Back at school the next week, I caught myself thinking more and more about Ryan and noticing little things about him, like the fact that he sits up straight in his chair and doesn’t slouch like other guys, or the delicate way he carefully polishes the lens of his glasses when they get smudged. So it really surprised me that I never noticed that Ryan disappeared at lunch and that I didn’t really know who his friends or his ‘clique’ were. Well I’d make a point of finding out.

It’s American lit and Mrs Jones is sick which SHOULD mean we get a free period, but instead we have a sub and are forced to spend the period actually doing work. As if. “Psst. Ryan” I whispered

“Ava it’s a group project, we’re allowed to talk, also you’re sitting right next to me.” He replied

“Ryan you’re no fun sometimes. Anyway, the other day I had something to ask you at lunch but I couldn’t find you anywhere in the cafeteria. Where do you go at lunch?”

“Actually I spend lunch in the library or doing errands for teachers”

“…you sound like such a teacher’s pet, please tell me you aren’t that nerdy!”

“Hey listen, 1. I like the library because it’s quiet and I can actually hear myself think for once in the day” he explained and I couldn’t help but laugh because he actually had a point.

“2. Helping the teachers means I get special privileges, unlike little jailbirds like you.” he said flicking my forehead.

I gave him the finger and flicked his nose with the same one while he laughed at my annoyed face.

“Oh yeah and what do these ‘special privileges’ include?” I asked skeptically

“Hmm well I can go in and out of the teacher’s lounge whenever I want because I have a key, I have a permanent hall pass, and teachers never suspect me of anything which is what allowed me to bust you out of detention.”

“Shit that does sound pretty good. But what about your friends, don’t you have a friendship group?”

“…actually I don’t. I mean I have friends of course, but they’re from all over the place, I don’t actually have a group.” He said.

Having alone time was great and all but spending every lunchtime alone had to be, well, lonely. “Do you want to come sit with us?” I asked earnestly

“Thanks Ava but you don’t have to do that, I wouldn’t want to make your friends uncomfortable.” He said sincerely. It could have been a polite way of rejecting my offer but I had a feeling he thought I was pitying him.

“Ryan it’s not a pity offer or one that I extended to you because I feel bad or anything. You’re already good friends with Luke and Alyssa, and Kim and Rose are the friendliest people I know. I genuinely want to join us and I really want to spend more time with you.”
Ah crap, I realised how that last part sounded so I quickly added “and the group. Together. As friends. All 6 of us. Yep.”

“…are you sure?” he asked hesitantly.

“Of course. Ryan you’re the most likable guy I’ve ever met, anyone would be crazy not to like you.” I replied reassuringly. Geez when did everything that came out of my mouth have some kind of other suggestive meaning?!

And there it was, that adorable crinkly eyed smile where he looked down for a second before looking up at me with those endlessly deep blue eyes. That special kind of smile that only appeared when he was really happy and the one that I didn’t even realise I anticipated and hoped to see because it gave me that same fuzzy feeling you get when you look at a baby animal that is too cute for it’s own good and you just want to hug it and smoosh it and never let it go because it’s that cute. As you can see, that description makes me the best literature student ever. Not.

“Then I’d love to. It does get a bit lonely.” He replied, laughing.

Lunch time came and surprisingly nobody bat an eyelash when Ryan sat down at our usual table. “Hey man, what’s happenin’?” said Luke casually, holding out his hand for a fist bump which Ryan returned. “Hey Ryan” said Alyssa with a smile, “Hi, remember me?” Rose asked

“Rose right? I tutored you in English awhile back and we also have French together.” replied Ryan while Rose just grinned and nodded.

“Well hello there Ryan Haywood, I’m Kim, it’s nice to finally meet you since Ava talks about you all the time.” Said Kim shaking his hand and smiling devilishly at me while I looked at her in disbelief.

“O-Oh well um, it’s nice to meet you too Kim.” Said Ryan, a soft blush beginning to bloom.

“Yeah, about how great an assignment partner you are!” I said brightly, trying to salvage the situation.

Just as we sat down, I suddenly I got a text from Rose while the others started talking to Ryan.

‘Well, well, we finally get to meet him ;)’

I look at her innocent face and roll my eyes at her as I text back.

‘What are you talking about? You’re getting as bad as Kim!”

‘But she’s right though, whether you’ve noticed it or not, you’ve been talking about Ryan a lot, to the point that we expected that sooner or later you were gonna introduce him to us.’

‘…ok we need a D & M to set things straight. Sleepover?’ (A/N: I’m not sure if Americans say D & M, but it stands for ‘deep and meaningful,’ essentially it means a good girl-to-girl talk)

‘Tonight, at mine :)’

“Hey! Anti-social children, put the phones away!” Alyssa ordered.

“Sorry.” We said sheepishly as she continued;

“Anyway, we were just talking about Tyler Murphy’s party on Thursday. Apparently it’s supposed to be exclusively for kids with ‘swag’ but that’s just bullshit coz the only ‘swag’ Tyler has are his swag-pants!”

“That and the fact that it’s not very exclusive since he’s allowing plus 1s.” added Kim.

“I don’t know if I’ll go guys,” I said uncertainly

“Well me and Alyssa are going, Tyler does have style and he’s a bro, Alyssa just hates him coz he says stuff like ‘#YOLO’ and ‘Swaggy’ all the time.” Luke said laughing.

“Can’t go,” said Rose “Mom won’t let me go out on a school night.”

“I ain’t goin’ either. That party is just not my scene.” Said Kim diva-ishly flipping her hair.

“Ryan were you invited?” I asked,

“Me? No, I don’t really know the guy.”

“Do you wanna come? You can be my plus 1.” I offered.

“Thanks for the offer but I’ve got a French test on Friday which I should probably study for.” He replied.

“What! We have a test on Friday?!” exclaimed Rose worriedly, she was kind of like Ryan in the sense that she had to have things organised and studied really hard.

“Well technically it’s supposed to be a surprise pop quiz but Madame Bertrand sort of let it slip when I was photocopying some documents for her.” Explained Ryan who then turned to me and added, “Yet another perk of running errands.”

I poked my tongue out at him while Rose thanked him for the heads up.

“So Ryan, d’you think Ava’s hot or not?” asked Kim, getting straight to her point. 

“I uh-um I think-ah, um I think she’s um very…beautiful,” Ryan stuttered, blushing hard and clearly uncomfortable while Kim was clearly enjoying every second of it;

“Look at chu, you’re all stumblin’ and stutterin’ like a baby foal tryin’ out it’s legs for the first tahyme!

I smacked my forehead with my hand and kicked her under the table “Ahaha I’m just messin’ with you sugar, don’t take it so seriously!” said Kim, “Welcome to the group! That is, if you’d like to stay?”

I looked at him for a moment, trying to gauge his reaction, but apart from his blushing cheeks he seemed happy. “I would. Thanks for the warm welcome.” He said smiling. And BOOM, if there was any uncertainty about him from anyone in our group, it was totally destroyed by that angelic smile.

School ended pretty uneventfully and I was now getting ready to head off to Rose’s for our sleepover.

“Bye Mom, I’m leaving now!” I called out,

“Ava you just woke me up, I was asleep!” came her irritated reply.

Well so much for trying to be a good daughter. Next time I wouldn’t even bother.

On my way out I purposely slammed the door shut, making the windows reverberate.

“Argh! My Mom is being so annoying, I try to be nice but there is actually no point. No point.” I ranted.

“Hey I get where you’re coming from, but cut her some slack. Mom told me that your Mom just worked a 48 hour shift, covering for another doctor. If I was her, I’d probably shoot anyone who woke me up! Said Rose, munching on popcorn as we watched Teen Mom, which is technically a documentary and therefore educational.

Shit, 48 hours?! Well that would explain a lot. I thought she came home really late and left really early while I was sleeping, but I guess she didn’t come home at all. Crap I even slammed the door. Rose’s Mom is a nurse and works at the same hospital as my mom. They were both interns when they met, way back before we were born, and have been good friends ever since.

“Ah shit Rose, now I feel horrible.” I said guiltily,

“Oh don’t worry about it Ava. She’s probably just exhausted and she’ll forget about it once she’s rested.” She replied comfortingly. “Now more importantly, Ryan…”

I threw a pillow at her head and stole her popcorn. “He’s just a really interesting and nice guy. He’s fun to hang out with and he’s really smart.” I said, trying to play it cool.

“So you don’t feel anything for him at all?” said Rose dryly, looking at me disbelievingly.

“…not exactly.” I replied hesitantly, “I’m…attracted to him.”

“Yes but that’s obvious.” She said bluntly.

“Well gee Rose, way to be sensitive!” I said, exasperated. But she just looked at me with her signature deadpan I’m-not-buying-it expression. “Ok fine, I think he’s a damn perfect combination of sexy and adorable. Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

She paused and pretended to think for a second before grinning and nodding her head while I threw popcorn at her. “Sounds like a weird combination Ava, you’ve got some strange fetishes.”

“I don’t know Rose, he has this sort of good boy, play-by-the-rules personality that makes me want to tease him all the time, mess him up a bit to see his reaction.

“Do you like him?” she asked me,

“As…a friend I think? But you can have friends who you’re really attracted to and might possibly like, right?”

“I don’t know, you tell me Ava.” Said Rose, shrugging. Damn she was being annoyingly vague which means she thinks I’m supposed to know the answer to my own question, when I clearly do not.

“Well what about you? You’re no better, you’ve never even had a boyfriend!” I said, nudging her with my foot.

“Yes but that is by choice,” she replied evenly.

“Rose don’t tell me you’re still crushing on Darcy,” I pleaded, grasping her hands.

She didn’t respond but that blush on her cheeks and her avoidance of eye contact was all I needed to know that she was.

“Rose you were 6 and he was 8, as if he’s gonna remember some promise you made as kids!” I exclaimed, she couldn’t keep doing this, she needed to move on.

“But Ava I saw a picture of him recently and he asked how I was!” She argued.
“Rosie, how recently is ‘recently’?” I asked

“…3 years ago.” She replied quietly.

Now it was my turn to be all quiet and profound and vague.

“A crush is just a crush Rose, he didn’t even come back with his family when they came to visit us 2 years ago.” I said gently.

“Yes but that’s because he–“

“Rose stop making excuses,” I cut her off, “You should go out with someone. There are tons of guys who want to go out with you but you’re just too stubborn to give any of them a chance!” I said heatedly.

“Ava I’m not like you, I want to date someone I like, and I want the relationship to last. I can’t do casual hook ups and I won’t give up my virginity so easily!” She yelled.

I don’t know what shocked me more, that Rose raised her voice at me, or the sting of her final remarks.

In any case I didn’t have any words left to say. I should have known after last time when she didn’t speak to me for 3 days, that bringing up Darcy was taboo. But she didn’t have to hit me below the belt.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” I said coldly, getting out of her bed. We’d always slept in the same bed when we stayed over at each other’s houses, ever since we were little. It made us feel like sisters.

She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again and let me walk away.

Even sisters needed space, right?

The next morning I woke up to see Rose sprawled out on a bunch of pillows on the floor next to the couch I was sleeping on. She looked so cute when she slept, it was impossible to stay mad at her for long. I shouldn’t have pushed her so far. I poked her face with my toes and she crinkled up her nose. Then I proceeded to tickle her relentlessly. “Stop! Stop! I can’t- brea-breathe!” she said in between laughs.

“Are we ok?” She asked me, when I finally did stop.

“Yeah.” I replied, giving her a hug.

“How about we not talk about boys for a while?” she proposed.

“Good idea, they’re too confusing anyway.” I said, and we both burst into laughter.

Ryan sat with us at lunch for the rest of the week and it was so strange that he just seemed to fit right in, like he’d always been a part of our group. But I guess that just made him even more attractive to me.

I decided that I was going to go to Tyler’s party tonight, since my mom was working a late shift yet again and she wouldn’t be back til the next day. Heaps of kids would love it if their parents were gone all the time, while I just want mine to stay and I wouldn’t even care if she told me I wasn’t allowed to go out, as long as she was home with me.

The recess bell rang and kids flooded the hallways, dying to get out of whatever class they were just in. I too, was drained by the droning voice of the guest speaker we had in theatre class. He was supposed to be a fantastic film critic but he sucked. My dad was 100 times better than this guy!

Trudging back to my locker, I was surprised to see Ryan leaning against it, waiting for me. But the smile that automatically lit up my face after seeing him, made me even more surprised at how I instantly felt more energetic just by seeing his face.

“Hey, what are you doing in front of my locker?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

“I was waiting for you.” He said with a boyish smile that made my heart flutter, “Actually I wanted to ask you if you had any plans in 2 weeks’ time?”

“Hmm, no I don’t think so. Why?” I said. What was in two weeks anyway?

“Well I was wondering if you wanted to–“

“Hey Babe.” Came the interrupting voice of the person who so rudely wedged themselves in between me and Ryan.

It was Tanner.

Tanner was one of my exes, and the shortest relationship I’ve ever had. He is an arrogant, dumb jock that had been wolf-whistling after me for months before I finally gave in to him. But honestly he’s a terrible kisser with nothing but empty space where his brain should be. Let’s just say that we only lasted 3 days before I dumped him.

“What do you want Tanner?” I asked, extremely irritated by his stupid face.

“You. Me. Homecoming.” He asked with an obnoxious wink. But it wasn’t even a question; the way he said it was as if there was no way I’d turn him down. DOUCHEBAG. BLEH, I’d wipe that cocky smirk off of his face.

“First of all,” I said, pushing him away and restoring my personal space, “DON’T call me babe, and second of all, I’m in the process of deciding whether or not I’ll even go to homecoming. 

Turning back to Ryan and ignoring Tanner, I asked “Ryan you were saying?’”

“WOAH, WOAH, WOAH” said Tanner smooshing Ryan’s face to push him out of the way, “no one says no to the Tannernator.”

The ‘Tannernator’? Oh my god I wanted to gag. 3rd person pronoun and a clichéd altered version of ‘the Terminator’, I can’t believe he even lasted 3 days!

“Well it looks like I’m saying no for the second time buddy, now leave me alone.”

“Ooh, burn.” Ryan hissed sarcastically, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Tanner now looked dangerously over to Ryan and asked “You think this is funny four eyes? OH wait a second, wait just a damn second it all makes sense now!”

Ryan looked at him warily whereas I just stared at him like he’d gone crazy.

“Little geeksicle over here” said Tanner pointing to Ryan, “Was just about to ask you to homecoming right? Right?”

Oh shit. Homecoming was in 2 weeks. Was Ryan really going to ask me to go with him before Tanner interrupted? Did I want him to ask me? Well Ryan wasn’t denying anything. But then again he wasn’t saying anything at all, he just stood there glaring icily at Tanner through his glasses. Mmm he looked so sexy when he was serious…Crap I have to stop doing this!

“Oh this is precious, as if she’d ever say yes to a freak like you!” Tanner laughed derisively.

“Well she just said no to you champ.” Ryan replied clearly and evenly, not missing a beat.

“Oh you wanna go? You wanna go? Coz you’re asking for it!” Tanner said, getting more and more worked up and clenching his hands into fists.

I looked worriedly over to Ryan who didn’t seem at all intimidated, but if he was, he certainly didn’t show it.

He was just as tall as Tanner and even though he was lankier than Tanner was buff, the muscles he had weren’t just for show. It’s true, I could feel them every time I hugged him and they certainly worked when he caught me easily after jumping from the second floor. Ryan was more than capable of taking Tanner on. But that doesn’t mean Tanner couldn’t still injure him, and that was something I really didn’t want to happen.

“TANNER!” I shouted, redirecting his attention, “If I tell you I’ll think about it will you walk away right now?”

 “…Yeah, ok.” he said, calming down a little.

Just before walking away, he said “Next time I won’t go so easy on you punk.” to Ryan, ramming into his shoulder as he stormed off.

“Ryan I’m so sorry about him, what did you want to ask me before all that?”

“Oh never mind, it was pretty stupid and I’ve actually forgotten it now anyway.” He replied, giving me a small smile. But I felt unsettled, because that smile didn’t reach his eyes.
__________________________________________________________________________

I didn’t see Ryan for the rest of the day and I was kind of surprised by how disappointed I was. Weird. I thought about calling him or texting him, but I couldn’t think of one good reason that wouldn’t seem weird to him. So I didn’t.

But I swear, I picked up and put down my phone about 20 times while I was waiting for Luke and Alyssa to pick me up to go to the party. I’ll just blame it on boredom.

Suddenly it vibrated and I basically had a heart attack. Before I lifted the screen up to see who the text was from, I caught myself thinking ‘it’s not Ryan. It won’t be Ryan. It’s not.’ And then I paused and wondered why I even thought it might be Ryan in the first place.

Hey Ave we’re out the front, get ready for Mr YOLO Swagpants’ swaggy party -_-

Tyler’s house was actually located on the border of Beverley Hills, which probably explains why I’ve seen him wearing Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, and how he got most of his popularity; through money.

And everything about his house was just like him. ‘Bling bling’ and in your face. There were heaps of kids from our high school, but also a lot of others that I didn’t recognise. Well save for one guy who had a bandage over his nose. “Hey you! Girl who punched me at the carnival!”

“…Jack?” I replied hesitantly.

“Yeah! You were with Ryan right? Hey I’m sorry for trying to hit on you I just haven’t had a girlfriend in so long and you’re gorgeous so I thought I’d just give it a shot.” He said laughing.

“Haha well at least you tried, I’m Ava by the way. You’ve got a bandage on your nose, are you ok?” I asked

“Well you gave me a bloody nose Ava!” he replied enthusiastically, he was definitely not sober.

“Sorry about that,” I apologised, but I wasn’t really all that sorry.

“How do you know Ryan?” He asked me,

“We go to school together. What about you?”

“I used to go to school with him. Elementary and Middle school at Winston Prep.”

“Oh, cool.” I replied automatically. But come to think of it, Ryan never answered my question from a few weeks ago, it seemed like a touchy subject but Jack here might know what happened, and even more importantly, he might be drunk enough to let it slip.

“So you guys must be pretty good friends huh?” I probed,

“Yeah he’s a good buddy of mine!” Jack replied, “I was real sad when he left.”

“Do you have any idea why he left Winston Prep?” I asked cautiously.

“hmm he told me not to tell anybody, but you guys seem close so I’ll tell you.”

Were we close? I think so, Ryan was proving to be a really great friend and it felt like I’d known him for ages. We just clicked and I guess closeness can’t be measured completely by how long you’ve known someone.

“hellooo Ava?” said Jack waving his hand in front of my face.

“Crap, sorry Jack I just spaced out for a second.” I apologised again.

“That’s ok, I just said that Ryan left because he was tired of constantly being compared to his brother and also because he said he wanted to know how it felt to be liked for who he was, instead of who his family was. Honestly Winston prep is a freakin’ ocean of social ladder climbers and the only reason I haven’t left yet is because, well my dad is the chairman of the board so it wouldn’t exactly look good if his own son wanted to leave all of a sudden now would it?”

“I see,” I said poignantly, “thanks for telling me Jack. I promise I won’t tell Ryan that you told me.”

“Don’t you have to seal promises nowadays?” He asked me

“Seal? What do you mean seal?” I asked, confused.

“Like…seal it with a kiss.” He said wiggling his eyebrows,

“You’ve got to be joking.” I said in disbelief.

“Yeah I am. Actually no I’d still like to kiss you but I won’t.”

“Har har very funny, but ok. Come here.” I said pulling his face close to mine and giving him a kiss on the cheek. It was the least I could do after he told me that bit of information about Ryan’s past.

Actually I could cut this guy some slack, he really was funny and I gotta hand it to him; the kid never stops trying.

“Jack I’m going to do you one better. When I say go, I want you to slowly, SLOWLY, turn your head and look over to the kitchen. There’s a girl over there called Jasmine who has been staring at you ever since we started talking, and most likely even before.”

“What! Are you serious? Let me see!” Jack exclaimed, quickly turning around which made Jasmine blush in surprise and turn away.

“Are you an idiot?! What ever happened to ‘turn slowly when I say go?’” I whisper-yelled at him. Geez!

“Oh my god I saw her! She’s beautiful…” Said Jack continuing to stare.

“Yes she is, now turn back to me Mr impatient or you won’t get to meet her.” I ordered.

Well that certainly got his attention. “What is wrong with you man? You’re too eager, you’ll scare girls away.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I just get really excited, and it doesn’t help that I’ve been drinking.”

“Well Jasmine is both quiet and patient so maybe she can tone you down a little.” I told him reassuringly, feeling bad after essentially shooting him down for being excited, “now let’s go over there and I’ll introduce you to her.”

After playing matchmaker I went off in search for something else to do, and I figured a little dancing would do me some good.

I was just minding my own business and trying to have a good time when suddenly I feel a hand with the audacity to place itself on my ass and the pungent stench of alcohol flooded my nostrils the owner of the hand said “Hey woman, what’s my answer?”
Tanner once again. But not only was he drunk, his eyes were bloodshot and his pupils; he was high.
“You know what, I’ve thought about it and my final answer is NO,” I spat.
But he grabbed my arm painfully “You’re making me angry hotstuff, no one ever says no to me in the end!”

I couldn’t escape his grip even though I tried, he’s gone crazy! He tried to force me to kiss him but I fought and yelled “Let GO OF ME YOU DICK!” But his bone-chilling reply was “Not this time.”

I look around frantically for help, but people were backing away from us like cowards. But just when I was about to be completely violated, I looked up in time to see Luke pull him off me and punch his square in the jaw. Tanner staggered to the side and struggled to right himself; it must have been the drugs that were affecting his balance. Taking this opportunity, I knee-d him in the balls, watching him fall to the ground in agony as Alyssa grabbed my hand and pulled me away quickly.

“You ok?” Alyssa asked,
“Yeah. But I could really use a drink”. I replied with a huge sigh.

I could have sworn all night that Melissa Proud was eyeing me up strangely, but I had no idea what her problem was, so I didn’t really pay much attention.
In fact, until I walked into Tyler’s massive showroom kitchen, I don’t think I’d ever even had a real conversation with her before, throughout all of high school.

“You look like you could use a drink after that, shot?” Said Melissa holding out a glass with a genuine looking smile.
I hesitated for a second, but she seemed nice enough and I really did need a drink. Oh what the heck.
“Thanks.” I said, taking the glass from her hand and downing the shot. BLEH, I winced as the alcohol burned a trail of vodka down my throat, but the last few drops were particularly unpleasantly bitter and I swear I swallowed something solid.

And that’s when I saw the evil glint in her eyes, and the saccharine venom dripping from her high pitched voice, “I hope you enjoy your trippy night and that you humiliate yourself. Tanner was supposed to ask ME to homecoming, everyone knows that the star quarterback is supposed to take the Queen Bee.”

Ugh I couldn’t care less about her petty little words, I bolted in search of Alyssa or Luke, because this was not the first time I’d encountered drugs. And let me tell you, drugs + me not to mention alcohol, do not mix well. What’s more is that I’ve only ever had weed before (baked into delicious hash brownies); this was definitely a tablet and I had no clue what was in it. F*** there could be drain cleaner or some F***** up shit in here that’s way stronger than pot.

But almost immediately my heart rate speeds up, my vision becomes blurry and everything is moving too fast. So while I’m still sober enough to think rationally, I run into what seems to be a study,(I don’t know I can’t remember too well but there were a lot of books,)and locked the door.

The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor breathing rapidly and my eyes were wide and wandering around the room erratically.

“Ava are you in there?” came Alyssa’s concerned voice from the other side of the door, “I don’t think you should be alone right now. Can I come in?”

“No Lys it’s fine everything is happy!” I said, my speech slurring. What the F*** did ‘everything is happy’ even mean?! I could feel myself slipping away, and fast damnnit! Shit I think I’m starting to hallucinate. I was just lying there on the floor and above me on the ceiling was a ferris wheel spinning around and around mesmerisingly. But I just laughed to myself because it reminded me of last Friday when we were at the carnival, and more importantly, that I should have just grabbed Ryan’s face and crushed his perfect lips against mine.

Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, why is it that he was always on my mind? At the moment, just the thought of him made my heart beat a little faster, made my skin tingle with excitement and made me feel restless. Or maybe extremely turned on. I can’t really recall the exact intensity, but in any case I was feeling sensational. And suddenly there he was sitting on the chair, then he was standing at the bookshelf, then leaning against the table. He was everywhere.
“Ryan come here.” I ordered, but he disappeared and suddenly shifted to a new spot, with no reply. “Ryan look at this, it’s the ferris wheel. Look!”

I sort of realised even in my trippy daze that he wasn’t real, but hallucination Ryan smiled at me with that adorable crinkly eye smile and I started to giggle. It was such a strange feeling, because I felt like I was both in my body but at the same time also looking out, like I was watching myself in my own movie or something. And I couldn’t believe that I was giggling like a 4 year old but that just made me giggle even more. Kids, drugs will F*** you up. Not even once Yo.

The door knob rattled and it looked like it was dancing. Alyssa had gotten a key and she tried to come in, but when she did, the Ryan hallucinations disappeared and I was pretty damn grumpy. By which I mean I apparently threw a book at her which narrowly missed her head.

She closed the door just in time though and I heard her sigh. A minute later, Luke tried to open the door but I threw a tv remote at him which hit him right between the eyes. But hey, gotta give me some props; even high I still had a deadshot aim and I burst into laughter again as Luke quickly closed the door again.

The Ryan hallucinations came back, and I was much happier. This time he was standing outside the window and beckoning to me, to come over. But I just watched him there for probably a good 10 minutes. He had that shy little half smile that I loved and my body started to buzz with adrenalin as I moved closer and closer to the window. This time I’d kiss him for sure. But I got up too quickly and the head rush had me staggering and I ended up sort of hanging half out the window. Ok not sort of, I was hanging face first out the window. But once again I seemed to find all of this hilarious.

Suddenly I heard the door click open, but I was laughing so much that I couldn’t move, and I continued to dangle dangerously out the window.

Two strong arms suddenly encircled my waist and tried to pull me away from the ledge, but I hung onto the window pane for dear life, because Ryan was outside that window and I’d made it my mission to kiss him.

“Nooo, stop it! Ryan is outside!” I whined.
But when I looked out the window again, hallucination Ryan had vanished and the voice of the person who had grabbed me said

“I’m right here.”

I stopped struggling and turned to see the real Ryan’s face looking down at me. And I blanked for a second, what was I doing a moment ago hanging out the window when Ryan was here all along? I had no F****** clue. In any case I felt ecstatic and I beamed up at Ryan and felt the overwhelming urge to put my arms around his neck; so I did. And then I went in for the kill. But oh SNAP Ryan covered my mouth with his hand. What? My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. He didn’t want me? Everyone wanted me.  Right?

I tried again, but he dodged. So he really didn’t… wow I don’t know why I suddenly felt so depressed. No, I’d try one more time.

So essentially I jumped onto him, locking my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. But he pulled me tighter to him so that my lips couldn’t get anywhere near his face, and proceeded to walk out the room, with me still very much attached to him. I was not happy at first, but I started freakin’ giggling again when I saw all the people staring at us weirdly. But being held so close to Ryan made me even more turned on. And when I breathed in his delicious fruity-woodsy scent, I murmured softly, closing my eyes and pressing myself even closer to him, smelling his neck and his hair. I just couldn’t get enough of him.

RYAN’S POV
I took her straight to the bathroom and locked the door.
“Ava I’m gonna need you to get down now,” I asked.
“No.” came her blunt reply.
“Why?”
“Mm because you smell too good~” she breathed as the tip of her nose trailed down my neck inhaling, which sent shivers throughout my body and gave me goose bumps everywhere. It was already bad enough that she was pressed up so close against me.
“Ava you need to get into the shower,” I pleaded.
“No you can’t make me!” she said, struggling in my arms, and she was about to slip so I had to grab hold underneath her butt to keep her up. Both my and her eyes widened in shock, but she just started to laugh even more.

I decided it definitely wasn’t safe to keep standing up when she was like this, so I sat on the edge of the bathtub with Ava still in my lap. Crap, I was struggling to keep my cool when she tried to kiss me, had her arms around me and was playing with my hair, running her hands through it over and over which felt like heaven. But that is literally all I’ve been thinking about since the carnival last week, wishing that I had had the guts to have just kissed her like I really wanted to right now. But of course I couldn’t, it would be so wrong to take advantage of her when she wasn’t in the right state of mind.

When Luke called me telling me that Tanner had tried to feel Ava up and then that someone had spiked her drink with drugs I was already in my car before he even asked me to come over.
‘Dude hurry up and get here as fast as you can! Both Alyssa and me nearly got killed when we tried to get inside. Sorry to drag you out but she’s been talking to herself and we heard her calling out your name.”
Ok, I’ll admit my heart skipped a beat when Luke told me that Ava had been calling for me.

“Sweetheart what can I do to make you get into that shower?” I tried again,

 But Ava paused and looked at me blankly for a second before she asked,
“Did you just call me sweetheart?”
Oh shit. I suddenly felt overwhelmingly self-conscious; the nickname kind of just rolled off my tongue. I mean she was special to me…actually probably above any other girl at the moment, but I didn’t know when she became so much better than the rest. Hah, that’s actually a lie. Ava has always been in a league of her own; a league I was out of. After all I had been planning on asking her to homecoming before Tanner barged in. Sweetheart, well she wasn’t exactly a total sweetheart but  I knew that Ava wasn’t as tough as she made herself out to be with the whole bad girl image, underneath she was sweet and funny and cute, a girl that liked carnivals and loved her cat.
“…was it weird?” I asked, hating how uncertain I sounded.  
“No…I like it. Say it again.” She demanded.

AVA’S POV
It gave me butterflies in my stomach when he called me Sweetheart. It felt like a flower was blooming in my chest.
“Sweetheart” he said again, but the way he said it was like a gentle caress. My ear was right next to his lips and the words floated in like a soft whisper of sweet nothings. It made me shiver all over and gave me a sensation I had never felt before.

RYAN’S POV

When I heard her breathing hitch a little, my heart which was already racing sped up even more.  In truth I didn’t know what to do. Everything about Ava was overpowering my senses; everything she did tonight was so sensual that I thought my brain might go into overload and I might have a heart attack. From the way her soft body felt, slightly arched towards me in my arms, to the ticklish sensation of her nails running lightly over my scalp, and the warmth of her breath at the nape of my neck. There was only so much I could take before I didn’t care anymore and kissed her hard and good.

But when her eyes locked with mine, it was like a splash of ice cold water; they were bloodshot red. The drugs were still in effect not to mention the alcohol, and everything she was doing was dictated by chemicals in her bloodstream.  She wouldn’t remember any of this clearly and whatever she did remember she could deny and blame it on being intoxicated.
She certainly made me feel intoxicated.
Well I might as well get it over with then. Ava looked so confused when I gently slid her high heels off and then my own shoes and socks. So I guess she decided to help out and she started tugging at the bottom of my sweater which she pulled off completely to my surprise. She took my glasses off and put them on instead,
“How do I look? I’m Ryan Haywood and I’m too smart for my own good, not to mention devastatingly handsome too!” she mocked, making both of us laugh. But I couldn’t help but blush when she said ‘devastatingly handsome’ even if she was just joking.
I took the glasses from her and placed them on the sink counter-top and stood up still holding on to her, walking towards the shower. God knows I needed this too.
Getting in and closing the door behind us, Ava looked at me curiously and asked
“Are we taking a shower together?”
“Yes.” I replied.
“Why?”
“Because that’s what friends do”
“When I imagined us taking a shower together, I thought there would be less clothes” Ava thoughtfully, like she actually had imagined us before. Oh Shit.

I swear my cheeks went from peach pink to beetroot red in a matter of seconds as images from my own imagination flashed through my mind. And then Ava’s cheeky, impish smirk appeared; even when stoned she knew how to get me flustered.
Without warning, I turned the faucet, and freezing cold water blasted down on both of us.

I welcomed the clear head it gave me after that last comment from Ava which had made my pants tighten uncomfortably. But Ava screamed bloody murder “SHIT F*** DAMN! F****** HELL THAT’S COLD!” and she grasped onto me tighter trying to get away from the cold water. But she finally jumped down in the end as I turned the water off.
“Feeling sober now?” I asked.
“Yeah and colder than F****** Jack Frost” she hissed through clenched teeth.

I grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around her who was shivering and swearing under her breath. Wrapping a towel around my shoulders as well, I was pleasantly surprised to feel Ava tugging me towards her and burying herself into my chest. This felt too good to be real; I don’t know how I’m going to have to go back to not having her this close to me.
“Why are boys always so warm?” she mumbled angrily while her teeth chattered against each other. I couldn’t help but laugh gently as I rubbed her arms and her back until she stopped shivering and her breathing had returned to normal.

AVA’S POV
I loved how soothing and warm it felt to be in Ryan’s arms. My eyes were closed as I savoured the feeling of his hands embracing me. He was the one thing that made me feel safe tonight. A knock on the door startled us, it was Alyssa, “Are you guys ok in there?” she asked.
“Yeah we’re fine, come in.” Ryan replied, letting me go. I felt so cold again.

Alyssa came in with my jacket and purse, but not before she exclaimed “Woah! Do I want to know why you guys are all wet?”

“JACKET. NOW.” I growled and yanked my warm wool jacket from Alyssa’s arms.
My eyes couldn’t help but drift over to Ryan as I watched him take his wet t-shirt off, leaving him in a singlet top. I saw my hand start to reach out towards him even though his back was to me as he put his sweater and glasses back on.

But like a coward, it dropped back to my side when he turned back around to talk to Alyssa,
“I tried to get Ava sobered up but she wouldn’t let go of me, so we went in together and now I think she’s thinking more clearly.”
I gave him the rude finger and rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help it, I guess it felt like I was protecting how vulnerable I felt, with unnecessary rudeness I hope Ryan would look past.  
“Alyssa, I’m just going to go outside to talk to Luke for a second, do you think you can stay here with Ava?” He continued.
“Of course” said Alyssa reassuringly. And Ryan left the room.
“Hey Ave, how are you feeling?” Alyssa asked me, I felt terrible for making her worried.
“Cold. Sober…and confused.” I replied.
Alyssa laughed at me and just said “drugs will do that to you.”
But I’m starting to doubt whether it was the drugs…or if it was Ryan?

“It’s not like I even took them willingly! I swear to god that that Melissa Proud bitch spiked my drink, what the F*** even is her problem with me?!” I yelled, exasperated and exhausted.
“Do you want to call the police?” she asked me seriously.
“No just leave it this time, I don’t want to cause an even bigger scene, plus nobody would believe that that prissy queen bee would have anything to do with drugs anyway.”
“Ok, it’s your choice,” That’s one of the things that I loved most about Alyssa; that she wouldn’t push you and she respected your decisions, even if she didn’t agree.
“Anyway Luke and I have had enough of this party and we’re going to head back now, I think you should come back with us too.” She continued.
“Sounds like a good idea to me.” I replied wholeheartedly.

Luke came into the bathroom and told me and Alyssa that Ryan offered to take me home since Luke had a strict curfew and it was already getting quite late.
I was so grateful to Luke and Alyssa and I felt like such a bad friend compared to them. On drugs or not.
I decided to go with Ryan. It would give me an opportunity to thank him, especially after the shit I put him through even though it was clear he didn’t reciprocate the feelings I apparently seem to have for him...
Feeling much more sober now I realised shocking me with the cold water in the shower was the fastest and most effective way to bring me back to the real world. Because the drugs had mixed with alcohol (thank god there were no side effects) my memories were a little bit hazy but what I remembered the most vividly was Ryan carrying me from the window and to the bathroom, how good he smelt, how much I wanted to kiss him, the way I felt when he called me Sweetheart, his adorable blush when I couldn’t help but tease him. And then the F******* cold water.

Ryan was waiting for me outside. He must be cold because he was only wearing a thin sweater and he was still wet. We were in that transition period between Fall and Winter and night time was cold as a bitch. I walked up next to him and gently slid off his glasses to wipe away the fog with my sleeve.
“Thanks.” He said, with his small smile.
“Thank you.” I said, smiling sheepishly back.

Driving home, Norah Jones’ Come away with me was on the radio and we were peacefully silent. Or at least until I asked “Hey are you going to homecoming Ryan?”
“Well I thought about it, but then the girl I was going to ask has other plans and I think tickets are sold out.” He replied, a little sadly.
“Oh,” I said, hating how dumb that sounded and racking my brain trying to figure out which bitch he was going to ask and the best way to kill her...WOAH calm down with the homicidal thoughts. Geez obviously the drugs were still in effect. I’m sure the girl that Ryan was going to ask is very…nice? No, anyone who turned down Ryan Haywood had to be crazy.
“Well I’ve decided I’m not going to homecoming this year and if you’re not doing anything, do you want to help me out with a little project?” I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he laughed.
“And what exactly would this project involve?”
“I’ll tell you about it closer to the date.”
­__________________________________________________________________

“Are you going to be ok Ava?” Ryan asked as he parked in front of my house.
“Yeah I think so. Listen, I’m really sorry that you had to come over, and that you had to see me like that, but I just wanted to say thank you.” I said.
“Any time Ava. Seriously, call me whenever you need anything.”
I looked at him for a second and smiled to myself, before leaning over and pressing my lips to his cheek in a small tender kiss. Then I got out of the car before I could see his reaction, if it was anything like before when he covered my mouth with his hand, I didn’t want to see it again.
I did it, haha I managed to kiss him even if it was only his cheek. I felt somewhat unsatisfied, but I’ll admit I don’t know whether it was because a guy rejected my advances, (even while I was stoned) or because that guy was Ryan.
I’d have to confirm it tomorrow; time to bring out the big guns.
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So so so sorry that I haven't updated in ages! Been so busy with getting final exam results and applying for different universities!

As always, please comment below or vote if you like this chapter and the story so far !! Things should pick up speed from here.
Cerise xx