The Dreamer:

"Tae hold on please" "Damn it stings" he grumbles through gritted teeth as I press the cotton ball onto his jaw.

"I really think we should report this...he had no right to-" "It's fine...at least we got him to take the restraining order away. I am content...I don't want to deal with him anymore and sorry if I sound like him but I really don't want you anywhere close to him ever again...I will be really hurt if that happens again Jin"

I sigh "I don't want to be anywhere near him either. You really shouldn't have gone off on him-"

"What did you expect me to do? I don't get what the fuck is wrong with him though, he knows you're pregnant...why would he shove you like that?! I don't care if I get beaten up again, I am really glad that I could land at least one punch on him"

"Yeah, I'm really proud" I peck his other cheek "but it wasn't very smart of you. What if he broke your arm again huh?"

He pulls me onto his lap and I focus on cleaning the corner of his mouth, cleaning the drying blood from the cut on his lip.

"Let's just forget about it now ok...don't think about it or him...let's just be this" he softly places a kiss on my lips, pulling away as he gazes back at me with a wild adoration.

I put the cotton ball down staring back at him as we sit in the silence of his apartment.

"I missed this" his hands caress at my hips "I missed this so much" he leans in to place his forehead against me and I wrapped my arms around him as well.

We are back in Seoul now for a couple of days, the first shock he had given when I had agreed to come back was the news of that restraining order and about a fight he had with Namjoon. I am glad it has been finally taken care of, although coming out of the court there was a scuffle at the parking lot. Namjoon became defensive and hurled his anger at me, calling me the bitch who ruined him and shoved me back when Tae lost it.

I have never seen him like that, he is the calmest of persons I have ever met but truly the rage of a man who is always calm and composed is more scarier than watching someone who usually gets angry. You're prepared for it.

The other mess which he did not tell me about was the apartment he lived in...it was fairly spacious and furnished for a couple to live in. However, when I stepped inside it seemed no less than a massacre...carcasses of canvases strewn about, dirty palettes lying like rotten corpses....brushes, papers, and other tools and a million colour patches all over the place. The worst however were the coffee mugs...they were literally everywhere...every-fucking where...I don't understand how he managed to ruin the place this badly...it's hideous!

I am glad he survived whatever he was going through...I could see the struggle he must have had to live in the works he had created. When I asked him what had happened he only said he didn't know what he was doing and was desperate to find his way to feel alive again but nothing worked.

I told him then how it was the same for me...how I had chosen to find my peace in playing the piano again because it was too hard to accept that I had nothing to hold onto in life anymore.

Well, luckily I have two of my most precious people to help me have faith on myself and dream again.

"I am hungry, let's have dinner" I speak feeling my stomach rumbling and coils back immediately.

"Oh shit...I completely forgot about the appointment you had" his eyes are large.

"That's tomorrow" I remind giggling at him, he is so intent on taking care of me and the baby that I find it adorable when he keeps messing things up because of his inexperience.

"Oh thank god...yeah let's have dinner...no keeping you hungry...then you need to have those vitamins-" "Already had those after lunch" I remind again as he guides me towards the dining table.

"Good" he tries to cover up the miss and I smile to myself again.

"You need your full night's sleep too" "Yeah my back and my legs does feel a little sore" I whine as we plate up dinner.

"No worries...we will have a shower and I can give you a massage"

I can't help the smile that breaks upon my lips "stop being like this" I scold

"Like what?"

"You're being too much" I scold again

"No I am trying to make up for my mistakes" he kisses the side of my head before he digs into his food "I just hope I can be enough".

I stand by the side of the building as I wait for him.

It's late October, the cold already picking up...grey streets strewn with fiery hues as the trees having said their farewell to greens and adorned itself in yellow and orange and red and brown.

I breathe looking around, students walking about or huddled together, cheerful voices conversing or some sitting alone with earphones on scribbling away on paper...a subtle picture of uni life...

I smile to myself watching them, I never dreamed about going to a uni...though looking at them I feel like I would enjoy having a group of friends with whom I could share what interested me. I never got to make good friends, my high school as well as college days were all spent being constantly with Joon. I realize now what I missed out on...

"Hey..." I hear his voice before I turn to see him hurrying down the stairs, the tiredness in his features driven away by the huge smile he wears. The beige coat flitting against the air as he skips a couple steps, eyes bright as ever as he runs an unaware hand through his tousled hair.

"Been waiting long? I am sorry...the class was drawn awhile, I got a little carried away..." "It's fine" I assure and see him licking his lips and eyeing mine, "here, I got you that coffee you liked so much the other day".

"You had coffee again? I saw you having a cup in the morning Jin...I told you it's not good for the baby...that's too much caffeine-" "I didn't" I assured, hastily shaking my head "I was craving for something sweet, so I decided to have muffins and remembered you liked their coffee..."

"Pumpkin spiced latte?" He smiled louder and I nodded feeling an odd horde of butterflies swarm in my belly just to see him smile like that. I don't get why just a simple smile can get me this soft for him.

"I wish I wasn't a professor here" he chuckles, fingers lightly brushing against mine before he stiffly pushes his hands into his pockets "I missed you all day"

I smile to myself, knowing it's his way of saying he wants to hold hands n kiss me but can't, it wasn't allowed inside the campus.

"I missed you too" I hum keeping my head low as we walk around the building towards the exit. I like coming here but it's little awkward as the students keep wishing him good evening or when he reminds a passing group about the assignment due today. I am still new to this Taehyung...imagining him teaching a class, being all mature and responsible, and most importantly getting used to seeing him in glasses, it looks good on him though.

We walk back to the car and the moment we got in, I felt his cold hands cupping my face as he pulled me into a kiss. It was a gentle gesture but makes me remember how much everything has changed between us and yet somethings forever remain the same...like the affection and care in his touches, that same gaze of admiration as he smiles at me.

"How was practice today?" He asks kissing my cheek before he checks as I strap myself in.

"It went well...Tae, I really want to-" I stop as I see him shaking his head while driving around the corner and I pout, knowing he wasn't going to agree to this...I have been trying to coax him to accept it for a few days now.

"I still don't agree to your manager's idea..." he speaks eyes set on the road "you're pregnant Jin, it's too much for you to go on a fifteen day tour around the country...you need rest, proper diet n meds n not to mention what if there's an emergency, how do I make sure to take care of you from miles away?"

"But it's a really great opportunity" I whine scraping at the glove compartment unmindfully, I really want to go...I know it's going to be a little too exhausting but I don't want to miss this, it's my first chance for something like this.

"I am sure there will be more chances in future, it's just a few more months Jin...please...you know I won't ever stop you from doing what you wish...but please listen to me this once..."

He gets me defenceless when he gets like this...I know he is only trying to look out for me but I feel my previous sensation of distaste for being kept tied down beginning to resurface. I fear my chance to live my dream might be slipping away.

God please why am I being such a selfish human...I feel terrible whenever I think about it. I can see him trying so hard for us, he has changed so much...not like I don't see him struggling through it no matter how hard he tries to hide.

Honestly, I think what I really fear is our dreams slipping away from us.

Not like I don't know what it took for us to get here...things begin to look prettier once you know how ugly life can actually get.

I sigh looking out the window "is this what having a life really means? Accepting the fact that there will always be things you need to let go to choose another"

I mumble almost to myself but I realize he heard me.

"You sound like you are regretting your decision" his voice sounds calm but I can hear that deep complain in it yet again.

I am not...I don't regret it. I'd never regret him or the baby...they are the best things that ever happened to me.

"You know I don't...I just-I feel...restless" I breathe deeply, exhaling as I watching the evening lighting up in colours of the approaching night "I am just being selfish again I guess...now that I got a chance to make my insignificant life mean something, I want all of it...I want the fairytale".

"What's so selfish about that? Everyone wants it...I do too..."

I smile to myself before turning to see him.

It's because of you I believed that I can be myself again...that I can mend all the scars and look for the magic I had once lost...

"At least you know what you want...most people spend entire lifetimes searching for it..." he sounds like professor when he speaks like this, I guess if you can learn to sound smart just from books or you need something more...like a deeper understanding about life.

I haven't read much, neither do I know how to sound smart but yeah, I do understand the feeling...I didn't before but I do now. I press my head back into the headrest closing my eyes as I acknowledge the truth in the words. I am grateful to him for rescuing me from getting destroyed, but I dread being the person who would destroy him.

When I was in high school, I dreamt of different things...having fun and being popular sounded pretty cool back then, having natural good looks was definitely a plus...my world revolved around Namjoon's and I was actually very proud about it.

So oddly stuck in my little insignificant pretend-life that I didn't even realize the person who I could become was slipping away.

I was in choir group in middle school but left it because it was so stupid, and actually made myself give up on my love for music because Namjoon would call it lame and boring.

I thought it was a part of being in love to trust and listen to the one I admired, I was okay with cheering to watch him gain hordes of praises for his own accomplishments over the years...he was the coolest and most handsome jock at school, whom everyone admired and wanted, and he wanted me...I felt prized and proud beyond measure.

It was when he cheated the first time that made me realize how he had taken me for granted, how he made me believe all that I had sacrificed was actually my fault...he never asked me to give up on my dreams, he never forced me to follow him to college but I chose to give up on the college I wanted to go since I was a child...he never told me that I was his exclusive...he had only said he loved me and proved how his attentions could move to someone else because he wished to 'have fun' or love them instead.

Truly, he had taught me a lot...but the most important thing I learnt was it is important to love yourself just as much as you want to love someone else...we deserve the love we would so selflessly give to others.

However, the real hurt I am facing these days is seeing Tae...

He is giving up on things that used to make him who he is, and I feel pathetic...guilty to think that I was doing the same thing Namjoon had done to me...I am taking himself away from him.

I blink back the tears as my fingers tighten over my coat.

He is so engrossed in his need to keep me with himself, be enough for me and the baby, make sure to take care of us that he barely gets time to be himself. He doesn't have any energy left to paint by the time we get home n finish our dinner.

I am trying to help out but he insists not to overwork myself, but how do I just sit and watch him struggle on his own with everything.

"Took me long enough...and a whole lot of learning the hard way to realize..."

"Don't worry, just remember what I told you...we are going to take this our own way" he parks the car before turning to me, his voice going instantly low and worried "what is it? Why are you crying Jin...try to understand that going on such a hectic tour would be too much for you n the baby, and you are still going to continue with your practice for the final round of the competition right?"

I nodded to the words, smiling "I am not crying...I was just thinking about ...umm stuff n it got me a bit teary" I chuckled getting the seat belt off "let's go inside, I'm really hungry and just want to get these off and relax" I peck at his jaw before stepping out of the car.

He comes up to me, lacing our fingers "what were you thinking about that got you teary?"

We passed through the doors of the apartment building and headed towards the stairs.

"How I had ruined growing up by my own hands..." I smile watching the steps "I wonder now why I was so stupid back then"

"Everyone struggles in those years, there's so many possibilities yet everything is so uncertain...it's hard to know" he has this soft uncalled for smile on his lips "I'd say I made my share of mistakes too, held my heart too lightly...kept mistaking my fear for being alone with the need to be in love"

I gulp my words back as I listen to him, he rarely opens up about his life before me. The only thing I know is that his pals back in Vienna were from college, except Jimin who happened to be his that one lifelong friend.

"Bad memories?" I ask softly as we get to the door to our apartment.

"No...not really" he smiles again, helping me out of my coat as we head inside "those were some of the lessons I needed...taught me where I was going wrong"

I see him switching the lights on as I padded behind him, loosening up a few buttons and intending to hop into the shower. We have worked really hard to get this place all clean and fixed, it finally feels like a home. However, my mind completely fixed on his voice.

"You can't really love someone enough to make them love you back if it's not meant to be"

The words stun me as I stand watching him walk ahead inside the room.

It is when he speaks such words so casually that hits differently, like he can hear everything that goes in my head and rakes for just the words to describe what I need to hear.

If only someone had told me this in high school that no amount of my foolish overpowering emotions would ever make Joon see what he had meant to me back then, I would probably have grown up differently...my life would have turned out so much more than being stuck in an emotionally abusive relationship for years.

"Jin..?"

I blink at him to realize I was yet again lost in my thoughts.

"What is it? Why are you so upset today?" He caressed my shoulders, a tiny frown of concern on his brow "I am sorry if I hurt you...but I swear I am not trying to tie you dow-"

I pulled him to myself, coiling my arms around his neck as I pressed my mouth on his. He seemed unprepared but gave in, wrapping his arms around me as he kissed me back. His hand caressing the back of my head as he deepened the kiss, giving into me as he let me drive my tongue inside his mouth and taste him voraciously. He grabbed under my thighs, picking me up and holding me to himself the moment I wrapped my legs about him. I broke the kiss, peppering his face with kisses.

"God do you confuse me..." he smiles widely and walks inside our room as I denied to let go of him and clung onto him "baby what is it that you want?"

"Why won't you paint Tae? I have been here for weeks and I never see you paint, and I keep remembering what you told me and I..." I coiled my hands tighter about him, digging my face into his shoulder "I feel guilty...please, I don't want to be the reason you lost your dreams..."

He had gone silent, and I realised he was frozen in place too.

"I haven't done much in life...actually practically nothing but I felt so delighted when you said I was your inspiration to begin again...it made me believe in myself"
I pulled back, my hands setting on his cheeks in their own volition as I stared at his lost gaze "I want to keep being that for you...you don't have to take care of me Tae, I want you to take care of your dreams too...I know you don't like teaching at the university-" "It's not like that, we had this conversation Jin...I need that for now, I can't earn enough for both of us with my paintings"

He put me down on the bed, sighing as he crawled closer "and please don't beat yourself up about this...I am begging you Jin...let me take care of you, I like doing it...both of you are my responsibility" he grabs at my palm pulling it to his mouth "for now put your trust on me and believe in me"

I duck my head down and feel him wrap an arm around my hips as he hugged my torso, setting his head onto the bump as he softly nudges it with his face.

"I can tell you feel lonely and worry on your own" his voice is a little muffled now "please listen to me and take care of yourself, and let me care of you...if you want to care for me so bad, I'd let you do it all my life" I can feel the smile in his voice as he kisses my belly "tell me what will it take to make you listen to me?"

"Just this I guess and a few kisses, I don't mind if they're are a lot though...nothing much...I really like what we have..." I spoke into his head, drawing soothing circles on his shoulders as I grinned to myself.

He caresses my side before crawling up to hover over me "that's what I said didn't I?" he pecks at my lips looking so terribly at peace that I can't fathom what human heart can be this profusely expressively soft and loving before he leans in again "just like some things aren't meant to be...there are also times life gives us miracles, n you have to be very cautious not to lose them...because one slip could mean a loss of a lifetime of love..."

"Why are you like this?" I ask feeling numbed with affection for him.

"Like what?" He smiles, fingers brushing away my unruly bangs to tuck them behind my ear.

"Like a dream I can hold in my arms" "Oh no baby...I am very real, you know it best though" he noses against my cheek chuckling "you better stop being too sweet if you don't want me to take advantage of you right now".

"Honestly...I like the way you take advantage of me" I smile back at him "I have missed you taking advantage of me..."

His eyes glow with a desirous lustre and I reach up to capture his lips in mine.

I am so thankful that I have you...and I am going to have you...and I will love you...and I will give you everything I can...and I will be yours...just please lord...please let him be mine...forever and always...

á na márië.

[A\N] I guess more fluff coming right up 🌚
Borahae 💜