This ones not as long, and a little more mature than the others have been, so fair warning! x

Hope you enjoy, L

***

Finally, the producers lead us downstairs. I lag behind the rest of the girls as they all chatter amongst themselves. I know if I lead the pack I'll be expected to talk with them but, honestly, I don't have the strength right now. As everyone rounds a corner to exit the building, I fall even further behind.

Suddenly, from a little ways down the hallway, I hear an almost aggressive shout, stopping me in my tracks. Somebody sounds angry, although not in a threatening way- in fact, they sound more frustrated than anything, just like me.

I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but I'm curious. It must be the producers talking to each other and I wonder if I know more about what's going on behind the scenes if I'll be able to earn myself a more secure spot on the show. I back up towards the voices so I can just make out what they're saying. Unfortunately, I don't recognize either of them.

"-Can't you please just do this one thing for me- it's important!"

"I'm not supposed to- it's against the rules. If it gets out you've done what you're thinking of doing, the show might as well be over." Another hostile voice responds.

"You don't understand- I won't be longer than an hour or two! I know you know how to cover my tracks." The first voice counters. I have no idea what they're talking about and begin to get anxious. If I'm caught listening to this conversation, I'll be in trouble- I have a feeling these words are not meant for my ears.

"I really don't know if I can do this- We're not supposed to let favourit-"

"Let me put it like this- If you don't do this for me, you won't have a job anymore. I'll tell main office what you did." The first voice cuts off the second again. I wonder what they're talking about, but can barely make out what either of them are saying anymore as I start to move away. I know the other producers will be looking for me if I don't catch up to the group soon.

As I round the corner I hear the voices once more, now faint- "Okay, okay. I'll make it happen. Tonight." —Is the last that I catch.

I hurry out of the building and am ushered into the limo with the rest of the women, all of which are blissfully ignorant. I strain my neck and try to peer out the window, hoping to see the two faceless voices come walking around the corner and through the glass doors of the building, but I'm disappointed to find that no one does.

I sit in silence as we drive home, mulling over all I've been given to think about. What did the first voice want? Why were they so adamant about getting it? They sounded distressed, but more hopeful than anything. I can't even begin to imagine what they could want, especially on a show like this. I could tell it was two men talking, but there are so many male producers and camera men and executives walking around set all the time, I have no idea who either of them were- I was too far away.

And what dirt did the first voice have on the second? What had the second voice done that could threaten the security of their job? And how did the first voice know about it?

I'm more confused than ever as we arrive back at the mansion, but happy that at least I have something else to think about besides Harry and his dumb behaviour.

I try to shut my brain off as I head straight upstairs to my room, knowing that there's no chance of me figuring out at all what I heard transpire just 20 minutes ago. I retreat to my bathroom and strip before stepping into the shower and letting the steam engulf me. I slowly and luxuriously wash my hair, comb through it, and take care of the rest of my body. I let the hot water soothe my tense muscles for a couple minutes, but soon enough turn it off- I'm not used to wasting water in such a way.

When I step out of the shower in nothing but a towel to cover my body and another to wrap around my wet hair, I find Kiana is sitting on her bed in our shared room.

"Hey, Charlotte, Tanya has an extra bed in her room so I was going to go sleep in there with her and her roommate tonight, ok?" Kiana asks as she begins to get up, caressing an extra pillow.

"Of course, of course, go! You guys have fun! I'm wiped I'm just gonna go to sleep anyway." I assure her that it's fine. I try not to let on the sigh of relief that escapes me, but it's hard not to when I feel such joy. I'll finally be able to sleep on my own for the first time in nearly 2 weeks.

As she exits the room a smile takes over my face and I hug my arms to myself. I haven't been completely alone like this in a very, very long time. Most people could probably cope with that fact, but I find it very hard to go for extended periods of time in the company of others, at least most others. Before I found out Harry was a complete ass, I enjoyed spending time with him, looked forward to it, even. Not anymore, though.

I switch off the bathroom lights and throw on a pair of underwear and a thin tank top. With Kiana out of the room there's no need for me to wear proper clothing. I also know that I have no date tomorrow, and therefore no need to get out of bed early- I can sleep in as long as I desire.

I begin to look forward to my night in alone- I plan to get in bed, pull the covers over myself, and go to sleep- the most exciting plans I've had in a while.

Soon enough I can hear the other girls coming upstairs, retiring from their conversations previously held in the living room and kitchen. I waltz over to the light switch adorning my wall and flick it off. I'm instantly surrounded by darkness and scurry back to my warm bed.

I slide in and my head hits the pillow like a bag of cement. I've never felt more tired, physically and emotionally, in my life- or at least I haven't in a long time. Around 20 minutes pass and I begin to doze, excited for the prospect of a goodnight's sleep, when I hear a loud click come from the top corner of my room, the ever present red light of the camera switching off. I barely stir at the noise, it hardly a nuisance in my half-conscious state.

Once again, I start to slip in and out of consciousness. Another 10 minutes pass following the mysterious click from the ceiling of my room before I'm roused slightly from my state of slumber. I can just make out footsteps moving slowly down the hallway outside my bedroom. One of the girls must be sneaking down to the kitchen to retrieve food.

I try to ignore the invasive noise, but it's hard as the sound of shoes hitting the marble floor outside picks up and becomes louder, as if it's approaching me. My room is at the end of the hall and I try to think of anything else that might be down in this direction, but fall short.

My eyes remain closed but, suddenly, I hear my door swing open.

"Kiana? Already back?" I question croakily. My back is still turned away from the door, my eyes still closed, and the blankets still pulled over my entire body. The door shuts quietly from behind me and slowly I begin to open my eyes. They're slightly glazed over as I come to. It's weird that Kiana isn't answering me but, finally, I hear a response.

"Uh, no, not Kiana..." A deep, very much British, voice mumbles. My eyes fly open and I sit up in a panic, angling myself towards the door. My hand flails out and grabs at the lamp on the bedside table next to me until I'm finally able to switch on the light.

Sure enough, before me stands Harry in a white t-shirt and black basketball shorts.

"Harry? What the fuck are you doing here?!" I hiss, barely believing my eyes. He raises his hands in surrender.

"Calm down... I know I'm not supposed to be here- just hear me out." He begins to explain himself.

"No!" I half whisper, half shout. Not only do I loathe this man, but I know that if he's discovered in my room alone at night I'll be kicked straight off the show.

"Please." He pleads in a perfectly loud voice. How can he not be whispering at a time like this? He's going to wake half the house up at this rate.

"Shh!" I raise my finger to my lips frantically, my eyes darting to the door behind him, just waiting for another girl, or worse- a producer- to come rushing in.

"Walls and doors are sound proofed. Kept getting complaints about hearing arguments in different bedrooms." Harry explains, recalling half a smile to his face.

"I heard you walking down the hall!"

"I don't know, they're sound proofed from the inside out or something- doesn't matter. No one can hear us."

"I don't care!" I exclaim, raising the level of my voice just a tiny bit now I know I can't be heard by unwelcome ears.

"Charlotte, please let me explain myself." Harry begs, taking a step forward. At this point I'm speechless, but for some reason get the feeling that he's not going to leave until I agree. I remain silent for a while as a reply. He takes this as a yes.

He moves across the room and takes a seat on the edge of Kiana's bed, facing me.

"I watched the video you gave me the other night." He professes. My eyebrows raise in mock amusement.

"Oh, joy! Good on you." I respond sarcastically. I'm pissed off in so many different ways right now.

"Well, I realize that there was a misunderstanding- you're mad at me about it. That's why you're acting like this."

"Wow, a real Sherlock Holmes here, I see." I quip. I can't help myself- I finally have an excuse to take out all my pent up anger on him.

"I'm sorry that I believed Astrid over you- I should have known you wouldn't do something like that." Harry starts. I nod in an attempt to humour him, but I feel as though very little of the damage he inflicted is actually being repaired.

"But... I don't know why you're so mad at me. Sure, Astrid lied and I was mad... but I- I didn't do anything." Harry confesses, glancing up and meeting me dead in the eye. I can't help the laugh that escapes me.

"Harry, you can't be serious." I whisper in disbelief.

"Please, enlighten me, because I have no idea." Harry has the audacity to respond.

"I think you should leave." I cross my arms and scowl at the floor instead of him.

"No." Is all he responds. He doesn't sound angry, or even defiant. Instead his voice is more calm than anything. I glare at him.

"Why do you even care?" I ask angrily.

"Because I don't like that you're mad at me. You won't talk to me, you won't look at me, you won't touch me. I don't like it." He responds. I laugh again.

"How 'bout you go shag one of the other 16 girls in the house. It's not like you're suffering a loss with me." I murmur.

"Charlotte." He implores, his tone a little more strict now. My eyebrows furrow in disgust.

"Harry, if you have to ask there's no point in me telling you at all."

"Charlotte, just explain." Harry sighs, but I can hear a little irritation in his tone now. I take a deep breath in, exasperated to the point of no return, but figure there's no way I can get him to leave until I relent.

"Harry, you truly believed Astrid when she lied straight to your face about me for the second time. You were awfully quick to doubt my character. Think I'm that terrible, do 'ya?" I question him, uncomfortable with this confrontation.

"I already apologized for that. I shouldn't have doubted you- I was caught up in the moment." He responds.

"That's not even what I'm angry about!" I let out my severe annoyance at him. He stays silent, watching me intently, waiting for a clearer answer.

"After you decided that I was a terrible person, you decided to humiliate me in front of everybody else at the rose ceremony, or do you not remember?" I finally confess.

"What are you talking about?" Harry asks cautiously.

"Well, you didn't wanna pull me off to talk last night and, you know Harry, I was really looking forward to hanging out with you for the entire week leading up to that damn ceremony." I start. "So, I decided I'd just come find you- however, if you recall, after I asked you to talk you rejected me and sent me off without another word for the entire night." I tell him. I see realization start to flash in his eyes. He remains silent and looks as though he's trying to comprehend my words fully.

"Then, at the rose ceremony, you so graciously decided to reserve the very last rose especially for me-" I rant sarcastically- "and, you know, forced me to stand up there with those three other girls you've never even talked to for 5 whole minutes, like it was a hard decision or something! Do you understand how humiliating that is?!" I become caught up in my anger.

"Harry, I had been so excited about talking to you that night and you completely rejected me. I had absolutely no idea why. The last time I heard from you, you were inviting me into your room and drinking with me." I confess the true reason behind my anger. I have nothing left to say, and both of us resolve to remain quiet. He stares down at the floor, his hands clasped in his lap as he appears to ponder something intently. Meanwhile, my chest heaves up and down fiercely as I attempt to control myself.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize..." He finally speaks. I roll my eyes. "I never realized what I was even doing. I was hurt- I thought you didn't like me and I didn't even think about how I was taking my anger out on you. I'm sorry." He apologizes. A small part of the wall I've built crumbles, but I try to ignore it.

"Yeah, but that doesn't take anything you did back. I have no idea how you even have the capacity to do something like that." I tell him. My voice has lowered considerably, but I'm still angry.

"I know, I just thought you'd rejected me when Astrid-"

"But, Harry, that's the problem! You believed Astrid even after I spent the night with you. You really, truly believed I would do something like that." I cut him off.

"I was confused, alright? I feel terrible. I really do. I felt terrible as soon as the rose ceremony finished. I knew you didn't deserve it, but I didn't realize it bothered you so much..." He responds. I begin to laugh sardonically once again.

"I mean- not like that! I wasn't thinking. I was being stupid. Please forgive me, Charlotte." He starts to plead for the second time tonight.

"I really don't want to, Harry." I try to maintain my resolve but make the stupid mistake of looking up and making eye contact. The expression in Harry's gaze is almost enough to break me, but not quite. He looks genuinely sad, even mad- I suspect at himself.

He stands and takes one step closer to me. I remain sitting, forced to look up to meet his stare. I forgot how tall he is.

"Charlotte, I feel terrible. I don't want you to be mad at me anymore." He pleads, looking down at me, his voice lowering considerably.

"Too late for that." I mumble, staring down to the floor. I watch his feet as he takes one more step towards me. At this point his legs are almost touching mine.

He reaches out and places his finger under my chin yet again, lifting my face until our gaze's meet once more.

"I was wrong- I'll never doubt you again. I- I care about you." He confesses breathlessly.

"What?" I manage to stutter out, my voice barely more than a whisper.

"I hate that I've upset you- I like spending time with you, no- I love spending time with you. Please forgive me." His voice lowers even further. I try to scoot away from him and end up on the other side of the bed, my legs now stretched out across the sheets where they just about hang off the end. My arms stretch out behind me to support my torso and prop myself up.

"Harry, I-" I begin, but I find that now my protests are half hearted. Harry takes one step closer, lifting one knee so it rests on the bed between my legs.

"Charlotte, I messed up, but I'll never doubt you again- I promise." His voice is so low he almost whispers. I notice now that he's leaning forward. His hand stretches out and lands on the bed to support himself, right beside my shoulder. He's hovering over me.

I notice how a cross attached to a chain dangles from his neck and the muscles in his arm strain to hold him up. I gulp.

"Forgive me." He urges further and moves closer. His mouth is inches from mine.

"I-" I'm unable to form a coherent sentence. His actions and words are clouding the sensible part of my mind- the part that thought it was mad at him. Harry leans in even further, and tentatively places a kiss to an exposed part of my jaw- I'm practically laying under him now. I can feel the depression of the mattress as his knee presses further into the space between my legs

"Forgive me." He mutters once again and now I can sense his breathing has picked up- I can see the rise and fall of his chest beginning to quicken. He places yet another kiss, this time to my neck. I can't stop myself.

"Ok." I respond weakly. As I cave, he lets out a sigh, and finally places a light kiss to my lips, as if testing the waters.

At a complete opposition to my feelings from this evening, Harry's touch leaves me wanting more. Instead of feeling repulsed at even the thought of him, now I find that I can barely control my erratic breathing and have to shift my hips to relieve some pressure. I know he senses this, too, because he moves in again, this time letting his lips stay connected to mine for a little longer.

Slowly, but surely, our mouths start to move in unison and I feel blood rushing to my cheeks. Harry now lets his other hand fall on the opposite side of my body, completely trapping me under himself, but I don't mind one bit.

I hesitantly let my hand move up and rest on the small of his back, pushing him in closer to me by just the slightest. A low sigh escapes his throat at my action and he allows himself to sink further into me.

The pace of our kiss picks up and soon I've let my hands wander to the long tousles of hair that adorn his head. He rests on one of his elbows, letting one hand wander up and down my thighs before beginning to grab greedily at my waist.

This kiss- It's different than any of our others. The kisses we've shared before have all been televised. Multiple strangers with huge cameras are always present when they take place- but this is different... so much different. I feel something when he kisses me now- it's like we're two different people.

He once again lets his lips wander down my cheek, my jaw, and eventually my neck, until finally he begins to trail kisses at the top of my chest.

"I like this top." He murmurs in-between pecks and, for the first time since he entered my room, I remember what I'm wearing. My boy-short underwear and tight white tank-top which sinks rather low down my chest. Instead of feeling embarrassed, however, I only feel encouraged by his self professed liking of my clothing.

"Good." I mumble a response and I can feel him smirk against me. His lips now dance around the border of the fabric adorning my chest and I'm itching to get it off. I want to make him happy and I want to know just what he's capable of. I feel his large hand wander once more up my thigh, then across my stomach, then he finally stops at the hem of my top. However, instead of halting or tracing his path back down, I feel his fingers fiddle with the material until he's slipped his hand underneath it. At this action I can't help the soft sigh of content I let out.

"Charlotte?" Harry questions, his voice raspy and low- almost unrecognizable.

"Yes?" I manage to relay a breathy response.

"I'm sorry." Harry says, once again apologizing for his actions yesterday. I know I should still be mad at him, but I can't think of anything else but his hands and how they're connected to my body in such a way right now.

"It's ok..." I stutter out and, at my words, the hand beneath the fabric of my shirt reaches up and takes one of my breasts in it's hands, pinching at my nipple and making me gasp.

"Is this alright?" He asks another question and I barely wait half a second to respond.

"Yes." I half-moan, half-laugh. Again, I feel the curve of his mouth against me that indicates a smile as he retraces his steps and kisses back up my collar bone, then my neck, then my jaw, until finally he's arrived at my lips again.

His hand under my shirt continues to work and occasionally earns small whimpers and deep moans from me.

"Charlotte, you don't know how fuckin' hot you are." Harry murmurs in my ear, his accent more prominent now, causing my back to arch slightly. "Let me make you feel good?" He asks, but I can hardly understand his voice as he sucks in breaths raggedly. At these words I stop a moment. Make me feel good? Usually it's the other way around... the only time I've been made to feel good is through sex, but I have the suspicion that's not what Harry means. He seems to pick up on my pause.

"Why are you hesitating?" He asks, pulling back slightly, sending distress signals through my head.

"It's just... no one's ever asked that before." I frown, but as soon as my words come out I see a dimpled smile break across his face- almost too cute for a time like this.

"Well, I'm different." He chuckles and all I can do is nod, too excited for the prospect of anything he could do to me. He bites his lip and tries to contain his grin as I give my consent- he looks excited. I don't understand- I've barely done anything to him yet... why is he so happy?

I feel the hand that had been working my breasts release them, then gradually slide down until it rests at the hem of my underwear. Sure, guys have touched me like this before, but have never solely focused on it- it's usually more of a precursor to sex or to their own blow job- something they have to complete before we move on to bigger and better things- I've never felt like they truly want to do it as Harry seems to right now.

His fingers once again daintily fiddle with the hem of my tight underwear before slipping under them in one swift motion. I suck in a deep breath as I feel his presence and without warning he slides his finger up across my centre.

"Already so wet fo' me..." Harry coos and it's enough to almost have me coming right there and then. I keep my eyes tightly closed for a while, focused on the pleasure, but soon make the mistake of opening them. I glance down to find Harry staring up intently at me, a hungry look in his eyes I've never seen before. His pupils almost appear completely black and the way he's gazing at me causes my back to arch off the bed once again. I've never felt this way around a man... ever.

After circling his fingers around my most sensitive spot for a few moments, he drags them down against me and slips two inside me. I can't help the loud gasp that escapes me and my mind is swirling with pleasure.

Slowly, but surely, Harry begins to pump his fingers in and out of me and, to my astonishment, reaches his thumb up to rub my clit. I thank every god I know that this mans hands are so large.

"Harry, that feels so good..." I try to give him some form of affirmation, but it's hard when I can barely think straight.

He goes on like this for a couple minutes and I know if it lasts much longer I'm definitely going to come, but after a while he stops. Instead, I feel both his hands reach up and pull my underwear down my legs slowly.

I can't help but open my eyes and look down at him again. The expression of pure lust displayed across his features is enough to drive me crazy and after he's done admiring me I feel him place a kiss to my hip bone. I freeze in confusion for a split second.

"Wha- what are you doing?" I ask faintly, my voice barely audible.

"I'm going to make you feel good, Charlotte." He repeats his earlier statement matter-of-factly. I have no further questions to ask as excitement boils deep in my stomach. Soon, he's trailed his kisses from one hip to the other, to the insides of my thighs, then he does something that's never been done to me before. He stretches out his tongue and drags it delicately down my centre.

My body shudders at his action and another loud moan escapes me.

"Holy shit." I whisper, more to myself than anything, and Harry repeats his action once again, this time applying a little more pressure. I squirm underneath him, and feel one of his hands reach up to keep me in place.

"Has no one ever done this to you before?" Harry questions before once more sweeping in and touching his tongue to myself.

"N-No..." I can barely force out. My voice is hoarse and unrecognizable with lust.

"Fuck, that's hot." He almost growls, then I feel his fingers wander back down and slip inside me once again. He synchronizes this action with his tongue, flicking my sensitive spots and inching slowly up and down myself. I can hardly keep still under him and don't remember a time when I was ever made to feel this good.

He starts to suck against my bundle of nerves as he pumps his fingers in and out of me and that's what does it. I let out a shout of pleasure, overwhelmed by all the new sensations I've been introduced to, and Harry seems to take this as a good sign. He pumps his fingers faster, curling them inside of me, and sucks harder until I'm left seeing stars.

"I'm gonna- I'm gonna..." I trail off as hot bursts through my body and my legs shake with satisfaction. I can't hear anything and I can barely see as my vision blurs and Harry continues his assault against me.

Once I've come down from my high, I'm too flustered to do much of anything. I've never come that hard before in my life, certainly not under somebody else's influence.

"Harry..." I trail off, a small smile taking over my face as I begin to chuckle in disbelief. I can't believe that just happened. I know my former self from just an hour ago would berate me for my choice, but I have nothing to regret right now. Harry daintily pulls my underwear back up my legs to cover me and lays beside me on the bed, resting on his side to face me.

"What did 'ya think?" He asks me, the largest smile I've ever seen crossing his features. His question seems almost too childish for a time like this and I have no response as I begin to laugh, stuffing my face into a pillow to obscure the sound. My face must be pink and flushed, but unfortunately I have no control over the matter.

"I'll take that as a yes." He responds, his hand reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I can't help myself as my hand wanders to his chest, and starts to move down further to the hem of his shorts where I can see a large bulge protruding.

"Oh, no, not tonight, love- you don't owe me anything." Harry says taking my hand in his, ceasing my movements.

"W-What?" I don't understand.

"I came here to apologize- and to make it up to you- that's what I did." He chuckles.

"You don't want me to...?" I trail off, still confused. I've never been met with this proposition from a man before.

"Oh, believe me, I do, I really do. Just not tonight. Tonight is about you." He grins once again and I finally come to terms with his conditions.

"Oh... alright." I respond hesitantly, unsure what to do. I haven't ever encountered this situation, far out of my comfort zone now.

"Why do you look so confused?" Harry asks, baffled by my disorientation.

"Just... no guys done that before. I mean, they usually want me to return the favour... or just, you know, do the favour." I confess to him, feeling surprisingly more open than usual. I try to remind myself that I hated this man just an hour ago, but it's hard to recall those previous feelings now that we've just shared this experience.

"Well, get used to it." Harry retorts, as charming as ever. I can't help the shy smile that covers my face. I feel happy. Happy that he apologized, happy that he feels bad about the rose ceremony, and certainly happy that he's just gone down on me.

I look to the clock on the wall and find it's nearly 2 in the morning.

"How... How did you get in here?" I question. I just thought to ask about it- I'd barely thought about the logistics it would take for him to sneak into my room in such a manner. What if Kiana had been in here? What about the camera built into the ceiling? Wasn't he worried about it catching footage of him and I together?

"Oh, don't worry about it. I've sorted everything out." He responds curtly and I know I shouldn't inquire further into the subject.

Now, faced with his strict tone, Harry and I are left sitting here with nothing to do and I'm really not quite sure what to say.

"Um, well... thank you for apologizing, I guess." I try to conjure conversation lamely. I'm suddenly very aware of the see-through shirt and tiny underwear that are making lame attempts at covering me..

"I needed to- I'm sorry I was such a fucking arse. It won't happen again." He tells me and I know he means it. I nod awkwardly and redirect my gaze down to the carpeted floor. I'm really not sure what to do now. I can tell Harry wants to keep talking with me, but I'm too overwhelmed by my new emotions to be of much use right now. I want him to leave and I want him to stay at the same time- it's a weird feeling. We sit in silence for another couple of seconds before he speaks.

"Um, I have something else for you." Harry starts and I force myself to glance back up at him. I don't say anything, but watch him curiously. He reaches down into the pocket of his gym shorts and pulls out something rectangular and white.

"The key card... to my room. Please take it this time." Harry laughs nervously. I hesitate at this gesture, but figure I really have no choice but to take it, considering he just went down on me and everything...

"Um, yeah, sure... but, Harry, you know if I'm caught with this..." I trail off, unaware if he really understands the consequences that could accompany our actions. He really doesn't seem to care, especially after showing up here tonight.

"No one will find it, trust me, not if you take good care of it. I have a bunch of extras, anyway. If a producer or someone else finds it, I'll just say I must have left it with you accidentally." Harry tries to explain away my worries. He seems as if he truly, genuinely wants me to take it and keep it with me.

"Alright, then." I receive it tentatively from his outstretched fingers and slip it into my suitcase on the floor.

"I'll... I'll figure out a way to let you know that I want you to come to my room... because I want you to come." Harry smirks slightly. I feel as though I'm in high school again, sitting next to him awkwardly on the bed like this, flirting lamely as if we have no idea what we're doing.

"I'll keep my eyes open." I retort and he chuckles.

"What're you doing tomorrow night?" He asks me with a sly smile spread across his face.

"Oh, nothing that I know of... what are you doing?" I counter. I know he's about to respond and tell me that he's free and he wants me to come over, but instead his expression falters and he stays quiet for a second.

"Oh, I... Well, I have a, um... a one-on-one, I think." His voice is quiet and hesitant as he responds. I can tell that he didn't want me to know this, or at least he didn't want to bring it up, and he sounds almost embarrassed. I think about what we did tonight, then I think about him doing the same exact thing with any of the other women in the house. I cringe.

"Oh... ok." I sigh. I have nothing else to say to him. I've gone from feeling rage, to ecstasy, to embarrassment, and now... jealousy, in the span of an hour.

"I-"

"It's fine, Harry, really." I assure him in the most fake tone possible. I notice his eyes droop at my dismissal of his explanation, but I really don't want to hear more about him and the other women. Barely 3 hours ago I could care less who he ended up with, but now with his apology and his more than satisfactory... favour, I can't help but take a slight liking to him again. Akin to the first time I visited his room, but this time I'll really admit to myself that I don't mind him. I don't mind him at all...

I was happy- content, even- just a few minutes ago, but now that Harry's reminded me of all the other women, I don't want him here anymore. It's not like I hate him as I did just an hour or two ago, I just don't want to be around him- I don't want to be reminded of the 16 other girls I'm being forced to compete with right now. The 16 other girls he could have visited tonight and done the exact same thing to. I shudder.

"Charlotte-" He begins once again, but once again, I cut him off.

"I think you better go... before anybody finds you." I shrug off his attempt at an explanation once more.

"Alright then." He responds, sounding resigned this time, if not a little disappointed. I don't know what else he could have been expecting, but with the thought of him and the other women bouncing around my head it's hard to spend time around him.

"I'll see you soon." He calls from the other side of the room, hand on the knob of the door. I turn from my position to face him and nod awkwardly, affording him half a smile. He seems to look down to the ground, embarrassed, and exits the room swiftly, but quietly.

I know the ending of our night didn't go the way he wanted it to, but he must be at least a little happier now that I've forgiven him. Have I forgiven him? I really can't tell. I've just been reminded of why I liked him so much when I first met him, but I'm scared that he'll end up pulling the same stunt as he did last night during the rose ceremony. Do I really want to put my feelings in his hands again and risk them being hurt?

I sigh and shift to the side of the bed, turning off the lamp before pulling the covers back over myself. After tonight, I know he's as sweet as I originally suspected, however I am a little hesitant. I don't want to be hurt again and I don't want to get attached knowing there are 16 other women that he could potentially like better than me. I know it's the whole point of the show, but then again, I hadn't expected The Bachelor to be so... intriguing.

I try to remind myself of my original intentions for coming here. I want the money... no, I need the money. I know that I must be in good shape right now if Harry's apology is any indication of my standing in the competition. At least now I'll be able to pretend to have a romance with him without being completely disgusted by the thought. It will be easier- I like him- although I'm still perfectly adamant about not liking him more than a friend, or I guess now more of a friend with benefits.

I'm more confused than ever before. Sure, Harry showed up and apologized and seemed to genuinely want to make me happy, but at the same time I can still remember very clearly in my mind the state of humiliation that I was left in after last night's rose ceremony. I wonder if I had been so easily persuaded into forgiveness by his charm and influence over my body. If he hadn't tried to make amends in such a sexual manner, would I have still made the same decision?

I find myself wanting to believe that he truly felt guilty, that he really hadn't realized what he was doing to hurt me at the time- but I have my concerns. After all, he'd promised never to doubt me again, I hadn't promised the same thing.

I wonder how I should act the next time I see him. I know I can't be mad at him anymore... he did apologize after all, but I'm not completely sure I should trust him again as I once did. Not only am I questioning his authenticity because of the humiliation he put me through, but I also remind myself that I'm on a game show and there are 16 other women he could potentially be pulling the same stunts with. I have to remain hesitant.

I's like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want to forgive Harry, but I don't know if I should. Right now he's provided about the same amount of evidence of him being an ass as well as him being sweet. I have no proof that he's more one of those things than the other. I decide the best course of action has to be to proceed with caution and examine his next actions towards me carefully. Maybe then I'll be able to discern if he really did just make a mistake the night of the rose ceremony, or if that's common place behaviour for him.

I sigh and shift in bed, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position now. I silently curse Harry for rousing me from my previously perfect slumber, but don't know if I would have been happier if he hadn't come here in the first place. I can't decide.

I give up trying to sort everything out in my head and instead elect to shut my brain off. Within a few minutes I'm asleep, far away from the confusing problems I face in the real world.

***

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