I've been in bed for what seems like days — it's really only been a few hours since I staggered back to the dorm from Matteo's — when Kerri walks in. I'm lying under a thick, scratchy wool blanket, the sting of shame making my entire body feel raw and tender.

"Oh my God, Evan, did you hear the show today?" She shrugs off her leather jacket and deposits it on a nearby chair.

I reply with a grunt in the negative. Kerri is a DJ on our college radio station on Sunday afternoons, playing — what else — the latest in goth and punk, and usually I never miss the program. Sometimes I even go with her into the studio and help her pick out records and answer phones.

"Chris from Gang Green called in to request a song. He was soooo nice on the phone and I think we might get drinks later this week. Can you believe it?"

Normally the news that a locally famous punk rock singer wants to take my roommate out for drinks would be cause for celebration, but I'm not in a mood to rejoice. Or discuss men. Or acknowledge guys even exist on Earth.

I stay silent, burrowing further under the covers.

"Hey, it's six, you want to head to the cafeteria for dinner and I'll tell you more about what Chris said? He has some hot band gossip."

"Mmph. No. Not hungry." My voice is muffled under the covers.

I shut my eyes, then feel the mattress near my feet sag with the weight of a person. I open one eye to see Kerri peering at me.

"You never nap. Are you sick?"

I sniffle and pull the green blanket over my head. "Yeah," I whine.

She flips the blanket down, revealing my puffy, pink face and red-rimmed eyes. "What the hell happened to you? You're never in bed before one in the morning. Is it the flu?"

Maybe I should lie and say yes, but Kerri will know instantly that I'm not sick from my scent. Damned vampires. I respond with a snortle, and wipe my nose on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Kerri strokes my hair. Under her tough-talking exterior she's really quite nurturing. "Is it your brother? Did you guys have a fight?"

I shake my head and flip onto my back, clutching a pillow to my chest. "John stood me up."

This tips me into another crying jag, thinking of my brother's anger last night, and his desire to kill the very thing that I just spent hours enjoying. To kill the one thing I want to be.

Suddenly everything seems so wrong and weird.

"Hey. Hey. What's going on? What happened? You're never like this. Is it your mom or dad? Did something happen?"

"It's Matteo," I say with a snorting honk of my nose.

"Matteo? The dude from last night?"

I nod and shudder in a breath.

"Did he come back to the room this morning after I left? What did he do to you? I swear to fuck I'll kill him if he hurt you." She pushes her hands through her hair. "Fucking Italian vampires. Wait. Did he..."

She hovers over me. "Let me see your neck."

I squirm away from her. "He didn't bite me."

"Did he touch you at all?" she demands.

This elicits a racking sob from me.

"Okay, what happened?" She stands up and grabs a pack of cigarettes off her desk, lighting one and cracking the window in between our beds. A little whoosh of frigid air soars into the room.

I press the heels of my hands into my eyes, wishing I could be anywhere but here right now. "He left a note here, asking me over for brunch. When John didn't show, I went over to Matteo's on a whim. Well, not his place. His friend' place on Beacon Hill."

Standing in the middle of the room, wearing a black tank top, black jeans, and heavy black boots, Kerri has the expression of a general who's about to go to war. She blows smoke out of her nose while scowling. "Go on."

"He made me coffee. We sat in his library, well, his friend's library. It was so beautiful. There was a fire in the fireplace, and red velvet chairs and so many books. Oh, and a real painting..." I let my voice trail off while sitting up.

"Okay..."

"And we got to, you know, fooling around. Making out. Getting naked."

"Uh-huh." Her eyes narrow as she approaches my bed and sits, cigarette in hand.

I bend my knees and wrap my arms around my legs. "It was incredible. He um, you know."

"No. I don't know. No euphamisms here, Evan. I need to know it all so I can decide whether to kick his ass."

This is the thing. Kerri is strong. And obviously, undead. Ass-kicking is her specialty, as she likes to remind me. Although I haven't seen real evidence of this aside from the occasional punch to a frat boy or skinhead's face in a mosh pit, I also wouldn't want to test her.

I scrunch my eyes shut. "I got naked, he fingered me, went down on me and everything was just peachy keen," I say in a sarcastic tone. "But I was giving him a blowjob, and he told me to leave. Oh god, it sounds even worse when I say it aloud."

Kerri runs her tongue over her teeth and stares at her cigarette. "That seems weird. Usually after guys blow their load they can't form a coherent thought or sentence for a while. Even vampire men are like that. But still. Dick move. I hate him."

"No, you don't understand. He told me to leave in the middle of the blowjob."

She takes a long drag of her cigarette while studying me. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. That's why it was so mortifying. I was naked, on my knees, and he pulled my hair and told me to get out. Everything was awesome before that."

"He pulled your hair? Like in a kinky way?"

"No. It hurt. He let go after a second. He seemed angry."

Kerri's exhale surrounds us in cloud of clove-scented smoke. "Did you tell him that you're a halfling?"

"Nope."

"Did you tell him that you're aware he's a vampire?"

I shake my head. "As far as he knows, I'm just a horny college girl he met at a club, one who likes goth looking dudes in leather pants."

Kerri stares at the door, smoking, in silence. I'm too miserable to speak, and zone out, but after a few minutes, I pipe up.

"Why do you think he did that? Isn't that weird?"

She raises her eyebrows and contemplates the tip of her cigarette. "Weird? For a human, yes. For a vampire guy? Maybe not."

"I don't get it. Wouldn't he want me to suck him? Wouldn't he want to have sex? Bite me? Anything other than being rude and sending me away?"

She rises and crosses the room, stubbing out her cigarette in an ashtray. "I suspect he wanted all three of those things. Desperately. More than anything."

I let out a strangled groan. "So why did he have to embarrass and humiliate me, why ask me to leave? I would've stayed all day and night. We had such great chemistry. We laughed. We talked about art."

Kerri returns to my bed and plunks down. "Perhaps in between playing yuppie house on Beacon Hill, you two had far too much chemistry and he got scared. He didn't know what to do."

"That's ridiculous. Vampires have strong libidos. You've said it yourself. He didn't seem scared." But that flicker in his eyes as I left... that was a little odd.

"I'm sure he does have a strong libido. He gave off that vibe last night."

"Then what's the problem?" Kerri seems like she's not explaining everything, and I feel two steps behind.

She clears her throat. "I'm trying to tell you that perhaps your connection, your attraction, issue to, ah, fate, than a casual hookup."

"What? I don't get it."

Kerri snorts. "Jesus. Have you not been listening to me all these years? Vampires often search for their fated mates, so they can get avoid the hell of eternal life. It's one of the reasons why I sleep around. Okay, and I like sex."

"I know, I know. And once a vampire finds their fated mate, if they have a child together, they'll no longer be immortal, thus releasing them from their purgatory. I got it. That's my parents. So what?"

"So perhaps Matteo is under the impression that you're his mate. Maybe he knows more about you than you think. Maybe he's trying to save you, Evan. Or maybe he's not interested in finding his mate, and he's trying to save himself."