"Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you." —The Fault In Our Stars

Chapter 2

“Is it safe to be out here?” Alexis asked, nervously looking up. The sky was rapidly becoming darker as the sun hid from view. Ominous clouds hovered in the background, ready to attack at a moment’s notice.

“Afternoon storms are fairly common,” Graham said. “We should be fine.”

His words did little to soothe her nerves. She was already on edge from lack of sleep. Last night, the memories of her father haunted her dreams. She tossed and turned, unable to quiet her mind. Finally, she gave up trying and tiptoed out of the tent. Wrapped in her sleeping bag, she sat at the edge of the clearing and watched as the world came alive with the first light of daybreak.

“We may get lucky,” he added. His eyes turned shrewd as they stared at the grey skies. “It might veer to the left and miss us.”

She looked up again. The dark clouds had converged together to create one giant mass. The sheer size of it was staggering. Her neck strained back as her eyes followed it upward. It was like looking at a city skyscraper that just kept going and going. She knew there was always a possibility of bad weather. However, knowing it and experiencing it were two different things.

As time passed, the air turned heavy and humid. Moisture clung to her body, seeping into every pore. It mixed with the dirt and sweat caked on her skin, making an uncomfortable cocktail. Her shirt and pants stuck to the moisture, chafing her skin. She tried not to think about it, but every step was a constant reminder.

“Did I ever tell you about the first time I got caught in a storm?” Graham asked. 

“No,” she mumbled, wiping the sweat off her forehead with a dirty bandana.

“I was backpacking in the Appalachian Mountains with my two older brothers. I was excited because it was the first time they allowed me on one of their trips.”

“How old were you?”

“Fifteen. They were both in college at the time. Usually they treated me like a pesky little brother so I was surprised when they invited me. I remember feeling like such a man.” He chuckled. “One night, we’re bored so Peter challenges me to an eating contest. Whoever eats one of the bagged meals the fastest wins.”

She grimaced. The bagged meals were pouches of dehydrated food that you added hot water to. They weren’t bad, but they weren’t exactly gourmet either. Trying to scarf one down sounded horrid. 

“I was a growing boy back then so I inhaled it in minutes and beat Peter. The next day, my stomach felt a little funny, but I didn’t think much of it. I was too busy bragging about my win. I kept expecting my brothers to get annoyed, but instead they looked smug.” He paused and looked back at her. “Turns out, the bag of food they handed me had thirty-five grams of fiber in it.”

“Oh no,” she snickered. That was a lot for any adult, much less a teenager.

“By mid afternoon I’m clutching my stomach, desperately needing to go to the bathroom. Then, the worst imaginable thing happens. We get caught in a storm and start getting bombarded by hail.”

“What did you do?” she asked.

“Well, I tried to hold it as best I could, but finally I had to go. So, while my brothers were huddled under a tarp, I was out getting pelted by golf ball sized ice chunks.”

Alexis chuckled. “That’s hilarious.”

“For you maybe,” he muttered, sending her a mock glare, “but those ice chunks were big. I had a bruise on my ass to prove it.”

She burst into peals of laughter. The thought of him with his pants down in a hailstorm was too funny. He ducked his head, but not before she saw the twinkle in his eye. Belatedly, she realized he’d been trying to distract her.

“How about you? Any embarrassing stories?” he asked.

“Well, there was this one time I accidently tied myself to—” A flash of light caught her eye. Everything went still and then the she heard it—the distant sound of rumbling thunder.

“Oh sweet mercy,” she muttered under her breath. She looked over her shoulder. The storm was chasing them now, nipping at their heels. Alarmed, she picked up the pace. The muscles in her legs protested, but she ignored the pain.

“You can’t outrun it,” Graham advised. “Nature is going to go where it wants.”

“I can try,” she vowed. 

The storm taunted her as it pushed a large gust of wind her way. It chilled her damp skin, sending a shudder down her spine. Goosebumps formed over her arms and legs. She looked back at Graham. He was calm and composed as ever. 

“Doesn’t it make you a little bit nervous?” she asked. She felt so small and helpless out here. There was nowhere to hide from Mother Nature’s fury.

“I actually enjoy thunderstorms.”

She sent him a look of disbelief as a raindrop hit her cheek. “How can you enjoy something that has the power to electrocute you to death?” 

“It’s all about how you view it. You see something bad and scary. I see something powerful and majestic.”

“Does anything scare you?” she asked facetiously. She pulled out her raincoat as it started to drizzle. The wind was becoming more aggressive. It whipped around her, stinging her exposed skin.

“Roller coasters. You couldn’t pay me enough to ride one.” The conviction in his voice put a smile on her face. It was comforting to know that he had at least one weakness.

“You don’t see roller coasters as powerful and majestic?” she teased.

“Those things are steel deathtraps. I’ll take my chances with nature.”

Rain cascaded from the sky. It fell in sheets of water that saturated the earth. The dusty terrain eagerly soaked up the water, creating slick, muddy trails. Sludge coated the bottom of her pants and hiking boots.

“You sure about taking your chances with nature?” she asked, yelling over the howling wind.

Yellow lightening lit up the dark clouds.

“I don’t like this,” she whimpered.

Boom! The sound of thunder reverberated in her chest. The storm was right on top of them now. Terror squeezed her windpipe, making it hard to breath.

“We need to get off the trail,” he said, pulling his pack off. “Leave your pack and hiking poles here. We can’t have any metal on us.”

“I-I…” Her hands trembled as the gravity of the situation set in.

“Look at me, Alexis.” Graham’s hands gently cupped her cheeks as he drew her face upward. “Everything is going to be fine. Take deep breaths.” His calm, steady voice anchored her. She closed her eyes and followed his instructions. One deep inhale, one long exhale. She repeated the pattern over and over again.

Quickly, he started unbuckling the straps around her hips and chest. “Do you remember what I taught you to do if there was lightening?”

She swallowed, struggling to find her voice. “Y-You s-said to get to the l-lowest point of an area.”

“Good,” he murmured in a soothing tone. He pushed the pack off her shoulders and let it drop to the ground. “Do you remember what else?”

“Avoid t-tall trees, water and c-caves. ” She flinched as another bolt illuminated the sky. “Crouch l-low to the g-g-ground.”

“That’s right,” he said as he hastily led her off the trail. “Get on the balls of your feet and keep them close together. The less contact your body has with the ground, the better.”

They rushed down the hillside as the deafening sound of thunder roared around them. It echoed off the surrounding mountains, making it last twice as long.

“Crouch right here and keep your head tucked,” he said, lightly pressing on her shoulders. “Don’t move till I say it’s okay.” Her knees bent as she dropped into the position. When he started to move away, her panic resurfaced.

“W-where are you going?”

“I’ll be right over there.” He pointed to a sparse area dotted with small trees.

“Why can’t you stay here?” She looked at him, her eyes pleading with him not to leave. “Please don’t go.” She hated how weak she sounded, how needy, but the fear was overwhelming. Relentless, it beat at her till she was nearly paralyzed.

“We need to stay at least fifty feet away from each other so we don’t make ourselves a target.” His face softened as he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “It’s going to be okay, Alexis. I promise.”

She closed her eyes in pain. The kiss and promise was reminiscent of the one her father gave her right before he drove away and left her. Graham called her name, but she waved him away refusing to look in his direction. She knew she was being unfair, but she couldn’t watch another man she cared about walk away.

With a sinking feeling, she realized Graham might have been right. Her father’s letter had reopened a wound deep within. If she wanted any type of future with a man, she needed to deal with her past. However, she was lacking one fundamental part—courage.

Love, she thought, had the power to break a person. She’d seen the effects on her own mother. After the divorce her mom turned angry and bitter. She rarely went on dates, opting to stay at home and knock back a couple glasses of wine. She worked herself into a tizzy, ranting about how horrible and cruel men were. People viewed her mother as callous and judgmental, but Alexis knew the truth. Deep down, her mother was hurting. She was still in love with the man she divorced.

Wet and miserable, she wrapped her arms around her legs and hugged them close to her chest. She hummed to herself, trying to drown out the raging storm, but it would not be ignored. Why was nature determined to ruin her? Tears of frustration pricked her eyes. She was fed up with feeling helpless. She wanted to be the one in control.

Another bolt of lightening streaked down from the heavens, splitting the sky in two. Her first instinct was to bury her face in her hands, but she refused to cower. She could do this. She could face the storm and take back the power. She would not let fear rule her.

Resolve flared in her eyes as she met the storm head on, but at the first rumble of thunder, her courage faltered. Suddenly, Graham’s words came rushing back to her.

It’s all about how you view it.

Like a key opening a lock, everything clicked. Nature wasn’t an entity to fight. She couldn’t control what it did or where it went. She could only control her reaction—how she saw the storm. As understanding dawned, she watched the sky with fresh eyes.

Lightening flashed and thunder answered in a terrifyingly beautiful mating call. They danced across the sky in an intricate pattern, oblivious to anything but each other. Wind and rain accompanied them, pounding into the earth creating an evocative melody.

It was a passionate display of nature. There was no pretense, no apology. It felt real and wild and…raw. She’d never experienced this type of all consuming fervor before. The air crackled with it. Her skin eagerly absorbed the energy till she was buzzing with power. She felt exulted.

She didn’t know how long she sat there. Maybe half an hour or longer, but she loved every minute of it. And then rain started to slow and the clouds moved and just like that, the thunderstorm petered out.

“Alexis! You okay?” Graham called, sprinting over to her. She winced as he pulled her up. Her legs cramped from squatting for so long.

“I’m good,” she said, but it came out muffled as he suddenly hauled her into his arms.

She found herself pressed against his chest with his arms woven around her back. For a second, she stood there stunned by his actions. He’d never made such an overt display of affection before. Maybe it was the storm or the energy in the air, but whatever the case, she didn’t care. She sagged against him, letting his body take her weight. His powerful arms tightened their hold, till their bodies were fused together. She reveled at the contact, loving how she felt completely enveloped in him.

His warm, earthy scent wrapped around her. It was slightly musky from the sweat built up after hours of hiking. It should have turned her off, but instead made him more attractive. There was nothing synthetic or fake about him. He was unequivocally male.

She turned her head slightly, resting her cheek against his chest. She could hear his heart beat under his ribs. It was solid and steadfast, just like the rest of him. Her heart warmed with pleasure. She could always count on Graham to be there for her.

“Did you see?” she asked. She pulled her head back and placed her palm on his chest. A muscle jumped under her touch and inwardly she grinned. She cherished the knowledge that he was as affected by her, as she was by him.

“Did I see what?” he asked, his voice an octave lower than normal. Heat seared her skin as he let his hands slide down her back in a slow caress, finally stopping at the curve of her waist. 

“I did it. I faced the storm.” His masculine nod of approval sent a surge of pride running through her. His opinion shouldn’t matter to her, but it did. He mattered, plain and simple.

Her breath hitched as he swept a strand of hair off her face and gently tucked it behind her ear. His touch was as soft as air as his fingers lightly followed the line of her face till he reached her mouth. His eyes darkened with desire as he slowly brushed his thumb over her bottom lip. His thumb felt rough and callused against her delicate skin. It sent a tiny thrill of adrenaline straight to her belly.

Time seemed to stop as his head moved closer. She could feel the warmth of his breath feathering across her cheek, tickling her skin. Her body burned with anticipation. She’d waited so long for this moment. Her eyelids started to drop as she angled her head and lifted her mouth. She parted her lips and—

“We should go.”

His words instantly doused the flame burning within. She stumbled back as the hands supporting her disappeared. She opened her eyes in time to see him hastily retreating. His legs bounded up the hillside in quick succession. Stunned, she rocked back on her heels. What the hell just happened?

She pinched her arm to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. She almost wished she was dreaming. At least then she could blame her self-conscious for the mixed signals.

Graham waved her over as he hauled on his pack. Her eyebrows furrowed as he flashed her a nonchalant smile.

“You ready?” he asked, acting like nothing happened. Hurt clouded her features before she could hide it. His smile slipped, but he quickly recovered. “We better go before another storm comes. We don’t want to get stuck in a bad situation.”

“I got it,” she said woodenly. And she did get it—figuratively and literally. Silently, she sighed as she fell into step behind him. It was going to be a long seven miles. 

****

“You ready for bed?”

Alexis looked over at Graham who was sitting next to her. His legs were sprawled out in front of him as he leaned back against his pack. His arms were folded on his chest and his eyes were closed. He looked relaxed even though the temperature was below thirty degrees.

A silver-white moon hung over their heads. The shimmering light brightened the inky sky and bathed the land in an ethereal glow. Alexis felt like she had stepped into a storybook where magic was real and possibilities were endless.

“You can go,” she whispered. After the exhausting and confusing day she had, she wasn’t ready to depart from the tranquil scene. It soothed her soul and refreshed her spirit.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” His voice was hushed as if he also felt the magic. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

They were going to ascend the mountain tomorrow. Five miles to the summit and then eleven miles back down to civilization. They were waking up at five in the morning to make sure they had enough time. Not only was it going to be the longest day of the trip, but it was also going to be the most demanding. The trail was rocky and certain sections were precarious.

“I’ll be there if you need any help.” He paused and then said meaningfully, “We’ll get through it together.”

His words eased her mind. They hadn’t spoken much since the incident. In the hours that followed, she reflected on the situation and came to two conclusions. One, she should stop eating beef jerky. It was not the most kiss-worthy scent in the world. Two, there was probably a company code of ethics that prohibited guides to have romantic relationships with their clients. It would explain his sudden withdrawal. She knew she hadn’t misread the signals. He wanted that kiss.

Feeling relieved, she stretched out on the ground. She breathed in the crisp, fresh air of the mountains. With one arm behind her head, she gazed at the glittering night sky. The mountains surrounded her, making her feel safe and protected. In that moment, everything was perfect. Maybe it was the magic in the air or the winking stars, but something enticed her to talk about her dad. 

“The last time I saw my father,” she said, feeling Graham go still beside her, “was three years ago at a Christmas party.” She remembered how uncomfortable it was. Their conversation had been short and stilted. “It was like meeting a stranger. I didn’t even know how to address him.”

She was surprised by how aged he’d looked. His hair was grey and thinning. Deep lines creased his face, bracketing his mouth and forehead. His shoulders were slightly hunched and he’d lost some of his liveliness.

“I left the party early and snuck out the back door so I didn’t have to run in to him again.” She swallowed and drew in a shaky breath. “As I got in my car, I saw him watching me on the porch. He waved his hand goodbye, but I pretended not to see and drove away.” She could still see his silhouette standing by the white handrail—one hand clutching the railing, the other lifted in a poignant goodbye.

“That is my last memory of him. The last time I saw or talked to him before he died.” Warm hands engulfed hers. They squeezed lightly, offering silent comfort.

Once she started talking, she couldn’t stop. She poured her heart out to Graham, spilling her innermost secrets. She told him about the good memories and the bad. All the times he made her laugh as a child and all the times he made her cry as a young woman. She talked of her mother and the heartache she went through. She told him of that final phone call with the lawyer and her father’s dying request.

“So why are you doing this?” Graham asked. “Why are you here if you are so mad at him?”

“At first, I thought I was only doing this hike because it was his last wish. But now…” She sighed and shook her head. She didn’t know what she thought. There were so many unanswered questions. Things she should have asked before he died.

“I guess I want to understand all this.” She flung an arm out. “I want to understand why he loved it so much. Why he gave up time with his family to pursue it.”

There was no judgment on Graham’s face. “And have you?”

She sat up and looked at the full moon. She understood the beauty of nature now—the appeal of getting away from the hectic schedule of life. However, she didn’t understand how he could abandon his daughter and cut her out of his life.

“I’m no closer to figuring it out than I am to pitching a tent.”

The ends of his lips twitched. “You’ll get there.”

She wished she had his confidence. “I’m not so sure.”

His eyes grew thoughtful as they lifted toward the summit. “The mountain has a way of educating you. Whether you want the lesson or not.”

Curiosity drove her to ask, “What has it taught you?”

“Humility.”

Her head reared back. It was the last thing she would have expected him to say.

“I use to place a lot of worth on my achievements,” he admitted with a rueful grin. “Every mountain I summited, every rock I conquered was another stroke for my ego.”

She made a slight face. “What’s wrong with that? Shouldn’t you be proud of your accomplishments?”

“It’s one thing to be proud. It’s another thing to let it consume you. My whole identity was based on what I did, not who I was. I was rude and I was arrogant.” The last sentence hung in the air. He blinked and turned his head so she only saw his profile, but it made the unspoken tension in his shoulders more pronounced.

“One day, I was hiking with a friend. He was a fairly experienced hiker, but hadn’t scaled any considerable peaks. As we neared the summit, he started to complain that he was feeling tired and his head hurt. We were so close that I pushed him to keep going. I said I would tell everyone he was a wuss if he didn’t reach the top.”

A muscle in his jaw jumped as he ground his teeth together. He held his body so rigid, she feared it might crack in two. A sinking feeling took hold as she realized why he had been so paranoid about altitude sickness.

“We made it, but on the way down he started to stumble. He became nauseous and couldn’t breathe. He passed out, but not before coughing up blood. I hauled him onto my back and ran down the mountain as fast as I could.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he tried to maintain his composure. “He was in a coma for five days. The longest five days of my life.”

“Did he make it?” she asked softly.

He nodded and then jetted out a breath of disbelief. “He even thanked me for getting him to the hospital when it was my fault he was there in the first place.”

Alexis scooted over till their legs and shoulders touched. She threaded her fingers through his and let her head rest against his arm. “We all do things we regret,” she said, thinking of her own situation. “The most important thing is we learn from our mistakes.”

He bent over and pressed a sweet, chaste kiss on her temple. “I’m glad you decided to go on this trip.”

“Me too,” she said and for the first time, she actually meant it.