You can do this, Mel.

I squeezed my fists at my sides, willing myself to breathe. The door in front of me looked unrecognisable, although I had been there before, only with different feelings and intentions. Ryan on my side held my hand and squeezed it. Mine felt sweaty and uncomfortable, so I was quick to withdraw.

I finally went there to guarantee their wish that was against my will. Or that was what I liked to believe—that I didn’t want to visit him.

Growing up, pretending fathers never existed or weren’t necessary was helpful. The idea made my days roll by easier and made the family concept easier for my child’s brain. Bringing up the topic again when I was almost twenty was a shock to the child that still lived inside me with unanswered questions.

I’d dare say The Martinez mansion was beautiful and modern, better than the Kingstons’. Maybe if Mrs Kingston knew I descended from that household, she wouldn’t have disrespected me that day when she first knew I dated Kai. While Mum struggled to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, the Martinez household buzzed with the clatter of unnecessary silver utensils.

Possible images of Ryan’s luxurious childhood flashed in my head: how his parents played with him and took care of him, watched his firsts, helped him hit milestones, and such. I was jealous but tried to keep my resentment towards my father separated from my feelings to a guy who had nothing to do with the awful mistake.

“Thank you for doing this,” Ryan said through a hug once we were in.

If only he understood that was nothing sentimental for me; it was just to provide closure. Or not to make me feel guilty in case he passed away before me guaranteeing a wish as simple as meeting him. Anything but because I felt something towards Sebastian Martinez.

“Let’s get this done, Ryan,” I said curtly.

He nodded, leading me to a door I didn’t notice the last time I was there. Ryan looked nervous with his fidgety hands and occasional sighs. How wrong could it go? I would just talk to the older man and possibly leave to never see him again. Simple. Ryan opened it and stood aside for me to enter.

A thin man rested on a king-sized bed with a drip-feed latched on his hand. His hair was completely grey, missing at the beginning of the crown of his head. When my shaky steps echoed inside, he looked my way.

“Melanie?” he called my name, trying his best to crack a delighted smile.

The resemblance between us was impeccable. I had the man’s big blue eyes and a little of his features. I’d be sure he was my father even if I didn’t do that DNA test.

I nodded, gulping. “Hey.”

He patted the space beside him on the bed, gesturing for me to join him. Did I have to? Was it the right thing to do, to offer him myself that easily? Did I have to make him struggle further to get close? I contemplated again whether I should forgive him right at that second.

Don’t be ruthless, Melanie. He’s too sick to tolerate it. I walked closer and sat down.

He tried holding my hand, but I rejected his touch. “If I knew you were coming, I wouldn’t have let you see me in this state while I’m weak,” he pointed out, and I thought it was laugh-worthy.

“You were dead in my eyes long ago, so seeing your half-dead body now doesn’t change anything. Rest assured.”

The pain passed by his features, but he knew better than to express it. I was glad he understood where my loathing came from. “You grew up to be a beautiful, diligent lady,” he commented, staring right into my eyes.

My fists clenched. The memories were triggered, coming back to me like a whirlwind. “Yes, no thanks to you, of course. You were never there when we had cold nights under thin sheets.”

He sighed, eyes getting glossy. “You have every right to be upset… I’m so, so sorry, Melanie.”

And he finally spat it. A useless apology that couldn’t alleviate the tiniest part of the pain I felt. The damage was already done. All he could do was apologise and admit he was a horrible parent, although none of it could take back the suffering I went through.

My fists clenched harder, digging crescents in my flesh. “That’s it? That’s all you have to say to your daughter after almost twenty years?” I choked out.

He shook his head. “I made an unforgivable mistake, I know, but it wasn’t all mine. Your mother took you and ran away,” he excused himself.

Bullshít.

“I see you have the money and power. You could’ve got to me if you wanted to.”

He looked away from me shamefully. “You’re right… I didn’t look for you hard enough. I was a coward. I feared what people would say. I was a bad father.”

I snorted. “Bad father? You were never a father to me, sir.”

He flinched. I didn’t know whether it was because of the substances running through his veins or my words. “I don’t blame you, but from now on, I’m willing to do only what’s right. You are my daughter, my blood and flesh like Ryan. You deserve the same rights as him despite the complicated way you came.”

“You chose to stay away before. You don’t have to do this now only because Mum is gone. You don’t need to. I’m good on my own.”

The man sighed and dismissed my spiteful words by saying, “You slept at this place before, Melanie. I saw you. I wished I could always have you here. You looked so peaceful.” He looked away to the window. “Your middle name is well-deserved. I’m glad Ella listened to me and named you Angel.”

His words tongue-tied me. I recalled the time Ryan took me in when Kai and I fought. So, it must have been that old man who checked on me in my sleep. I wasn’t sure whether to feel uncomfortable.

“I was here as a visit to a friend. Don’t overthink it,” I explained, although there was nothing unclear or misunderstood. I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?

“I heard you’re with Kai Kingston,” he added. “So, what makes you sleep over here? Did he hurt you?”

Was he going to act like a protective father right in his bed? Well, I didn’t need it. “Yes, I am,” I confirmed our relationship. “He is a better man than you ever were to me. A real man because he works on fixing his mistakes. Doesn’t wait years,” I got up from my place on his bed, feeling even more disgusted with him. I was aware of my harshness, but I couldn’t control it. I had bottled up feelings that ached for release.

He stared at me with hooded, glossy eyes as if begging me to stay. “Melanie, I loved you with all my being, even when you weren’t here. I thought of you every day. Please, give me a chance.” He stared at the needle that pierced his vein as if luring me to pity his condition. “You’re still young… but I don’t have much time.”

“Love? You don’t love me. If you did, you’d have come back much earlier. You merely feel guilty for leaving an infant and now trying to make up for it only when you think you’re not staying any longer. That… That’s sick. That’s your real ailment.”

A thick tear rolled down his pale cheek. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Stop. Stop trying to gain my sympathy through apologies. I’m… I’m thicker than that. I learnt the hard way.” Only after those words, I started crying, remembering the challenging times Mum and I went through.

“I love you, Melanie. I truly do—you’re my only daughter, whether my wife wanted to admit it or not. I’m sorry you didn’t receive what you deserved from me. Can we please start afresh?”

Tears ran down both our cheeks. “The daughter you left behind.” I gave him my back and walked out. “Adios, Mr Martinez.”

I left the room without looking back. Despite the tough act I had just put up, I knew if I looked into his glossy eyes one more time, I’d surrender to my sentiments and engulf him in a hug.

. . .

One chapter left :)

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