After a time I decide it would be best to retire to my bedroom. The events of the day have tired me out and I'm scared if I remain any longer in this room the other girls may find me. After being ridiculed for my wealth, getting lost and scared shitless, then being scolded by Harry, I am in no mood to make pleasant conversation.

I thought the mindless distraction of my book might have eased my worry and taken my mind off the problem at hand- convincing Harry to forgive me- but I was mistaken. As I've left the rift between Harry and I to stew for 2 additional hours I only feel worse.

As I stand and retreat back to my bedroom I try to conjure a plan that will allow Harry to forgive me. For the foreseeable future, I can't think of a way that Harry and I will be allowed to see each other before the next rose ceremony, which is in 4 days. I can't wait that long. Just waiting two hours already has me in stitches.

I enter my room, find it empty, and plop dully down onto my bed. I stare up at the high ceiling and bright chandelier, willing some conniving idea or another to come to mind, but nothing happens. I lay on my back, staring into space with a completely empty mind. The only thing I am able to think about is the look of disgust on Harry's face as he reprimanded my actions and the severe disappointment in his voice. I feel like a child that's been told off by a strict parent and the worst part is Harry's outburst was completely warranted.

I thought about it all the way home and now it seems I'm doomed to think about it some more- I am not suited for sharing my life with another person. At least not yet. Since my father died I've been responsible for taking care of myself. In order to do that I didn't have time to consider the feelings of others.

I am, or was, vehemently terrible at feeling empathy, a trait that has served me greatly for the past several years. However, for the past several years I haven't been engaged in any sort of romantic relationship, especially not one that's required me to put another person's interests before my own.

Now confronted with Harry's discontent, I find that there's a small part of me that's willing to change for him. I want to be able to take his feelings into account. I care about Harry, there's no denying the fact. I fought it hard for a long time, but it seems there is no other option left but for me to give in to my feelings.

What I'm experiencing is strange- almost alien. I can't remember a time when I ever wanted to actually feel something. I've always assumed it's better to stay cold and unemotional- that way there's less of a chance of me getting hurt. Although I wish I could remain the same, I'm afraid it's too late. Harry has changed me, and what scares me is that he's changed me for the better.

I never thought I would want to share my life with another person, especially not after only knowing them for the better part of a month and a half. I never thought I would even have feelings for another person, let alone as strong as the kind I have for Harry.

I want to apologize to him for being selfish and I want to apologize for not considering his feelings. If I want him to care for me I need to care for him. I remind myself that's how a relationship works- but I've never been in one before. How am I supposed to know that when I'm still learning? Maybe I should tell him about my peculiar situation.

However, if I decide to indulge him in my past affairs- or lack thereof- it could be cause for suspicion. If I've never been in a relationship before, let alone loved anyone before, how could I possibly want to settle down and be engaged to someone I've known for 3 months? Harry is a smart man- he could put the pieces together. Somebody like me doesn't just completely change their beliefs on the drop of a dime.

What can I tell him? That I've never had a successful relationship because I never learned how to deal with one properly? That is a little less suspicious and may give a viable reason for me choosing such an unorthodox way of meeting and dating Harry.

Either way, I need Harry to understand the fact that I have not felt this way about anybody, ever, and that he's got to give me some time to adjust. Maybe even teach me a few things. I should tell him that just feeling willing to change for him is a huge step. I wonder if this admittance will scare him. What if he doesn't feel as strongly for me?

Of course neither of us love each other and I doubt I ever will be able to love, but I do like Harry a fair bit. I used to dismiss it as purely physical attraction, but I find I would just as well like to spend an hour in a coffee shop with Harry as an hour in bed with him.

With this realization I only feel worse at the fact that Harry's angry with me. I need time to talk with him and sort it out, but I can't see an opportunity presenting itself anytime soon. I switch the lights in my room off- the time nearly 11 now- and wrap myself in the soft cotton blankets adorning my bed. I'm able to doze for a while, but within an hour I'm wide awake once again, Harry clouding my thoughts, preventing me from falling completely asleep.

I find when I wake that Kiana has joined me and is soundly asleep and lightly snoring in her adjacent bed. I strain my ears and listen for sounds of life coming from the living room, but hear nothing. After laying, eyes wide open, contemplating my options, for another half an hour I decide it's doing me no good stewing in my room.

I quietly rise, slipping on a thin robe to cover my skimpy pyjamas, and descend into the living room, carefully shutting Kiana and I's door behind me. I figure a glass of water, or perhaps warm milk and honey, will freshen me up and help me get to sleep.

On my way down the hall I notice a door that I previously shrugged off as a broom closet. It's smaller than the rest of the doors leading to our individual rooms and less vibrant in colour. The brass knob is small and dull, as if worn from years of use. It certainly looks older and less exquisite than the rest of the house, as if it doesn't exactly belong.

For this reason, I always ignored the door, but now in the darkness of the night I can see a small glow of artificial light creeping out from under it. This sparks my interest and I realize that there may be a part of the house I haven't explored yet.

Slowly, I reach my hand out and twist the knob. It doesn't budge. I try quietly twice more to unhinge the door from it's lock, but to no avail. If it is a broom closet, there would be no point in keeping it locked. No, something else resides behind this door that I am determined to get to.

Maybe the producers have set up another temporary editing area behind this door. Although there is no need for me to gather proof for Harry this time, I am interested to see how the rest of the group date played out once I left.

I continue on my way across the hall, down the grand staircase, and into the large kitchen. I do pour myself a glass of water, but search with squinted eyes for my real objective. After a minute or two, I spot what I desire on the centre island next to a bowl of fruit- two bobby pins.

I figured some girl or another would leave them lying around the house. Having none myself and not wanting to go back to my room and risk waking Kiana, I guessed it would be easier to search downstairs until I located some.

I finish my water and walk back upstairs, coming to stand in front of the old door once more. Putting my years of practice to the test, I locate the lock beneath the brass knob and begin to maneuver the bobby pins as I taught myself how to 2 years ago.

With a small struggle, I hear the familiar click of the lock, and then the door swings open before me. I sigh quietly in satisfaction, stuff the bobby pins into the pocket of my silk robe, and peer through the opening.

As I suspected, it's not a broom closet. A spiralling stairway stands in front of me and from the top the faint glow of light has become more prominent- something is up the stairs.

I consider my options and realize that I haven't worried about Harry since I set out on my mission. I decide that continuation of this adventure may distract me for a while longer and take my mind off things.

I step tentatively through the open doorway and shut it gently behind me. I don't need any other women awake right now to catch me snooping when I shouldn't be. With the door safely closed, locking me in, I make my way up the staircase where I come upon yet another hallway.

The corridor is dark. The lights having been turned off, but windows align the walls every couple feet, interrupting the darkness with a shred of moonlight. The artificial light that caught my eye is coming from the end of this short hallway, where I see a single bulb lit up and beside it another old door.

I look behind me to check for any witnesses, but see none. I pad down the hall and stop in front of the door. Before I'm able to open the door and take a look around, I hear something come from inside- somebody singing.

The tune and lyrics are unfamiliar to me, but the voice is not. This must be Harry's room. Admittedly, I've never heard him sing, but I'm extremely impressed by the sample I'm subjected to and immediately I can tell it's him. I knew he was in a band, but I didn't know just how good his voice was. Wow...

Standing next to his door listening into his singing calms me, but I also realize how creepy this is. I doubt he would like it if he knew I was eavesdropping. I start to head back down the hall to the seclusion of my own room, but I realize this situation is what I've been wishing for for the past 4 hours. I may not get another chance to see Harry until the rose ceremony and by then it will be too late.

I hesitantly step back towards Harry's room. He's still singing and I find myself considerably soothed by his raspy voice. I take a deep breath and deliver three loud knocks to his door. I wonder if he will find it even more creepy that I have showed up outside his room in the middle of the night. Oh, well. He's done the same to me too many times to count. 

As soon as my fist connects with the door the singing ceases and the room is silent once more. I hold my breath as I hear heavy footsteps approaching the door. I stand with my hands clasped behind my back as the entrance to Harry's room swings open and he stands before me in nothing but black basketball shorts. I have to stop from letting my eyes linger on his bare chest for too long.

"Charlotte?" He questions, almost out of breath.

"Um, yeah, hi." I stand awkwardly, addressing Harry.

"Wha-what are you doing here? How did you find my room?" Harry questions, seeming more confused than creeped out. I guess that's good.

"Well, I noticed an old door in the hallway so I took a look around inside." I explain, omitting my less-than-classy break in methods. "I had no idea your room was up here, I was just exploring the house." I quickly add.

"But that door is locked- that's what the producers told me." Harry's brow furrows in disbelief.

"Yeah, I, well... I really wanted to see what was inside 'cause I saw a light coming from under the door so..." I shrug sheepishly and look to the floor.

"So what?" Harry questions. I reach into my pocket and pull out the bobby pins for Harry's inspection. He looks more confused than ever for a split second. That is until his face flashes with realization.

"Oh..." He trails off and I cringe at our awkward encounter.

"As soon as I heard you up here I was going to leave, I swear. I had no idea this is where you were staying, but I remembered that I wanted to talk to you." I explain to Harry, electing to look at the door frame instead of him, embarrassed beyond repair. I have never been able to bring myself to apologize for something I did to another person that involved hurting their feelings, besides that time in Paris I journeyed to Harry's hotel. However, that hadn't worked out the way I thought it would, so technically this is my first time.

"Talk to me about what?" Harry asks. Now that the surprise has worn off, I can tell his cold demeanour is setting in once again.

"About, well... about today." I explain myself poorly.

"Alright, come in then." Harry unexpectedly allows me passage inside. I don't need to be told twice and I quickly walk through the entryway into his room. I find it to be in the same state of untidiness as it was in Paris and I bite my tongue to keep from teasing Harry. Now is not the time.

Harry sits on the edge of his bed while I stand with my arms crossed. We remain like this for a few moments in silence, but I finally break.

"Harry, I'm so sorry for how I acted today. I was completely out of line and I was selfish and I shouldn't have wandered off like that. I didn't think about how it would make you feel and I should have." I start off. Harry stays silent and watches me with a calculating expression. I don't know what he's trying to figure out, but I don't dare interrupt with another thought.

"Thank you for the apology." He finally responds, but I'm not happy with his answer. He does not seem to have forgiven me.

"Harry, I know you don't feel better. Just tell me what's bothering you and I promise I won't do it again." I desperately try to keep the conversation afloat. Harry gazes down at the ground, takes a deep breath, then reluctantly responds.

"You said sorry, but why do I still feel like you might do something like this again?" He asks. I'm taken aback for a moment, but I can't blame him. I've committed many a fault while on this show.

"Because I've been inconsiderate before, and I'll probably do it again, but there's a difference this time." I answer his question.

"What difference?" Harry inquires, looking at me doubtfully.

"I wanted to apologize." I tell him. I am expecting Harry to understand the significance of this immediately, but instead I'm met with a skeptical snort.

"Apologizing is the decent thing to do, Charlotte. It's not that big of a deal." Harry explains. I remember he's not used to dealing with someone like me.

"It's a big deal for me..." I begin. Harry makes no move to respond so I continue- "I've never been in a real relationship before, not a good one at least, and I'm not used to having to think about another person." I start to explain slowly. This could go two ways and I am deathly afraid my explanation will result in Harry being suspicious of me.

"But since I've met you, I realize that I want to be considerate of you and your feelings. Harry, I care about you, I really do, and I've never really cared about anyone before..." I go on quietly, too scared to meet Harry's eyes. He still makes no response.

"I know it must be hard, but you just have to give me a little bit of time to... to learn how I'm supposed to act in this- this situation. I'm really trying, Harry." I finish. I finally summon the courage to look up from the ground and find Harry staring at me intently from his bed. I can't tell at all what he's thinking, but I don't risk saying anything more. Instead, I stand, shuffling my feet sheepishly as I wait for Harry to mull over my words.

A minute of this unbearable silence passes until finally Harry makes his response. He stands, takes two long strides across the room to me, and kisses me deeply. I can't say I'm not surprised at this reply, but melt into Harry's touch without hesitation. His large hands come to rest on either side of my face, holding me steady, and I wrap my own around his bare back. He pulls back after a time.

"Thank you." He says, a shy smile displayed across his features.

"For what?!" I exclaim incredulously. If anything, I should be thanking him.

"For trying." Harry admits sincerely and all I can muster in response is a bashful smile. I reach up onto my tiptoes once more and connect our lips for a few more seconds. I cannot find the words to thank Harry with and hope that this action will suffice.

We stand in close proximity to each other once again, but I find that I am now at a loss for words. I expected a much harder fight when I knocked on Harry's door only 10 minutes ago, and now I'm not sure what to do.

"Did you actually find me by mistake or did 'ya know I was up here?" Harry inquires with a devilish grin as he retreats back to his bed and pats the spot next to him, summoning me to sit beside him.

"I swear to god I had no idea. I didn't think the producers would keep you in the same house as us anyway." I defend myself. Harry stares at me quizzically for a few moments, an eyebrow raised skeptically, but finally decides I'm telling the truth.

"Fine, whatever you say." Harry gives in and I swat at his arm.

"Sorry, but I'm not in the habit of showing up at peoples rooms in the middle of the night on purpose." Referring to all the times Harry has appeared at my room to state his case and apologize.

"Excuse me, who exactly popped out of my closet in Paris, then?" Harry counters and my cheeks turn red. I forgot about that.

"Well- I, I didn't-"

"It's alright, love." Harry chuckles heartily, reaching up and ruffling my hair. "It just means we've got something in common." He chortles. I sigh in exasperation and roll my eyes, as usual, but I can't deny the swell of warmth building in my chest at the nice conversation Harry and I are having. Things feel normal with him once again.

We both finish laughing and sit in silence once more. This time it's not awkward.

"Well, I was about to take a shower." Harry tells me, gesturing to his naked torso. I chuckle.

"Oh, I was hoping you just walked around like that all the time when you're alone. " I tell him, not entirely joking. Harry raises his eyebrow deviously as he looks down to me.

"What am I going to do with you?" He questions and I shrug innocently. Harry's arm stretches out and wraps around me. "But I really do have to take a shower." He starts again. I can't tell if he's trying to dismiss me or not, but nonetheless I shoot up from the bed and take a step away from him. I will not stand for rejection twice in one day. I'd rather leave the room of my own choosing.

"I guess I should get going then." I hurriedly tell Harry, scared he will ask me to leave if I don't offer first. His brows furrow in confusion.

"I was going to ask you to join me, but if you're in such a hurry to leave..." He states, the hint of a smirk littering his lips although he sounds confused. I let out a sigh of relief and my face quickly displays a shy smile.

"Oh, alright..." I stutter. A greedy smile takes over Harry's face and instantly he's up ushering me into his bathroom. It looks exactly the same as my own on the floor below- but with one significantly better amenity- Harry.

I look around and find the same glass window enclosing the shower from the outside. I desperately hope none of the other women have decided to take a midnight stroll on the mountain- they won't appreciate this view very much.

For some reason, as Harry and I stand in his bathroom and he closes the door behind us, I find I feel nervous. I haven't felt nervous around a man since high school, but I find now I feel more than eager to please.

I come to stand in front of the bathroom mirror and Harry takes his place behind me, arms wrapping around my stomach and chin resting atop my head.

"Do 'ya know how beautiful you are, Charlotte?" I can't help the blush that spreads from my chest all the way up my neck to my face.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Harry?" I repeat his own question and I feel him chuckle heartily against my back. His fingers move delicately and in the mirror I see them come to hold either end of the flimsy string that holds my robe in place.

"D'ya mind?" Harry whispers, and I shake my head with a small laugh. His fingers eagerly pull the string and the robe falls open. Underneath I wear a tight tank top and a skimpy pair of underwear.

"Walking around the house in just this?" Harry scolds me playfully before his hands push the robe off my shoulders and come to rest against my stomach once again. At this movement I feel a familiar twinge in my gut and can't help but squirm and push my backside further into Harry. I see his eyebrows raise and slowly but surely his hands come up to rest against my breasts.

From sheer excitement my knees nearly give out and I elect to lean back against Harry fully. He smirks at how easily he's able to turn me on and he wastes no further time as he pushes the straps of my tank top off my shoulders and pulls the top down, completely exposing me. His fingers proceed to hold both of my breasts, kneading and pinching to their own desire.

I don't try to contain the moan of pleasure that escapes my throat. I can't take the teasing any longer and turn myself around, so Harry and I are face to face- or at least as close to that as we can get- our height difference becomes apparent once again.

I run my hands from his waist up his firm chest to his face, which I pull down to kiss me. I feel Harry smile as our lips connect and I can't help a giggle of joy from sounding out through the bathroom.

"Happy?" Harry murmurs as he stares down at me and I release my grip on his face. I nod shyly and laugh some more. I glance towards the shower and realize we should delay our purpose no longer. I hook my hands under the waistband of Harry's shorts quickly and pull them down until they fall to the floor. Harry kicks them off and away with ease, and I can't help but take a moment to admire him- I've never seen him completely bare before. I take a single step backwards and survey the body of the man before me, sighing in content at the perfection.

I reach out and trace the butterfly inked across his stomach, and then the ferns adorning both his hip bones. Harry breaths shakily as my fingers move lightly over his skin and goosebumps arise on his arms and legs.

"Into the shower, then." I prod Harry along and he laughs. I remove my own underwear, kicking it to the side, and join him as the hot water begins to run and his hair becomes matted and sticks to his face. I know I shouldn't find him cute at a time like this, but I can't help it. I don't let my feelings show, though, and I don't have to hide them for long as Harry reaches down and kisses me again.

The feelings of his lips and bare body against me while the water rains down upon us is a lot to handle and I feel the wetness start to spread between my legs. I'm only further urged on when Harry grips the back of my thighs and lifts me, so that I'm wrapped around him and he proceeds to push me into the wall.

The sweet kisses soon turn desperate as we work each other up. The steam created from the hot water only intensifies the sensations and I realize I feel a deep need for something that Harry and I have not done before.

My hands remain firmly wrapped around Harry's neck, while his own wander up and down my body greedily, groping my breasts, grabbing at my thighs, and then finally finding their way to the wetness between my legs. Without hesitation Harry lets two fingers slip inside me and I disconnect our lips momentarily as I gasp in satisfaction.

I can feel Harry's length pressed up against me as he holds me in place and I can't wait any longer.

"I want you." I moan, letting my head fall back against the wall as Harry expertly pumps his fingers in and out of me.

"You have me." He responds, before placing hungry kisses to my neck, sucking harshly.

"No- I want you inside me." I clarify, and Harry stops. When I look into his eyes I don't see doubt, but rather excitement.

"But I don't have a con-"

"Birth control." I assure him. Harry lets out a groan full of lust and carefully sets me back down on the stone floor of the spacious shower.

"You sure?" Harry asks as he removes his fingers from inside me and moves them back up to my breasts.

"God, yes." I shudder in anticipation and Harry wastes no time. He grabs my hips and turns me around, before pushing me up against the cool tile of the shower wall. With the hot water still beating down upon my back, I find the temperature change welcome and I feel Harry's hands come to find my own. He grabs them from the back and pushes both my arms up against the wall, holding me in place.

One of Harry's hands releases me, but I remain in position. Soon, I feel him pressing against my entrance and then he's slowly pushing inside me.

I let out a strangled gasp of enjoyment as my walls stretch and my body works to accommodate Harry's sizeable length. He remains motionless for a few moments and I can feel his harsh breathing as he gradually pulls out, before pushing back in.

"Fuck, Harry." I moan, my eyes falling shut as the pleasure takes over my body. Slowly, but surely, his pace picks up and he's thrusting into me at a steady rhythm. While one of his hands gently massages my breast, the fingers of the other reach beneath me and begin to rub my clit. I gasp again and reach my arm around to grab his thigh and pull him in closer to me.

I can feel him getting more excited as his pace picks up and he's less gentle with me. The hand on my breast works it's way up to my throat, until he softly encloses it with his palm, restricting my airflow lightly. I let out another strangled groan of bliss and realize the fire building in my stomach is no longer at a slow burn, but a fervent frenzy. I'm not going to last much longer.

I can tell Harry is close, too, by the way his legs shake and he begins to let out disconjointed fragments of speech once again:

"Fuck, Charlotte- feels so g-good. You're so- oh god..." He goes on, only heightening my enjoyment. I love to hear him come undone, and I love to be the reason for it.

"I'm c-close." I stutter, hands coming to rest upon the wall in front of me to keep myself up. I definitely won't last much longer. At these words Harry seems to make a few more calculated thrusts, going faster and deeper than ever before, and lets his fingers circle my clit delicately. I can't take it anymore and shout his name in pleasure, before my body goes limp and stars burst before my vision.

As I feel myself coming down from my own high, Harry groans and then halts his movement. I feel his warm release inside me and smile as he pulls out.

Harry spins me back around and kisses me roughly, holding my jaw in the palm of his hand. We're both out of breath by the time he pulls back and I realize my fingers have started to prune.

"Good shower?" I question and Harry bursts out laughing.

"You could say that." 

***

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think :)

L