Song for this chapter: All I Ask - Adele

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December 27th, 1997

Christmas comes and goes. The Christmas holidays put everyone in a good mood and there seems to be a lull in the war right now. I know it's just the calm before the storm, but I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

Harry and Hermione were spotted in Godric's Hollow on Christmas Eve and almost got caught by Snatchers. That caused some tension among the Order but it was swept under the rug when someone pointed out that they hadn't been caught and are still safe for the time being.

Atlas and Elio are back home for another week. I love having the boys at home.

Currently, snow is falling outside of the living room windows. It reflects the tiny bit of light that the moon has to offer, but it's still almost pitch black outside.

I make the last move in wizard chess and destroy Atlas's king. My king lifts his sword and smashes Atla's king to pieces.

"Checkmate," I say.

"No fair," Atlas says. "You always beat me."

"You'll beat me one day, I've been playing for a lot longer than you have," I explain.

Atlas shakes his head but has a small smile on his face. Elio is sitting on the couch reading a book from the library. It's in French so I can't completely decipher the title.

"It's getting late, I'm going to bed," I say. I get up from the rug and ruffle Atlas's hair. "Don't stay up too late, okay?"

"Okay, mum," Elio says.

I ruffle Elio's hair and smile at him. "Goodnight boys," I say.

"Night, mum," Altas says.

I head upstairs to the bedroom. The door is cracked open and there's a soft lamp light flooding the hallway. I push open the door expecting Regulus to be getting ready for bed or already in bed, but instead, I find him sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Regulus?" I ask, closing the door behind me. "What're you doing?"

"Nothing, I was just waiting for you," Regulus says.

"Uh, okay," I say. "Why are you sitting on the edge of the bed-" I spot a packed bag sitting a few feet away from him. I stare at the bag and then back at Regulus. "What-, what is that for?"

Regulus stands up and starts walking toward me. "Meredith, let me explain-," He says, his voice insanely calm right now.

"Regulus, what is the bag for?" I ask. I can hear the panicked tone in my own voice but I can't help it.

"Meredith," Regulus says. There's something in his expression that tells me to listen to him. "Please, just sit down and listen for a second."

I sit down on the edge of the bed and try to stop the panicked feeling that keeps rising.

"Please just listen to me," He says.

"Reg, you're scaring me," I say.

Regulus roughly runs a hand through his hair. He makes a frustrated sound and then drops his hands to his sides in defeat.

"Those kids need help," He says. "It shouldn't fall on three seventeen year olds to win this war, it's not their job."

"It's not yours either," I reply.

Regulus sighs. "It is though," He explains. "I never finished what I started and now a group of children are stuck with the burden of it."

"Regulus, you were a child."

"I was old enough," He says. My husband paces in front of me. "You know all that research that I've been doing for years?" He asks. I nod in response. "It's time for me to put it to use."

The weight of what Regulus is saying hits me all at once and suddenly I'm eighteen years old and begging him to stay.

"Reg-," I start, only for him to cut me off.

"I need to go away for a while, angel," He says. "I need to go take care of some things."

I feel a single tear slip down my cheek but I don't try to hide it. I want Regulus to see that he's hurting me. "Don't do this," I say. "Don't leave me again."

"I-, I'm not leaving you, I would never do that," Regulus argues.

"But you are though," I reply, my voice getting louder. "You said you would never leave me then you did and you almost got yourself killed in the process. Then you said you would never leave me again, you made a vow when we got married, and now you're leaving again."

Regulus's jaw tenses and I can tell by his expression that what I said affected him. "It's not like that," He says. "I love you."

"Don't say that if you're going to walk out that door tonight," I say.

"I have to," He murmurs, his voice suddenly so quiet.

I shake my head and stand up. I go over to my husband and cup his face with my hands. "No, you don't," I say. "This isn't your burden."

Regulus leans into my touch and closes his eyes. A tear rolls down his cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. Suddenly I'm eighteen again and trying to convince him not to leave. The silence that fills the room threatens to suffocate me and my brain is working overtime to come up with things to say in this moment.

"Please, stay. Stay with me, and our kids," I beg. "We can work something out, we always do."

Regulus takes a deep breath and I start feeling hopeful. Then he opens his eyes and has such a pained look on his face that I take a step back from him.

"I'll be back soon," He says. "I have to go finish what I started or at least try to do some good. I want to help people, I want to be a good person."

"Reg-, you are a good person, you're such a good person."

He gives me a small smile and brushes his thumb against my cheek. "I'm sorry, angel, but I have to go away again."

"No, no, no," I mutter. I push Regulus's hand off of me and take a step back. "You can't leave me, not again. You can't leave the kids."

"I'm going to come back, Meredith, I'll always come back to you."

I frown at him. "What did I say about making promises that you can't keep?" I say, my voice breaking. Tears fall down my cheeks.

"Come here," Regulus whispers. He reaches for me and because I'm a weak person and I will always run into his arms I let him hold me.

I sob into Regulus's shoulder and he holds me. His breathing is shaky and I know that he's crying even though I can't see him at the moment.

"Please don't cry, I love you."

I immediately pull back from him. "You're going on another suicide mission and you're telling me not to cry?" I exclaim. I throw my hands up in desperation before balling them into fists at my side. "Why are you doing this? It doesn't have to be you. It never had to be you!"

"I need to do this, Meredith," Regulus argues.

"No, you don't!" I say. "You're being selfish right now by trying to play the martyr again. What about our kids?"

Regulus looks so incredibly sad. "They'll be okay with you, I know they will, you're an amazing mother," He says.

"I don't want to have to bring them to your funeral," I say. "I just-, I can't do that. Please don't do this again, I'm begging you."

"I'm sorry," Regulus whispers.

"Please don't leave, let me help," I beg.

Regulus shakes his head. I grip his jumper and let him hold me again. "Please, please, please," I muttered into his shoulder.

"I love you," Regulus says.

I tilt my head up to look at him. His eyes are red and he's crying. "I love you too," I say. I lean in and kiss him. Regulus kisses me back and I can taste the tears on his lips.

"Please don't leave," I say when we break apart.

"I have to leave," He says. Regulus takes a step back and reaches for his packed bag.

I stare at him, feeling like I'm in shock. I thought that maybe-, just maybe. But now that I see Regulus going toward the bedroom door the reality of the situation comes crashing down on me.

"You're actually leaving?" I ask, staring at him.

"I have to."

"You're not allowed to leave if you're not going to come back to me, to your family," I say.

Regulus smiles sadly at me. "I'm going to try my best."

He gives me a kiss on the forehead, his lips lingering for a few seconds. "I have to leave now," He whispers.

"Don't go."

Regulus cups the side of my face and looks in my eyes. "I love you, okay?" He says.

"I love you." I want to scream at him. I want to tell him to go fuck himself. But I can't, because I do love him, I love him more than I've ever loved anything.

He goes toward the door and reaches for the handle. I know I should stay where I am because following him will only make it harder for both of us. But maybe I can change his mind.

"Don't leave again," I say as we walk down the staircase. "Please don't leave me again, you promised."

"I'm sorry," Regulus says, sounding emotionally drained.

"I need you, the kids need you. Are you really going to leave your own children? They love you, you're their hero."

Regulus keeps walking and I keep following him until we reach the foyer. The house is quiet now, which means that Atlas and Elio went up to bed.

"I'm a really shitty hero then," Regulus says. "But if this works maybe I can be a real hero for them."

"You already are!"

"Meredith, please," Regulus says. He turns to look at me and I can tell that it's taking every single fiber of his being to walk out of the door and not stay. "I have to leave."

My brain is in overload and the words slip out before I even process them.

"If you leave, don't bother coming back," I say.

Regulus's face falls. "You don't mean that," He says.

I don't. "I do," I reply. "You can't keep running away, you can't keep leaving."

Regulus doesn't say anything. He turns his back on me and reaches for the door. He walks out of the front door and slams it behind him. It echoes through the house and I can feel it in my bones.

There's a crack of apparition and then everything is quiet again.

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I'm sorry. 

The parallels though, am I right?