Harry and I lay completely naked on top of each other, panting and sweaty from the events of the past half hour. It took barely 5 seconds for Harry to rip my clothes off after the producers left, and it took me about 10 to remove his. It seems the stresses of the day had gotten to both of us.

Now we both lay in a pleasure filled haze, hardly able to talk. All I can feel is the deep breaths Harry takes from underneath me. In fact, the rise and fall of his toned chest are the only thing keeping me awake.

"You're bloody good at that." Harry eventually remarks from under me. I laugh loudly.

"I would hope so."

"Fucking perfect."

I chuckle and summon the energy to look up at Harry. His head lays back against the soft, white pillow adorning our king sized bed. A bit of an upgrade from the last time we had sex on my tiny couch. His eyes are closed peacefully and I see the trace of a smile on his lips. I can't help but mirror his expression.

I take the liberty to reach up for a second and place my lips softly to Harry's. He reciprocates my gesture but I find he barely has the energy to open his eyes. Understandable after what we just did.

"Charlotte?"

"Yes, Harry?" I respond, eyes now closed as I listen to his heart beat against his chest, the rate still slightly raised from a couple minutes ago.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What was up with you today?" Harry asks the question I know he's been holding in for the past 12 hours. I refrain from sighing and remain silent for a second or two while I try to gather myself. What possible answer can I give him that will stop him from pestering me for the rest of the night? I know I definitely can't tell him about Astrid, so what choice am I left with?

"You know, I don't always lie on camera." I quip, keeping my eyes closed. I know if I don't make eye contact with Harry it will be that much harder for him to tell if I'm lying or not.

"So you really are scared?"

"Of course I'm scared. There's 2 other girls who stayed with you this week in a hotel room just like this." I vent my anxieties. Harry and I are close enough now for me to confess something like this to him. I feel Harry release a loud sigh.

"You shouldn't be worried about them."

"Can you blame me?"

"No, I can't. But I'm telling you now to trust me, alright?" Harry concludes. I'm happy that I've seemed to flip the question on him. Now with this awkward subject change I hope he will not pursue the topic any further.

"I trust you, Harry."

"Do you really?"

"Of course I do." I assure him, letting my hand run over his bare chest. I feel him sigh in relief at the contact.

"Good."

We lay in silence for a few minutes. I find Harry and I don't have to talk to have a good time. Just being in the same room as him is more entertaining than holding a conversation with anyone else that I know.

"What time is it?" I eventually ask, curious as to how long we've been with each other. We spent a long time at dinner, and that started at 7.

"11:30" Harry responds after a time.

"Hmm... Early." I remark. I look up to see Harry already smirking down at me.

"Early, is it?" He questions. I nod eagerly and feel him sit up. I bring myself to roll off him and onto the other side of the bed. Cold seeps into my body like a disease and all I want is our bodies to be connected once more.

"Anything you can think to do?" I question deviously. Although him and I only finished 10 minutes ago I'm already eager for the next time we can be together. As I notice the quirk in Harry's brow, I know he is too.

He takes a deep breath before swinging his uncovered legs over the edge of the bed and standing. His bare body truly is a sight to behold. I can't help myself as I lay still and examine every inch of his form as he stands before me.

"What are you doing?"

"Enjoying the view." I tell Harry casually. He chuckles but I see blush spread across his chest and up to his face. Perfect. Without his clothes on I can tell exactly how much I've flattered him- one of my favourite pastimes.

"Come on, you tease. Up you get." Harry beckons me forward, holding out his hand for me to grasp. In one swift movement he's pulled me from the bed onto my feet and is guiding me towards another door bolted into the wall of the bedroom. As we enter I'm greeted by the master bathroom.

The floors and countertops are all covered in exquisite white marble while the walls are plated in gray, expensive-looking tile. I see a large shower on one side of the room and a huge porcelain bathtub on the other. Harry leads me toward the tub.

"Something in mind?" I ask as he pulls me forward. Without a response Harry moves behind me, grabs my waist, and then directs me into the tub. I gladly sit, and soon he takes his place behind me. I lay against his firm chest as warm water begins to flood the basin and our bodies are covered. I've not felt this relaxed since about 10 minutes ago.

Although we're both completely naked, I find that nothing is awkward between Harry and I. Both of us don't want to be anywhere else, and even if we're not necessarily doing anything, it doesn't matter. Like I said, just being in Harry's presence is better than anything I could do with any other person.

I allow myself to lean back so my head rests against Harry's chest. His arms come up and wrap around my stomach, pulling me closer. I close my eyes and try to focus on every single sensation around me. Now, this is a life I could get used to.

A question suddenly pops into my head. I take in my current situation and I can't help but get to thinking about how I came to be in it. Without Harry showing interest in me from day 1 none of this could have been possible. Why did he single me out on that first night anyway? Why did he give me the first impression rose when there were 25 others he could have gifted it to?

"Can I ask you a question, now?" I ask, my voice even and soft. My inquiry has no malicious intent- I'm simply curious. Having gotten closer to Harry in the span of the last 2 or 3 weeks, I pray that he will be able to explain more concisely than he has before.

"Of course."

"You know the first night we met?"

"Yes..." Harry trails off, waiting for me to continue.

"Why me?"

Harry sighs. I feel his chest deflate from under me. I'm sure I've asked him this many times before. However, the fact that I'm asking him again means he's never adequately answered.

"Haven't I already explained this?" Harry asks, a little exasperated. I'm not scared that I've offended him, though. His grip around my waist does not falter by the slightest.

"You have, but not very well." I push. He stays quiet for a time and then takes a deep breath.

"Fine. Let's start from the beginning."

"Yes, let's do that."

"Well, you stepped out of the limo, right?" He begins and my eyes close with satisfaction. Finally. Finally I might be able to understand the relationship we have now. I never thought Harry would even pay attention to me, let alone like me to the degree he seems to now.

"Right..."

"Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you looked fucking hot." Harry begins. I just know he's grinning and I can't help but laugh in surprise.

"Good to know." I snort, rolling my eyes.

"And then after that- you forgot your little note in the car. Right away I could tell you were different from the other girls." Harry tells me. I arch my brow in skepticism.

"How could you possibly tell from just that?"

"The fact that you forgot the note means you didn't care for it much. I assumed you weren't gonna tell me you were head over heels for me 'cause you thought the limo and the gimmick were stupid."

"You got all that from me forgetting my note?"

"I'm smarter than I look, you know." Harry quips and I chuckle. I bring my hand down into the water and pat his thigh.

"Yes, dear." I nod along sarcastically. A hearty laugh rumbles through Harry's chest. "And after that?"

"Well you asked my name- I knew you had a sense of humour. I don't know- the way you talked was cute." Harry compliments me and I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"I'm not cute, I'm sexy!" I protest jokingly, crossing my arms over my chest. Harry chuckles again.

"Yes, whatever you say, dear." He copies my sentiment. I giggle. A few moments of silence pass and then Harry continues.

"And when we talked I could just tell you were... normal. You held your own and you didn't seem nervous or scared or anything. Like we were meeting under the usual circumstances."

"Oh, good, you picked up on that."

"Picked up on what?"

"I'm normal." I tell him, stifling a laugh.

"Sometimes..." He trails off and I swat at him under the water.

"Alright, your turn now." Harry begins and I stay silent, attempting to think. Why did I like Harry so much the night I first met him? I'll be honest, I didn't really look at him in that way the first night, but now that I think about it, there were little things he did that predisposed me to enjoy his company in the future.

"Well, same goes for you. You looked very nice. I liked your long hair." I tell Harry. I feel him let out an amused snort.

"And you were very kind and sweet. I liked that you were nice to me." I continue.

"That's it? You think I'm nice!?" He questions sarcastically, huffing in dissatisfaction.

"I'm not done yet, hold on!" I exclaim with a laugh. Harry settles and remains quiet. "I liked that you pulled me off to talk yourself. Also you kissed me. Remember that?"

"'Course I do. Couldn't help myself." He tells me and I blush.

"Yeah, there you go. That's why." I finish. Harry stays silent for a moment.

Now that Harry and I have such an open dialogue I suddenly feel compelled to ask him about more important things. I've always wondered why he got so drunk that night in Italy- In his intoxicated state he'd told me that he hadn't been allowed to talk to me, but I never truly understood why. However, I don't think I should ask him now. It would spoil the mood and I don't want that. Instead, I lay back and let myself rest against Harry's warm body for an unknown amount of time.

I almost fall asleep, we stay in the bathtub for so long. Eventually I feel Harry begin to fidget beneath me. The water has lost most of its heat and my fingers are beginning to prune.

"Time to get out, I reckon." Harry whispers into my ear. I nod lazily and sit up so he can stand and step out of the tub. I follow him, but before I can grab a towel and wrap it around my body I feel Harry's hands on my waist.

"What are you doing?" I question, half a smile stuck to my face. By the way Harry's breathing I can guess exactly what he's thinking.

"You can't just go walking around like that. Can't stand it."

"That so?"

"Mhmm..." Harry murmurs into my ear. Before another word can escape me Harry's hand has travelled down from my waist and come to slide across my most sensitive spot. I cry out in surprise and I can feel Harry's smirk against my neck.

Without any warning, his hands come back up to grip my waist and then he's carrying me out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom. I squeal in astonishment but don't protest. I have a feeling I know where this is going.

Harry throws me down onto the soft mattress and grabs my ankles. Without hesitation he pulls me down so my feet and the rest of my legs dangle off the bed while my upper body lays flat against the silk sheets.

Harry wastes absolutely no time as he connects his mouth to my centre and begins to suck in the perfect way only he can. My hips buck involuntarily and a loud gasp escapes me. He continues on like this, his tongue darting out against me and circling my bundle of nerves exactly right. Within a few seconds his 2 fingers have come up and are slowly pumping in and out of me. The cold sensation of his rings against my bare skin makes me shiver with even more pleasure.

Soft curls fall from his head and tickle the inside of my thighs. I moan loudly, unable to stop myself. Harry goes fast and his motions are calculated- I suspect for a reason. He is not trying to tease me now. The fire in my stomach is building faster than it ever has before.

In a matter of seconds my legs have gone rigid. Another 10 pass and I can't hold the feeling in any longer. I cry out Harry's name loudly and my entire body stiffens. Stars burst before my vision as I squeeze my eyes tightly shut and ride out my high.

Once I've finished Harry places one last kiss to me before coming up. He sits on his knees, still between my legs, and just looks at me with a dopey grin on his face.

"You're bloody good at that." I repeat what he said to me just 2 hours ago. Harry chuckles. He's still naked, and as he stands I see there's something I need to take care of, too. I jump up from the bed and push Harry down onto it. He seems confused as I stand over him and watch him excitedly.

"Your turn now." I tell him, my voice lowering by the slightest. I see Harry gulp and his eyes widen just a little bit. I bend and place a quick peck to his lips before getting down onto my knees in front of the man before me. He sits upright on the bed, both his feet firmly planted to the floor.

"Charlotte, you really don't have-" I waste no time and take his length in my hand, pumping slowly- "Oh, ok." Harry stutters. I laugh and look up at him. He's already gazing down at the movement my hand is making and I see pure excitement in his eyes. Good.

Another second passes and I take his tip into my mouth. A soft sigh escapes Harry, but otherwise he remains silent. I dart my tongue around in the way I know feels good and I see Harry's hands come to grip the bedsheets on either side of him tightly.

Another few seconds pass and I let him sink all the way down my throat- or at least as far as possible. Harry's quite large. The parts I cannot fit I take in my hand.

"Fuck." Harry mutters. His hands rise from the bed and instead tangle into my hair. He holds it back away from my face for me.

Without waiting any longer, I begin to move up and down, sucking and using my tongue expertly. I know what to do, and I also know what Harry likes. I twist my hand as I move faster and faster, trying not to gag as Harry hits the back of my throat over and over. It's a sweet kind of pain that I don't mind at all.

I continue on like this, never faltering. I can feel Harry's breaths getting shorter and louder. I know he's close when his grip on my hair tightens and he begins to guide me back and forth himself. I smile at the effect I seem to have on him and after another 2 minutes he's stuttering and mumbling.

"So fucking good... I- Oh god. Charlotte, jesus... fuck..." He goes on. I smirk to myself, and after a few seconds Harry stills and I feel his release in my mouth. I bob up and down a few more times for good measure, and then pull away.

Harry's arms stretch out behind him to prop him up. I see sweat covering his forehead and the laziest smile I've ever seen displayed on his face. As I stand he takes in my figure, sits up, and greedily grabs at my waist. Without asking he pulls me forward and sits me down on his lap. We are chest to chest, face to face, and Harry seems to be examining every inch of me.

He says nothing. To fill the silence I place my lips tentatively to his and he returns the gesture. We hold each other like this for a long time, just sitting and kissing. I find it to be just as enjoyable as anything else Harry and I could be doing.

After a while Harry falls back onto the bed, bringing me with him, and we seem to be in the same position we were 2 hours ago. I lay on top of him again and he remains underneath me.

"Tired yet?" I ask. We've both gone twice within the night now.

"A little." Harry admits with a chuckle. I smirk and force myself to hop off of him. I stand from the bed and retrieve a robe from where it hangs upon the door of the bathroom.

"Remember what these are? Clothes?" I tease, pulling at the fabric that now covers me. Harry chuckles, amused, but only watches me intently as I pad back across the floor to the bed.

"Don't need 'em." He mutters as he lays back across the bed, still completely bare. Believe me, I don't mind one bit. The view is better than anything I saw in Paris or Italy or even here in Jamaica. Still, I'm scared that if he stays like this I won't be able to control myself, and right now the prospect of going again is daunting.

I search the floor and pick up Harry's black briefs. I hold them out for him, but he does not take them. Instead, he watches me with an amused expression.

"Really?" I ask, exasperated.

"Do whatever you'd like." He tells me, closing his eyes and laying back again. I huff with annoyance, but follow his instructions nonetheless. I put his feet through the holes of his pants and tug them past his legs and finally up to cover him. Harry stifles a laugh and I swat at his bare stomach.

"You're ridiculous."

"I know."

I plop onto the bed next to Harry and instantly his arms are out and pulling me closer. He reels me into his chest so my head lays atop him and his arms can wrap protectively around the rest of my body.

"Pretty good night." Harry observes. I laugh and nod my head.

"I think so."

We don't talk after that. The events of the day have tired me out and I'm excited to do one of my favourite things: fall asleep with Harry. 20 minutes pass and I soon feel Harry's breaths even out from under me, indicating that he's asleep. I reach out delicately and switch off the sole lamp illuminating the room. I'm reminded of the nights I spent with Harry in his room in Italy. This time, though, I don't have to worry. No other girls are going to catch me sneaking out at 6 in the morning. There is no threat of producers barging in to set up cameras. We are completely alone, and it's allowed. I have to admit I feel even more at peace with Harry knowing these things.

Another 20 minutes pass and I can feel myself slipping into unconsciousness. Just as my eyes begin to feel heavy and I'm about to drift off I hear a light knocking coming from the front door of the hotel suite. My eyes still closed, I furrow my brows and stir. Who the hell could that be? I look to the clock on the night stand and see it's now about 1:30 in the morning.

I ignore it and assume that maybe the person on the other side of the door has the wrong room number, but the loud knocks sound out 3 more times. Whoever it is, they're adamant about getting in. I sigh and look up to Harry. He's still sleeping soundly, lips slightly parted and long eyelashes tickling his cheeks.

I gather my energy and as gently as I can I push myself off of Harry. I inch off the bed to keep from disturbing him, then quietly tip toe out of the bedroom into the living room. To keep Harry from waking, I softly close the double doors behind me. The entrance clicks into place and I continue on my way. The knocks at the front door sound out again.

I grab our room key from a small side table and venture towards the door. I look through the peephole, but don't see anyone. Odd.

I don't want the loud knocks to sound again, so quickly I unhinge the lock and swing the door open. Directly in front of me there's nobody, but as I look to the side I see someone leaning against the wall. They have long, blond hair. They're tall- much taller than me.

I lose all feeling in my body. My vision nearly goes black and I can't breathe. I'm sure my face must turn purple after a while since my body refuses to take in oxygen.

"A-Astrid?" I question weakly. Key card in hand, i quickly shut the entrance to the hotel room. I don't want Harry hearing any of this.

"Charlotte." Astrid acknowledges my presence, looking down at me. Her arms are crossed and I don't miss the judgemental look in her eyes as she takes in the sole robe I'm wearing to cover myself.

"What are you doing here?" I ask faintly. My voice is barely louder than a whisper and I can't bring myself to look up at Astrid's face. It physically hurts when I try, so I keep my gaze glued to something at the end of the hallway instead.

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't go on your date with Harry today?" Astrid questions, looking down at her nails instead of acknowledging me. She ignores my question, but I think I know the answer anyway. Luke did not succeed. My plan has been shot.

"I didn't agree to anything."

"Fair enough. But, I told you what would happen." Astrid reminds me, her voice almost childish now as she taunts me. She wags her finger back and forth as a warning. I want to rip it off her hand, but stop myself from doing so. I can hardly think, let alone move.

"You can't." I stutter out. I feel my eyes begin to sting with tears, but I concentrate all my energy into holding them back. i can't let her see me cry. That's one thing I will not do.

"Actually, I can." She tells me, her lips drooping to mock me. I feel fire ignite within my chest. Who the hell is this bitch and how does she have the right to do any of this? She wants to tear the one piece of happiness I've found from me.

"Please, no. Please don't do this." I can't help but beg. Although it would pain me, I'd get down onto my knees if I had to. Harry absolutely cannot find out anything about me. I can't stand to think about the look on his face- the shock and disgust and regret in his eyes. It's too much to bear.

Astrid looks down at me and I can see her thinking. It looks as if the cogs are turning behind her cold, calculating eyes. Then, her brow quirks and I see a small smirk displayed across her face.

"Fine, I'll give you a choice." She tells me. I'm grasping at straws, and hope that maybe, just maybe, she's got an ounce of compassion within her.

"What choice?"

"I can go in there right now and tell Harry myself..." She trails off, looking at me with a brow raised, as if looking for approval. I give her no such thing and only suck in a breath of panic. There's no way I'm letting her do that.

"Or... You can do it yourself. End things however you want, just be gone by morning. If you leave on your own I promise I won't tell him anything about you after you're gone."

"Why should I trust you?"

"Because I don't care about you. As soon as you're gone I won't need to tell Harry." Astrid reasons. She's right. I know she won't say anything once I'm gone.

"Why are you doing this? Just leave us alone."

"Can't do that, unfortunately." She muses. I want to smack the stupid smirk off her smug face.

"Please... just let me be. You don't have a right to tell Harry."

"You don't have a right to be dating him- it's disgusting you've fooled him for even this long."

"It's not your place to decide that!" I exclaim, at a loss for anything else to do. I'm being forced to leave Harry, and right now it seems as if there's no way out.

"Decide." Is all Astrid says, clearly not willing to argue with me any further. Nothing I can say to her will change her mind. She will either ruin me, or she will force me to ruin myself. I already know what I'm going to do. Of my two choices, there is only one plausible one. I will leave myself. That way, at least, Harry doesn't have to know anything about my past.

"Please, Astrid. Don't do this." I try one last time. She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"My, god, you're annoying. Decide right now or I'll decide for you." She states. Her tone is harsh and I know I have no way out. Maybe I can buy myself some more time.

"What happened to Luke?" I weakly ask, avoiding her question. Astrid sighs.

"That idiot? I got him fired." She tells me. I can't keep the shock from my face.

"You did?"

"Well, he was going to stop me from talking- thanks for that by the way. I don't need him anymore so I got rid of him." She explains. I can hardly believe what I'm hearing. My one safety net is gone- just like that. I have nothing left to save me. Absolutely nothing. I have to do what Astrid is asking of me. I either leave by myself or let Astrid tell Harry the truth. There's no other way out. No possible solution. The only thing my future holds is pain and loneliness now. Harry and I can't be together.

"Decide." She demands again. I take a deep breath and look down to the floor. My head is spinning and I feel as though I may pass out.

"I'll- I'll do it. I'll do it- don't talk to him." I stutter out. My voice is hoarse and unrecognizable. As I look up to Astrid one last time I see absolutely no remorse in her eyes. She does not feel bad for me.

"Good. I'm glad we've cleared that up. Be gone by the morning. If you're still here, I'm not waiting any longer." Astrid threatens. All I can do is afford her a decrepit nod. Without another word she's walked away down the hall and boarded the elevator.

I'm left alone in the dim hallway and can't do anything except for stand still. I gaze down the corridor blankly as I realize my world is crumbling around me. This is it. This is the end. What I've been scared of for weeks has finally happened. I have no other choice now. Luke is gone- of course I shouldn't have trusted him. What else is there left to do now? I must leave. It's either that or be forced to leave in disgrace once Harry knows of my past.

I swipe the key card through the entrance to the suite and numbly enter. I amble through the dark living room, depositing the keycard on my way. I feel like a zombie as I walk. What the hell am I going to tell Harry? I know he won't believe that I want to leave on my own. I'm going to have to hurt him- really hurt him- so he'll let me go. What could I possibly tell him to convince him that I don't like him?

I walk through the double doors of the bedroom and see through the darkness that Harry is still soundly asleep. His legs spread across the bed and his arms are still out, seemingly reaching for me. I can't bring myself to get back into bed. I don't even want to touch Harry. I'm disgusted with myself and refuse to allow myself anything as nice as Harry.

There's a large arm chair in the corner of the room. In the darkness I take a seat. I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I sit there for a long time, only watching Harry as he sleeps peacefully. I can't believe this is finally happening.

Why did I have to get involved? If I didn't like Harry as much as I do this would hardly be a difficult decision. I would be getting my money and have an easy way off the show. Now, that's not a reality. I don't want to leave the show. I couldn't care less if I get paid. The only thing I want is Harry. Now, however, I can't have him.

An hour must pass as I sit in the hard chair, my eyes never leaving Harry. I won't be seeing him like this ever again. I have until the morning. I don't know if it would be worse to tease myself with Harry by staying with him longer, or to leave now and get it over and done with.

Suddenly, Harry begins to stir on the bed. I guess if he wakes up now I won't have to choose. I see his head move, and then through the dark I think I can see his eyes open. He looks to his side and realizes I'm not there, and then whips his head around, surveying the room. He catches site of me in the corner.

"Charlotte?" He questions groggily. His arms slowly rise to prop him up and he squints through the darkness at me. At his voice tears begin to sting my eyes again. This time I don't know if I'll be able to hold them in.

I rub at my eyes to keep wetness from spreading across my cheeks and sniff loudly.

"Charlotte, are you alright?" Harry speaks again. This time his voice is clear and I don't miss the fear in it. He knows I've been acting weird. I'm sure he can put two and two together.

"I have to leave." Is all I can think to say. It's like ripping off a bandaid. I need to do it fast or it will only be that much more painful.

"What? What are you talking about?" Harry questions cautiously. He reaches out and switches on the lamp beside him. He can now see me clearly- huddled on the hard arm chair, wetness on my cheeks extremely noticeable.

"I can't stay any longer."

"What's going on?"

"Harry, I need to leave." I repeat myself. I can't think of anything else to say to get my point across. This is not going to be easy.

"Leave the room? Why? Where do you want to go?" He asks. I can hear a quiver in his voice. He's not dumb. He knows what I'm talking about.

"No- I need to leave Jamaica... the show." I stutter out, choking up as I do so.

"What? Why? No you don't." Harry firmly states. I see his entire body is rigid and his eyes are wide. He seems to want to walk towards me but he won't let himself, as if he'll scare me off if he gets any closer. He's probably right.

"I do- I don't... I don't want to be with you anymore." I deliver the first blow of the night. Harry blinks for a second as he attempts to comprehend what's going on.

"Yes you do. Yes you do! You don't know what you're talking about." Harry is in denial. He refuses to listen to me. Understandable. I don't even want to listen to myself.

"I don't like you like that. I never have." I lie through my teeth, my lips quaking and my eyes blurring with tears. Whether Harry believes me or not, I hope with all hope that the words are harsh enough to break him. I have to hurt him if I want to leave- he won't let me otherwise. It's excruciating to do so.

"Yes you do. You told me so."

"I lied."

"No you didn't." He argues. More tears fall from my eyes and I hurriedly wipe them away. I can see Harry's chest is rising and falling harshly with fear.

"Of course I lied Harry!" I can't stop myself from shouting now. He's drawing out this process longer than it needs to be. I have to leave. Being with Harry any longer will only hurt me more.

"Why the hell are you still here if you don't like me?" Harry accuses me, attempting to catch me in my lie. I've already thought this through. As I considered my options before he woke up, I knew one thing that would hurt him. I know one thing I can say that will make him believe I've never really liked him.

"We get paid for every week we stay." I tell Harry my original motive for joining the show. Of course it couldn't be farther from the truth now, but he doesn't know that.

"What?"

"If you pass week 3 you get paid every week after that." I explain. I see Harry blink again. His response does not come immediately this time. The information does not seem to compute.

"You do?"

"Of course. Why else would I have stayed so long?" I force out. I need to sound strong right now, but that's impossible. Harry sits silently, in shock.

"You're lying again."

"I'm not! Ask any of the producers." I urge Harry. He shakes his head.

"You were not faking it the whole time. I know you weren't." He tells me. This time I shake my head at him. I refuse to make eye contact. I know if I do I'll break down sobbing. I need to finish this.

"Yes, I was. I don't like you Harry. I've got all the money I need now. I want to go back to New York. I don't want to be on the show any longer." I state. My voice wavers uncontrollably but I get the words out nonetheless.

"You're not like that!"

"I am! How would you know!? You've only known me for 2 months, Harry. Didn't you see where I lived? You really think I don't need money?" I counter, continuing with my false narrative. I know using my apartment as leverage will work. I'm sure Harry can put the pieces together for himself.

"You wouldn't do that to me." He says softly. I can see his eyes are glassy now- filled with tears, just like mine. His cheeks begin to turn red and his knuckles are white as he clenches them.

"I don't care about you. You think I care at all what happens now? I just want to leave."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. I'm leaving." I force out. I can't tell if I'm believable or not by the tears that stream down my face and the way my voice breaks with every syllable, but Harry looks broken nonetheless. Have I succeeded? It's an awful, cruel sort of victory. Making Harry hurt like this pains me twice as much as he'll ever know. I'm an awful person. I'm a horrible, evil, terrible, selfish person for putting him through this.

"You won't. Please don't leave." Harry starts. Hearing him beg causes a single sob to rack through my body, but I don't stop my movements and keep my back turned away from him. I pick up my clothes, discarded onto the floor just 4 hours ago.

I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I slip out of the robe and put my dress from earlier in the night on. I gaze up into the mirror and find I look a mess. My face is absolutely covered in tears and my eyes are red and puffy. I think of Harry outside and another cry escapes me.

I seem to be losing my breath as I suck in air nothing happens- my body is unresponsive. I feel like I'm drowning. I give myself a few seconds and then turn once again. I emerge from the bathroom, clothed now. Harry has not moved from his spot on the bed. He seems to be frozen with shock.

"Charlotte, please don't leave. Don't leave me." Harry pleads. My heart aches and more tears fall. Harry looks up at me as I stand by the bathroom door and we make eye contact. The look in his eyes- the look of pure despair- nearly breaks me. All I want to do is jump into his arms and tell him it was all a lie. I want to tell him all about Astrid and how she's blackmailing me and how I'm doing this to make sure he never finds out about my past. I can't, though. I need to leave.

"I have to." Is all I can manage to stutter out. I turn towards the double doors leading out of the bedroom. Finally, Harry moves. He's up and he's grabbed my arm before I can exit.

"You don't have to do anything! Why are you doing this? I know you don't want to." He says. His voice breaks and I shiver at his touch. I'm a horrible person.

"Yes I do." I lie while my body shakes briefly with another sob. Harry's grip tightens and his eyebrows furrow.

"No you don't! Look at how you're crying. You don't want to leave!" He exclaims. I rip my arm from his grasp and proceed through the double doors into the living room. The lights are still off and I switch them on as I hurry towards the door.

"Charlotte!" Harry cries. I stop in my tracks as I hear the desperation in his voice, but don't respond.

"Don't do this." He says. His voice quivers and as I look back at him I see his lip trembling. I know he's trying hard not to cry.

"I have to leave."

"No you fucking don't! What is this about?! I know you weren't in it for the money."

"I was! You hardly know me! How do you know what I want? I've been lying to you Harry. Let me leave." I try to tell him calmly, but I fail. My voice raises in frustration. I need to get out of here. I can't face Harry any longer. I already feel horrible for what I'm doing. Not only is it breaking me in half, but it appears to be breaking Harry, too.

"I know you."

"No you don't! You don't know anything about me!"

Harry doesn't respond to this. He stands in the middle of the living room, his shoulders sagging and his brows creased in concentration, I suspect in an attempt to keep tears from spilling from his eyes.

I proceed towards the front door. This time Harry doesn't try to stop me. I reach for the handle and open the door.

"Please don't do this." I hear Harry mutter quietly, still inside the room. I look back at him and meet his gaze with my own. I'm nearly knocked back at the force of his stare. He looks so... sad.

"Goodbye, Harry." I stammer before stepping through the entrance and into the hallway. I rest my back against the door and take deep breaths, trying to regain my vision. It seems to have disappeared again. My head is swimming and I'm dizzy- I fear I'll fall over.

I hear a loud crash from inside the room- Harry has broken something. I jump at the loud noise and step away from the door. I have to get out of here. I can't stand to see Harry again after what has just transpired.

I hurry down the hall to my own floor. I burst into my room and begin to haphazardly throw clothes into my suitcase, packing anything I see. I need to leave. I can't stay here any longer.

When all my belongings are stuffed into my case and I'm wearing clothes appropriate for the plane I phone the room of a producer I was provided when I arrived. It takes a few rings, but eventually they pick up.

"Hello?"

"It's Charlotte. I need to leave. I need to go back to the US." I sob. I don't care if the producer hears me crying. They can suck it up. The producer tells me they'll be down in 10 minutes. Im left to sit and think in my dark room by myself. I burry my face into my hands and let proper wails rack my body. I've not cried this hard in years.

Sure, I cried to Harry the other night while at the rose ceremony, but this is different. Right now I can't seem to control myself, and I can't seem to stop either. I fear I might never stop.

The producer arrives, and as I step out of the hotel room I'm not only greeted by Emily, but by 2 other cameras. I don't have to pretend to be anything for the cameras anymore, i realize. I'm already a disgrace to Harry and the show. The only silver lining in this situation.

I look down to the ground to shield my wet face from the camera men and sniffle to keep myself from crying. I refuse to let them see me upset.

We walk through the lobby of the hotel, my suitcase in tow, and I'm guided into a large black SUV. The camera men don't follow me, but I see a large camera tacked to the head rest of the passenger seat, directly in front of me. I know what I'm supposed to do now- vent all my frustration and sadness and regret to the camera so the producers have something to work with.

I refuse to do any such thing. Instead, I sit quietly, willing myself to stay calm for at least the short ride to the airport, and look out the window. No one will have any explanation for why I'm leaving the show, but I could give a shit less about any of them. The only person I care about is Harry, and now I don't even have him.

This thought almost causes me to break again, but I hold myself together. Within 2 hours I'm boarding my flight back to New York. I look out the window of the plane as we take off, and realize I'm leaving Harry behind. I'm leaving him here in this country and I will never see him again...

***

Uh oh...

Have a great day

L