My lungs sucked in more air than they could take and at the same time my face heated up. A compliment from Sawyer Logan headed in my direction was as rare as the sighting of a comet. Judging by the way my heart was pumping, I knew I had to put distance between us, either with snarky words or physically. But my brain was kaputting as it sometimes did in his presence when my defenses were weak, so I took the next option. I shimmied out of the booth and ran the heck away. I didn't even notice Toni's table as I did, determined as I was to breathe for a moment—even if that happened in a public restroom.

I saw myself in the mirror, horrified that my cheeks shone brighter than red streetlights. I put my hands on them, trying to cool off.

Sawyer was dangerous to my health. I'd had that feeling deep inside for years, but it had been confirmed last summer. I'd been at the party that had been the talk of the school, where Sawyer and Lexie Cooper hooked up and gave rise to the legend of Metro High's resident bad boy screwing around with the perfect popular girl. Except that before being with her, Sawyer had been with me.

Let me backtrack: he'd been been in a room, having a beer, when I walked in and became trapped by the spiderweb of his eyes. We'd been surrounded by people and all clothes had been in place. But something happened.

I squeezed my eyes shut but I could still see it, the way his lips had curled as he saw me standing there and how the gravel in his voice caressed my skin when he teased me for deigning to join a high school party. "I thought this was below you," he'd said.

And it was. I'd been dragged by Courtney, Lina and Matt. I should've put more of a fight when they were trying to convince me. That was my thought as I turned around and gave Sawyer my back, but he followed me out of the room and into the hallway. I asked him why he was following me. He said he was merely walking in the same direction. People we passed gave us looks, no doubt intrigued by the odd combination we made. I faced him, ready to tell him to leave me alone, and trapped myself between him and a wall.

I didn't have a drop of alcohol in me. Sawyer did, judging by the bottle of beer in his hand. I fed him a line about underage drinking that just turned up his amusement.

He leaned down and I was treated to his scent. It was so good that I could have licked him, but I planted myself firm against the assault to my senses.

In my ear he whispered, "Don't you ever want to be bad, Rory?"

Right there and then, I wanted to. Desperately. He was so close. I could feel heat radiating off of him. It didn't matter that there was a crunch of people around us, shouting in tune to the music, chattering, drinking and probably doing worse things. It felt like it was only Sawyer Logan and Aurora Martinez. My heart fluttered with excitement and fear, so much fear that he was right. As I breathed him in I figured I'd have to be the one to put an end to this dance that he and I seemed to have been stuck in for years. I put my hand against his chest to push him away, but froze once I felt his heartbeat. Fast thumps against the palm of my hand told me that he was just as freaked out by this.

I turned my head, about to tell him... I didn't know what. The words died before I could form them, because Sawyer's eyes were dark and trained on my lips.

"No," I said. I licked my lips. "Yes."

I've regretted that word for months. It introduced me to a sample of those talents that made Sawyer so famous around school as to deserve graffitis in bathroom stalls. One of his hands came up, tilted my face toward his and with no further warning he took my first kiss. Or I gave it to him.

The thing was, even though he melted the bones in my body, I managed to cut it short enough to dash away, much like I'd done just now in the middle of the restaurant. But I'd dreamed about that kiss many nights afterward and I struggled to pretend he didn't affect me. It was why I hadn't wanted to do this assignment from Mr. Davies. It was why my friends worried about me hanging out with Sawyer. It was why what happened to Toni hurt so much. Because if I hadn't found the strength to pull away from him that night, I might have become Toni.

And it'd been the right decision. Clearly he'd just been out for some fun, and after years of girls falling at his feet I'd just seemed like a fun challenge that night. But once that didn't work out, he made his way into Lexie Cooper's pants instead.

And lo and behold, once I washed my face and made it out of the bathroom, I saw that he'd been joined by Lexie herself. I pressed my lips together and told myself that this was probably the way things had to be. Every time he made some sort of move, she showed up as if to remind him that it should be her where his attention should be. This was perfect. If they just became an official couple it'd be a lot easier for me to let go of this senseless attraction.

I had to focus on what mattered, and that was the reason for why I was even hanging out with Sawyer.

I straightened my spine and headed back over. Toni and Adam were still at their table, holding hands and looking into each others' eyes as though this were a romantic date, and not a life changing moment. I was going to get all the details out of her later tonight, but for now I didn't want to interrupt. I looked the other way as I passed them and caught Lexie staring straight at me.

"Hi," I said as I stopped by our table. She'd taken the liberty of sliding into my seat, which I decided was fair to point out. "That's my seat."

"Oh, is it?" she asked, smiling in a way that read as faker than her acrylic nails. "I was wondering who had made all of these drawings. Sawyer can't draw anything this good to save his life."

I almost laughed as he ran his hands over his face, groaning. "It's not like you know me so well, Lexie."

"But I'd love to," she said, and I had to admire her female cojones—pardon me—that she had no problem with openly hitting on him. Lexie stretched out her hand and grabbed a hold of one of his. "When are we going to go on another date?"

Another?

I cleared my throat. "Um, sorry but this is not a conversation I need to listen to and Sawyer and I still have to cover some content for today. Do you mind..." I twirled my index finger in the air, hoping that would be self explanatory. Her blank expression met me. I sighed, "Do you mind talking about this another time?"

She had pretty eyes, the color of a deep cherry wood. She swept them over me, up and down and back up with a certain edge. Lexie grabbed her little purse and slid out of the booth. I took a step back before she bumped into me.

"I would," she said, her hand on her chest. "Lately it just seems like you're always with him, though. Should I be worried?"

I snorted, and the genuine surprise in her face made me laugh. As I sat back down, shaking my head, I said, "Ask him."

I expected Sawyer to laugh as well and tell Lexie her jealousy was completely unfounded. That there was no way in this wide world that he and I would ever have something. Except we'd had something. A tiny, little moment that definitely qualified as a something. And by the way he was looking at me, I had a feeling he was thinking about it too.

"Right, Sawyer?" I urged him. I suddenly needed him to confirm.

He tore his eyes from me and rolled them at the other girl. "Lexie, how many more times do I have to tell you? What happened between us was a one time mistake."

I gaped. The thunder that was suddenly in Lexie's eyes sent me scrambling for something else to do, anything that would turn me invisible in this scene. Except that she was blocking my way out, so I couldn't physically escape. I grabbed the drawings she'd praised earlier and set out to trace the lines of the stage we were going to assemble for Casual Friday Funeral. I drew more balloons. I shaded the letters in the banner just a tad more.

"We'll see about that," she finally said before turning around. I heard her order small fries, but I could feel her eyes boring holes on my head until she left.

It was then that Sawyer regained his breath and I lost mine entirely, because now we were alone again and there were too many things hanging between us that I didn't want to pluck for examining.

"Fuck. She's the second biggest mistake of my life," he said all of a sudden.

I looked up. That was unexpected.

Sawyer was avoiding my eyes as he faced the window, seeing but not seeing the people walking across the mall and the cars coming and going.

I frowned a little as I caught the meaning of his words. By now it was clear to me that Sawyer didn't want anything to do with Lexie, and I felt really bad for her. She had such bad taste if she thought he was her endgame, or something. But the fact that a night of sex with the hottest girl in the senior year being his top second mistake was strange.

"Second?" I asked. I actually figured it ranked kinda high when looking at the array of stupid things I'd seen or heard him do. Still, I asked, "What was the first?"

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the booth, straining the strong muscles of his neck. His Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed and said, "Being born."

thank you guys for your incredible support during the past couple of weeks 🖤

as most of you know, my dad passed away after a two year fight against cancer. he's in a much better place now and those of us left here are trying to pick our lives back up and honor him every day.

he taught us to be fighters and my way of fighting back against the grief is to be very transparent about it and to also keep doing the things that bring me joy. interacting with y'all is one of them. so updates will resume from today and i'll strive for normal levels of activity.

i hope you continue anticipating Rory's adventures because all the best parts are coming ✨

mucho amor for y'all 🖤