(a/n) I'm going to tell everyone right now that I don't do Personal Self Inserts and this was a onetime thing requested by edglord122 so yeah. I uploaded the gender neutral version to my Tumblr (shameless plug) (link in bio) so go there if you'd like. Or stay and read this one if your identify as a girl and just replace Ruby with your name . Enjoy!!! (This is also angsts as hell with no comfort and major spoilers!!!)

Though neither Ruby nor Julian had known each other long, merely a few weeks, but something about him was so familiar. It was comforting. It was probably why it hurt so bad to loose him

It started a few months ago, Asra had just left Ruby alone at the shop. After reading for the Countess Nadia she gained another unwanted visitor who she swiftly hit over the head with a near by vase. After another visit or two she gained some more information on her red headed wanted doctor friend. He was wanted for a crime he may or may not have committed, however, she had a gut feeling he was innocent so they both sat out to prove his innocents (Or guiltiness Julian insisted on reminding) On her 'adventure' with the doctor she found herself in steamy situation on numerous occasions. They all ended the same way, they always had more important things to do.

Julian pressed against the old metal fencing, Ruby's hand carefully yet firmly pressing into his wound on his abdomen. All while watching him squirm and flush above her.

No. we have to prove his innocents.

Mouthes on each other in the library of the palace, two bodies having been quickly squeezed between bookcases under the thought of guards coming. Turned out it was just Malak outside the window.

No, we have to deal with the magical forces at hand.

Most recently, being asked by Julian for her to bite him while in Mezlinka's bed together.

No! We have to save the world first!

For a moment she wished that the world could survive on its own, that it didn't need her or Julian, That they could both disappear together. Just for a little while of course.

Ruby didn't think your silent wish would ever come true, that is until that morning when Julian ran her around the town under the assumption "I think we should talk." At first her heart had fluttered, It was clear they both were more then friends but neither of them brought it up in conversation afraid of the answers from the other. Was he going to bring it up? Was he going to ask her to make it official?!

The last thing Ruby expected was to be where she was now, Sitting on the docks beside each other in tense silence. The whole day had passed in fast chaos, but at least during the chaos they were both speaking and happy. Julian seems far from 'happy' at the moment. "Ah, It seems I've wasted the whole day away without talking about what i brought you out to talk about." He laughed nervously, there was no cheerfulness behind his forced smile, just pain. Ruby started to doubt what she had thought he wanted talk about, something she was so sure about earlier. "It's fine! I had a lot of fun hanging out with you Julian" She smiled at him. Julian's heart clenched painfully in guilt for what he was about to say. It was going to hurt, this she could tell.

"What we are— Whatever this is... It can't continue, It has to stop here. I'm sorry Ruby."

Julian couldn't bring himself to look up, instead his locked his gaze with his feet like they owed him money or something, his feet that hung over the docks just above the water. Oh how he thought about how easy it would be to jump into the ink colored liquid and never resurface, it would have been a whole hell of a lot easier then listening to Ruby's broken whisper of "what...? why...?" Julians jaw clenched as tight as he grip on the non-to-sturdy wood he sat on, he was prepared for her to yell or hit him but what he got was so much worse.

"No."

Julian's head whipped towards the woman, "Excuse me?" He asked, a little more confused then hurt at this point."No. Julian I am NOT going to let you do this by yourself. We're proving your innocence together—" "I'm not innocent!" Julian said, he meant to make himself seem angry figuring she'd definitely leave if he yelled at her. Scared her. Then she's be safe from him for good. "You don't know that!" Ruby said, her own voice coming out a little louder, a little bit more whinier. "I know that! I can feel it in my gut, I've done something horrible i can tell. I may not have been guilty for the counts death but I'm guilty for something else just as bad, I know I am." Julian stood, Ruby stood as well.

This carried on, going back and forth until Ruby was all but begging him to let her help, to stay with her. Each time he'd give her the same answers, "I'm dangerous!" Or "I'll hurt you!" until she couldn't take it anymore and finally caved. "Julian you cant!"

Don't say it

"Why can't I!?" He snapped back, his appearance said he was furious but his eyes said he was silently screaming inside.

Please gods, don't say it.

"Because... Because I love you..." Ruby whispered, eyes so full of sadness and dull hope for him to just stay and love you back.

She said it...

Julian was salient for a moment, his back to Ruby from previously trying to walk away.

"I don't love you..." His voice was like a cold, quiet, dagger that stabbed her chest. Ruby stood there stunned while he walked away discreetly wiping his face from the tears that started falling the moment when she proclaimed her feelings for him. The same moment he knew exactly what he had to say to get her to leave, a blatant lie to himself.

It's wasn't until Ruby arrived at the shop seeing Asra had arrived home early that it hit her full force like a stack of bricks.

"Hey Ruby! Where have you been." He began wiggling his eyebrows only for his face to drop when he noticed her distressed face. With a hand clasped over her mouth to muffle her sobs, Ruby's eyes squeezed closed while hot tears left them. She heard Asra come over as fast as his feet could carry him, she felt his tight embrace. Asra was terrified, he hadn't seen Ruby like this since the last time she got your memories back and he had to erase them again. Oh how he prayed that wasn't the case this time. "He left!" She let out a Loud sob that honestly shocked the white haired man yet also relieved him. Just as he was about to question her, she continued. "Julian left me! He doesn't love me back." Ruby cried so loudly it felt like her lungs burned. Asra sighed as he quietly cursed that red-headed doctor for ever making her hurt.

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A few days had passed since that night, or maybe it was a few weeks. Ruby couldn't remember anymore. Lately she'd been spending her nights at the rowdy raven in small hope she'd run into Julian but she was never that lucky, plus Asra didn't let her drink at home. Asra.... Ruby hadn't had a conversation with him since the night she sobbed herself to sleep in his arms, weather from embarrassment or simply from the lack of wanting human communication, you couldn't tell. In fact she'd been so distant that she'd stopped working on that case for Nadia, Asra was though despite him trying to hide it from her.

On this particular night, Ruby over heard some of the regulars (Which she'd now become part of) talking about Julian, mainly about how they hadn't seen him in a long while. One thing though did peak her interest though.

"I heard Devorak got himself captured in the library of the palace because of that damn bird of his yapping to loud."

They weren't wrong. Malak hadn't shut up about Ruby since the night Julian came back without her. "Ruby? Where?" Malak had asked while tilting his head.

"She's gone..." Julian answered quietly as he ran a hand over his wet face to try to clear his mind.

"Get!" Malak yelled at Julian.

"No! She's not coming back, She's safer wherever she are..." Julian sighed.

That very next day Julian had sneaked back into the library to look for more information. He couldn't piece the puzzle together no matter how much he tried, he found himself thinking about how Ruby could have easily solved this by now. Malak waited outside the open window flapping loudly. "Ruby! Need them!! NOW! Julian! Julian!! Need Ruby Now!!" Malak cawed louder and louder to the point Julian had yelled back at him. That's what got him caught and taken to the palace prison. He sat there in his cell thinking over overthink he had done, specifically the pained expression Ruby had when he told you he had to end what was going on.

"Ruby? I heard Nadia talking about treason between her and Julian Devorak." A guard mildly chit chatted with another at the door

"Yeah? I heard that too. And that She's set to hang with Dr Devorak per Coutess' order." Another Guard added to the conversation.

Oh no.

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The bells ringing is what woke Ruby up enough to realize she had over slept. With a sickening jolt she arose with a headache quickly. She paid no mind to the pain as she ran all the way to the coliseum, Ruby got there in record time and pushed passed the crowd. She ignored the calling of her name from Mezlinka, Portia, and Asra as she made her way to the front. Just as Julian came into sight, both their eyes locked together. Metal gloved hands grasped Ruby tightly. "Ah! His accomplice! Isn't it fitting she'd come to be tried together." Vasomil smiled. "More like, come to be hung together." Valdemar cocked their head side with a smile.

"No! She had nothing to do with it!" Julian yelled at the court from where he stood on the wooden make-shift platform, a rope around his neck. The very same platform Ruby was being led to at the moment.

Once on the platform they tightened the rope around Ruby's neck apparently already prepared for her appearance. "Julian..." Ruby looked up at him standing beside her."Why would you come here!?" Julian snarled at her, his face softening when he saw the pure terror in her eyes. "I don't want to die." She whimpered as tears threatened to spill. "Your not going to." Julian said with a voice filled with something like determination. The optioned looked slim here for a chance of Ruby's escape let alone her's AND Julian.

Asra had finally pushed his way through the crowd. "Nadi! Ruby's Innocent!!" He yelled up at her desperately. "How do you intend to prove that?!" Nadia almost snarled.

Asra panicked and said the only thing he could think of. "She was dead, Remember!?" Asra screamed over the crowd.

Nadia's eyes widened, you could see something snap inside her. "Stop!" Nadia yelled as she came to stand.

Though Ruby's own eye's were wide like plates from the new information, somehow everything started to darken to the point it went black.

The last thing she saw was Julian trying to catch her as she fell.

The last thing she heard was her name followed by Vastomil. "Hang him! He's trying to escape!!" Followed by a sickening snap of bone.

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Ruby's eyes fluttered open, she was on an island. One with red dirt. a bird man stood beside her, everything else to foggy to see. She recognized the figure almost instantly. "T-The hanged man?" Ruby questioned softly causing the bird to almost smile and laugh. "Exactly, Your smart Ruby. Speaking of which, you should be getting your memories back now." He almost hummed as he stared at her with beady eyes, and just as quickly as he came he was gone.

The fog cleared enough for Ruby to see another island with a street lamp on it. The words on the signs were jumbled and ever changing. Her focus changed to the two people standing there, One the Hanged man and the other Julian.

"Who are you.. Bird man?!" Julian asked. "You don't remember me?" The bird smiled with his arms crossed. "I... Your... Your the one who gave me the mark." Julian slowly pecked the pieces together while Ruby tried to call out to him only to find she couldn't speak.

"Precisely, And you, Julian, have been lying to yourself. You didn't kill the count, Did you?" The raven asked.

"No.... No, I was locked in my office in the basement." Julian said, more memories flooded back to him as they did you. Though Rubys not as comforting as she remembered the pain of flames eating her alive

"Why?" The hanged man asked, it seemed he already knew the answer but was coaxing Julian to remember.

"Because I had come down with the plague... I was dying! I remember! I remember..." Julian fell quiet as he looked down.

"Ruby?" The raven hummed.

"Ruby... She died, She died during the plague because of me. Oh gods I didn't see it in time and she died because I couldn't find a cure." Julian looked like he had just seen his dog run over. While Ruby stood there remember her own death over and over in her head. Falling onto the streets when the plague overcame her, how could he not know? How did he not notice her dying in front of him...

"Julian." The raven called his attention which was granted "You hung in the coliseum. Now I'm going to give you two options." The raven stated coldly. Now it became clear why Ruby couldn't speak, Julian had to make this choice himself.

"Your first choice is; You can come back to life with your old memories but not your mark and fight the devil to keep the plague from coming back." He started, "Or?" Julian asked. "Or you can stay here with me in the afterlife and I will make sure the plague stops before it starts." The raven headed man finished.

Julian thought it over for a moment. "If i die... Ruby will be safe... But if I go back, She'll want to help me fight the devil and she might be killed because of me again...." Julian repeated his optioned out loud. Ruby prayed he knew what to choose, what she wanted, that somehow he'd choose to—

"I'll stay." Julian said sternly. "You can have longer to choose if you'd like." The hanged man said softly as he glance over at Ruby who stood there trembling on the other island. "I don't need more time to choose... I don't— no i cant let her die because of me again. I wont let it happen. This way she wont get hurt..." Julians voice fell off once he followed the ravens gaze to... Ruby? Their eyes locked once more, his gaze hardened. "I'm staying." He confirmed once more. The raven nodded before disappearing.

Both islands crashed together, as soon as it did Ruby hugged Julian as tightly as she could. "NO! Come back please." She sobbed. "Now Love... You know I cant do that." He sighed as he laid his head on hers for one last time. "I lied... When I said I didn't love you... You know that right?" Julian choked up softly. Ruby nodded silent. "I love you more then i could even explain. That's why I'm staying." He sighed as tears started to stream down his face, Ruby shook her head repeatedly. "Do me a favor... Okay?" He asked as he pulled her out of the hug, he had a itching feeling she wouldn't be around much longer. Ruby swallowed and wiped her eyes, she wanted to be strong for him. She had to be strong for him. Ruby nodded not trusting her voice.

"Find someone else. Girl, guy, whatever just find someone who's good to you. Someone who spoils you rotten and can cook. And tell Portia I miss her and that i want her to take care of you and Maz.A-And tell Asra, I'm sorry." He smiled painfully as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I love you Julian..." Ruby whimpered one last time, "I love you to Ruby..."He smiled one last time. A genuine smile as he kissed her softly.

Ruby clung to him in the kiss. The feeling of his warmth and firmness slowly fading away as she closed her eyes. She wasn't going to break her promise even if it killed her.