Chapter 32:
Princess of Heartbreak

I did not understand.

Zen.

Why was he being rude and so...so different?  He did not even notice that I am over a full fledged mermaid.  I am almost 16-000 meris.

He ignored that I wanted to stay.

"Zen!  Zen please stop.  I want to go back to them!" I called out, but he just held me and made sure I stayed with him.

"Look they will be fine.  At least you have your own parents..." I stared at him after he said that.  It made me feel worse.

"Miza, Lat, Van!" He called out.

"For the last time-" The mermaid known as Elvander sighed, rubbing his face. "Do not call me Van."

"Zen!" Of course Miza greets him the way he always had.  "You lovely merm-"

"Shut up, butler." Zen turned to the two others.  "Hey you two be useful and tell them how to walk.  I guess they are staying with us."  Then his tail turned into whatever humanics walked on and he left to wherever.

"Actually," Miza said who turned to a humanic much faster. "I already got the basics.  And I'll help Kaisa if needed.  Do you need help?"

It was weird.  It like swimming upward and horizontally at the same exact time. "I-I-I...I...I...am... o...o...ok-k-ka-a-ay!" I stuttered while shaking tremendously.

"Heh.." Miza sighed, "I got you.  Now we walk.  Step.  The other.... No.  Don't step on your feet.  No....Whoa!... Careful!....Try not twisting your feet.... Now, there!  Yes, that's it!...  You're getting the hang of this."

Miza explained to me how to walk until we were near a building.  It was weird and blocky with corners and rough edges.

"That is where you be staying for now." One of the members said as we got there.

"Oh...Okay." I sighed.

I honestly just wanted to sleep and deal with everything in the morning.  And maybe Zen will be in a better mood.

Waita...fish-a-tails!

I will be staying with Zen!  That thought filled me with excitement.

Just me and him...well others, but we actually be sleeping under the same area.  This is so amazing!  I have not seen him in like so long!

It been what 2-000 meris?  I am 15-3-1-2 meris too.

I found a room that had a bed like thing and laid myself on it.  "Ahhh!" I sighed.

"Hey you!" The Zen called.  He then threw some material at my face.  "P-put t-this on." He told me turning around.  "Apparently we blend in better that way."

"What is this?"

"Clothes for legs or whatever!  Just wear it and please do not disturb me from the room I go in! ...Jeez follow directions, would you." I heard him mutter on his way out.

Seriously?  I raised my eyebrow.

I sighed and decided to not bother with his attitude until later.

What he threw me was probably like a corset.  I put it up the legs and on my waist.  It felt weird, but it worked.

"Yaaaaaaaawwwwn!" I sighed as sleep overtook me.  I faded into the darkness and I hoped for good things.

~~~

W-where am I?  I thought as I got up.  I was just with Mother and...

And that is when the memories of all yesterday came back to me.

Spirits attacking
The council coming
Zen taking me to land
Sleeping and now..

Okay, careful and easy..  Lets try this!

One...two..three...

"Ahhhh!" I fell face forward.  But I was not alone.  I felt someone making fun of me.  I grabbed onto the walls and edges for support.

I saw Zen starring out the clear glass thing.  I wanted to make my way to him, but it was extremely difficult.

I took careful steps edging towards him, but still being supported my the wall.  Okay now this is the part where i have to stand up straight and walk by myself.

I am doing it!  I am doing it!  Wow, this is so easy.  Just a little more and....

Owwww.  No!  I fell right before Zen.

"W-what?" Then he saw me on the ground and sighed.  "What do you want?"

"I hate these things.  I want to be back at home." I only muttered as I stared up at him.

"It a pain all right." He proceeded to grab my arm and immediately pull me up in one motion.  It kinda hurt.  "But you know...Princess, you are suppose to move forward by standing, not by falling, right?"

"Is this your ideal form of a joke or something?  You been like this yesterday too!" Zen just shrugged and started walking away.  "Hey!" I called out to him, "Wait!  Do not go."

Please do not leave me.

"It nothing personal.  Well maybe it is.." He looked down, "I am just not in the mood for you." I am just not in the mood for you.

O-o...kay?  

"Heh..." I looked down and sighed, "Alright Zen just to let you know, I always try to be there for you." I told him, he was clearly upset and hiding something.

He sighed, "What do you really want?"

"Are you mad at me or something?" I looked down, avoiding his eyes when I asked this.

"No..." He says looking away.  What did I do?  "I am just... it does not matter to you."

"Yes!" I eagerly say, "Yes it does.  Why are you being like this?  It is like I am.."

"You want to know why?  You want to know why I am so annoyed?" He asked, raising his voice. "It because whenever I remotely start to like something or care about someone they are taken away from me in some sort of manner! 
        My parents...That was short noticed, but still I understand everything at the last moment.  My sister; I cared for her more than anyone cared for a sister.  I did everything and helped her understand anything.  And look what happened!"
      He raised his arms up, "She believed other council members over her own brother and now resents me.  And you..." Zen turned to me.

Something is going to happen to you if you get even close to me.  You will be in danger and I will not have that.  We were always different, you have everything." His last words echo through my mind.  You have everything....You have everything.

A phrase I always told myself to get through things.

But that not true because I never wanted any of it.  And I rather give up various things just for him.

"Zen!  I..." I took a deep breath, "I did not know you were going through all of that.  I mean yes, I knew of those things, but I just thought...  I would always be there for you.  Nothing will happen to me, I promise." I smiled at him.  "I always try to be with you...together."

"...You...." He looked away in anger, "You still.. you do not understand." I thought I did.  I had no idea what I said to make him like that.

Still, I turned to him, hoping to make sure it never ends in rumble and keep what we had, "What did I-"

"Ugh just be quiet." He tells me, interrupting.

I stop for a moment until I decide to tell everything on my mind, "Zen I still l-"

Again I was interrupted, before I could tell him I liked him, love maybe.

"Do I need to spell it out for you?" He was still avoiding my gaze.  "There is no time for any of that.  Why do you have to be childish and filled with emotions and feelings?" But why?  I stared at him as he says this and he sounded completely sincere.

"But I... We, we always were like this.  Why is it a problem now?" I looked at him in confusion.

"It worse than I thought..." worse than I thought.  "You need to grow up already.  I am serious.  All you care about stupid childish things.  I though I told you 2-000 meris ago, I do not do desires, so why are you still bent up on that?  You know you just bringing me down." Bringing me down. 
        "But if you want to eventually that is fine.  Just leave me out of it."  Some of his words pain my chest and echo in my head.  I felt cracks ripping between us.

"...I..." I could not speak.  I could barely say I.  "It is okay.  I do not mind!" I still insisted after finally finding my voice.  

But Zen shook his head, "No.  You should voice your opinion.  Just because I do something or go somewhere does not mean you should too.  I prefer to not swim all over you... 
        You really are being quite childish insisting and trying to keep whatever this was.  It was clear we are too different.  You are beautiful, that I never deny." He finally looks at me and I allow my hair to lay loosely in his hand. 
        "Even more now, but trying to keep us together?  We should just end this...end being together." End being together...  Why?

I felt tears fall from my eyes, but this time they did not dissolve.  Those words cut like ice plunging into my heart and ripping it out before laughing at my face.  Those tears rolled down my cheeks.  I tried to wipe them away before he could notice, but he did.  

"You...You.." I had my hands in fists.

"Wait are you seriously crying?  How more childish can you even get?" He almost laughed, but  it was fake in so many ways.

"Zen be quiet!" I automatically yelled.  It was bound to come out.  I was holding everything in for far too long.  How could he?  How could he do and say this?
       He said he liked how I was.  He told me even if it does not work out we still be friends, but he is just getting rid of everything we even had.  For what?

A reason he does not say.

I felt broken.  How could he just do that.  Did us mean nothing to him?  "What happened to you? You could of just told me in a better way, but now I just feel in utter despair."

"Really?  Utter despair?  Do you even  know what that  feels like?" He shook his head.  Just because he dealt with things does not mean it is not despair just because it is different.

"I will tell you.  Life happens.  There is no joy.  There is no happiness.  There is no fun.  There is no being childish.  And there is no friends.  You grow up.  The only one you can rely on is yourself.  That what I realized.  This is the world we live in and those spirits just made me finally know everything."
        If only they did not get released.  I would never feel this type of pain and sorrows.  I mean before that he was acting kind of different, but not as extreme.

Why did his sister have to do that?

How could she?

If she never saved that humanic, than everything would be better for me and Zen.

Then I never feel like this, I would never feel so broken and cold and almost numb.

"Leave me alone..." I barely managed.  I waited.  I waited so long.  I would done anything for him.  My friend...I thought recently I missed you and that maybe I loved you... Urgh forget it.  Forget you and everyone around you.  I hate you.  I hate what you did to me and made me feel.  I did not even care if we became desired or not.

I was so foolish.

"Why?  Before you told me to wait and you wanted me to stay.  Change of heart?" Did he find this amusing?  Was this funny to him?  Me being hurt and a mess like this?

"Shut up!" I hissed a him.

"Careful now Princess, are you sure you want to do that?" He raised his eyebrow, still making amusing jokes like we are friends, "Besides the council enjoys my work, the way I get rid of unnecessary humanics, spirits, and even mermaids."

"You...Shut up!" I exclaimed, "Just be quiet!  So what, you are the mermaid league's very own favorite puppet?  Is that something to be really proud of?" He glared at me.  Hit a nerve or did he know it is true?

"You know nothing I gone through!" He yelled back.

"Why are you still here?  I said leave!  LEAVE!  Get away!" I screamed, feeling my voice die, "And never speak to me again!"

"But your sweet parents want me to watch over you..." He muttered still seeming amused.

"I tell them what you did and see what they think of you now!" I threatened Zen, but he just shook his head.

"But you cannot leave.  I can, Latisha can, Elvander can..." He only whispered, "But you and Miza must stay on land.  So I do not think you be going to your parents anytime soon." I reached my arm out to try to swing and attacked him.  But as usual I miss, and tripped making my fall on the floor.

"Stop!  Stop! Stoooop!" I screamed and yelled.  Please someone take me away from him.  Take me back home.  I want to leave.  I want this world to be destroyed.  I hate the humanic world.
        I hate their land.  I hate these stupid legs.  I hate Zen.  I hate how his sister released those spirits.  I hate how the spirits caused me to be here.  I hate how I am separated from Mother and Father.  More tears fell from my eyes.

I yelled more, but never bothered getting up.  "Shut up!  Shut up!  Shut up!  Go away!  Go away!  I hate you!  Leave me!  Why are you still there you..you... you selfish prince of only nothing!" I felt my chest frantically beat like the lost of a breath.

"Kaisa?" Miza came in among the others that were here.  Good.  Then I tell you.

"Miza!  Miza help me..  Take me back.  Take me away from him!  I hate him and I am never ever going to-"

"Stop being dramatic." Zen stated coldly, "Are you done screaming already?"

"I said shut up!  Shut up!  SHUT UP!  You filthy sea scum!  Do not even dare to act like I am dramatic after what you did and said!  I am not that childish!  I am gonna kill you...
           I swear I am going to end your existence and then nobody else will have to deal with you..  I HATE YOU!" I screamed at the back of my throat, until I started coughing.  Tears kept coming and I just laid there hoping someone-anyone except him- would take me away.

"K-Kaisa.." I heard Miza mutter.  "Are you... Are you okay?  Are you really sure?  What happened.."

"Y.....y.....e.............s" I managed to answer him,  but my throat hurt.  "I...I.. erghk."

"Come on.." Miza gently helped me up.  "I get you some  water.  Although lemon and honey tea leaves would also help, there aren't any around.  But if you still are feeling unwell by tomorrow,  I'll ask around."

"He been to the land before?  I wonder when..." I heard one of the members say and feared he might get found out.

"What?" Zen look in surprise, "Really, but he had always served the Atlantic crowns... Then again it does explains his knowledge on humanics.." I heard him mutter.

~~~

"I can talk now...." I whispered, holding the cup of water and a soft material wrapped around me.

"Ahh, I'm glad." He took a sip of water too.  "When I heard your voice screaming and yelling, I got very worried.  Could you tell me what happened?"
       He asked calmly, "You and him fighting.. No you wanted to never see or be near him again."

"I... He tricked me....And I been a fool.  That is the basics.  Look, I will tell you the whole story sometime soon.  But I do not want anything to do with him." I spoke in a quiet voice.

"I can tell there is something going on much more deep than that.   But when you tell me I be ready." Miza smiled at me and it comfort me.

"Please subject change?" I asked before sipping more water.

"You know the humanic world isn't all bad!" Miza exclaimed, "There some fun places to go and humans have to mess with."

"You are biased.  But that okay, I will hear you out." I lowered my head and slowly watched him, "But I really do not think my opinion will change on the place and my thought on humanics myself."

"You are a good merphan." Miza smiled sadly, "But you are changing, just do me a favor and never forget who you are."

"Changing?" I asked in wonder, "How?  I am the same, except broken and sad.."

Miserable.  Numb.  Hatred.  Cold.

Everything I once felt, I no longer can.   And only the darkest emotions I feel.

Miza, however, was already starting to leave and answered, "I am going to see humanics, want to come?"

"I just stay here.  I am not that good at walking yet, anyways."  I muttered.

"Alright, and try to stay calm." Then Miza left for awhile.  I wonder when I would tell him.  I also had to figure out what to say and how I would start it.

When I was 12-000 meris, he kissed me.  And we began doing things and being together in secret to try it out.  The deal was to do it because we both kept wanting to be with the other and kiss  and more.
       We decided when I turn 15-000 we either  end things or become desired, since I would end up getting offers from others and he was told by his parents to choose someone by then.
         But their deaths happened making it where he wanted to wait longer and he did not want to make me wait.  He also ended it abruptly insulting and hurting and...

Ugh I thought.  I hate explaining things.

"Voice bubble,  on........  Izzi!" Zen's voice stated as I was filled with bitter thoughts, "I was wondering how is it going with your ridiculous plan." So he been talking with her a lot?  That is why he being like that to me.

That beautiful southern ocean princess!

She bewitched him, or maybe she got hurt too.

Now that I want to see.

"Actually it been going great.  You silly sweetheart, you thought it would not go well!" She laughed like angelfish dancing in the sea, "Well I will tell you, I have gotten over twenty offers.  You could too, if you want.   It is not limited to humanics." I peek my head over and saw her smile slyly.

"No." He responded, "I am not in the mood for your silly games."

"It is not a game.  Jeez what got you in such a bad mood?" Suddenly I heard her exclaim, "Wait!  Do not tell me it is that doll, Kaisa!  I thought you said you will make her hate you."

I stared angerly.  He told her what he was going to do to me?

"Be quiet, talk about something else.  Distract me for all I care..." Zen looked away and stated clearly in a sour mood.

"Is that an offer to do so?"

"Maybe.. But me and some other members have a mission soon.  I was just informed by my shell."  Shell?  Like the special kind used to communicate between merphans?

Oh well.  I did not care.

And that is when I stopped listening.  That all I needed to hear to know there was something going on.  It always been her, huh?

Who cares.  I really do not.  I was just wondering.

"Oh Kaisa, the lovely!" Miza sung as he entered the building.  "I am back!"

"Hi, Miza.  How is life?"

"Well every part of life has bad moments and good times.  No one can predict anything.  Well I heard the late Queen Lynira had the magic of prediction."
        He exclaimed, trying to change the subject and make me forget what just happened. "But I guess she could not prevent her passing."

Just then the council member Latisha, walked in.

"We all need to talk about something that you should be informed of." I nodded as I got up and Miza helped me walked over to where the others were at.

"So we have missions so often and we will be leaving, but since you both are here then we will have one of us at staying." Wait they are leaving?

I wonder how dangerous it is...

"How dangerous is the mission?" It probably sounded like a silly question.  Like I was worried, but it was the opposite of that.

"Oh you do not have to worry a thing!" The male masculine grins and points his finger up.  "Yes, it really is dangerous, but we used to these things.  No need to worry."

"I was not worrying.  I was wondering, it would be nice if it would cause you to fail and die." I stared deadly at the pacific mermaid.  "Or never come back at all.  That would be wonderful."

"And you are being dramatic." He stated coldly, yet again. "I thought you never wanted to talk to me again?"

"I want you to leave." I spoke with the right confidence to allow me to speak firmly.  "I want you to go and then stay away.  I never want to see you again."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "You know,  maybe I will leave.    You are being way too dramatic.  Besides once I am gone, you  will probably be missing me and wishing I was back." He said in amusement.

How dare he!

I will never.

"Then go now." I say with the same amount of crookedness.    "I hope you suffer."

"Wait who will-"

"I will stay with just Miza."

And that is how a few hours later, I ended up running.

Running just forever, until my legs cannot.

I told Miza everything then I broke down and started running.

I am empty.

Numb.

 Alone.

Cold.

Hating.

Despair.

That is all left of me.

The world is full of darkness.

Of evil ones and the ones filled with good will eventually turned into dark too.

Light is being shunned and forgotten.

Hope is being dismissed and there nothing left for anyone.

I once knew of a tale, a legend.. In it, there it spoke of mermaids.  Mermaids sung and lured passing ones to their deaths.
        It said they did this because they were hurt from ones like them.  But the truth was that the ones who died were hurt from mermaids.  And their loved ones were hurt from it.  Those mermaids hurt others.

That is what we do and are known for: Hurting Others.

It is what we do to survive.  We hurt only and the ones we hurt are filled with grief and numbness.  It is a whole cycle that lasts forever.

Because a mermaid does not get a happy fairytale especially for someone who does not even want to be a princess.

That is why it will be unhappy like a legend and it is time to move on from my childhood days...

FOREVER

...

Finally, I got it done.

That means Part 2 will be in a different book~

Now about what happened in this chapter, this was hard to do.  This was a hard decision and it made me just sad writing it out.  I love their friendship/relationship.

I made this happen so she will have a change in who she is and act colder and number.

There was no other way and it will help her, if you know AMD befriend those humans.

As much as I love Mivozene (Zen), he will eventually come back.  His reasons was that he was dealing with several terrible things, is it an excuse for his actions or what he did?  No.

But it is part of the reason why he did it.  What he did was terrible to her and it hurt her.

Though it was part of his plan or to protect her, I am not condemning his actions.

I love him as a character, he needs a hug; but what he did was bad.

He was sad, dealing with things and that's why he needs a hug, but it is not why his actions are excused.

THEY AREN'T.

I don't want anyone to assume that and this is why I am having this message because if you didn't well don't blame me.

At least you can't blame me for trying.