I visited her grave for the first time.

The sky was blackening, intending for an upcoming downpour. The wind was whistling between the trees and tombstones, playing with the hem of my coat in the process. In short, it was a gloomy day, suitable for a grim event. I had never been to a graveyard, simply because I didn’t have anyone to visit.

Months before, I would’ve never imagined being in that dreadful place with my eyes barely succeeding to hold in the tears. No, I wouldn’t cry out of sorrow only. I was confused, disappointed and feeling unwanted by the person I lived my whole life with. She left me without the care to say goodbye, leaving me in unhealthy doubts about myself.

I couldn’t bring myself to visit her earlier. Despite the recent events in my life, I was holding on... just fine. Frankly, every other issue I had was a distraction from remembering what she did. I had slow but sure progress of moving on, but if I were to visit her and invite the bitter memories back in my mind, my progression would shatter. I liked to think of myself as strong, but I was only human in the end.

I crouched down by her tombstone and laid down the flowers I brought. My thumb caressed the letters of her engraved name. Ella Addams.

“You lied to me,” I spat. I felt bad afterwards because I was in a graveyard yet held a judgemental attitude. I wasn’t the God who would punish her for her deeds. “The mail you left doesn’t explain enough as to what was on your head when you sacrificed a baby to gain some cash.”

It came to me that maybe I wasn’t sad about Mum’s death anymore; I was angry. She had a hand in the misery we lived in—it wasn’t all Sebastian Martinez’s fault. She could’ve avoided it all, but no, she ventured to have a baby solely to gain money. It hit me then that not only was I an illegitimate child, but I wasn’t also brought to life with love and excitement. I didn’t have parents who were excited to meet me and hold my tiny hands. I was merely brought to be used as an object.

The moment Mum’s plans didn’t work… She was probably cursing her luck. Cursing me.

“My world revolved around you, around us, our living, our bond, but your world revolved around money. There were nights after your death I couldn’t sleep from the nightmares, Mum.”

My body shook with another whistle of the wind. Or maybe because of rage, or a cry I tried to hold back.

“Despite our hard circumstances, I was happy with you, Mum, but you chose to break me.” I looked up to the sky. “Could your soul watch me suffer in sleepless nights and endless weeping?” My hands fisted my coat. “But I still miss you. I miss your gentle touch that swept my hair away to lay a kiss on my forehead. I miss you braiding my hair. I miss your homemade food. I-I miss…” my voice cracked at the end.

I looked up to the sky again. It was getting even darker, reflecting my mood. I felt lonely among the countless souls around me. Maybe the chill I felt often was caused by them passing by, reprimanding me for the way I talked to a dead person, who could no more fix anything. They thought I was a bad daughter.

I took a deep breath, feeling a heavyweight getting lifted off me as I finally talked out my true feelings towards my mother.

“I… talked to my father as well,” I spilt the beans. “I was harsh. I regret it a little. But I was justifiable, right? He is under chemo, Mum. Maybe I don’t have much time to decide whether I want to accept him. I don’t know if I can forgive him.”

Then, finally to the topic she probably longed to hear about, “Kai and I are a couple if you care to know. Ryan is a sweetheart of a brother, too. I feel blessed to discover I have a brother like him. Massie is a great friend as well. She has more to her than the last day you saw her.”

I stood up from my spot, alarmed by a droplet of water that touched my nose. I gave her grave one last look and managed to crack a closed-mouth smile. “You know… I feel deep down you didn’t plan me with Kai only because he had money, right? He is a great guy as well. So, I forgive you, Mum, I do. Because despite everything, you took genuine care of me after you had been left alone. You could’ve abandoned me, but you didn’t. I felt you loved me. You wanted the best for me, I know. You just did it wrong.”

My thoughts trickled back to Mrs Kingston and her wicked ways of ‘taking care’ of her son.

“See you later, Mum.”

I turned around. In steady steps, I made my way out of the unbearable place. I didn’t look back, or I knew I’d cry.

I texted Massie in the taxi, asking whether she knew where Kai was. She told me he stayed at the university still, so that was where I headed to. A mix of anxiety and excitement rushed in my veins, but on top of all, I was happy. I was happy we were going in the right direction, and it didn’t get worse as my pessimism expected. We were going to make it work.

However, I was not expecting to see Kevin Kingston in the waiting hall. While I was contemplating whether to greet him out of respect or pretend that I didn’t see him, his eyes already caught me.

“Hey,” I greeted.

Kevin gave me a small, uninterested smile. “Hello, Miss Martinez,” he responded, ruining my attempt to smile back at him.

I folded my umbrella and walked up to him. “Not sure about that yet, Kev…” I trailed off, about to mumble an apology to correct my way of addressing him.

He snorted, not looking at me. “It’s alright. You can use my first name.”

Remembering how he wanted even his family members not to call him by his first name, I was doubtful about the reasons as to why he let me use it. Maybe it was exclusive for his hatred of his stepmother. I let it go anyway.

I nodded. “What brings you here?”

“To talk to Kai,” Kevin answered shortly.

Out of all the places, why in university? They were brothers. They could’ve met in a million better places. So, I blinked at him wordlessly, waiting for clarification.

“Jade left me,” he started, to which I bit my lip and mumbled a quick sorry. “And she claimed I should learn from my younger brother. So… I couldn’t wait. I came here to know what is it that he has, and I don’t.”

His careless tone implied he intended to challenge Jade instead of trying to understand her. It was evident in the way his lips smirked he didn’t see anything to learn from his younger brother as she claimed. Kevin was someone I could hardly understand. He took life as a challenge as if he had revenge from it to commit to.

“Oh…”

He added, “But he pushed me away.” Kevin relaxed back on the seat and folded a leg over the other. Putting his hands inside his dress pants pockets, he spoke to me, “You know, Melanie, you and I have more in common than you think.”

Kevin and me? We had more differences than any commons he could think of, for sure. I still respected his beliefs and waited for him to elaborate.

“Motherless,” he counted then cleared his throat as if apologising if he touched any sensitive topic. “With fathers who can’t care less about our existence.”

Was it that way behind the curtains? Generally, people thought Kenneth Kingston was the proudest father to exist because of his oldest son’s achievements. Kevin was thought to be the golden child, acing whatever task he was handed. Kingston Holding grew bigger and more successful in his leadership, and that was one major difference against the commons he thought we shared. I could never be that work-oriented and shut the world around me. I loved to feel successful, but I also wanted to have fun, to live.

“And?” I pushed him to continue, looking for something more interesting he thought we shared.

“Our priorities clash with our relationships,” he finished in a confident tone as if what he said was the definite truth.

It was true Kai and I had a disagreement that drastically turned into a bigger issue, but I didn’t believe it should be interpreted the way Kevin put it. We disagree and bicker in a relationship, but we never take it a step further with someone if they weren’t to walk with us on the same path.

I stood up and shook my head sideways. “Excuse me, Kevin, but I disagree with you on that one.”

Kevin mirrored my actions and stood up too. He faced me with a serious expression, daring me to prove my point.

I was no life coach whatsoever, but I believed I had something to say there. “A relationship isn’t just about having a partner you join in bed at the end of the night. A relationship is supposed to support you, to build you, to help you become a better person with the company of your love. Therefore, it does not clash with priorities. It helps you know yourself better and get those priorities done.”

The look in Kevin’s eyes was such an empty one. The guy had impressive control over his reactions and impulsivity, so even if he agreed with me, I wouldn’t know. I only hoped he would consider my words.

I dared to add, “And… That applies to relationships with your family too, I guess. It helps you grow, not distracts you.”

“Somewhat,” was all he said after a moment of pondering. “Well, maybe I got to try that to get Kai to talk to me again.”

I was surprised Kevin was speaking of his brother rejecting him. Because, for one, Kai had always wanted to build a relationship with his brother. Kevin looked unfamiliar with rejection, and to get it from his girlfriend then again from his brother hurt him more than he liked to admit.

I nodded, choosing not to dwell further on what troubled him.

“Was nice seeing you here, Melanie. Kai’s in the outdoor basketball court if you’re looking for him. I hope he doesn’t reject you like me.”

I smiled, a blush creeping into my face. No, the guy wouldn’t do that to me. “Thank you.”

Kevin and I went our separate ways. I unfolded my umbrella and went outside in search of my boyfriend, not surprised by the downpour of the weeping sky by then. He was there as Kevin alleged, bouncing the basketball messily under his hand. I couldn’t figure whether it was the rain’s fault or his inexperience.

I watched him under my umbrella, screaming his frustration when the ball didn’t enter the hoop. He ran his hands through his wet hair. It came to me that if he kept playing soaked under the rain, he would get sick.

“Kai!” I screamed through the loud rain, holding tightly on the handle as I braced myself for his reaction.

He finally noticed me. His gaze lingered on my figure, checking if I was real. “Angel!” his voice cut back.

“What are you doing, idiot?”

“Playing you out of my system!” he screamed back.

“Why are we screaming?”

When I finished my sentence, Kai sprinted towards me in the rain. His clothes were soaked, and so was his face and hair. He panted heavily.

His brows were too close to each other that it made his face too wrinkled for his age. “What are you doing in this dangerous weather?” he asked.

“I… visited my mother,” I answered. “I told her about you, Ryan, Massie, and… Mr Martinez.”

His wrinkles relaxed, and he smiled. “What did you tell her about me?”

I looked into his grey, glossy eyes. While the sun was hidden and the light was weak, they looked darker. I took my time to drink in his features. It had been days since I got to be that soberly close to him. I cupped his sharp jaw in my hand, the umbrella in the other.

“Kai… Kiss me.”

His wet hand cupped my jaw the same way, sending a cold chill down my spine. His cold thumb drew circles on my freezing cheek, then he leant in and pressed his damp lips against mine gently. The umbrella fell because both hands went to cup his jaw. Volts of electricity shot down our soaked bodies. Kissing him often made me weak in the legs, but I wouldn’t fret in his arms. He moved his lips slowly on mine, savouring me. My arms wrapped around his neck, playing with the wet hair that stuck to his nape. His hands tangled through my hair that quickly turned damp.

His tongue glided against my lips, tasting them. I parted them slightly for his tongue to slide in. He tasted like the chocolate biscuits he had given me. It felt right to reunite and finally have him after a long wait. My body pressed harder against his to feel the heat that radiated from his body, and I lost myself in the smell of his much-missed cologne.

Our hands slid by our sides and intertwined as we pulled away to take a breath.

“I missed you,” he rasped breathlessly, a shiver stealing his ability to sound confident.

I smiled, and I supposed it was enough to answer. “Thank you for the gifts. I enjoyed them. I felt the effort you put in them.” My sentence was cut off when I shivered under the rain. “I… I made mistakes too. I should’ve involved you in my decision because we’re one, aren’t we?”

It took me time to realise that, but in the end, I did. While being in a relationship, impactful decisions like the one I made should’ve been discussed between us. It wasn’t right of me to just tell my partner after I had already made it.

He nodded. “I’m sorry I hurt you too. When you sent me that text back at the villa, I was shattered. I regret it badly, Mellie. I regret losing you even for a second.”

Like the tides meeting the shore, like puzzle pieces, everything finally fell in the correct place. His sincerity seeped through his actions and words. I felt it in my very being. I’d be damned if I denied it.

“I have forgiven you. I hope you forgive me too.”

He nodded. “I do. I love you, Melanie.”

No, he didn’t need to say it—I felt it. I never waited for Kai to say those words in our relationship because I preferred to feel and experience them.

I squeezed myself closer to his body. At that limit, the icy rain turned our bodies numb; I didn’t feel the chill anymore. All I could feel was his heart beating frantically behind his chest that stuck to me. I knew then it was the right time to claim his love and declare mine.

“I love you too, Kai.”

Longets and last chapter is finally out 😭 I’ll keep it short here since there is still an epilogue left, which I’ll publish in a few days.

Liked the end? Last verdict on the whole book? Any possible improvements?

Love you guys! Thankful to every active reader. The upcoming epilogue is dedicated to all of you 😉 thank you for accompanying me on this journey!

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