"You look... horrible Baekhyun ya" Juno says

"Why... are you here?"

I can't even think straight.... Why is Juno at my doorstep
I feel dizzy... how many days has it been?
That..... I haven't left my house...
Leave school with unnoticed and .. my phone .. I don't even know where it is.

I don't want to think what happened... I don't want to think again...
But still...
All I have in my mind is him...

Even when I'm sleeping... he's still in my dream..

"Baekhyun.... What's happening?" Juno asks as he steps into my house

"He..... he left me..... he's ..... wahhhhhh....." the tears I have been trying to hold onto... I can't help but cry again...

My eyes are almost numb and my nose too...

"Hey.... Why... I mean... you two were... fine..."

"He... I..... *cry* he's just too...much..."

"Shush.... Stop crying.. okay? You seem to be crying all day long.. you will get sick at the rate"

'Do you think, a psychopath monster like me could feel what you call 'LOVE'? Did you believe when I say that?' - Park Chanyeol

I did... I believed... and I still do ....
You love me.... But.... Why do you have to push me away?
Why do you have to stick to the dark?
Why do you have to....
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"Have you calm down a bit?" Juno asks

"Imm"

"I don't feel like forcing you to speak but... if he's a bad guy and break your heart, just forget him"

"He's.... Not a bad guy..."

"So? What happened?"

"Juno..."

"Aww?"

"Promise me"

"Promise you what?"

"No matter what... the words I'm going to tell you only stay between us"

"..... Okay...... I promise"

"The truth is... Park Chanyeol ssi... is not a writer"

"Huh? So? Is he a gangster or something?"

"I met him because of my final thesis"

"He's police?"

"Perhaps have you heard of 'The artistic Murder'?"

"I have seen that name in a list of infamous crimes"

"He's that criminal..."

"That cri.... What?!!!!!"

"He's that murderer, Juno. I met him because of my thesis and to do some interview."

"But... why .... He's not in a prison?! And he's allowed to go around like that?"

"There's ... yeah... I was also shocked at first but... yeah... secrets exists..."

"Wait.... Wait....  *sigh* so.... He's a murderer...a criminal ... you did interview with him and fell in love with him?"

"Yeah... in short... that's what happened.."

"Baekhyun ya... you...."

"But, I really fell in love with him.... You know.... It is the first time... and ... first time I felt like... he's the one for me who will not abandon me and who really understand me.... That I can even die for him... no... I'm willing to die for him... to be his art... his victim... i..... I..... And.... He just ... left me...."

"He's a murderer... that means he must be a psychopath... psychopath doesn't bear emotions"

"You are WRONG! I felt it.... I felt his love.... He loves me.... Juno .... He loves me, Juno ya.... I wish we met in more simpler way.. more ... normal way.... I wish.... I...." I can't help but start crying again...

"Hey... shush..... okay.. I get it... pleas stop crying... baekhyun ya..... oh boy" he says as he hugs and comforts me..

"What should I... *sob* do? What should I do to get him? Juno ya... please help me... please.."

"Oh my...."

"I.... I love him.... So much.. if it's not for his father.... If it is not for that evil man... he wouldn't have turn out like this... that's... too.. much"

"Baekhyun ya... I think... he might have felt something for you... letting you go like this can also be that... he is considerate towards you... may be it's also hard for him too. To let you go.

He must get his conscious back of what he really is and... he doesn't want you to get hurt... May be that's why... he had to make this decision..

So baekhyun ya.. you should try to understand his side too.. hmm?"

"I..... I can.... give up my life for him... I told him many times and *sob* he's still.."

"That's how much he treasures you. He doesn't want you that way.. he must be wanting you to live a nice life.. a happy life"

"Juno ya.... *sob* it just.. hurts... it hurts so much....."

Considerate.... Huh....
I don't need such stupid things....
He should know it...
It hurts so much... I still can't..

It's as if I have been with him for many years already.
It's only over a month that we have known each other but,

I feel like I lost something that's very important to me.
I feel like I'm missing a big piece in me.

Love sure is... dangerous thing.

<A.N: Juno is a power bottom (uke) too, guys! 🌝 in case you all wondering if he has some other motives for Baekhyun>
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After 3 days of Juno's visit to my house...

I got contacted with Suho hyung finally.
He sounded so worried and he said he would treat me lunch so I am meeting him at his police station.

It's been a while that I have stepped outside and it feels.. very strange.
My vision on my surroundings has changed... I don't understand why people are very happy....

Why am I the only one who's very miserable my whole life?
What's happiness?

How about him?
Have he ever felt happiness?
How's he right now?

"Oh... Baekhyun ya, kiddo"

"Aw... ahjuushi" it is One of suho hyung's colleagues

"Waiting for your Hyung?"

"Nae"

"He's still in interrogation and is very stressed lately"

"Is that so? A lot of work load?"

"No... that one old case is re-opened"

"Old case? Is that possible to re-open like that?"

"Money and power is everything, kid.... Those people on us can use us like whatever tools they want us to be"

"I see... what kind of case?"

"Hmm... it's a serial killer case... wait... that name is unique... what is it again? .... Ah... it's called 'Artistic Murder' or something...."

"A....artistic...Murder?"

"Yeah....that's why your Hyung is very stressed.. plus the victim is very... quiet in almost every interrogation"

"What will happen?? What will happen after interrogation?!"

"Umm.... Sentence again? I heard he's currently under home confinement. But this time he will definitely end up in prison. Who knows."

Prison?
Sentence again?

Why.....
just.... Why....

And ... the words I said to him last time we met... just rings in my head... loud and hard

'You will rot alone with that loneliness void of yours! You will never be able to find someone who can love you like me! You will die alone in a big tragedy and .... No one will even mourn for you! You will just die alone!!! Go die alone!'

'I will' - Park chanyeol

Why. Why did I say that?
Why Byun Baekhyun?!!!

Why?!
Why do you have to... hurt him... more....

Is that because of that?
That interrogation and everything....
That's why he pushes me away?!

"Ahjussi... I will just see Hyung next day. Don't tell that I am here"

"Eh? Okay ... so kiddo, I will go now. Later!" Ahjussi say and leaves

Is this also his father's doing?
No doubt right?
Money and power... really is everything.

'No one will even mourn for you! You will just die alone!!! Go die alone!'

Thinking back again now.... I start crying in guilt.

I'm such a.... Fool for saying those...
Fuck....
The guilt has been burning inside me as the anger of my own mistakes is start swallowing me to a deep void.

I should have runaway with him. I should have planned things or ask help as much as I can and runaway with him and hide him.

But can we even runaway from his father's eyes and ears? Money and power is all his father have and Love and humaneness is all we have.

This tug war is an unfair game since the start. The battle between Park chanyeol ssi and his father, I bet Park chanyeol ssi has always and already known that he's on the losing side.
May be that's why he didn't try anything.

In all this matter, the least person to be blamed is himself.
All I am thinking now is he deserves better... a lot better.
I bear a lot of sorrow for his victims but, there were ways he wouldn't end up like this if he had a nice life from the start. And those victims didn't even love him truly. If someone had loved him truly from the start... nothing might have gone wrong.

I'm not being biased because I love him but, isn't this world is always unfair?

The strongs always prey on the weaks.
And we are always the weaks in someone else's palm.

The weather is cold today. Is he wearing warm? He hates cold. My face is getting colder since I was crying a bit earlier.
How will he react if he sees me right now?
His usual expressionless face?

'I hate you... I hate you so much...... I just love you so much that..... I really hate you...' - Last Chapter

How can I hate you?
How can I hate you when I even offered you my life?

*Footstep*

A familiar footsteps....
He's ... coming out of police station.
I can see his dark cycles getting worse. He can't sleep well as usual... or worse. I guess.
I can seem him flinching a little since it's cold out here.

I have been missing him... just how much I missed him.

I walk towards him.. and he's stopped at a place as soon as he sees me

"Byun baekhyun ssi"

"Why...... why didn't you tell me?!"

"About what Byun Baekhyun ssi?"

"Everything.... Everything Park chanyeol ssi.... Why is that case have to be opened again? Why do you have to be sentenced again? Why do you have to do interrogation again?! Why?!!!"

"It doesn't concern with you"

"Why? Why are you pushing me away?!"

"You hate me now and I will just die alone as you said anyway so why b...."

"I'm... sorry... I'm sorry ..... I'm very sorry.... *sob* I can't hate you.... I never hated you... *cry* I.... I love you.... You are never alone.... And I'm sorry... for saying those words.... Park chanyeol ssi.... I...."

I don't even realised that he walks toward me and now standing close to me.

His scent.... Ah.... I missed his scent....

"Byun baekhyun ssi, I did resent you for saying those so you don't need to be sorry."

"But.... But still! I....."

He touches my cheek.... "you can really cry anywhere."

"Park chanyeol ssi..."

"You did nothing wrong" he says as he wipes my tears off my cheek and "Take care" leaves

"Park ch...."

"Baekhyun?!"

Suho hyung comes out of station.

"H...Hyung...."

"Why didn't you tell me that you are here? And.... Why are you... crying?"

"Hyung.... Suho ...Hyung... Hyung help him.. please.... Please help him.... Please...." I start crying as I see Hyung again.... Begging and sobbing...

Just..who to ask help from now?
How can I put him in ease?

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Hello all!
Here's an update for today.
To be honest, I'm struggling to write the ending so the upload is delayed.
Thanks for understanding and reading this fic.
Don't forget to "Vote" & "Comment"
Hope you all enjoying this so far.