**Amanda**

Amanda sat in the Safeway parking lot and wiped away her last remaining tears, attempting to push thoughts of Ian out of her mind for good. Every second is an opportunity for a fresh start, she encouraged herself. Fresh. You've got this. Think fresh. This might be the week you eat the bagged salad instead of tossing the unopened package of super greens in the garbage two weeks from now.

[[Jeannie] Just parked]

[[Geri] I think people are wondering why I'm standing here with an empty cart and not moving]

[[Geri] Hurry up and get your asses into position!]

[[Geri] Safeway guy might already be shopping]

[[Amanda] Getting out of my car now]

[[Jeannie] Me too]

[[Jeannie] Race you to the carts, A!]

Amanda cracked a smile and jogged to the grocery carts located outside the main entrance. Throwing her purse into the cart's child seat, she placed one hand on the cart's handle and the other her on her lower abdomen where a cramp had jiggled to life. Fucking period. Probably why I'm such a hot mess today.

[[Mona] Are we shopping yet?]

[[Mona] Need to be done before the bubbles in my bath are gone]

[[Geri] Do we want to know why?]

[[Mona] When I see my naked body I get turned on]

[[Mona] Then I only buy food I can use for sexual pleasure]

[[Geri] KNEW I didn't want to know!]

[[Jeannie] What's on your shopping list, M?]

Catching a glimpse of her reflection in the glass of the grocery store's automatic doors, Amanda's chest tightened as she compared herself to the perfect image she saw on Twitter of Georgette. You need to eat healthier. For real, Amanda! For real! It's your fault you're being filtered out of men's searches on OKCupid. I mean--look at you! Of course they prefer women like Georgette!

She waved her hand as though performing a bit of magic and the Safeway doors slid open. Pushing her cart over the threshold, she paused for a moment in the store's entryway. It's time. Today is the day. You can do it. Only healthy foods in the cart.

[[Amanda] In position. Deli.]

[[Geri] In position. Deli.]

[[Jeannie] In position. Bakery.]

[[Mona] Stop talking about positions]

[[Mona] It's making me horny]

[[Amanda] I wonder what the Deli and Bakery positions would look like in bed?]

[[Geri] Don't encourage her.]

[[Geri] Just don't]

[[Mona] Do you know how to properly insert deli meat into hot buns?]

[[Geri] See what you did, A?]

[[Geri] Now we'll be flooded with sexy sandwich innuendos till we get to the cereal aisle.]

Amanda cruised the refrigerated displays in the deli. Ready to eat foods lined the shelves as far as the eyes could see. Supermarket sushi. Three-foot subs. Macaroni salad. A buffet with a variety of flavored chicken wings. Cheese trays. She stopped when she came to the section of premade salads. Salad looks like the fucking devil alongside heavenly buffalo wings and cheese.

[[Jeannie] Do you see Safeway guy, A?]

Exactly five weeks prior, Amanda had crossed paths with a cute guy in this very section. He noticed her. She noticed him. Initially, there were no thoughts of deli meats being inserted into bakery buns. It wasn't until they kept passing each other in the grocery aisles that thoughts of making sandwiches for a romantic dick-nic in the park began to form. It's also the reason why Amanda and her lady friends started Supermarket Sunday chats at 3 pm Pacific every week.

Amanda's interaction with Safeway Guy had been similar to a silent movie. Words were never exchanged between them. Their story unfolded via the tension of coincidence and proximity. They'd start off in the deli, then move to the aisles. Each time Amanda entered a grocery aisle, Safeway Guy would appear at the opposite end. Slowly, they'd walk towards each other. Anticipation grew with every step. When they crossed paths in the middle, excitement exploded. Shy glances exchanged. Then there'd be a period of disappointment as they walked away from each other until the mating dance started all over again in the next aisle.

Sundays. 3 pm. That's when Safeway Guy shopped for groceries. Amanda waited all week for their unofficial non-dates hoping an actual conversation would happen--and the best sandwich of their lives shared.

[[Amanda] I don't see him]

Amanda glanced at the time on her cell phone. 3:03 pm.

[[Geri] I'm sure he'll show]

[[Geri] He's been there like... 3 of the last 4 Sundays!]

[[Jeannie] OMG!! Pumpkin spice cupcakes!]

[[Jeannie] I'm just smelling them. I swear!]

[[Geri] PUT THE PUMPKIN CAKES BACK ON THE DISPLAY!]

[[Geri] We agreed]

[[Geri] We're keeping each other accountable. Healthy. Food. Only!]

[[Jeannie] I'm just smelling them! I promise!]

Amanda strolled into Safeway's bakery section--still no sign of Safeway Guy anywhere. However, plenty of baked goods offered to take his place and comfort her soul. Apple pies. Soft sugar cookies with colorful frosting. Six-layer confetti cakes. Cinnamon rolls dripping with icing. Gooey brownies decorated in Seattle Seahawks colors.

Amanda picked up the brownies, impressed by the thick layer of fudge frosting on top. The green and blue sprinkles in support of the local football team were nice, but not needed. Just this once, she told herself, knowing full well it was a weekly lie. Since you have your period and it's been an emotional day, it would be okay for today. Just this one time, though.

She tossed the brownies in her cart. The ladies would never know.

[[Mona] I need a grapefruit]

[[Geri] Random]

[[Jeannie] For a new diet?]

[[Amanda] Bleh! Grapefruit is disgusting]

[[Mona] No!]

[[Mona] Grapefruit is delicious when you put it on a penis]

Amanda halted in the frozen food aisle and stared at her phone--speechless. Textless.

[[Jeannie] Uhh... what?]

[[Geri] ???]

[[Amanda] ...]

[[Mona] You know??]

[[Mona] When you put a grapefruit on a man and suck his straw?]

[[Jeannie] Whaaaaaaaaaat?]

[[Jeannie] A real man? Explain!]

[[Amanda] Should I know what you're talking about, M?]

[[Geri] Oh. My. Gawd. I just Goggled it.]

[[Geri] Grapefruiting is a real thing]

Amanda imagined Mona holding the front of her cart with her red fingernails, preventing her from continuing down the frozen food aisle. "You need to know what I'm talking about, because grapefruits will change your life."

Geri magically appeared on Amanda's right side and Jeannie on her left. Amanda could imagine all three of them staring at Mona in shock as the saucy Latina held a juicy bit of information behind a mischievous grin.

"How in the hell do you put a grapefruit on a man's penis?" Geri asked.

Mona held up a hand with fingers pressed together, as though imitating a knife. "You cut off one end of the grapefruit. Then you cut off the other end. Then you carve out a hole in the middle of the grapefruit that's the same size as the--."

Jeannie held up a hand, interrupting her friend. "Aren't they acidic'y--grapefruits? Does a man want all that acid on his--baby-maker?"

Grinning from ear to ear, Mona nodded. "Most definitely. Especially when you start sliding it up and down his pole."

Tilting her head to the side, Amanda asked, "So the man's thingy is like a--a straw or something? Like one of those coconut drinks?"

"It's a nut drink, for sure," Mona replied. "If you prefer something more tropical, I also have a recipe for a penis colada."

Jeannie giggled and flashed Geri a playful side-glance.

Amanda looked towards Geri than back at Jeannie. Pushing her cart into Mona to bump her out of the way, she said, "Nope. I know what's about to happen. Move, Mona!"

Geri put her arm around Jeannie and the two sang an altered version of Rupert Holmes's, Escape (the Pina Colada Song). "If you like penis coladas, and getting caught in the rain!"

Amanda smirked as she listened to her friends sing behind her. She slipped into the next aisle to dodge any association with the concert in the frozen food section.

Mona turned the duo into a trio as she added her Spanish accent to Geri and Jeannie's harmony. "If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain. If you like making love at midnight!"

Unsure of the words, the three ladies stumbled over the song's next line. "And--getting--and--?"

Making up her own lyrics, Mona went rogue and sang solo. "And having sex on the beach. I'll put your penis in a grapefruit. And suck it like a leech."

Standing in the neighboring aisle surrounded by baby products, Amanda looked up towards the ceiling and laughed. "Oh, my gawd! That just happened."

There was a slight pause before she heard Mona comment on an item in the freezer section. "If you were thinking about putting a popsicle in your lady hole--think again. It's nothing like Eskimo dick."

That has--literally--never crossed my mind, Amanda thought.

Her friends rushed around the corner, scuffing their feet and giggling. "I don't know you," Amanda said in a teasing manner when they rejoined her.

"Oh, come on," Geri replied. "I don't even like dick, and I thought that was hilarious."

"What's wrong, A?" Jeannie asked, placing a hand on Amanda's shoulder. "I've been meaning to ask. We can tell something's been bothering you lately."

Shrugging her shoulders while shaking her head, Amanda lied in hopes of quickly brushing the topic under the rug. "Nothing's wrong."

"You haven't updated your story on Wattpad in weeks," Geri said. "That's not like you."

Amanda's eyes glanced towards sippy cups and binkies hanging in the display next to her. "I've been really busy lately."

"But you said The Storyteller is why you were put on this Earth," Geri countered.

"I'm just busy," Amanda reiterated.

"You also haven't posted anything on social media in months," Jeannie said, pointing out a change in Amanda's usual behavior. "Have you been leaving the house?"

Diverting her focus to jars full of green shit labeled baby food, Amanda replied, "I'm at Safeway, aren't I?"

"Doesn't count," Jeannie countered. "You have to leave the house to buy food."

"Technically," Amanda argued, "I could have it delivered."

"Now that I think about it, we haven't heard about the men you've stalked on the internet lately." Mona twirled her hair, seemingly in deep thought. "You're still stalking men, right?"

Amanda stared at a shelf of baby wipes, praying Ian wouldn't be brought up in the conversation. "I'm not a stalker. I'm an unpaid detective. And--Noooo."

"Are you okay?" Geri asked.

Pulling a baby rattle off a hook, Amanda gently shook it. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine," Jeannie said. "Something's different with you."

Amanda shrugged her shoulders. "Couldn't tell you. I stress about stupid stuff sometimes, but other than that, I'm fine."

"What's stressing you--stupidly?" Mona asked, poking a bag of diapers with her finger.

"Stupid 'what if' stuff. Like--what if I screwed up somewhere in my past, so now I'll never be the person I was supposed to be?" Returning the baby rattle back to the hook, Amanda whispered, "I mean--as time goes on, second chances slowly start disappearing. What if it's too late to be who I was meant to be?"

Jeannie wrapped her arms around Amanda and pulled her into a hug. "But I love the person you are. I wouldn't change a single thing about you."

Amanda felt the heat and moisture of tears invading her eyes. "But that's just it--everyone loves me, but no one's IN love with me." She pulled away from Jeannie's embrace and stared at an in-store blood pressure machine at the end of the aisle near the pharmacy. "Why is that?"

Silence fell upon the friends as they slowly continued down the aisle.

"Time for some real talk," Geri said, draping the mood with seriousness. "If you want someone to fall IN love with you, you have to fall IN love with yourself first. It's not the other way around."

Amanda half-chuckled at Geri's statement. "Should I marry myself?"

Unphased by Amanda's sarcasm, Geri continued. "Why would you expect someone to fall IN love with you if you can't fall IN love with yourself? It doesn't work like that. It's your job to show people how lovable you are, and you do that by genuinely falling in love with yourself first."

"But--," Amanda began.

"Nope," Geri interrupted. "What you're about to say is backwards. Waiting for someone to love you so you have permission to love yourself is dangerous. It's putting the power of your own happiness in someone else's hands. Love won't last long if you have no control over your own happiness."

"Real talk," Jeannie confirmed, staring at the ground as she walked.

"But in the books and movies--," Amanda began.

"Que mierda!" Mona interrupted. "You say you're frustrated by the deceptions of virtual realities and fantasies, yet you justify your real life with them?"

It was a valid point. So valid, in fact, the words stung as Amanda processed them. Frustrated, she plopped down in the seat attached to the blood pressure machine at the end of the aisle and glanced at a clock in the pharmacy. "3:15 pm. Safeway Guy isn't coming, is he?"

"Maybe it's good he didn't come today," Geri said.

"Yeah," Amanda agreed, pulling the brownies out of her cart and placing them on top of some vitamins. "Probably other things I need to do first before doing Safeway Guy." Tapping the monitor on the machine to access the screen options, she added, "Did you know I'm terrified of these machines?"

Jeannie tilted her head to the side as if surprised by Amanda's comment. "Really?"

"Yeah. Since childhood. I used to have these nightmares the machine would malfunction with my arm in the inflating cuff--squeezing my limb off my body in a pool of blood."

Mona dismissed Amanda's fear with a wave of the hand. "Nothing to worry about. Them machines are just like sticking your arm in a giant asshole with great sphincter muscles."

"Oh gross," Jeannie said.

Amanda stiffened as she stared at the machine's arm cuff. "Now I'm more terrified."

"Actually," Geri began. "This might be a great opportunity to start facing your irrational fears--to prove you're stronger than you think you are."

"What if it malfunctions?" Amanda questioned, reminding Geri of possibilities she may have forgotten.

"What if the only thing that happens is you get your blood pressure checked?" Geri countered.

Amanda desperately searched the files of her brain for a response. "What if I find out I have bad blood pressure?"

"Which brings us back to your desire to connect with your real life more." The smirk on Geri's face showed she knew she'd won this battle of words.

Check-fucking-mate! Amanda turned to face the machine. Her hand shook as she inched it closer to the cuff. "I swear to God! If I lose my arm, I'm never speaking to any of you again!"

Taking a breath, Amanda slipped her arm into the machine and pressed the start button.

"You've got this," Jeannie encouraged.

The cuff inflated, gradually gripping the perimeter of her upper arm.

Amanda's heartrate increased as each fraction of a second ticked by.

"Breathe," Geri reminded.

Sweat gathered on Amanda's forehead.

Breath in through the nose, Amanda thought. Out through the mouth.

"It's just an asshole squeezing arm-turds." Mona's comforting words were less helpful, but she meant well.

The cuff's grip tightened.

Amanda panicked and knocked her cell phone on the floor. Geri, Jeannie and Mona disappeared.

Heart pounding wildly in her chest, Amanda gasped for air. "I think it's too tight!" She attempted to reach for her phone on the floor, but it was just out of her reach. "I'm going to lose my fucking arm!"

"Do you need help?" a male voice asked.

Amanda jerked her head up and slammed the back of her skull on the machine. When she finished releasing a string of curse words, her eyes rose up to meet Safeway Guy's stare. 

I've never written a scary story before, but I have considered writing a short story titled: ARM COLLECTOR: The Deadly Drug Store Blood Pressure Machine. 

https://youtu.be/a3krAHJtZS4