around him. And more than anything I wanted to run my hands through his perfectly styled hair just to mess it all up, and see his reaction.  It was so incredibly sweet that he organised this party for me and even got me a present that he put a lot of thought into.

I didn’t realise that my hands were still cupping his cheeks, or that my thumb was gently brushing back and forth, or that my breathing had become heavier and more laboured, until I saw something flicker in his eyes as they darkened. 

I waited. But he seemed like he was rooted to where he sat.

“When are you going to make a move’ I mumbled,

“What –“ he started to say, but I’d already lifted my lips up to meet his.

I no longer cared about waiting, I just needed to feel his lips on mine. I needed to satiate this burning desire I’ve had for months. I could feel him shiver and his muscles tense as I placed my hands on his chest.

But I didn’t feel him kiss me back at all. And it felt like a shard of ice stabbed me in the heart.

Suddenly there was an ear-splitting scream followed by a splash and loud cheering that came from outside of the house.

Well that sobered me up quick. I got to my feet and headed out the French double doors to see Alex Martins clambering out of the pool. He must’ve jumped from the balcony that Ryan fell from before.

I heard Ryan following behind me but I couldn’t look at him.

“I’ve always thought that kid was crazy but that jump just confirms it” said Ryan, breaking the awkward silence between us.

 I laughed it off and joked “Yeah I think his Mom got him tested for ADHD and the results were negative, but maybe he needs to get retested.”

People around the pool kept pushing Alex back in every time he tried to get out, and Ryan being Ryan, left my side and ran over to help him.

Shit Ava. What have you done?

I want to run when I see Ryan coming back over to me. But I’m paralysed and I’m trying to put a smile on my face. But it’s barely staying there.

“Ava about before, I–“   

“Ah don’t worry about it Ryan, it was a mistake. Do you want to pretend it never happened?” I asked, sounding so much more upbeat than I felt.

I thought I saw his eyebrows furrow in confusion, but his face quickly became expressionless.

“Sure.” He said indifferently.

I should have known it would be a mistake to think that Ryan might actually like me back.
I hated mistakes, and I knew now that it was probably better that we stay friends.

I don’t want to be the slip up, or the girl that he just went along with, the bad choice.

I don’t want to be a giant mistake in his life.

******************************************************************************************
They kissed!
But it was sort of a sad ending to this chapter :'(
Please comment below about what you think was going on with Ryan!
And as usual vote if you like the story so far! Cerise xx :)