It takes me no time to descend down the short hallway, the winding staircase, and reach the door that will deliver me back to the main part of the mansion. It's now about 6:30 in the morning, and I pray none of the girls have woken.

I take a deep breath and carefully twist the knob out of place and push the old wooden door ajar. I hear no footsteps and hesitantly proceed. Half of me moves so slowly because I don't want to be heard, and another because I don't want to part from Harry. It's like the farther away I get the more mobility I lose.

Nonetheless, I have no time to let silly feelings like that get the better of me. Stupidly, without checking down the hallway, I turn and close the door as quickly as possible, eager to avoid an awkward encounter. Unfortunately, my efforts fail miserably.

Just as I close the door to the supposed 'broom closet' Amber rounds the corner and watches me push the knob back into place. A quizzical look consumes her face.

"Charlotte?" She calls from a couple feet away. I hear her voice and freeze with shock. I only have a split second to think of an explanation and try to wipe the panic from my face as I turn to meet her gaze.

"Amber? You're up so early?" I question, attempting to buy myself more time to think of an excuse. Oh, god. What the hell am I going to tell her?

"Yeah... I couldn't sleep. What are you doing?" She asks. I don't miss the slight hint of suspicion in her voice, and I inwardly cringe. I know I must seem horrible to the other girls right now. Last night I was treated rather unfairly by Harry, even I can acknowledge that. I won't be surprised if at least half of them have it out for me already.

"Oh, I couldn't sleep either. It's so damn cold in my room I thought there might be another blanket in here or something." I say, shrugging casually and gesturing to the broom closet.

"There wasn't?" Amber asks. Her tone sounds less accusatory and more concerned now. I try my hardest to prevent my cheeks from flushing with anxiety.

"No- literally empty. All that's in there is a bunch of dust and spiders- I don't recommend it." I half laugh, trying to pull off a joke. It takes a second, but soon Amber has joined me with a small chuckle and is walking forward once more. There seems to be no suspicion apparent on her face, but I'm not sure about her thoughts. I guess I should just be grateful that I've pulled off yet another lie. I do hope that she doesn't decide to go looking for a blanket herself. I really should get a key to lock this damn door.

We begin to walk back down the hall together to our individual rooms.

"If you want a blanket you could take the extra one in my room. Since Danielle went home last night there's a spare bed." Amber suggests. I'm about to turn her down on account of wanting to sleep, but I realize I must carry on my narrative. If I was cold enough to rouse from my slumber and search the house for an extra comforter, I would want the blanket Amber is offering now. I have no choice but to accept.

"Sure, that would be amazing." I respond. Within a minute I've swiped the blanket of Danielle's old bed and hauled it into my own room. When I arrive, luckily, Kiana is still fast asleep- I can tell by the light snores she lets out.

As I lay down and try to doze I find that these noises annoy me. Harry doesn't snore when he sleeps.

I elect to stay awake and think about everything that has just happened. I can't believe I spent the night with Harry again, and I especially can't believe I spent the night with Harry without getting caught. I know he slept with me in my room in Paris, but this time seemed different. Last week we were fighting. Harry slept in my room to prove a point, and not to mention all the girls had been out of the house. Last night was for pure pleasure. It would have seemed unthinkable to me only 2 weeks ago, but last night, even if all 7 other girls had come storming in, I wouldn't have been able to tear myself from Harry's embrace.

Such a deep comfort runs through me every time Harry wraps his arms around me or places a swift kiss to my forehead, or my nose, or my cheeks. It would have been unthinkable to leave him in a state like that.

Besides the ever present feelings for Harry that are growing inside me, there's another topic on my mind. I know Harry was completely wasted last night, but the reason for why he drank so heavily worries me. He had said that someone had told him he couldn't speak to me anymore. I'm going to assume this 'someone' was a producer, and I'll also take a wild guess that this producer is Luke. It doesn't take much effort to put two and two together.

If Astrid really does despise me with every fibre of her being, she will do anything to keep Harry and I apart- I know it. If that's her will, she will pull strings with Luke and try to ensure that Harry and I spend as little time with each other as possible. It's not hard to imagine her whispering into Luke's ear, one hand on his twisting his mind and the other on his cock. I don't doubt she has all the control she needs, but that's not good news for me.

If she already has her claws sunk in, I have to wonder how much power Luke holds over Harry. Can Luke really stop Harry from talking to me? And for how long? From what happened last night I can hypothesize that Luke probably told Harry he couldn't speak to me, Harry got angry, and chose to turn to alcohol instead of reason to alleviate his dissonance. But what implications could that have?

Will Harry be in some sort of trouble for disobeying direct orders from Luke? Is Luke really that important? Or will Luke just turn to some other method to keep Harry and I away from each other. If he knows he can't rely on Harry to obey, he may choose to inhibit me from making contact instead. Unlike Harry, there is something that Astrid and Luke have to hold over my head. I've confirmed that Astrid knows all about my past, and from the sounds of it, my present situation back in New York. I will do anything in my power to stop her from telling Harry.

I couldn't bear it if Harry knew my history. I'm certain that he would abandon me at a moments notice. I can't even begin to think of how I would feel if he ended things. I promised myself I wouldn't get attached, but now I see I've obviously failed in that regard. Of course there's no way I love Harry, but I like him a hell of a lot, and just to imagine the regret and the disgust in his eyes once he hears about me is like torture. I don't think I could actually live through the real experience.

This is why, no matter how much it pains me, I may as well be at Astrid's mercy from now on. I have no choice but to obey- if I don't, I will no longer have Harry. And I want Harry.

I sigh and roll over in bed. What am I to do? I pray that maybe, possibly Astrid doesn't really know the information I think she does, but my dream is far fetched. Her words the other day in the kitchen all but confirm her knowledge. In fact, I wonder why she has not snitched on me already. She seems to hate me enough to want me off the show immediately. I can't think of a single reason she would hold off and keep me around for any longer.

She could have told Harry at the rose ceremony and I would have been one of the 3 girls eliminated. In fact, I'm surprised Astrid didn't. By the nasty glares she was shooting me the entire night I'm amazed she hadn't sprung up and jabbed a cheese knife into my throat. Someone that jealous cannot have much self control. No, there must be a reason she's holding off. Maybe she's not the one making the choice. I wonder if Luke has any say in if she exposes me or not.

I know it would make for killer drama, but Luke may suspect that if I'm kicked off the show Harry will be so enraged that he'll put Luke's job in jeopardy just like he threatened to. But that wouldn't make sense. If Harry found out about my past he would be more than happy to send me packing without another word. In fact, he would probably thank Luke for warning him rather than be angry.

I don't sleep for another 2 hours as I lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling. I have no choice but to wait and stew in the mess of questions I have until, finally, a knock sounds on Kiana and I's door.

"Girls, get up! There's a date card!" One of the producer's, I think Emily, exclaims from the other side of the entrance. I waste no time sitting up and pulling the curtains open wide. Kiana groans in annoyance and I laugh as I rip the blankets off her jokingly and then make my way to the washroom.

I realize I might have woken a little earlier to make myself presentable, but know that Harry saw me asleep and completely off my guard only 3 hours ago. He won't care what I look like. I decide to keep on his briefs and shirt. I may as well be a little cheeky if I'm at risk of not being able to talk to him soon.

I tie my hair up in a loose bun and pull a couple of strands of hair to frame my face. I pull on long socks that reach just below my knees and venture out into the hallway. 4 girls are already assembled in the living room, and after 5 more minutes, the rest have joined us.

Kiana is selected to run to the door and pretend to receive the card, and soon she's reading it out to us.

"A group date- it says "When in Rome..." She squeals excitedly. The girls clap their hands- I know they're on edge. The two girls not named for this date will go on a one-on-one this week. I already know my name must be written. Harry has paid too much attention to me over the past few days. He couldn't me so stupid to think that he could bring me on a one-on-one without having a mutiny from the other girls on his hands... or could he? If I'm honest, I wouldn't put it past him.

"Tanya, me, Perrie, Astrid, Christie, and Amber." Kiana reads off. My entire body goes numb. I almost ask her to double check and make sure my names not on the list. My name should be on the list. What an absolutely, remarkably, unbelievably daft idiot Harry is. If the other girls didn't hate me already, they will now. I even see the semblance of spite starting to form in Tanya and Kiana's eyes. I'm pretty sure every girl in this room has actually had a one-on-one already, at some point or another. Technically, we're on an even playing field. However, that's not how it seems.

I had a one-on-one just last week in Paris. Now I have another. My name was called first during the rose ceremony last night, and I'm sure everybody picked up on how obsessed Harry seemed with me during the cocktail party- it was obvious.

Now, I have another one-on-one. Another opportunity for alone time with Harry- to them, it probably seems as if I've had the most one-on-one time out of any girl on the history of this show. Including my time off camera, I'm sure I have, but they don't know about that. I wish they would have some perspective.

Besides last night, when we're being filmed, Harry and I seldom see each other for more than 10 minutes at a time. In fact, I mostly sit and allow the other girls to spend time with him without interruption from myself. They won't consider this, though, I know they won't. That's just how a jealous woman's mind works.

Instead of the smile that I should be displaying for the cameras, a small line of worry creases my forehead. If Astrid and all the other girls turn against me I have absolutely no chance. If Astrid doesn't expose me, the other girls will take matters into their own hands and maybe they'll discover my secret, too. Oh, god...

Chris Harrison has entered the room without me noticing. His voice breaks me out of my anxious trance.

"Alright, ladies on the card, go and get ready, your date starts in an hour!" He announces. Although tension in the room is palpable, none of the nominated women waste time sticking around. They quickly scurry off to prepare themselves. Jade and I remain in the living room alone now.

"We're on one-on-one's then?" Jade observes from across the room. I turn to her hesitantly. I realize she may be the only girl who feels sympathy for me- after all, she's going to get alone time with Harry, just like me.

"I guess so." I respond complacently. I'm too scared that I'll misspeak and make my situation worse, so I stay silent. I have no interest in going upstairs and facing the other women, so instead I rise and head towards the kitchen. Unfortunately the modern and open layout of this house does not grant me much protection from Jade's curious stare, and I desperately wish I was alone. Or with Harry. Either would calm me.

I pull out a frying pan and eggs and set to work. I present Jade breakfast as an inadvertent peace offering and she accepts. In no time it seems the other women are down and awaiting their limo. I wonder if Harry will show up to get them, or if they will met him wherever their date is set. I can't imagine how the hell Harry gets out of his room without anyone seeing him. Unless theres another way out. I don't remember seeing one, but to be fair I've never paid much attention.

I'm delighted when I hear the front door open and the girls all squeal as I sit and eat my eggs quietly at the kitchen island. I know I should contain myself and allow the others to get in their greeting, so I stay seated for a few moments.

I watch as Harry eagerly makes his way into the living room and seems to search for something. His eyes dart quickly around and his head moves from side to side, attempting to locate a particular object. I know it's me as Harry turns toward the kitchen and immediately his searching expression is gone.

He doesn't seem to be a complete idiot today, and only affords me a shy smile before turning back around to talk to Perrie. Immediately I breathe a sigh of relief and realize that maybe Harry has had time to reflect on his stupid, stupid actions from last night. Maybe he knows now that he has to pay at least some attention to the other girls. Obviously not enough reflection to understand that I shouldn't have a one-on-one this week, but then again Harry was never too bright.

I can't help but smirk to myself as I contemplate his early morning decisions and watch the way his back flexes beneath his thin white shirt. When he turns to face me I can see the outline of the butterfly adoring his stomach and the black sparrows peaking out above either side of the shirts neckline. He looks heavenly.

A few more moments pass and Harry doesn't appear to be leaving, so I finally end my torment and walk over towards the group. I've given the rest of the girls 10 minutes of uninterrupted time with Harry and hope this will be enough to appease them.

I step over and tap Harry on the shoulder from behind, before taking a step back and waiting patiently. Harry seems confused as he whips his head around before his eyes light with pure joy as he takes me in and wraps me in an enormous hug. He clearly was not expecting me to approach.

I can't contain my loud laugh as he lifts me slightly off my feet and his arms hug me tightly- almost too tightly. When I'm finally set back down Harry does not remove his hands from me, but instead comes to rest them on either of my shoulders. I relish the contact, and realize that Harry does not want to disconnect us either.

"Hello, lovely." Harry greets me kindly and I realize he's come to develop a pet name for me- 'lovely'. He's said it a few times now. I wish I could afford Harry his own, but I don't dare let out any sentiment in front of the other women.

"Hi Harry." I respond, rather childishly. His messy curls and rosy cheeks distract me from forming a proper sentence.

"Sleep well?" He questions, and I realize the inquiry is more loaded than it seems. Of course I slept well, but I should I tell him just how well? If I do I know he will realize just how much I love spending time with him, and namely, sleeping with him- in both senses of the word. Oh, fuck it. I don't care if he knows.

"Best sleep I ever had, I think." I respond, batting my lashes and attempting to keep the blush from my cheeks. I fail. I look away for a second as Harry stares at me.

"Really?" He asks, as if he doesn't believe what he just heard. I'm sure Harry is used to me being cold and withholding, especially while we're on camera, so this revelation must be a shock. I nod sheepishly and Harry aims to change the subject. He can tell I'm uncomfortable and I'm glad he's able to read me so well.

"I like your pyjamas." He tells me and I grin from ear to ear. Of course he's going to bring up my clothing. I can tell it must be driving him mad to know I'm still in his briefs- briefs he had on just 3 hours ago. And of course still wearing his shirt, nothing separating my bare body from the soft material.

"Really? Me too! They're so comfortable." I exclaim, and step away from him for a second to deliver a joking twirl, showing off my outfit as if I'm on the red carpet. Harry chuckles boyishly and his grin is wider than ever. I'm about to step back into his embrace, but Astrid emerges from behind.

"Harry, oh my god it's so good to see you." She announces her presence. I see Harry freeze for a second, but his expression is blank. I can't tell what he's thinking. I know he can't let anything show while on camera, but I'd like to think he's reluctant to leave me.

Without another word he turns to acknowledge Astrid. I know I must let her do as she pleases, and as a result step away and place myself back on the stool at the kitchen island. My unfinished eggs are now cold and the only warmth present in this house is all the way across the room, talking to a bitch. I sigh in disappointment, but realize it may be better this way. The other women need time with Harry, time without me present, if I want to remain on this show. I can already feel the tide turning, and I know I can't let that happen. I may be forced to distance myself from Harry whether Astrid orders me to or not judging by my current predicament.

Only 5 more minutes pass before Harry is beckoning the girls to come with him for the group date, and they are out the door without another glance in my direction. Jade excuses herself as she makes her way upstairs while I remain in the kitchen.

Although I am annoyed I've been named for the one-on-one, I can't help but revel in the good mood this morning has produced. Less than 4 hours ago Harry was inside me- it's hard to forget that- and less than 12 hours ago Harry was telling me he 'really liked me'. What could that mean? I don't want to get my hopes up but as I recall my eventful night the smile on my face seems to grow wider and wider.

***

Hello, loves! Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think, I love to hear from you guys :)

Have a wonderful day

L