Last chapter, I hope you like it

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"Fuck," the word left my mouth before I could stop myself. My eyes were glued to where the bell atop the front door had chimed. There he stood, the boy who had haunted my every living moment for weeks.

"What is it?" Tyler curiously asked from beside me, following my gaze, but still seemed confused. "Seriously, Ev, what is it?" I swirled my straw around using my tongue as I stared at Jonathan intently.

"Dickhead at twelve o'clock." That caught everyone's attention as they turned in their seats to see Jonathan sitting peacefully on a red faux leather bar stool, tapping his fingers against the counter. I sipped my drink to push down the heart-wrenching feeling that was building up in my chest. I looked back down at the table after a few more moments.

"The fuck is he doing here..?" He heard Tyler whisper to himself as I pulled my hood up over my head to draw as little attention to myself as possible. The last thing I wanted was to cause a scene in such a public place.

Suddenly I felt something warm on my cheek, and I leaned back in my chair and looked at my lap as an instinct, using my sleeve to wipe them away as well. I tug on Tyler's arm besides me, he was still watching Jonathan very intently. "Tyler, I have to use the restroom, can you, um, move maybe?" I ask quietly and immediately Tyler is gathering his jacket and asking whoever sat on the other side of him to move. Thankfully I wouldn't have to pass Jonathan on my way to the bathroom. I slid out of the booth and used every bit of self control I had left to walk instead of run to the bathroom.

My footsteps echoed on the tiles as I rushed into a stall, locking it quickly and just sitting down on the seat as I let a few tears escape. I thought I was fine, that I could see him and not feel a single thing because he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of knowing he hurt me. My breathing soon begins to hurt me and I realize that it's because my breath is fast and short, highly unusual, if you don't consider how I've been the past month, if it's even been that long.

A few tears slipped down my face as I sniffed, trying to wipe them away. I was only meaning to calm myself down so I could enjoy my time with my friends, not work myself up all over again. There wasn't a need to cry over this boy anymore, he had done all he could to me. I sniff, wiping at my eyes with my sleeve once again, my hood still pulled up. Holding the top of it, I un my fingers through my hair to blindly adjust it before wiping at my eyes again, telling myself that he wasn't worth it.

High school relationships aren't worth anything compared to the ones you'll make in college, they say. I don't need to keep crying over Jonathan, there would be others like him, too.

"Evan?" I was so caught up in my thoughts I hadn't heard the door open, my breath stopping as I heard Jonathan's voice again for the first time in a long time. I froze, tensing my shoulders. "Ev?" I had no where to run this time, and I had foolishly left my phone at the table, no one was going to help me. I wiped at my eyes one more time before standing up and unlocking the stall with hesitation. I looked terrible, I knew I looked terrible, but I had to get this over with. As I stepped towards the sinks, I felt his gaze follow me. I just needed to ignore him, that was it. Ignore him. "Evan, please talk to me. I haven't seen you in so long and I saw your friends out there but I recognized your phone case and figured you were in here." I held my ground as I washed my hands quickly before grabbing a paper towel to dry them off.

His fingers grip my wrist. "Please, just talk to me."

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Jonathan couldn't believe that he was looking at Evan again, he thought he would never see him after what had happened. But, here he was. His eyes red and his hair messed up, he looked thinner than when he had seen him last and Jonathan's heart broke at the sight of his ex-boyfriend.

"Leave me alone." Was all Evan said, trying to get out of Jonathan's grip. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Well, I have something to say to you, Ev, alright? Please, please just listen to me, okay? I didn't know about what happened until it happened okay? It was all Lui's idea, I swear it-he's sorry, too, but that's not the point. The point is that I would never, and I mean never do that to you on purpose, Evan, you have to believe me. I love you, I love you. So much. Without having you around has been torturing me, Ev, I need you even if you don't need me. You can ignore me and yell at me and hate me, but I will always hate myself more for not trying harder to apologize to you. Please, Evan, please just give me one more chance, please." Jonathan felt like he might cry, too.

Finally freeing his wrist from Jonathan's tight grip, Evan pushed his hood back and looked up at him. Jonathan felt an ache of sadness as he saw how bad Evan looked, knowing that he was the one who did that to him.

Yet, the anger in the boy's eyes actually surprised him, especially when a finger was jabbed into his chest.

"Who the hell do you think you are, Jonathan? Seriously, who? Because I'm not stupid enough to fall for this all over again, it hurt enough the first time. I hate you so fucking much you don't even understand. If you really loved me, you wouldn't have done what you did, wouldn't have acted the way you did, if you loved me you wouldn't have talked to me at all-fuck..." Evan pulled angrily at his hair as more tears rolled down his face. "Even just looking at you kills me, babe..." the pet name slipped from his mouth so easily he couldn't stop himself in time. Still looking down, he continued on through the tears and emotions that flowed through him. "I put everything on the line for you, I knew what this would happen, I knew it, yet I was still stupid enough to put myself through it. I was so close, so fucking close, but you fucking existed and fucked everything up. But," he sighed, swallowing a lump in his throat, looking back up at Jonathan. "It's not your fault, Jonathan, it's mine. It's all my fault. This wouldn't have happened if I wasn't such a shit head or if I wasn't so stupid or if I didn't do half the shit I did in my life.

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, we can't do this, okay? It's...it's not good for us, Jon, okay? It's not. I know that isn't the issue that brought us here, and I don't doubt for a second that it was Lui's fault, but, that just proves my point, we aren't good for each other, you know? This," he gestured between the two of them, avoiding eye contact as tears silently slipped down Jonathan's face as he listened to the boy he still wanted so desperately, "won't work out. I....fuck....I just transferred to a new school, so...this...this really won't work."

"You transferred? Evan, you can't, please, no. I need to see you, I won't forgive myself like this, Ev, please-"

"I can't do this, Jonathan." Evan stops him in his tracks. "I love you, but I can't do this. I've had some of the best moments of my life with you, but I can't, okay? You...this...it all hurt me too much, I need to go, clear my head, leave everyone behind....I need this, for me. It's not your fault, it's mine. It's always been my fault."

Jonathan cried, shaking his head and trying to step towards Evan, but the other kept stepping away. "Evan, no, it's not your fault, it's never been your fault. Everyone keeps telling you that it is but it's not, okay? You didn't do anything wrong, please don't do this to me... to us... please, Evan. I love you so much, I'm so lost without you. I eat lunch alone, no one will fucking look at me, please. I'm so fucked up without you-"

"I'm fucked up because of you." Evan cut him off once more. "Ever since I fucking saw you I was so obsessed with you and everything you fucking did but you had to be assigned to sit next to those assholes, the world has always been against this, okay? It's better this way. We fuck each other up-"

"Please, just one more kiss, then. Give me that at least, Ev." Jonathan begged, taking a slow step forward.

Sadly, Evan smiled. "I can't, Jonathan. It wouldn't be good for either of us." He makes a move to leave once again, walking away from the boy he really loved.

"Please." Jonathan whispered. "Don't be such an asshole, Evan. You don't have to be an asshole with me, you know that. What about the rooftop? Remember our first kiss? You felt that, didn't you? And now, you're just going to leave without giving me just one more. Something to remember you by."

Evan stopped at the door, not turning around to face him again. He sighed. "Maybe, it would be best if you just forgot I existed. Everyone else is going to, anyway."

That was the last time Jonathan saw him, the last time he heard his voice, last interaction he ever had with the boy. He couldn't believe it at first, but after the school year came and went he realized it was true, and his friends were even surprised.

Evan never told them he transferred. He didn't want to hurt them anymore after he stopped talking to them, he still wanted the best for them.

Everything made Jonathan sad still, something told him that he could've prevented what happened, he could've said something differently in that diner bathroom that would have saved them. Maybe if he had just kissed him instead of asking, maybe if he had chased him, maybe if he had done anything other than what he did it would've been better.

He called this feeling, the bad boy effect.