I shut the door behind me. I hate this. You can't break me physically. But once I love you and I actually care, you can break me emotionally.

I fell on the bed taking my heels off. The movement of his hand was so slow and lousy as he zipped me up. That was just uuuuuuuuhhhh! I couldn't believe he was capable of being delicate until he locked that intricate chain around my neck. Sssssss!
The way he leaned and then the way my body forced myself to paralyse. I never felt that before. He was so close. We shared the same air. The way his hands wound around my waist. God! That was so odd. I don't have a word for that. My goodness. He was looking so content in that one second that our noses touched. He was looking at me with a look I'd never seen in anyone. It gave me an unusual sense of pleasure that his eye colour warmed as I shifted back. God! Please! I don't want these things. Please. Save me.
And then his hand at my hand.

Seriously boy! I was dead. I was truly dead at his words. I felt so giddy in that moment that I was like this man is perfect. It was such a brilliant timing, dialogue and the manner of speaking. I was dead.

But mom! She called me selfish. And what not. I was not going to think about it. I need not. I'll break. I do not need that.
I wiped a tear as it slipped from my right eye, trying to remember how Mia had told me that she loved me.
I walked upto the washroom changing into my shorts and shirt, glancing at my scar. Scars.
Huh!
I tried not to think about it.
No Eve.
I sat up, running a hand through my hair.
I want to cry!!!
I heard a knock. DML.

I rubbed my palms and then kept them on my eyes. Opening the door to see the person I could least expect, I froze.

"May I come inside?" He asked.
I gulped.
"I don't think I need permission or invitation. It's my wife's room." He entered, shutting the door behind him.
So you've decided only.

What do I do? Be angry or not? Thank him for that?

Eve! Ignore him. Go and lay down on the bed. IGNORE!

I went and got under the covers.
He took of his coat, slowly loosening his tie. Kill me God! Kill me.

It was really heated. He was downright hot and handsome. HH.

Now! I need an ice bucket. He folded his sleeves upto his elbows and came towards the bed. Again I found my heart racing. Racing faster than a mouse.
What good for a comparison?
Brain isn't working.

What is he doing?
"Shift." He said, darkly.
I looked up at him. However hot you may be. I ducking don't take orders. I don't.
I narrowed my eyes.
"I thought you didn't like being picked up." He said moving his hand slowly under the covers.
"Why are you asking me to shift?"
"Because I want to sit."
"Say it properly." I huffed.
I sold my brain you know?

"Can you shift because your husband wants to sit here?" He asked.
I shifted.
Dear heart,
If you dare shift from your place, and come into my throat, I will block the aorta. Don't you dare.

He sat down taking off his shoes with his legs.

The next moment, he shifted on the bed with his legs inside the cover, sitting as such that his and my shoulders touched.
I looked up at him.
"Are you drunk?" I asked softly.

I was drained. Seriously. I didn't want to argue. I didn't want to fight. I didn't have the strength at that time.
"No. I'm not." He replied.
I tried to shift but he took hold of my wrist.
"Leave it." I said truly irritated, tired and in an inner crying condition.
"Let me." He said softly.
"No." I wiggled it, surprised he didn't force.
He looked at me.

I didn't know what took over me but I did not shift.
"Let it out." He said.
"What?" I retorted but he remained calm.
He was taking me by surprise again and again.
He slipped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer if possible.
You know how it was?
Him sitting on one side of the bed, slightly turned towards the left, right leg over the left leg under the cover.
Beside him, I was sitting with my right arm tucked between us and my head slightly raised to look at his face, left leg crossed over the right.
He smiled faintly. Pushing my head slowly, he laid it on his shoulder.

"Shh. Let it out." He murmured. I didn't fight back. I didn't know that it was my weariness or comfort I felt in that situation that I chose to remain silent.

He lightly rubbed his hand on my shoulder and then slid it through my hair.
I felt a tear escape my eye and fall on his shirt. His hand movement grew softer. His arm wound around me more protectively and I confess that I'd never felt this comforted in my entire life.
He pulled my right arm from between us and I tried to reach my left cheek to wipe off the newly shed tear. He took hold of my hand with his right, free arm, entwining his fingers with it, placing it at the top of his rock hard thigh. A shiver crossed my body and his soothing became still softer.

I believe that when a guy places a hand on the girl's thigh, he is trying to make her comfortable with her romantically. But if a guy places the girl's hand on his thigh, he is comfortable around her.

All the restraint I'd been having was damaged. All the bad things said to me, about me made their way to my mind and I continued with tears streaming down my face. I tried to undo my hand from his,to wipe my tears off but he tightened his grip, then loosening it touched my cheek lightly.
"It's fine. Let me." He said, his fingers moving me towards the edge with the tenderness I never thought their owner was capable of.

"Why are you doing this?" I croaked.
"Because I want to comfort you. It's your need and so is it mine. I'll fulfil it." He said solemnly.
"Your need? What about? You should not do it. We should not do this. We'll go back to being normal again tomorrow. It's not a joke." I tried to pull away.
"No. I'll be there for you."

Oh ****.

My head felt dizzy. I couldn't handle all this shit.

"For once in your life, let go of anger. It's fine." He smoothed out my hair.
Yeah! It's absolutely fine. You'll do this and then walk out.

We remained silent for a long time. He continued wiping my tears and each touch reached my soul. It really affected me hard. The areas where his fingers had entwined on my hand would've missed his warmth but his thigh was warmer.

Nobody spoke for minutes. Minutes I knew I'd regret. But it was all about the pleasure I felt. It was so light to sit like this beside him.
"I'm weak and pathetic. Cmon say it and rub it in my face. Say it out right now." I mumbled.

His hand trailed from my cheek bone, down to my chin, raising it slightly. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met. Trust me, even stronger than my own mom. Think about it. She gave birth to a person like me." He said lightly.
I kept staring at him, bluntly.

This beautifully carved man, whom I could have practically killed a few minutes back, is telling me that I'm the strongest woman in this world. That too, so nicely?

The pad of his thumb once again rubbed my cheek as the bundle of tears had become completely undone.
"Are you mocking me?"
"No. I'm telling you the truth." He said.
I kept my head down on his shoulder again. Suddenly feeling like I could tell him everything and an odd sense of confession rising in my veins, I mumbled, "She called me selfish. Selfish without realising that it was just due to her and dad that I married to someone whom I was far from loving. She called me mean. Rude. Irresponsible, arrogant, good for nothing, non deserving, and a wrecker of time and energy. She said that I'm just a useless load on you guys and probably..." I trailed.
"Yeah? Tell me." He started rubbing his hand in a circular motion.
"That.." The flow of years increased as I remembered her saying that.
"Shh. Don't force." He soothed.
I didn't believe it was so sweet. He was treating me like no one had ever treated. Also I'd never broken down completely in front of anyone. But being beside him made me lose that ounce of control. His calming tone and caring attitude broke the dams I'd built across rivers of blood in my body.

I thought I'd regret this. I was wondering if he was faking it to make me bend. Was he actually this caring?

"That you regret this marriage." I swallowed hard, finally withdrawing my hand from his thigh, immediately feeling void of heat.
He snickered.
"I regret this marriage?"
"Are you asserting that?" I said looking up at his face.
"Does this seem to show that anyway?" He pointed in between us.
"I don't know."
"Christ! Woman! I do not regret it. I do not regret marrying a person like you. Not at all." He opened his mouth to say something but chose not to.
"But all the other things. You know.."
"You're not selfish. Not at all. And as far as rudeness is concerned, you are rude to me. Not to anyone else. You're not irresponsible except for your health. You're not arrogant except for me. You're not a burden for us. You're good for everything, you're not a wrecker of energy and time." He became silent.
"Cmon tell that you believe it too. Not that you don't." I said.

Do I happen to have a tank of these tears in my body or what? They are not stopping and I think he is getting irritated wiping it again and again.
"See, I'll tell you one thing I've been wanting since a long time." He raked a hand through his hair as I wiped a tear.

God! Why am I crying so much?
Let it be.
"Don't bother yourself. I'm just overreacting."
"You know I don't mind you asking me if you fail to understand parts of my sentences. I hope this is the last time I need to tell you to not interrupt when I'm doing something." He said tightly entwining our fingers from like posterior side, so that my hand rested on his thigh and was bound.
"I shouldn't have overreacted." I said as finally the tank had cleared.
"You didn't overreact. It happens. When less people matter to you, their words matter as ****. And when they hurt, they do. A lot." He slowly rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Thanks for everything." I said feeling grateful.
"For this." I lightly squeezed his thigh.
Perverts! Shut up.

"I told you it was my wish so I did it." He shrugged, remaining in the same position.

"And for that support at the table." I looked at his hand. It was so hard, covering my hand so softly as if mine would break.

"Uh.. About that. Well I already told you that we are into a mutual relationship. Her point was not valid to be honest. No offence. No need to thank me for all this." He tightened his arm around me.

"You just don't want to say welcome, that's it." I pursed my lips.
He lowered his head and smirked.
"Is it?"
I shook my head.
Why was this spring stationary all these years? This one that is jumping inside me right now.

Tell me, did anyone like operate my body to take out my brain, fit a tear tank inside and this spring, eh?

"How's your wound?" He asked suddenly.
"Better." I replied.
"Show it to me."
"No." I shook my head. It looked very odd.
"I showed you where I was shot." He said, his hand running through my hair.

God stop this. I won't be able to handle this.
But you know my body refused to listen.
I pushed the cover slightly as I got rid of his hand around me. I pulled up my shorts a little bit and there it laid in all glory.
He looked at it then looked away.

"Does it still hurt?"
"At times."
"Did you take any medicine?"
"Not the painkillers. I don't like them, I took the ones which help in fast recovery of broken skin." I spoke as we got into the same position as before.

"Don't think about what she said. Also what I said on phone that night." He said.
"That night? Well..."
"I didn't mean that." He interrupted.
"It's very easy to say something and then deny to mean it. It's alright. You don't need to give me explanations." I told him.

His grip on my arm went tighter and his right hand still stuck with mine was again placed the same way.
"I wanted to tell you this, since some days, I've been thinking about you a lot. All the time you pop in my head. I'm not able to concentrate. It's frustrating at times especially when you keep ignoring me. I get irritated. The same thing happened. That is why I said I could not keep on thinking about you because I need to work." His chin on my head hurt a bit.
What The hell? He should not be thinking all this.
"So you could have said it some other way. You chose really harsh words." I mumbled. His cologne was constantly inhibiting my nose and it smelt wonderful.

"I told you I was angry and frustrated. My choice of words is not very good. Plus you are stuck badly in my head. I stopped feeling loathe against you. I couldn't get my mind off you and the things you do and like. Everytime I keep admiring you." He said.
I looked up at him. You can not harbour these feelings. This is wrong.
"I know it sounds stu..."
"Not that word please." I stuttered at the word.
"Which word?" He pulled me closer once again.
"That st.. One. I don't like it. That is what that guy called me and I beat him up in school." I snuggled slightly, feeling unmatchable pleasure and peace.
"Oh! So yeah, you must be feeling that I'm so foolish to think about all this but I thought I could and should share it with you. This has been going on since a lot of time. I wanted to talk to you about all this." He said.

I was gobsmacked. For gods sake.
"Are you sure?"
Why do such things happen?

"Yeah." He said.
"You need to focus. Remember you wanted to break me? Though you don't want it now. Think why? Think what is it that pulls you. You are having these because you've never ever been with women." At least I'm not lonely.

Shut up.
You shut up.

"No. I don't think that is the reasons I've been with women before. It's not that." My hand slowly shifted from his thigh to his stomach area, hard and muscular.
"I had a high school friend, Finn. I used to think that she was different and will lot be clingy. We used to talk sometime and we were quite good friends. Then slowly she started making irrelevant physical advancements. I asked her not to do all those things because I found them vulgar but she continued. One day I was sitting, she came from back and slid her hands around me neck. I warned but no. She asked me why couldn't I give her what she wants and I told her that I didn't like her.
She created a chaos and we were called in the office about the st... senseless, illogical girl. I also had a friend, Jenifer during college. She was not clingy. She was a fine girl and we were very good friends. I didn't have very good terms with mom and dad back then. She would comfort me and tell me that it was fine and I shouldn't worry. It felt nice because she seemed to know her limits and did not cross it. I'd left my college suddenly if you ask Llan. I had to start a business because while I was at college, dad said that I'm useless and I do not deserve his company. As usual, I got agitated, and asked her if I could stay with her for a time being. She let me. I moved out after a week or so. That week my back hurt due to being on the couch." He stopped mid sentence and looked at me carefully.
"Tell." I whined.
"Are you sure you're not sleepy?"
"Yeah, continue."

"A year and half later I was the owner of a company and it had done quite good, after hell lot of odds. You must be knowing most of the problems. I didn't have a contact with dad for about nine months. I was totally alone, fighting. She had started working as a receptionist after her term got over. Everything was fine with us and she seemed happy about me. It was fine till the time dad didn't approach me. He offered me to design one of his hotels, the best deal I've done till date. I worked on it and I still remember how I woke up all night and day, working on the designs, straining each nerve." He touched my hand on his abdomen and raised it.
"Can you guess what happened?"

Say something.
"No. I mean he appreciated you and told you that you've done wonderful?" I said feeling giddy all of a sudden.

He shook his head. "He rejected me. Insulted me. And told me once again that I was good for nothing." He started reverberating. Alright, his chest started reverberating. He was laughing.
"What's so funny?" I asked him cautiously, feeling awkward if he could understand what was going in my head.
"I said, 'Sir, just because you couldn't have appreciation for a piece of art, that doesn't mean I'm useless. I'll try once again. If you don't like it, please look for another one.' I walked out on my own dad after talking to him straight nine months." He was still laughing while my mouth was opened.
"Seriously?" God, can this continue forever? I'm liking it.

"Yes. I presented him once again with new designs and this time, once again he was against. I was fine with it. Done with my dad. I wasn't giving up though honestly his opinion mattered to me the most. One of his committee members asked me to wait as they were all impressed and I got the contract. That was the beginning of everything, now as I look back. I had never been that confident of myself and I can't thank dad enough."
"Wow. Brilliant." I said.
"Jenifer and I partied and celebrated. Few months and I had so many contracts that I wondered whether I'd be able to do it. No boasting but I grew richer. Now, Rick and another guy Alester worked under me then. One day, suddenly Jennifer walked upto me and throwing her hands around my neck, she touched my forehand with hers. She closed her eyes I thought she must be sad so I patted her shoulder hugging her back. "
You don't need to think about that Eve. Not that it matters.

"She did this weird thing and started wiggling. I tried to ask what's wrong? Shifting my hands to her waist, she started grunting..."
Is he trying to tell me that a lizardwoman bit him and turned him into a lizardman? No god.

"She practically had plan to accuse me of physical harassment and send me behind bars, taking over my company. A big plan which I was obviously unaware of. That Alester was her boyfriend and together they had been planning all that shit. He had shot a video of us together I don't know how. "
"B!tchy ****..." He released my hand and placed a finger on my lips.
"Not you. Not from your mouth." His glazed flickered to my lips.
Please lord. Please, no such thing.
I breathed heavily.

"Rick was my rescue. He had overheard them and I was luckily saved. That was a big matter. Alester left her and she got free last to last year. She showed me how much of weak and pathetic women can be." I nodded. Women can be pathetic.

Men are always pathetic. Ha! I wouldn't have trusted him but the sincerity in his eyes and confident determination that I saw, made me believe him. What would he have gotten by lying to me? That was also a reason.

I didn't notice he was looking at me.

"You saw this." He pointed at his hand. "These things. Impulsive things that I can't explain. These are the trouble."

But still. It was our deal. We shan't be doing what we are right now. All that we discussed that night in your office. That's it. You can't think that about me. No.
"Think about what you hate about me. And now that you saw my break down, that'll give enough convincing for hatred. Thanks for your support." I said.

My brain was coming back slowly and I was thinking how much I'd regret it.

"Yeah." Our eyes met.
Shall I leave? His asked.
You should but I don't want you to. Mine confused.

"We need to talk about that."
I now realise why people always talk over after teeny weeny makeouts. We didn't even do that and I was going mad. The warmth he had shown me that night touched my heart and scathed my soul. It was beyond words to express and beyond human brain to comprehend. It was blissful, compassionate, calming and pleasurable.

"No."
"Yes." He said.
"Forget it." I suggested.
"It's not easy."
I know. How can I ever forget it? It was such a foreign palpitation. My heart's Spring was jumping fifty five times faster than they do at your sight.
I was not able to think clearly.

"It is. Don't think about it." I replied.
"Yes. Break you. Hate you. Not think about you." He repeated.
"Something like that." I smiled.
He gave me a slight smile.
"Don't mind her. Your daughter is very nice. I like her."
You concentrate on her mother.
Shut up.
"Yeah." Once again a comfortable silence permeated the room.
Our same position, as much as I don't want to say it, probably for the last time.
I shut my eyes, savouring the moment, hoping it to either last forever or to imprint it in my head such that it never fades away.
Never.

"Can I ask you somethings?" He said.
I nodded.
"What was that ring box you gave Mr Swans that night?" He took me by surprise yet again.

"He loves a girl. I asked him to propose her. He was serious so I pushed him." I told him.
"Oh! Who is Georgina? Is it actually a girl?" He asked.
"You spying on me?" I asked.
"No... I was just..." He said looking away.
"She's our beautician." I laughed at his reaction.

My phone buzzed on the side table. He picked it up. It was Mia.
I got up. Left his warmth.
I wiped my eyes.
"Does it look like I cried?"
"Yes. There are tear marks, red eyes." He said looking at me intently from the bed.

"I....." I trailed trying to find myself back from his eyes. He stood up and approached me, eyes not leaving mine for once. He stared at me.

The phone stopped buzzing and weirdly that broke our eye contact.
I wiped my face with the towel which was still moist.
"Hi mom!" Mia chirped as she picked up the call.
"Why are you awake yet?" I questioned.
"I'm excited. Super excited. Is there any one in the room or something?" She asked as I glanced at a handsome man sitting on the chair opposite to my bed.

"Why?" I asked.
"Just like that. Your family is so adorable."
"Our family." I corrected.
"Yeah! And your dad is so cute, your mom is so nice, mommy and daddy are so sweet and uncle Carter is so loving." She went on.
"Your grandparents." I corrected once again.
"I forget." She whined.
"Tomorrow you'll forget that I'm your mom." I didn't mean to say that.
"No mom. Never. Sorry?" She said.
"I don't like sorry." I said.
"Yeah so... And your friends, what will they be to me?" She needed to calm down.

"Whom do like the best?" I asked.
"Is that even a question? Andad." She chirped.
I blinked. Shit! Did he hear that?
"He's  the best! He is so....." She went on and I looked at him, feeling guiltier than ever.
Already I hadn't introduced them the way it should be and then too he had been so nice to me.

I didn't have it in me. Like I know it's silly but still. I was brought up in a way that even small words had great meaning. If I said dad, then those three letters meant anything and everything that a father meant to do, the love he showed, his care, his protection, his blessings, everything.
If I was being called a mom, then that meant I had all the responsibilities of a mother, not just a joke. Come, meet your daughter and go. Nope. If I told her that he should be her father lawfully, or rather that I was married to him, she would love it. She's so expectant to have a dad. But we aren't even a couple. Like we are but we are not. We are not in love. We aren't. We live under the same roof but most of the time we ignore each other. We might be sitting next to each other at times but our hearts were distant. Far away.
But..
Ignore tonight.

"Mom!"

Then she'll ask why I didn't tell her. What'd I say? He's my.. I mean I'm bound with him in a loveless marriage, a deal.

That would be awkward.

I don't have the courage.

And what if she calls him dad.
Then?

"Mom!"
"Yeah?" I croaked.
"What's wrong? You get lost in thoughts? Is everything okay? Did I create any trouble?" She said, her smile sinking.
"Are you mad? How can you possibly create trouble for me?" I asked.
"There is something wrong." She noted.
"Girl, it's past midnight, you are keeping me away from my love. Isn't that enough reason?" I joked.
"You don't seem sleepy." She is adamant.
"Because I'm always sleepy." I shrugged.
"You're going to hear me out. I don't know." Less than a month and she's improved  so much. God thanks!

"Where's Andy?" I asked suddenly.
"He's in ... I mean he's sleeping." She said.
I raised an eyebrow.
"Mia, tell me the truth." I said.
"Mom please!!!! I wanted it. Please." She cooed.
"That was mine. Call him to the phone."
"Mom I told him to.."
"You're calling him or .." I threatened.
"What the hell is your problem girl?" Andy peeped.
"Landon Wright, you're not allowed to enter my house from tomorrow. Idiot how dare you touch it? You're so... You knew it was mine no. I'm not talking to you. Neither am I leaving Mia alone with you now."

"Listen to me.."
"No. I don't listen to idiotic, foul, lodesome earthworms."
"Flatworm." He said.
"Mia? Kick him. Hard." I said irritated.
"Mom, we'll get it back by tomorrow. Don't worry." I saw her climbing the stairs.

I breathed.
"I wanted to ask you something."
"Yeah?"
"Who was that handsome man sitting on the head of the table? He didn't seem.."
"I told you that you'll meet a good friend and I even introduced you to him." I said.

"Yeah. I know he's Mr Jayce. My father used to hate him. I'd heard about him. And you told about him as well. Though I thought I'll not like the person when I'll meet him, back while I was with that demon, I didn't find him evil. I used to blame him for getting me beaten up." She mumbled.
"Hey! Don't think all that. It was in the past. And Mr Jayce also hated your father like hell." I was dumbstruck.

"Why?" She asked.
"He umm... He harmed his family." I said falling short of words.
"Oh. You are pretty close to him, aren't you?" She said.
"Mia.." Girl stop.
"Tell me no." She whined.
"Mia..."
"Don't Mia me. You were looking good together. He's quite suitable for your choice though. He's really good looking. Does he know how to play a guitar? You're also beautiful. He's polite you know. He smiled at me and offered me to take the jug of water before him. He also waved at me nicely. He also helped me to the washroom. You know what happened? I kicked Andad under the table but instead my leg hit his. Shit! I was gone. I thought I'm dead." She said.
"He doesn't harm people. Well, good people. He also beat up that ....." I said. He raised an eyebrow.
"You never told me much about him but he is sweet. He was kind to me. Also he was nice to you. He talked to me for a minute or so. It was nice." She rambled.
"Excuse me?" I said.
"Yes. You're  perfect..."
"Mia... You meet a guy, he looks handsome to you and you start talking as if...."
"You have a chemistry. It was evident."
"Really?" Sarcasm.
"Yes. You agree no?"
"I forgot to teach you. There is a thing called sarcasm."
"I know mom." She said boringly.
"Mia go to sleep baby." I said finally having exhausted my vocabulary.
"No."
"Why?"
"I want to scream." She giggled.
"Fine. Just go and scream it in that nincompoops ear." I pouted.
"Mom you're seriously angry just because we ate some ice cream?" She asked.
"It was not just some ice cream. It was my special cookie dough ice cream." God make me shut up.
"But that guy." She changed the topic.
"Good night. I'm sleepy."
"Love you from me and Andad." She said.
"Love you too baby. Ask that idiot to beware." I hung up.

I looked down. How'd I face him now? Although I was in a hurry to hang up but now I wish I had talked to her some more. At least he'd have left.

"Chemistry."
One word and I was stunned.
"Huh?"
"I didn't like chemistry back at school." He said.
"Me as well."
"Glad that you at least know you are a part of my family." He stood up.
I gulped.
I am guilty man. Kill me.

"Good night." He said
Listen I .....
Before I could say anything, he left.
Left me standing.

Why can't my life be normal?

-------------------------------------

Hey berries!
How are you people and how was the chappie? Hope you liked it!
This was your surprise! Christmas present!

So?????
Shall I next update on next Saturday directly?

Tell me.

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Merry Christmas!
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