It became a usual thing for Leon and I to see each other by the vending machine everyday. We'd sit on the same bench everyday and talk about how unfair life was.

He would tell me about his grandmother and I would tell him about my dad. We were almost going through the same thing and appreciated each other's support.

It was Friday afternoon. Technically, Leon was supposed to be in English class while I in gym but we have a test on Monday that neither of us have studied for. Leon begged me to tutor him, saying that I'd benefit from it too but it wasn't until he played the I'm failing' card that I agreed. Besides, we were good friends by now, what harm could it be to study at his place?

Leon drove me to his house, which was in a decent neighborhood, not too far from school.

When we pulled up in the driveway I noticed how the front lawn was a mess. The only flowers were some wild dandelions here and there and a few over grown weeds. I guess they were too busy to take care of it and didn't think about it again once I entered the already unlocked house.

"I thought your mom's not home." I say, following behind Leon as he walks inside the house and leeads me through a narrow corridor.

Leon shrugs, and glances at me from over his shoulder. "We keep the door open. It's a safe neighborhood, don't worry. Nobody's gonna jump at you from behind the curtains."

I feel a shiver run down my spine I can't help but look at the curtains that cover the only window in the messy living room.

Leon laughs and reaches for the curtains, pulling them back and letting light enter. "See, nothing."

I force out a laugh, "I was actually worried about the lack of light in here." I half lie as I stand near the couch, unsure if I should sit or not.

"Why, are you scared of the dark?" He smirks as he comes to a stop in front of me.

I roll my eyes and decide to sit down. Seeing as Leon doesn't seem like the type to care about about hospitality. "Whatever, nice house by the way."

I looked around the living room again. Various kinds of wrappers littered the the floor, a few soda and beer cans on the floor. There aren't any picture frames which seems unusual but what really catches my eye is the bong placed above the T.V.

"Is that a bong?" I ask, half surprised.

Leon nods, casting it a disgusted look to which I giggle. "That trash is my mom's. Mines way better!"

I watch as he walks out of the living, returning a few seconds later with a bigger sized bong. "Now this is the real deal."

He starts fiddling with it and I wince when he takes out a zippo lighter from his pocket. I wasn't here for this - I remind myself.

"Why don't we go over a few problems first then do...that?" I bit my lip as a wait for him to reply.

There's a mischievous glint in his eyes as he asks, "You wanna smoke?"

"No," I quickly answered. "I don't wanna smell like smoke. Dad's gonna know."

"So if your dad can't smell it, you'd do it?" He asks as he flicks the lighter to the bong.

"That's not what I said. I don't smoke." I clarify.

"You know the smell hardly lasts that long." He says, ignoring what I just said.

"Leon, please. I'm stressed about the test. Can we start studying?"

The most Leon did in front of me was smoke and even then, I kept a distance so the scent wouldn't linger on my clothes. But smoking a bong in his living room...that was something else. Something I didn't want to be a part of.

"Alright, miss goody two shoes. Why don't you set up everything, I'll be back in a minute?"

It was more of an order than a question as he walks out of the room and in the direction of the kitchen, I suppose. Part of me wants to call him out for the name he called me but I just don't have it in me to say anything.

By the time Leon returns to the living room, I've looked through the five chapters we have to prepare. "The test shouldn't be as hard as Mr. Lowe said it'll be. It's just geometry with a bit of algebra."

"Both of which I failed." He says as he sits beside me. I turn to him as I laugh but stop when I look at him.

"What the hell happened to your eyes?" I ask as I stare into his slightly bloodshot eyes. He was fine a while ago.

"Nothing, it happens sometimes." He shrugs and reaches for my notebook. "What the hell is this shit?"

"It's never happened before," I say, ignoring his attempt to change the topic. "Did you do some drugs?"

Leon raises a brow at me. "No, just smoked a bit so I could focus on this." He points at the page that's opened in front of him.

"What the fuck are all these words, tan, cos..." I watch as Leon leans closer to me to examine the math workbook but all I can focus on is a strange smell that lingers on him. I'm positive it wasn't there before.

I scrunch my nose in disgust and back away from him. "What's that awful smell?"

Leon smirks as he casts me a side glance, "nothing," He hums to myself.

"That definitely doesn't smell like nothing."

"Relax, Blake." He sighs as he reclines on the couch, balancing the workbook on his leg which he propped up on the table. "There's no fun in being uptight all the time. You gotta give yourself some time to recharge too, ya know."

I roll my eyes at him. "You sound so stupid, how will smoking recharge anything?"

Leon raises a brow at me. "It's more of a way to release stress. Smoking really helps."

"Sure it does." I snort. "Why not just take some anti-depressants instead?"

"Like you'd know anything about them." He mutters, fiddling with the workbook in his hands.

I snatch it from his grip and smirk. "I do and they're a lot better than smoking - nobody knows you took them. It's safer."

Leon turns to face me, an amused look om his face. "Does miss goody two shoes pop pills when nobody's looking?"

The name he called me makes me feel annoyed and without thinking I blurt out, "I'm not an addict. I just take some to focus during exams, and it's not like dad notices that his pills are missing."

"Even if he did, he wouldn't believe you stole them. Your image is way too clean."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I question, I can't help but feel like his provoking me yet I can't hid the annoyance in my tone.

"Just saying, whenever my friends see the stuff I have lying around, they ask if they can use it, heck sometimes they don't even ask and just take but then there's you."

"Well that's because I'm mannered." I say pointedly.

"Fair enough. So if I offered you a smoke," He says as he pulls out a box of cigarettes from a hidden pocket inside his jacket, "You wouldn't decline it?"

I shake my head at him. He's unbelievable. "In this situation, I wouldn't because I know you doing it on purpose."

"I knew it, goody two shoes."

I snatched the box out of his hands and took out a cigarette, holding it up to my face. "Light it up, I'm gonna prove you wrong."

Leon smiled mischievously but I ignored it. My mind focused on the task at hand. He hands me the zippo lighter that was conveniently placed on the side of the coffee table before us. "You can do the honors."

I flick on the lighter and hold it close to the cigarette which lights up immediately and place the lighter back on the table. I watch the tip of the cigarette a second longer before bringing the other end to my lips.

The side my lips pull upwards as I glance at Leon who watches me carefully. I suck on the cigarette and not even a second later cough out the smoke, heaving deeply as I almost choked myself.

"Easy there," He says and pats my back until I've recovered. "You're supposed to keep it in your mouth and then blow it out. Like this."

I watch as he brings the cigarette to lips, inhaling and then blowing out the smoke with such ease. I reach my hand out for it again, determined to get it right this time. It isn't until my fifth try that I nail it.

"See, wasn't so bad was it?" Leon smirks as he takes a long drag. I reach for the cigarette again until realization hits me and I withdraw my hand.

What the hell am I doing?

I try to play it cool but Leon's too clever. He raises an eyebrow at me. "What's the matter?"

I stumble on my words until my eye catches the books laid out in front of us. "Just realized that we'll fail this test if we don't start now."

Leon doesn't question it. After all, he's on probation and needs to do well on this test otherwise if won't be able to graduate this year again, seeing as he keeps on failing.

I rub my temples and sigh out a breath. I wanted to go to New York this summer, I wanted to explore the city, explore the NYU campus and look at all the possible places I could volunteer or intern at so that when I go there after graduation, I won't be a stranger to that city. I'll know my way around. But could I do that with everything going on?

For the first time, I wondered how long dad had until he... He couldn't just leave me like this. I'm sure the doctors will find a way to cure him. I won't have it any other way.

I snap out of my thoughts when Leon taps my shoulder, asking what the cosine rule is. I sigh and explain it to him. That's what I do the entire time I'm at his house. I practically teach the entire lesson to him again. I'm confident he didn't understand more than half of it but it doesn't matter. I'll show him my test and he can copy my answers. As long as he gives me another cigarette to smoke away the stress.

Leon drops me off at the hospital, his mom was staying with his grandma and they were about to change shifts. I offered to go up with him but he declined. Saying that he needed to do something else before he went up.

So here I was, standing outside my dad's room. My hand was placed on the door knob but I made no move to open the door. I couldn't help but feel guilty for smoking.

I look around and when I find nobody looking at me, I clench my shirt and bring it to my nose and sniff. I sigh in relief when there's no smell of cigarette smoke. It's all good, I tell myself. Nothing to worry about.

I plastered on a smile and open the door. "Hey," I drawl, twisting the doorknob behind me and closing it shut.

Dad's head pops up from the magazine in his hand and he gives me a smile. If it weren't for the tubes stuck to the back of his hands and the machines placed beside him, you wouldn't think he's ill but despite the setting, he still looked charming.

"Hey there, kiddo!" He says, lowering the magazine in his hands which I realize isn't at all a magazine. It's the NYU prospectus I accidentally brought here with my stack of books.

"I see you've been keeping yourself busy," I point at the prospectus book as I place my bag on my floor beside the coffee table.

"I have, but I'm not sure about this place for you anymore. Their courses are little outdated." Dad scratches the side of his head and looks at me carefully.

I burst out laughing and dad's looks even more confused. "Why don't you look for something in Florance?"

I shake my head. "New York is the furthest I'm willing to go."

"But honey, their prospectus sounds like it's five years old."

"That's because it is dad. I didn't get a new one yet. You're reading the one I got when we went to New York five years ago."

I laugh again when relief washes over him and he begins to laugh too. We haven't had a moment like this in a while and I kept help but tear up. I walked over to his bed, and sit down on the empty space beside him, carefully reaching my arms out to hug him.

He hugs me back tighter and I force my tears in. I don't wanna turn this moment around. Ever since he was admitted into the hospital, we've only been sad. I want more happy memories. I need more happy moments.

"What's that weird smell?" Dad asks as he sniffs my hair before pulling back, face scrunched in disgust and confusion.

I almost want to smack Leon for blowing smoke on me. He didn't want to waste his cigarette so he smoked it until it was finished but the annoying part was that he kept blowing smoke in my face, making me cough each time. I tried to shield myself with my hair but I didn't realize the smell would linger on.

Puzzled at what to say to him, I move away from his and collect my hair until they're in a makeshift bun at the back of my head.

"Someone in the elevator up here smelled like cigarettes, I don't get how people smoke that much." I lie as I look at the floor.

When I raise my head, dad's looking at me intently but then there's a softness in his eyes. "Who were you with?"

"Charlie," I reply almost immediately. "We were studying together."

Dad smiles. "He's a good kid. I'm glad he's taking care of you."

I want to roll my eyes but I don't. Charlie has been my friend since childhood and he always looked out for me and tutored me. We were best friends until a month ago when we had a fight. Half the reason why I got closer to Leon was to spite Charlie and I just can't help but feel like I'm doing the wrong thing.

Dad doesn't know we had a fight, and I'm not sure I want to tell him that just yet because that means I'll have to tell him that I've been hanging with Leon. Leon, isn't that bad but his appearance...is a little shabby and I don't think dad will be too impressed by him. I'll tell dad later, right now I just want to spend some time with him like old times.

"How about I sneak in a pizza for myself while you eat your dinner and let's watch a movie?"

Dad gives me a look. "Have fun trying to get it past the nurse." He snorts, "I really don't like her."

I stifle in a laugh. From the way I see it, the nurse has a thing for dad but I'll let him figure it out himself.

"I'll use my ninja powers to sneak it in." I say, grabbing my phone to place an order.

"Then I want some cheese bread, please." He says. "The hospital food is making me sicker than I really am."

My eyes leave the screen of my phone and I meet my dad's gaze. The air suddenly feels tense and I finally ask the question that's been bothering me. "How much time do you have left?"

Dad gives me a blank stare but I know that the gears in his head are moving and he's searching for an answer. I know the doctors told him something, he's just hiding it from me.

"Blake," He says, then closes his eyes. When he opens him again, his demeanour changes and a smile replaces the worried look in his face. "They didn't tell me anything yet. I'm not leaving you so soon."

"Promise?" I say, unsure if I should believe him or not.

"I promise." He says, and reaches his hand out to hold mine. I take his hand and he brings it to his lips, kissing the back of my hand just like he always did. "Now hurry up, I have to get the cheese bread out of my system before my next check up otherwise I'll be in trouble."

I cringe away from him. "Ew, dad. And you're not gonna get any. I don't want that nurse to murder me!"

Just as I say that, the nurse walks in and her cheeks are a bright red as she looks at me and then my dad.

***

I

spend the weekend at the hospital. Luckily there's a three seater in dad's room which isn't so bad to sleep on. I made some runs home too, mostly to shower, get a change of clothes and help my aunt out with chores. She's never been the friendliest with me and I think part of the reason why is my mom, dad said I looked like my mom. And aunty hates mom.

When it's finally Monday, I can't help but stress over the test. It's after lunch and part of me is glad it is because I can study for it a bit before lunch but the other half wishes to get done with it already.

When I walk into the school building, there's no sign of Leon. I usually see him before class but as I slowly walk towards my locker, I don't see him anywhere.

Instead, I see Charlie who's standing beside his locker a few feet away from mine. I give him a small smile and he shakes his head at me. Great, he's pissed off. Just as I'm about to turn away, I see him take giant steps towards me until he's right in front of me.

"Where's that druggie boyfriend of yours?" He barks out.

I take a step back. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Really? Because from what I heard sounds like you two are pretty close."

I squint my eyes at him. "Why do you even care? I thought I was too emotional for you to handle!"

"I never meant that, Blake!"

"Really? Because I clearly remember you told Jasmine that I'm sad all the time and you want to be happy!" I scream for the crowd around us to hear. "But I'm sure you don't remember that. After all, you were too busy planning your next move - shoving your tongue down her throat."

I don't realize how large the crowd has grown until gasps and whispers break out. I don't wait for Charlie to reply as I push my through the students and find the nearest exit. Fuck home room. Fuck everything.

I ran outside and don't stop until I'm at the very last row of the parking lot. The home room bell rings and the last of the kids roaming outside finally go inside. I sit at the edge of the curb, staring at the laces of my shoes as a few late comers pass by on their cars, turning towards the school entrance.

I'm still confused by what Charlie was trying to do but whatever it was, I'm not sorry for what I said. He said he loved me. He said that I made him happier yet the one time I felt down, he couldn't cheer me up.

He was the first one I confided in about dad's health. He was supportive, for a week, and then my emotions got in the way of our relationship or whatever it was.

I sniff, and wipe away my tears bur it's pointless because a sob breaks through and I clench my legs closer to my body. I might lose my dad, is it so bad for me to cry and be sad about it? If I'm allowed to be happy, why arent I allowed to be sad?

I stay there until my tears dry up and I can't cry anymore. I stand up and dust the back of my jeans, before tying my hair back. I begrudgingly start my walk back to the school building.

I've barely covered any distance when I stop because of the sound of a familiar car. I turn around and Leon's rusty old car comes into my view.

The paint has chipped off from way too many places and there are several dents on the body of the car. I thought he got a run down car because it's cheap but the freshly broken side mirror proves that he's just a bad driver.

I way over at him and he slows parks his car in the empty space in front of me. I reach for the passenger side door before he can get out and I smile over at him.

"Hey, can I ask you for something?" I say hesitantly. He nods his side and I speak again. "Would you happen to be in the mood for a smoke?"

Leon laughs at me as if I've told him a joke. "Whatever happened to you?"

"Some shit." I answer. He sobers up and watches me carefully. "Can you give me a cigarette if you're not in the mood to smoke?"

"You know, you're weird." He says with an amused smile. "I've never seen someone ask for a cigarette this politely before."

I roll my eyes. "Just give it to me."

He takes out two, one for me and one for himself. We take our time, as if we aren't skipping our classes.

I throw the cigarette out of the window when I'm done and I quickly opened the door and step on it. I don't want to set the entire parking lot on fire the second time I ever smoked a cigarette. I smile at Leon, I finally feel calm enough to give the math test and attend what's left of my classes.

"Thanks, I'm gonna head on inside. Don't be late for the test, I won't see you a seat!" I turn on my heel before he can protest.

The first thing I do is head to my locker. The hallways are clear and you'd think that school is over if it weren't so the slight noise coming from the classrooms. I grab the deodorant that lies at the back of my locker and I spray it all around it me until I'm certain that the smell of cigarettes is gone. I pull out a bubblegum from my pocket and pop one into my mouth.

I told myself I'd never smoke again and maybe I wouldn't have if Leon didn't pull up by the parking when I was there but then again I didn't want to take any chances so I prepared myself.

I check the time and my mouth falls open when I realize it's almost lunch time. As if on queue, the period bell rings and students immediately pour into the hallway. I glance over at Charlie's locker- he isn't there yet but I know he will be soon and I don't want to face him again so I rush towards the lunchroom.

I always found the walk to the lunchroom short but today it seemed awfully long. I usually hard to push my way through the crowd but today, everyone moved out of my way as they talked about me and stared at me.

"Did you hear, she caught her boyfriend in bed with her cousin."

I glare at the girl, that's not what happened!

"Man, Charlie was bonin' two chicks at the same time, wonder what that felt like."

"I heard she's going to be checked into a mental facility."

"I can't believe she's dating the dealer."

"She sure is desperate for drugs, no wonder Charlie left her."

"It's because of her dad, I heard he's gonna die soon. Her mom already left her, no wonder she's doing dru-"

"Would you all just shut up already?" I yell so everyone can hear. "I'm not doing drugs and I'm not dating anyone!"

I run to the bathroom instead which isn't so far away. I pick an empty stall and lock it. All I feel is rage, lots of it that's trying to find a way out. I don't know what to do so I do the most harmless thing I can think of,so I scream. Loud and clear until my voice breaks and I'm left panting.

I spend the rest of the day in the counsellors office, ignoring whatever he has to say until he gives up let's me go. I'm told to give the test after school so I stay back and attempt whatever I can remember.

When I'm free, I walk out of the building with my bag that's full of books. I could have been in trouble but because of this "episode" like Mr. Sullivan put it, I'm being let off the hook. With that said, I have to give in everything I missed today as homework tomorow. I don't really care though, I'll get it done. Anything to distract me from the thoughts running in my head will do.

I turn towards the soccer field since I'll have to walk home. It's pointless to call my Auntie for a ride home and the only other person I can depend on is probably busy with his life so I speed up my pace and hope my feet don't fail me now.

"Blake, hey, stop!" Confused, I turn around and find Leon standing beside his car in the parking lot.

"What're you doing here?" I shout back as I run towards, however when I see the person standing next to him, I stop in my tracks and a shiver runs down my spine.

"My friend Trace came by and offered to wait here until you came. I heard what happened today and thought you could use a friend."

Author's note:

Brace yourself, the next chapter will be dark.