It has been about a month and I am beginning to learn. When they're not looking we are allowed to be youth, or well...allowed is the wrong word. We simply are although it is breaking the rules. But there is this one strange thing, I have never ever had such close friends. It almost feels like we would die for eachother, that may sound cheesy and it might be, but as we're here there's this strange feeling of a common enemy.

We quietly run through the halls towards Dandy;s dorm. Dandy is hiding an electric guitar in his dorm because he doesn't care if he loses any points and ace doesn't seem to care. Once in a few weeks when the staff is running low we risk a lot by going to their dorm room and being normal teenagers for a while. If we are lucky Neil and Finn have stolen some crisps from the times they help out in the kitchen, Dandy tries to somehow get cigarette's sometimes he steals them from teachers and other times he is involved with the strange circuit of trading in the school. There is something you could call a fully fledged black market. That night Neil always plays the guitar and sings some songs, although he doesn't know many anymore he does his best. Mostly he sings "Never had no one ever" or "The headmaster's ritual" by the smiths, "Changes" or "All the young dudes" By bowie, "Rocking the casbah" By the clash or everybody wants to rule the world. It's one of thefew moments we are really happy. Especially neil, although he always has a secret smile and is compassionate as ever he never seems really happy. Except these nights.

It's funny to see how extremely terrified everyone is of the teachers but we can't help but be a little rebellious, with the bad consequences...... I have a bruise as big as a saucer on my ribs and an elongated one on my neck. Thankfully the uniform is designed to hide all evidence of abuse. Neil always tells me to keep my head down, It will only hurt more if I choose to care about others. The strange thing is, he doesn't care whether it will hurt more. He cares for others, but he has his ways of not getting caught.

That night we are sitting in the windowsill. Neil smiles, he has such an adorable smile. It's one where the sides of their mouth don't go up but seem to go down, it is incredibly endearing. "I miss my father." I say. He chuckles "They are the reason you are here. They didn't like the real version of you." He says bitterly. "Why were you sent here?" He looks down, "I don't know, it's a question most people ask themselves when they are enrolled here. I guess I was just......not good enough." "Not good enough?" I ask as I look at him. He nods "I'm not the one he wished I was, I am not....perfect enough. I am not manly enough, not arrogant enough, I am not like him and that is his biggest regret. I should've been like him. that was his plan all my life but no, I decided to be a Neil....a, a weakling." I look at the dark fields as I take a deep breath, why did my father send me away? Was I good enough?

We do the reveille the next morning. It has become habit that we wake up before dawn. I don't even need to have an alarm there seems to be an alarm built into my consiousness. We march in the habitual patterns as if we are some kind of robots programmed to do one thing and one thing only. I am beginning to forget what normal secondary school was like, it seems all so mundane now. I don't look up when a child is hit, I don't notice black eyes anymore, the firm grip of the proffesors do not hurt anymore. I have become numb.

When we are done with the reveille we march through the hallways when I see some boys lingering, whispering about something. Ace tries to see what the boys are looking at but he isn't tall enough, Finn drags Neil towards us, as Neil and Dandy are the tallest ones, neil is a bit taller but you hardly notice. Neil smiles as he tries to see what the boys are whispering about and all of a sudden his smile fades, it slowly relaxes into an expression of pure horror and desperation. "What do you see?" Finn asks but Neil doesn't answer, he is standing there, like he's frozen his normally proud, muscular and tall body all of a sudden resembles that of a far younger person, a far smaller person who is scared of something. I wonder what he's seeing.

Dandy arrives stands on his toes so he can see it. "He's back!" He exclaims, perhaps a bit too loud as some boys look at us with a frightened look. "Who is?" I ask as the other boys do their best to contain their excitement. "Only the best professor in the whole academy. It's professor O'leary. You'll see, he is the only fun professor we have." I look at Neil as he stares at the man, his eyes water and his lashes flutter in an attempt to hide it. He backs away and marches towards the bathrooms. I frown.

"Is Neil okay?" Andrew (dandy) asks, Dandy and I follow neil into the bathroom as the others go to the classroom. We see Neil hyperventilating while leaning on the sink. "Neil. Are you okay?" I ask "Go away please." He begs, his voice just as powerful and demanding, if not more, as it normally is. Dandy walks up to him and softly touches his elbow. At that moment it seems as if there runs an electrical shock through him and he immediately turns around, grabbing Andrew by his neck and preparing to punch him when he sees Dandy's frightened face and he relaxes. He releases him. "I'm sorry, come on, we'll be late" He says while straightening out his uniform and wiping a tear.

Neil's bahaviour changed when Professor O'leary returned. He didn't speak as much as he used to and refrained from smiling. But he also seemed to look out more for the younger pupils. Which he always did but it seemed to increase. I wondered why, but you'll never get a truthful answer out of Neil.

We are eating in the great hall when a young student drops his tray. We all hold our breath for a second knowing full well there will be at least fifteen points dedced from this poor boy's score. "I'm sorry." He manages to whisper before one of our teachers begins to cuss him out. Neil cradles his head as if he has an incredible headache. "I'm done with this" He whispers as he stands up and walks up to the teacher. "He is clumsy, you won't change that by yelling at him. Only thing you are doing is making yourself feel a little bit bigger because you desperately need it." He says while looking down on the small statured professor. "Be careful with your words young man!" He says. "OOo I am so scared." He says with a sarcastic undertone. Everyone is silent, extremely silent, you could hear a pin drop, everyone is scared what he'll say next. "All of the teachers here really need to work on their insecurity. Because every single, sane, happy and confident adult does not need to torture kids to feel better about themselves." He smiles as some of the workers run towards him and push him to the ground. He does not struggle, he only smiles. As they lift him up he smiles as gleefully screams "COWARDS, All OF THE ACADEMIES TEACHERS ARE COWARDS." "Sent him to iso at once!" One of the main professors screams.

I didn't exactely know what ISO was, I've never been sent to it. But I know it normally is about two to three days. Dandy has been sent to ISO quite a lot, but I have never known why exactely. Neil has been gone for four days, I can't lie that I have been worried about him. "What's ISO like Dandy?" I ask, finnegan immediately starts to whisper. "We shouldn't talk about it...." "Come on, don't be such a coward." Ace answers immediately. "It's besically isolation, you need to sit upright on the enge of a chair, in a room with little to no light and nothing to look at. There's nothing but sometimes some....punishments and every day you get one piece of toast to eat. That's iso." Dandy answers, without a care in the world. "He'll be back soon enough. Don't worry" He says with a smile

He wasn't back soon. Two weeks passed before he came back.

He walked into the room, his breathing is slow and anxious as if he can hardly get the oxygen through. I looked up and was quite surprised to see him, a busted lip, a black eye and several other bruises and scars. He is desperately trying to hide a limp. He smiles as if nothing happened. "My dear Lord you look like death's head on a mop-stick!" I exclaim, he laughs before he coughs up some blood. He smiles again. "How have the last few days been?" "It has been two weeks." He nods "Interesting." he burst into tears. "Are you okay?" I ask and he curls up into a ball. He shakes hs head "I am so scared, I am such a coward I am so...." I cannot understand him through the heaving breaths of his tears. "What are you afraid of." After some time of asking he finally confesses. "I am afraid of professor O'leary." "Why" "I'm ashamed to say it....." I shake my head "You don't have to say it."

"I want to get away from this." "I know what that feels like." He says as we look at eachother. both sitting on our beds. I look at Neil. "Why were you enrolled?"  "I tried to.....hurt myself." I answer and he smiles "Do you still want to kill yourself?" Which was quite an extraordinary question, because normally people do not ask that question. Normally people do not ask that, but as I grapple with the answer I do not know whether I even could. And that might be a good thing. "I don't know, I do not think so." "I guess this school works in some way." He says with a smile when we hear footsteps in the corridors.

All of a sudden Professor O'leary enters the room. The professors who aren't head of departments (Year groups) are not supposed to be in our living quarters. Neil looks down and is immediately taken aback. As if he knows what'll happen. "Neil, I need you. Could I borrow you for a minute?" Neil looks up and smiles "Could we do it tomorrow morning?" Neil asks politely, "Maybe your friend here is more helpful" He says with a smirk, I cannot help but be frghtened by this man. He leans in "Would you want to do his job?" He says while I try to get as far away from his frightening face. "No," Neil says as he grabs the mans shoulder and turns him aroud. "The only one you'll hurt is me." he says as he hits the teacher in his face. The professor looks confused as he looks at the blood coming from his nose as Neil prepares to hit him another time. Before I can do anything there's staff in our room. Pinning Neil to the ground, putting their knees on his throat. "Please you're hurting me" he cries. "I can't breathe" But there's only more and more staff trying to handle him, hurting him. I try to help him but they hold me back. More and more boys see as they look at this horror story being made real in front of their eyes. We hear a strange crack and Neil begins to "I'm begging you, please, please...." He begins to cry. "I'm sorry..." I cannot hear anything anymore, he does not say anything anymore. I only see a tear as his hand relaxes. I immediately scurry towards him and feel his pulse. No pulse.....

This will not be the end of it. I look at Dandy. "Riot?" He whispers. "Tomorrow."