I wake to the sound of the door being swung open and bouncing off the wall. My eyes open lazily and I groan quietly in dissatisfaction. Who the hell is that?

Slowly, I roll so I face the door, and find Astrid staring at me from across the room, taking long strides in until she comes to stand at the side of my bed.

"Charlotte! Get up!" She shouts much too close to my ear. I wince and close my eyes, resisting the temptation to roll back over away from her.

"What is it, Astrid?" I ask, my voice croaky and low, still saturated with sleep.

"You're not awake?" She questions, her voice dropping in volume by the slightest.

"Obviously not." I huff quietly. "What do you need? Do you want me to come downstairs?" I ask, trying to at least save face and stay polite.

"Well... it's just that, um... breakfast is ready!" She exclaims, hesitating before informing me. Normally, I would question her weird tone, but right now I'm too tired to even think about getting out of bed.

"I'm really sorry, but I had a late night and I'd rather just sleep. I'll have some later, though, thank you." I mumble, starting to pull my blankets back over my head.

"Oh, well... alright." She mutters, starting to take a few steps back towards the door. I feel triumphant for a moment, but in my half conscious state wonder if my rejection will have negative repercussions in the future. I decide to check once again.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come downstairs?" I ask. I hate Astrid, but I can't start being rude to people this early on in the game.

"No, no, of course not. Sleep as long as you want." She says, before spinning and exiting, making sure to close the door behind her.

I quickly turn back over and drift off to sleep in seconds. I have no idea as to why she felt so strongly about coming and telling me breakfast was ready of her own accord, but I don't have the energy to think about it now. Instead, I let myself fall unconscious once again, where my dreams include green eyes and long brown hair.

***

I wake a few hours later well rested and void of Astrid shrieking next to me- it's a welcome feeling. I slowly sit up and find that Kiana's bed next to mine is empty. I strain my ears and hear the soft chatter of girls who weren't chosen for the second group date downstairs.

I trudge to the bathroom and make half an effort to put on some makeup. I know as soon as I leave my room the cameras will be on me and if I'm being broadcast on live television, I don't exactly want to look my worst.

Soon I've dressed myself and mentally prepared for the afternoon ahead. I'm not exactly looking forward to hanging out with these women for the rest of the week, but at least I have one thing to look forward to- sort of. I remember sneaking out to see Harry last night. Well, I didn't really sneak out to see him, just to return his card. It really was all his fault that I ended up staying, but, hey, what can you do?

I find myself itching to see him again, if only to joke around and laugh with him. I doubt I will be able to do such things with any of the women here, with the exception of Kiana possibly, especially with the camera's patrolling the mansion, not to mention the hidden ones I've noticed installed in the corners of the kitchen and bedrooms so far. I wouldn't be surprised if they kept cameras in our bathrooms.

I remind myself that I'll be seeing Harry in a few days although, sadly, I doubt I will have such an extended period of time completely alone with him, without cameras or another girl. I sigh at the thought, but quickly redirect my grievances. I don't like how much of my time I've spent thinking about him already- it's troubling and I feel a little disgruntled.

I decide to try and push him out of my mind and enjoy the amenities in the house.

The day drags on slowly at a pace I can hardly bear. With no TV, no phones, and no access to the outside world I feel as though I'm being kept in a jail. I severely underestimated the boredom that would accompany the restricted access to my phone. I think about breaking out my book, but I know the producers want us all out by the pool, no doubt hoping for some scrap of drama to include on the show, and I can't fathom reading Harry Potter with Astrid in the general vicinity. I don't even want to imagine the things she would say.

Instead, I venture off to find Kiana and Tanya and strike up a conversation. I come across them both sitting on the far side of the pool around the corner of the house, lounging on a large padded bed placed beside the water.

I take a seat and they both smile up at me.

"Hey, what's up?" Kiana asks, scooting to allow me space next to her. I quickly take my spot and lay across the bed, letting my hands stretch back and support my head.

"Nothing much, what are you guys doing?" I ask light-heartedly. I don't notice any camera's around, they must not have seen us yet.

"Well, we were just talking about something we heard from Perrie this morning. A couple of the girls think that someone left the house last night after the date." Tanya fills me in, arching an eyebrow scandalously and looking around to make sure no one else can hear her. I freeze.

"W-what?" I ask, attempting to come off as surprised.

"Yeah, they don't know who, but Perrie says that she swears she heard someone leave through the backdoor last night while she was in the kitchen. She said the door creaked loudly, but she couldn't be bothered to check it out. After that she heard it shut again and she said she looked through the window and saw someone leaving through the back gate." Kiana elaborates. Oh no.

"But she doesn't know who it was?" I try to clarify. I'm panicking just a little bit.

"No, she has no idea, she didn't see them. We were just trying to figure out who we saw and who we didn't see last night." Tanya answers me. It's good that Perrie didn't see me, but still, what if Kiana and Tanya figure out by process of elimination that I was, in fact, not downstairs with everyone else last night?

"You guys were in the living room, right?" I ask, trying to seem innocent. I realize I've set myself up for the exact same question.

"Yeah. Where were you? You weren't downstairs with us, were you?" Tanya asks. She doesn't sound suspicious, just generally curious, but I know I must ace this answer in order to keep the attention off of myself.

"Oh- I was upstairs taking a bath. I was exhausted from the date." I answer quickly, but not too quickly, in a tone I think is pretty convincing. I did know that I was a good liar coming onto the show- how would I have made it this far if I wasn't?

"Oh, ok. Then it was none of us. You know what, I bet it was that Astrid girl. She doesn't seem particularly nice and I'm sure I've already heard her declare her love for Harry. Seems a bit crazy." Kiana adds.

"Declare her love for Harry?!" I ask skeptically, trying hard not to roll my eyes although I do allow myself a small scoff. Some girls are hopeless.

"Yeah, I swear to god!" Kiana exclaims, crossing her heart before falling back and laughing. Both Tanya and I join her.

"I wouldn't be surprised if it was her either.' I agree, planting a seed of doubt for both of them. I know I shouldn't be because it'll probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I have to make sure neither of them are suspicious of me.

"She probably snuck out to see Harry, wherever he's staying." Tanya says and Kiana nods in agreement. I have to force myself to nod instead of clamming up.

"Harry wouldn't let her in, would he?" I blurt suddenly. I don't know if it's to detect if they would be mad with Harry for seeing another girl, or to see if they think that Harry really would want to spend time with Astrid. For some reason, the latter bugs me. Maybe because she snaked me on the group date yesterday. I must have a particular hatred for her now.

"I doubt it, Harry doesn't seem to like anyone that much yet. Not as far as I can tell." Tanya replies. I stay silent as Kiana adds something, but I zone out. He likes me that much. At least as far as Tanya can tell.

***

The rest of the day passes just as slowly, if not even slower. I feel as though I'm going to tear my hair out if I'm made to sit around this damned mansion for a second longer. We have no way to access the internet or the outside world, not even a way to watch TV or movies. I tried talking to Kiana and Tanya for a while, but no matter how much I like Kiana, I can only make artificial conversation for so long before I feel like retrieving a gun and shooting myself.

I now reside back upstairs in my room, hiding away from the camera's who I'd noticed had started to sneak in and assemble around us. Kiana and Tanya had started bitching about Astrid again and I'm almost completely sure that I heard something loud happening in the living room. I had no intention of becoming a part of the drama, so I quickly ran and hid upstairs before they had the opportunity to focus on me or pull me away for an interview.

After reading my book for a couple hours I become tired. I have nothing to do now and none of the other women are back from the second group date. I stare up at the ceiling, laying on my bed, covers thrown over myself haphazardly. I can't stop my thoughts from drifting to Harry and what happened last night.

I know it probably isn't normal for a bachelor to invite a woman in after 1 date and beg for her to stay after she shows up in the middle of the night unannounced. What does it mean that he let me stay? That he likes me? Maybe- but probably not. Maybe he suspects that I'll get more ratings? Taking a favour to me would then ensure that I stay on the show, no doubt earning him more money, but for some reason I feel as if he doesn't care much for wealth and those sorts of things.

I think about the way he examined my tattoos so carefully, as if they might flee from my skin if he pressed them too hard. I liked the way his eyes seemed to widen as I took off my shirt, but every guy had that reaction when I took my clothes off. It didn't mean anything special.

Although, I do remember feeling especially happy last night. Happier than I've felt in a long time- happier than I have been in years. Harry and I get along well, I can't deny that. I also can't deny that I like him- a lot. More than most people, but I'll attribute that to the fact that we get a long so well, not because I have any sort of feelings for him.

Because I don't. I don't have any feelings for him.

That being said, I can't wait for the cocktail party. At least getting to see him will give me a momentary escape from this boredom fuelled hell I'm trapped in. He's the only normal person I can converse with- although I severely doubt I'll get more time with him away from the cameras. Maybe I should have kept his room key after all.

As I continue to think about my eventful night I hear the door opening from down below and the soft chatter of at least 10 girls coming from the living room. I jump out of bed and race downstairs, careful to avoid any cameras on my way, desperate for any site of Harry- but I see no mop of brown hair. Instead, I see all the girls who have just returned from their date, but the man with which the date was with is nowhere to be seen.

I sigh in disappointment. Instead of talking to any of the returned girls about their date, I trudge back upstairs. Another uneventful night for me, it seems.

***

2 days pass and I'm as bored as I've ever been. There's really no one for me to talk to about anything stimulating although I've tried. God, have I tried. There's been no news of Harry. He could be dead for all I know and all that's happened is a one-on-one date, the girl for which was chosen I forgot the name of.

Finally, finally, it's Friday, the night of the rose ceremony. We're going to have a cocktail party and I'm going to sit down with Harry and talk to him. Just the thought arouses butterflies in my stomach. Of course only because he is a normal human being I get along with. I haven't been in contact with one of those since I departed Harry's hotel room the other night.

I get ready for the cocktail party and slip on my dress. It's silver with an open back and a plunging neckline. It hangs off of me, with just thin straps holding it together. It only reaches to around my mid-thighs, but I can't be bothered to wonder if any of the other girls might consider it a tad scandalous. I really don't care.

I stand in front of my bathroom mirror next to Kiana and survey the makeup in front of me. I usually only apply concealer and some mascara, eye liner if I have time, but as I pick up my contour kit and eyeshadow I decide that it won't hurt to put in a little extra effort. I need Harry to keep me around, after all. That's the only reason I'm wearing more makeup. The only reason.

"Hey, you've been in here almost as long as me!" Kiana remarks cheerily from beside me as she touches up her mascara.

"What do you mean?" I ask, scoffing and chuckling at the same time.

"I mean, you never take much time to put on make-up. Not like you need it or anything, obviously." She compliments me. I blush slightly before staring down at the floor and shaking my head with a grin plastered to my face.

"If there's one of us who doesn't need make up, it's you-" I try to reject her sweet sentiment "-and I'm just taking more time 'cause I don't really have much else to do." I lie.

She raises her eyebrow but makes no more comments on the affinity I hold for my appearance. We finish at about the same time and I help her slip into her long golden dress, zipping it up at the back once both straps are securely fastened around her shoulders.

We make our way downstairs together and I find that most of the girls are already assembled in the living room, chattering as they sit around the couches together. Tonight there are only 20 of us, since 5 went home at the last ceremony. Minus the two roses that were already given out on the group date and the one-on-one, there's a total of 15 left for the rest of us, as 3 people will be going home.

Although I hate to think it, I can't help the feeling that my name will be called first tonight when Harry begins to hand out the roses. I like to think that him asking me to stay with him in his hotel room was a good sign, and I also like to think that I was charming enough the other night to win his favour. He'd admitted to slipping his room card into my pocket. He'd hinted at us fucking by the end of the week. If that doesn't show at least a little bit of favouritism, I don't know what does.

Then again, he could have met with at least 10 other women in his hotel room after all his dates this week. For all I know, 10 other people have had his room card 'accidentally' slipped into the pockets of their dresses.

I sigh and take a seat on the large couch in the living room next to Tanya. She smiles and throws her arm around me as I sit down, but I don't have enough energy to conjure a complete greeting. Instead, I smile and lean into her slightly. I'm too distracted to focus on socializing with the women right now. My eyes are desperately searching all entrances to the living room, waiting for Harry to enter.

Now I'll finally have a chance to have a good conversation with a normal person again. Not to say that all of these girls are horrible- some of them are more than tolerable, but having a conversation with someone who's 'dating' the same person as you will never be comfortable. Plus, Harry is hot, and I kind of just want to see his face. It definitely wouldn't hurt.

After 5 minutes, I catch sight of the brown curls I've been searching for since I arrived downstairs. He enters the room with a large smile plastered to his face and I find myself grinning along with him. I hope he'll find me and make some sort of eye contact, or wink, or smile- something to show me that he remembers our night together, but I find that he stares at the opposite side of the room to the girls on the other side of the couch.

I ignore the strange behaviour and stay silent as he begins to speak.

"Hello, everybody! it's so nice to see all of you again. I've had an absolutely incredible week so far and I'm looking forward to tonight so I can finally figure out who I'm starting to build connections with and who I need to work a little harder for. I'll see all of you at the rose ceremony in a couple hours, so let the cocktail party begin!" Harry exclaims enthusiastically, flashing his charming smile at numerous women.

Even though I know his sentiments are scripted, I can't help but grin when he finishes. I'm not brave enough to go up and steal him right now, so I remain in my seat on the couch and watch as Christie makes a run for him.

I turn away and try to focus my attention on a conversation that Tanya and Kiana are holding, but my mind drifts to other things. I do wish I could just go find Harry, steal him away, and talk to him about all the boring shit that's happened to me this past week. Maybe I could even work up the courage to tell him that hanging out at his place was the highlight of my past 7 days.

However, I can't do that. I just can't. My body won't let me. I'm too afraid of rejection to approach a guy first and believe me, the dumb habits been detrimental to many a relationship in my past. Sadly, though, I can't control it. The guy pursuing me is the only way I can be sure that he actually likes me. Going after a guy, I feel too desperate, too clingy, too afraid that I'll be shot down. I'm too terrified of rejection to ever even think about putting myself out like that.

So, now, even though I want the opposite, I find myself sitting in the living room talking with Christie and Kiana, waiting for Harry to come to me. He did last time and I'm sure he will again, especially after we hung out just 3 days ago.

After an hour, the room goes quiet in an all-too-familiar way. My heart quickens by just the slightest and I know now that Harry is in the room. I don't turn to look at him, for fear that I'll look a tad bit crazy, so instead I do my best to carry on my conversation with Kiana. However, 2 minutes pass and I don't feel a tap on my shoulder or the clearing of a voice from behind me. After 3 minutes, I can't take it any longer and I turn around to survey the room for Harry.

Instead of walking towards me or staring at me from across the room, he has walked over to a girl named Jade,and is gesturing for her to follow him out of the room.

Something I've never felt before takes over my body and I quickly snap my head back to Kiana. I try to look normal, but I feel my cheeks heat in... embarrassment? Jealousy? I can't tell. I start to become upset but try to gain some perspective.

What the fuck is happening to me? I've known this guy a week and I'm getting jealous that he's having a conversation with another girl, who, honestly, has every right to be talking to him. It's crazy to be annoyed that he didn't come and start a conversation with me when the entire show is based off the premise of me chasing after him. I don't like how I'm starting to feel this way. I know I'm getting too attached already.

The only reason I like Harry so much is because I can hold such a normal conversation with him without feeling like leaving through the middle of it, or at least that's what I tell myself. I have difficulty socializing anyway, but he makes it seem easy. That's why I'm so keen to see him and that's the only reason why I feel so disheartened at him not coming to talk to me.

I decide I might need to take matters into my own hands if I want to have an enjoyable conversation tonight. I start to work up the courage and reason with myself: He invited me in the other night, of course he'll want to talk with me if I ask. Even if he doesn't, he'll have to come anyway for the sake of the show.

I remain on my seat on the couch for the better part of 2 hours and Harry enters the room again 3 more times, without even a glance in my direction. I miss the sweet Harry from the first 2 nights I'd known him. I try to reason with myself again. There are 20 girls he has to speak to, I can't expect him to make me the priority every single time.

I finally become fed up. I need to talk to him- I miss talking to him- and I need to alleviate at least some of the boredom I'm feeling right now.

As he walks out of the room once again with a different girl, I wait a couple minutes, then excuse myself, standing up and walking out in the direction they went. I hope I've given him enough time to talk to whoever he's with before I interrupt, but I honestly couldn't care less. I hope he'll be eager to talk to me, too, and that the amount of time he's had with the other girl won't matter.

Finally, after another 2 minutes, I locate him sitting in the back part of the garden. He looks to be having an amicable conversation with the girl, but I thank god they're not making out. I take a deep breath in and before entering also notice that no camera man is with them, only a single camera tacked to the table in front of the couch they're sitting on.

Finally, I walk into the little part of the garden and clear my throat.

"Hey, could I steal you for a moment?" I ask him quietly once I've got both of their attentions. I see Amber, the girl he's sitting next to, begin to smile and get up graciously, but he speaks before she can rise fully and physically pulls her back down-

"We're not finished." Harry states cooly, staring directly at me with absolutely no emotion within his eyes.

I freeze for a split second, my deepest, darkest fear occurring right before my very eyes, but finally gain some composure. I cast my gaze down and mumble out my response, turning away quickly.

"Yeah, of course, sorry." I respond before turning away and walking as fast as possible back out of the garden and into the mansion. I'm not in an acceptable state to be around the other women right now, so instead I beeline for the washroom on the first floor, locking the door behind me.

Of all scenario's I had conjured in my head when thinking of what could have happened when I asked to talk to Harry, that was the worst I thought of, and it had just happened. Most women would probably be fine with it, but with the fact that I'm deathly afraid of rejection and the fact that Harry has been ignoring me all night, the action seems a lot more detrimental.

There's no way I'm going back and trying to steal him away again. My pride will be completely demolished. Now I'll have no time to talk to him tonight at all. I won't even see him again until the rose ceremony. I sigh, practically mortified, and after a couple more minutes summon the strength to venture back into the living room.

I can't take seeing Harry right now, so I ensure that I stay turned away from all entrances to the living room and instead sit in a corner with Tanya and Perrie, where my only view is the wall behind them.

Another hour passes and finally Chris is calling us all into the living room and sending us off to the rose ceremony. For some reason, a nervous bubble arises within my stomach. With the way Harry was acting tonight, I have no idea if I'll get a rose or not. I hope that our previous encounters have helped me enough to stay through this round.

Although I've been focused on missing Harry the entire night, now faced with the possibility of going home, I'm concentrated on the money again. I can't bear to think about going back to New York without anything. Not right now.

Slowly, all of us line up on the risers in the rose ceremony room. I see Harry standing on the opposite side, next to a marble table containing 15 roses. I can't bear to risk making eye contact with him and curse the producers for putting me in the front row. Instead, I look down at the ground, or to the side, at the roses, but I don't dare let my eyes rest on him, not even for a moment.

Chris enters once again and announces a start to the ceremony. Harry picks up a rose and surveys us all standing before him. The tiny bubble of hope I had for him calling out my name first is destroyed as I hear him call out 'Jade'.

I take the blow to my ego and now stand, stock still, with my hands clasped in front of me, trying to remain as calm as possible.

Another 5 roses are handed out to various girls I've barely talked to and each time I find myself having a harder and harder time trying to breathe. Now only 9 roses remain.

another 5 girls are called, including Tanya and Kiana, but my name is obviously not in Harry's vocabulary. My confidence sinks lower and lower and my mood falls drastically. I start to think about what I'm going to do when I get back to New York. I sigh and hope that no one notices. Now 4 roses remain.

"Christie." Harry calls, picking up yet another of the dwindling roses from the pile. I hear Christie from beside me squeal with joy and jubilantly walk up to Harry, embracing him forcefully before practically yanking the rose from his fingers. He smiles at her before turning back to the table of roses. 3 are left.

"Jessica." He calls. My breathing falters and my chest begins to rise and fall faster than normal. I can't go home now, I haven't made any money yet. I rack my brain, trying to think of something, anything, I did to make Harry feel such a strong distaste for me, but I come up short.

Once Jessica is back standing on the risers, Harry picks up another rose, the second of the two remaining now. I hold my breath as I see his lips part and he begins to speak a name.

"Amber." He calls. There are tears beginning to form in my eyes. I didn't do anything! Why is this happening? I need the money, I thought it would be easy, but now with Harry's rejection and the increasing likelyhood of my being sent home, It's becoming hard to control myself.

I've avoided Harry's gaze the entire ceremony, but now, as he picks up the final rose, I look up and meet his gaze. He's already fixed on me. I attempt to put on an expression of steel as we observe each other. I expect him to look around at the other 3 girls beside me, but he doesn't. Instead, we each hold our ground.

This does not seem like something Harry would do- put me through this when he knows I don't have a chance. He stays completely silent for another minute as we stare at each other. I'm becoming more angry as each second passes and he just waits, putting me through this cruel form of torture. What's he playing at? If he really cared about me at all, even as just a friend, he would not make me stand here, humiliated, as he decides which of the other women he's going to choose over me.

My cheeks start to heat once again and I know my face must be turning red, but I don't care. I just want him to call out another girl's name and let me leave. Even if I have to go back to New York empty handed, anything is better than being made to stand here like this while he silently judges me.

Another 30 seconds of silence pass, and I refuse to look away from him. Finally, his lips part and he speaks the final name-