The sky was cloudy as Ken drove home. Not rain cloud cloudy, but snow cloud cloudy. Ken made a mental note to check their supply of rock salt in the garage. It had only snowed once that winter season, unusual for Columbus. January was usually filled with snow days; this year was turning out to be different. Christmas snow was all they'd had.

"Can't remember if we need a new shovel or not." He mused out loud. The sounds of John Legend was the only voice that heard him. The street was deserted and Ken glanced at the clock, not realizing how late he was coming home. The February chill nipped at his body as he stepped out the car and into the garage. He took notice of the shovel (now seeing that they needed two) and guessed that another two bags of rock salt wouldn't hurt. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it, right?

Ken hung his coat up in the mud room which was just off the garage and listened to the sounds of his home. The washer and dryer were going and he could definitely hear something sizzling in the kitchen. Smelled like onions, garlic and peppers. His stomach immediately growled.

"Wooo...Something definitely smells good in here!" He exclaimed. Sebastian looked up from the skillet at his husband and smiled. "What's cookin' good lookin'?" He asked as he leaned to kiss him.

"Hey baby. You guys liked the turkey sausage dish so much the last time, I thought I'd try it again." Ken reached into the skillet to grab a slice of red pepper and Sebastian swatted his hand away. "Hey get outta there! Wait for dinner."

"Can't, I'm starving babe."

"If you'd been here a little earlier  you could've had a bigger snack." Bas handed him an apple. "This should help." Ken took a huge bite of the Braeburn apple; his favorite.

"This won't last long."

"As long as it holds you 'til dinner." Bas silently noticed the clock as he began slicing the turkey sausage on the bias. "Traffic must have been a doozie with it looking like snow and all."

"Nah, traffic was fine. I stopped to attend a meeting." Ken replied. Bas looked up, concern covering his face.

"A meeting? Everything okay?" And before Ken could answer their seven year old daughter Corinne bounced into the kitchen and into Ken's arms.

"Daddy you're home!"

"Yes I am sweetie. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Just waiting for you to get home."

"Who me? Am I that important to you?" He asked as he set her on a kitchen stool.

"Don't be silly daddy, of course you're important to me. I have a lot of spelling words to go over and you always help me with my spelling."

"Ah, I see. Well, let me change my clothes and maybe we can catch a few before dinner, okay?"

"Okay," she replied as she hopped off the stool and ran to find her spelling folder. Sebastian was set to ask Ken again about the meeting when their twin teens came in.

"Wow, that onion is really loud dad." Cameron complained. Ken laughed.

"Onions usually are son, the good ones anyway." Bas replied as Cameron took his coat to the mud room.

"Ugh I'm so hungry!" Camille exclaimed and began to raid the fridge before she had even taken her coat off.

"Dinner will be ready in an hour, try an apple." Sebastian said. "And maybe you can get comfortable by getting out of your coat. Unless you're planning on going somewhere else." Camille looked down as if she had forgotten she still had the coat on. She sighed and shook her head at herself.

"Ugh, this project has me losing my mind. No, not going anywhere else." She took her coat off and handed it to her brother to hang up, making a "pretty please" face when he gave her an annoyed look.

"So how is the project coming?" Ken asked.

"About as well as can be expected," Cameron replied from the hall, "when you're working with people who don't wanna work."

"Oh, I see." Ken replied.

"I don't know what  Ms. Jenkins was thinking when she assigned Angel to our group. The girl never does anything! Absolutely nothing. She's barely passing the class. And she better not bring my grade down with this project or we will have something to talk about. Trust." Camille said as she reached for an apple to bite into it.

"Ah, ah ah." Sebastian said as he grabbed the apple from her. He wiped off the knife and began to slice it for her. "We just put those braces on your teeth, you're not about to ruin them by biting into something you're not supposed to." She sighed.

"Dad..."

"He's right, you have to be careful with those. Trust me I know. Your grandfather would have strung me up on a flag pole if I had messed up mine." Bas handed her the slices in a paper towel. "That includes you too Cam." He said as Cam grabbed a few of Camille's slices.

"I'm careful dad. I won't do like Kenny did."

"Speaking of Kenny, where is he? He wanted me to read over his paper."

"Playing video games, where else?" Camille said.

"Could you ask him to bring me his paper please? I can read it while dinner is cooking."

"Okay."

"Hey don't you guys worry about your project too much. It'll be just fine." Ken encouraged.

"I hope so," Cam replied, "I don't need Angel messing with my grade either." Once the twins had left the room, Sebastian was hoping to continue the conversation his husband when their oldest son, named after Ken, brought his English paper in for proof reading.

"Hey dad."

"Hey son. You know you might want to lay off the video games for a bit. You don't have to play them everyday." Ken said.

"I know but it's just an outlet dad. I have so much school on my mind I just have to take a minute."

"Okay, we're watching your grades."

"Yes sir." Sebastian shooed him away so he could finish dinner and proof read the paper but not before trying to ask Ken if he was okay. Ken anticipated Sebastian's question and answered before it was asked.

"Can we talk about it later?"

"We better." Bas replied as he pulled Ken closer for a passionate kiss.

"Um, you kiss everyone like that?"

"No, just my husband." They laughed.

"Let me change my clothes before Corinne jumps all over me."

Sitting down for family dinner was always a highlight in Ken's day; Sebastian's too. He and Sebastian learned very early when Kenny was a little guy, never to ask what happened in school because they'd never get an answer. Especially to what they really wanted to know. But they discovered that when kids were included in regular conversation, not so school specific, they would tell everything. Even school gossip about the home lives of their friends. That's how they found out about some of the parents' divorces, who got arrested over the weekend, what parent slept with what teacher. What parent slept with what parent. Sebastian was afraid to ask how they found out but he did find out one day at a soccer game. While waiting for fresh popcorn, the adults around never thought to curb their conversation around the children standing there. His kids (and others) were merely repeating what they heard the adults say.

Dinner was followed by spellings words, math homework, and first year French. Helping his children with their studies was another highlight in Ken's day. He (Sebastian too) loved to see them learn, and the fact that they wanted to learn made it even better. The laundry had been folded, lunches made, dishes done. Ken needed to get rid of his tension from the day so he decided to work out a bit in their home gym before bed. He always felt blessed to have married a personal trainer.

"I'm gonna check on the kids then workout a little bit."

"Okay," Sebastian replied. "Anything particular you want to do?" Ken thought a minute.

"Nothing particular, maybe some weights." Sebastian's phone beeped. He groaned as he looked.

"Shoot, I just got some cancellations. I need to update my schedule and send it to Leslie. I'll join you in a few."

Ken walked down the hall to their children's bedrooms. Cameron was into music, heavily. If he could have it playing literally 24/7 he would. Ken didn't mind him listening to music, he was actually impressed at some of his choices. He and Sebastian were actually concerned about his hearing. Cam was barely thirteen and he listened to music at extreme levels. So Ken just turned the volume on Cam's stereo. They were hoping they wouldn't have to buy him a hearing aid before he made it to college.

Corinne had always been a wild sleeper (since a few days old), constantly kicking off her covers. When she was a toddler, she used to crawl into her parents' bed. They didn't mind it so much, at first. They soon found out that she might be playing soccer in her dreams. She would kick and move constantly, not aware of anything. Ken assumed she would grow out of it. Corinne didn't; so he just pulled the covers around her and her favorite bear that she made at The Teddy Bear Shop. She named her Miss Pinky Jean because she loved to dress her in jean material and anything pink.

When he entered Camille's room he always had to watch were he stepped. She probably had the messiest room of any teenage girl he had ever known. She changed clothes like she changed her mind, which was typical for most teen girls. What wasn't typical was her throwing the clothes on the floor, on the chair, the dresser. She wouldn't hang them up and would leave them on the floor so long that they would mix with the dirty clothes. Then she didn't remember what was clean and what wasn't. After that Sebastian and Ken told said if she was going to do that, then she was going to have to wash her own clothes. Camille was also into social media. And infamous for texting/tweeting/facebooking and falling asleep. Tonight was no different. Her phone was next to her pillow, battery almost dead and in the middle of a Facebook status update. Ken plugged up her phone and placed it on the nightstand.

Lastly he checked in on Kenny. He was as bad about playing video games as Camille was about social media. It's the reason the large gaming system was in the living room; Kenny would play all night if he could. Instead he would play the hand-held to the point of exhaustion. Kenny played so much he sometimes played it in his sleep, meaning his fingers were still moving. The hand-held would be somewhere else. Ken just shook his head in wonder at his oldest son.

Once he was in their den-converted-to workout space, Ken decided to do an aerobic DVD instead of the weights. He thought that might be better. Sebastian had joined him right after the warm-ups and they worked out in silence. Ken needed that time to think and decide how he was going to break the news to Sebastian. He needed to sweat out his anxiety, his impending nervousness, his worries. Ken was tired after thirty-five minutes. Everything was beginning to weigh on his mind. He usually exercised for an hour but he didn't have the concentration tonight. He stood in the center of the room with his arms on his head, in frustration at himself, feeling hopeless. Sebastian, noticing that he stopped, stood in front of him and placed his arms on Ken's hips.

"You alright?" The anguish clearly showing on Ken's face. Ken didn't want to look at this husband. "Ken, baby...look at me. What's wrong?"

"Too much on my mind." Sebastian wiped beads of sweat from his husband's face, not completely sure if some of that water wasn't tears.

"We don't have to finish his workout. Talk to me, what's going on?" Ken just hung his head. "Does it have something to do with you going to the meeting?" Ken slowly nodded then pulled Sebastian closer to him. As they embraced, Sebastian could feel Ken's heartbeat racing like he had been sprinting. "Why don't we take a shower then you can tell me what's on your mind, hmm?" Sebastian gently patted Ken's butt, sending him off to their bedroom.

Ken leaned on the bathroom counter as he waited for the water to warm up. He was undressing as Sebastian entered the bathroom. Sebastian undressed and pulled his husband into their walk-in shower. The hot water seemed to shock Ken's body. He stood under the spray and Sebastian began to lather their bodies with an organic lavender and chamomile body wash, hoping the scent would have a calm relaxing effect.

"Deep breath in and out." Sebastian said as he washed Ken's back. Ken took a few deep breaths. "Slower...that's it. Try to relax...let your tension wash away with the soap...that's it baby...just breathe..." Sebastian was hoping it was beginning to help but he didn't think it was. He hadn't seen his husband this tense in a long time. Maybe five or six years since something this strong. Ken was standing under the water and he reached behind him to pull Sebastian's hands around his waist. He loved doing that, feeling Sebastian that close to him. They were the same height, which they both loved, and Sebastian rested his chin on Ken's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around. Each man could feel the other's heartbeat. Sebastian could feel his hands being kissed and returned the kiss to Ken's shoulder. After a few minutes of silence, save the water falling, the temperature began to change.

"The water's getting cold. Let's get you dry and I'll give you a message." Another perk to being the spouse of a physical trainer.

Sebastian was particular about his locs and didn't like to get them wet unless he was swimming or washing them. Tonight was an exception; his husband needed him. But he had to wrap a towel around his head turban style to help dry them. Not one of Ken's favorite looks on Sebastian.

"Do you have to wear that?" Ken asked as he watched Sebastian wrap his head.

"I do if you don't want wet hair on your pillow." Bas laughed a little. "Besides, you pulled me into the water with you; was I supposed to say 'no'?" Ken looked at him.

"You could have."

"Yeah right." Bas replied. "Tell you what...you tell me what's going on and I'll dry as much as possible before I massage you. Deal?"

"Okay." They dressed then walked into the bedroom and sat on the bench at the foot of the bed. Ken leaned back on one elbow.

"Now that we have time to ourselves," Sebastian said as he gently stroked his husband's cheek, "tell me what happened today that sent you to an NA meeting." Ken took a cleansing breath.

"Well, the department heads had a meeting with some of the corporate big wigs today and we found out the company is changing. They are dissolving Brookmeade and Associates to re-brand themselves as Brookmeade Logistics."

"I've never really heard of a company doing that before. Is that what you're worried about? Are you losing your job?"

"No, actually it's the opposite. I'm being promoted." Sebastian shook his head in confusion.

"I don't understand baby. Promotions are good, right?"

"Usually. They are dissolving and downsizing the office here and creating regions. One in Toronto, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Seattle, Dallas, Charlotte and St. Louis." Ken paused. "They are making me the regional director in St. Louis serving Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas, Mississippi, Kentucky, and Louisiana." And then Sebastian understood.

"Wow...back to the Lou."

"Yeah. And I didn't even get the option to choose where I wanted to go or if I wanted to go. They just assumed that since I'm from there that I would like to go back. To visit yes, but not really to live." Sebastian held Ken's hand. "I thought I'd gotten past all that mess. We have the family that supports us and I appreciate that; I love that. But the minute, the second I knew I was gonna have to deal with those people again...it threw me babe. Bas it was like everything was happening for the first time. All those feelings and confusion."

"And that's why you went to the meeting?" Ken nodded.

"And dinner with the kids tonight, checking on them just made it all the more real. They know they have two dads but they've never asked why or if we have family other than those we visit back home. Moving them from the only city and home they've ever known is one thing. Being around what we left is asking a lot of them."

"Maybe it won't be so bad. We've done a pretty good job of keeping them away when we're on vacation."

"Bas you can miss a lot of people in a one or two week trip. We're moving back to the city. I give it a weekend before they come out of the woodwork." Sebastian knew Ken was right.

They were both coming out to their families at the same time, but they didn't know each other then. They met on the campus of Missouri State. Sebastian's parents accepted him right away. It took other family members months, some years. Some still hadn't accepted it. The same was for Ken's family. Both men grew up in the church the only difference was that Sebastian's pastor wasn't his uncle like Ken's was. An uncle that claimed fire, brimstone and hell to each and every homosexual in the sound of his voice at any given time. Ken left on his own accord so his parents wouldn't have to. After all, that pastor and uncle was his dad's brother.

"There's so much to think about in this move. Besides my job, we have to think about schools, doctors, a job for you. A church that excepts families like ours." Sebastian patted a spot on the bed indicating that he was ready to give the massage if Ken was ready to receive it. Ken crawled onto the bed crossways on his stomach with his feet hanging off the side of the bed while Sebastian grabbed the almond-vanilla oil from the bathroom.

"Oh my god, I never thought about that. Most people move back to their hometown and go back to their home church. We can't do that. Your Uncle Arthur would never let you drive past the church if he could help it, forget about going in." Ken nodded in agreement.

"I wouldn't even know where to start to looking for a new church. We've been at Christian Unity for so long. I know God led us to them."

"He'll lead us to a new one. He knows we're faithful and we want to be in a place where we can work and raise our children." Sebastian said.

Ken removed his shirt to prepare for the much needed massage. Sebastian straddled the back of Ken's legs and started the massage at his lower back. He started with a slow gentle thumb rotation, moving from the center to the outside. Ken groaned a little at the tension moving around. He closed his eyes and tried his best to relax.

"You are super tense. I don't like to see you this way babe. I'll probably have to switch to a deep tissue massage."

"That bad huh?"

"Yes, nothing I can't handle."

"It feels good though." Sebastian continued working his way up to the shoulders. Quite a bit of time had passed before Ken felt like he could talk some more.

"When Calvin gets back I'll have to meet with him and see what he suggests I do about a new sponsor."

"Do you have to have a new sponsor? Calvin is like family."

"I know. He's been there the whole entire time. Unfortunately I do have to have a new one. The sponsor is supposed to be within reach in case of emergency. You should be able to talk to them when you can't get to a meeting."

"That will be a difficult task from two different states. How did you pick Calvin anyway?" Sebastian began to massage Ken's arms.

"Its a trust thing. I actually spent time talking with four other people before I chose him. Sponsors are like the ultimate confidant. If you feel like you're going to use or drink, your sponsor is supposed to help talk you off the ledge, help to keep you sane. I'm hoping he has some people that he trusts in St. Louis. Maybe I can get to know and trust one too."

"I hope so. I see now why you're so tense. You won't have to worry about me finding a job. Body Fitness is in all the major cities now. There are four in St. Louis. I'm sure Grace could get me transferred without a problem."

"What about your clients? It'll be like me trying to find a new sponsor."

"Yes it would. I'd have to start the transition period soon. I have some very particular clients." Sebastian tapped Ken on his butt to indicate that he was ready for him to turn over. "I can get Leslie to help me with that though." Ken sighed as his husband removed his pajama pants to massage his upper legs. "So where will the new office be?"

"Do you remember that shiny mirrored building on Seventy-ninth and West Turner?"

"Uh...I think so. Was it across from that community theater? With the free plays during the summer?"

"Yep that's the one. We're moving into that building. They're contemplating taking the mirrors down to decorate the outside of the building. It's such a big part of the city landscape though."

"Might not shine as much from the expressway if they change it."

"It's a total renovation inside. I saw a couple of shots of the lobby. They'll show us more pictures as the week goes on."

"I guess you'll finally have that corner office that you've always wanted."

"Yeah." Ken was quiet as Sebastian started to massage the lower limbs and feet.

"You're not happy with a corner office?"

"I don't know, I'm still taking it all in I guess. I never thought we'd be in a situation like this, moving back to St. Louis. Daddy's always asking if we're ever coming back home to stay. He doesn't ask anyone else that."

"He probably misses you most of all. You're the most responsible." Ken laughed.

"Me most responsible? The one who was hooked on drugs most is responsible."

"Yes, because you didn't stay there. You turned your life around and he didn't have to bury you. Any father would count that as a blessing. I know I would." Ken thought about Sebastian's words.

"I never thought about it like that."

Sebastian was almost done with the massage. He felt that it worked. Ken had relaxed enough to share his news and concerns, which was equally important to each of them. Communication is essential to any relationship and very important to them. It was a part of their foundation after Sebastian found out about the drug use. He insisted that Ken always be upfront with him about anything he was feeling. Any little thing upsetting the foundation they were building would have been disastrous.

The last area to be massaged was Ken's chest. Sebastian loved the feel of those muscles under his fingers and hands. Ken had a natural sculpt to his body, one that he really didn't have to work on. He had a natural flat, washboard stomach; a strong muscular back. His legs reminded Sebastian of a sprinter, especially the calves. Ken was muscular yet slim. And as long as Sebastian had been a personal trainer, he had only run into maybe six people with the same type of physique.

"I'm done babe. Your abs look good, real good."

"Well, I had a little help with that." Ken said smiling at his husband.

"Oh, you know I didn't help that much," Sebastian replied as he traced the natural curve of Ken's abs. "you are just naturally sexy."

"Ahh, I try."

"No trying, you just are."

"Hey...you forgot to massage one place." Sebastian looked confused and asked,

"Lower back, arms, hands, quads, legs, feet...what did I forget?"

"These," Ken replied pointing to his lips and smiling. "I need a massage here."

"Hmmm, well...since you smell all delicious like a cookie that I'd love to nibble..." laughed Sebastian as he leaned forward a little. Ken tugged on the muscle shirt, pulling him closer and he quickly kissed Ken's lips, "all chocolate and sweet and stuff..."

"Mmmmm, more." Ken whispered. Sebastian tilted his head to the right allowing his locs to completely fall from his shoulders shielding their faces as they continued to kiss. Their mouths opened fully to each other as their tongues danced and comforted. Their kisses were sweet and warm. Sebastian could feel his body being pulled closer to his husband's. Soft moans interrupted the silence of their bedroom with each touch intending to console and refresh. Then Ken pulled away when the need for air arose and wrapped his legs around his husband's waist. "My god I love you so much."

"I love you too," Sebastian replied in his husky native Jamaican accent. Ken ran his fingers through Sebastian's locs as they kissed again. "How do you feel now sexy husband of mine?"

Ken's smile could not be contained and he giggled a little. He loved Sebastian's low sexy voice and loved it even more when he spoke Patois. It sent chills everywhere on his body even in the middle of his core. He often said that if he'd been born a woman, Sebastian's voice would have made him wet in the best (and worst) way.

"I'm good baby."

"Yah sure now?" Ken nodded his response.

"I'm so grateful for you. And you know I can listen to that accent of yours all night! I just does something to me." Sebastian knew this to be true but continued anyway. His locs still had Ken's hands entangled in them. It was then that Sebastian whispered in his husband's ear, resulting in him moaning with pleasure and bucking his hips.

"Hmmm, you like that huh?"

"Hell yeah! You know how that accent turns me on and on and on. I know you feel what it's doing to me." He was right. Sebastian could feel how turned on Ken was. And just to tease him further, he slid his hand between their legs, gently "scraping" his husband's rapidly hardening manhood with his fingertips. The mewl that followed was music to Sebastian's ears. He started with the kisses again and let them trail down Ken's cheeks, both sides of his neck and down the center of his chest. The tongue caressing of his nipples rendered him speechless. Then he could feel his underwear being removed.

The next morning found Ken asleep with a little bit of the sun shining through the bedroom curtains, casting a line on the comforter. Ken was asleep on this stomach, clutching the pillow underneath his head. Sebastian came in, sat on the bed and gently shook him.

"Ken...hey baby...it's time to get up. Ken?" A groggy Kenneth Mason managed to squint one eye open after yawning and sighing deeply. The clock on Sebastian's nightstand said 7:36 a.m.

"Whattime...isit?" He asked, words slurring and struggling to emerge out of sleep.

"Almost twenty minutes to eight." Ken usually got up at 5 a.m. so he could make breakfast for everyone around 6:30 and the kids would be off to school an hour later.

"Twenty minutes to eight...why'd you let me sleep so late?"

"You needed it." Ken turned over to face his husband.

"Ugh, did I toss and turn that bad last night?"

"Like socks in the dryer babe."

"Wow."

"The kids have already left for school. I've already pressed your shirt and picked out your suit and tie." He glanced at their closet door and sure enough his attire for the day was hanging there.

"Is there anything else for me to do?" Ken chuckled.

"Just to get up and have breakfast with me. Which will be waiting on you in about twenty minutes." Ken finally sat up and sighed.

"Thanks baby." Sebastian kissed his forehead.

"You're welcome my love." As his feet hit the floor, Ken couldn't help but wonder what this day would bring. As he wiped the sleep from his eyes, he pleaded aloud,

"Please help me get through this day Lord."

The rest of the week seemed to move in slow motion. Ken felt like Friday would never arrive. The week was filled with meeting after meeting, update after update. There was so much information it was overwhelming. He tried with all of his might (and Sebastian's help) to keep a working balance. He didn't go to another meeting because he was going to be meeting his sponsor on the weekend. He and Calvin made plans to have coffee Saturday morning while Sebastian was on dad duty at the library. Ken was nervous; he didn't know what to expect from this conversation. He prayed for a good outcome.

"Hey Calvin." Ken said as his sponsor approached the table. He stood, they shook hands, and hugged.

"Hey Ken, good to see you man. We haven't talked in a while. Everything okay?" Ken gestured to a chair to invite Calvin to sit down.

"Not really. Lots of stuff going on at work. I ended up in a meeting Monday afternoon." Ken signaled for a server to come to their table so they could order. "I need a lot of advice so we might be here a while. Order whatever you want."

The server came over, took their orders, and filled the empty coffee cups. Calvin could tell that Ken was nervous and dealing with something serious.

"Sebastian and the kids are good?"

"Yeah, they're all fine. We have three teenagers now so you know what that's like." Calvin chuckled.

"I sure do. Four down and one to go for us. I don't know what Kim and I will do then."

"Travel might be a good idea."

"Maybe. We always talked about going to Italy."

"Well, there ya go."

"So what's been going on since I've been out of town?"

"Well, my job is dissolving and re-branding itself. And I'm being sent to be regional director in St. Louis."

"I'm sensing some hesitation there."

"Hesitation doesn't begin to describe it. I'm sure the kids will be overjoyed to see their grandparents more then just a few times a year but it won't be that easy for me and Sebastian. There's a lot of bad people we left behind and I told Bas it won't be long before they surface."

"True."

"So we have those people. Then there's my job. Heading up a department is one thing, being a regional director is a whole new ball game for me. I'll be in charge of at least 400-500 employees. They haven't mapped out how much I'll have to travel yet. I'm hoping it's not much. I really want to be there to protect my family. I don't know what's going to happen when these unwanted skeletons surface."

"I completely understand."

"Then we have to find a church home. We have no clue how to start over with that. Schools for the kids, doctors. About the only thing we don't have to worry about is Sebastian's job."

"And what about you? What are your concerns about you?"

"How do I deal with everything? How can I keep my family safe? Our children know nothing about my past. We've been able to keep that from them but I don't know how long we'll be able to. One person bringing up something they shouldn't and everything we've worked for falls apart." Their server brought their food and Ken relished the smell of the french toast. This restaurant's version was his favorite, besides the one his dad made.

"Are you and Sebastian prepared to answer those questions, should any arise?"

"Honestly we've never thought about it. I guess it's always been in the back of our minds, way back, that one day we might have to explain once they're all older."

"You've got three teenagers already. How much older do they need to be?" Ken shrugged. "I'm gonna suggest that you and Sebastian start thinking about it. Write out a plan of possible questions or scenarios and some answers for them. That way you'll have it ready. The other option is to sit down and tell them the whole truth yourselves. I always say no one can tell your story like you can."

"Be our own best defense? Interesting."

"Absolutely. You don't have to give specifics but tell them the basics in a way that they'll understand why you've raised them the way you have."

"We won't give anyone the chance to poison their minds against us. Makes sense." Ken replied.

"Right. If and when they are approached, your informed children will be able to tell what's real and what's not." Ken sighed.

"I hope it doesn't come to that."

"So do I." Calvin took a sip of his coffee.

"I'm gonna need some advice on finding a new sponsor. I don't know how to go about that either."

"I know some people, a few that run programs and meetings. I can give you their information, let you talk with them, see who fits you best."

"As long as I've been sober I never thought I'd need a new sponsor. I thought I was good but..."

"I know. Every once in a while I have to call mine too. We're here to help, no matter what."

"You're like family. You been there with me the whole time. I can't even put into words what that means to me. And my family."

"Ken, you know I'm happy to do it. Once I got my life straight, I made a promise to God that I would do whatever He needed me to do. Who knew that it would be this?"

"And who knew you would be so good at it?"

"Definitely not me."

Later that afternoon, once everyone was home, Ken decided to run Calvin's idea by Sebastian. The kids were in the living room watching TV and they were having tea in the kitchen. Sebastian leaned on the back of the kitchen stool and sighed.

"Wow. I never thought about doing it that way but it makes sense. So much sense. I don't even know what kind of questions our children would ask. I mean I know what I would ask, but that's me. We've never asked them what they thought about our lives."

"Well, I was thinking that we would sit down and just tell them what we think they can handle. We have to tell them about the move anyway. Then we can tell them about the other family members they don't know about and why they don't know about them." Ken said.

"I bet that's when the questions will start."

"Maybe there won't be too many. Maybe the questions will come later after they have time to process everything. Either way, they know we have an open door policy to talk about anything."

"So when do you want to do this?"

"Is today too soon for you?" Ken asked. Sebastian thought about for a few seconds then reached for the yellow legal pad they usually wrote their grocery list on and a pen.

"Family meeting in an hour?"

"Family meeting in an hour." Ken said.

The Mason-Browne children sat in the living room anxious to hear what their dads had to say. Ken thought it best if he started first but before he could start Corinne asked,

"Are you getting a divorce?" The husbands looked at each other with shock. They weren't aware she knew that word.

"Divorce? What made you ask that?" Ken asked.

"The look on your face." She replied.

"No sweetie, we're not getting divorced."

"Well, did somebody die?" Cameron asked.

"No, nobody died." Sebastian said.

"Then what's with the serious faces?" Kenny asked. Ken took a deep breath and began to tell his news.

"Well, Monday I found out the my company is dissolving to become a new company and we are going to have to move this summer." The kids groaned.

"Move?" Camille complained. "Move where?"

"Back to St. Louis."

"Oh is that all?" Kenny asked. "We get to see our grandparents more."

"It's a little more than that son." Sebastian replied. "Your dad I have a lot of bad history that we left in St. Louis when we moved here. A lot of bad history that we try to keep you away from when we visit."

"Like what?" Kenny asked.

"Well, you know you have two dads. That means we are a homosexual or gay couple. A lot of people that we know, family and people we grew up with, don't accept that. In their eyes it's wrong and disgusting." Ken explained. Corinne gave her dads a confused look and said,

"But we see our family all the time when we visit."

"Yeah." The others replied.

"There are a lot of family members you guys have never met because they don't approve of our relationship." Sebastian looked at their children's shocked faces.

"What?! How many are there?" Camille asked.

"Well, I have two brothers and a sister you've never met." Sebastian said. Their mouths dropped. "And they all have children, so you have first cousins you don't know."

"Seriously?" Kenny asked. Ken nodded. "You too dad?"

"Yes, one brother, one sister. Plus tons of other family members."

"They don't want to see us?" Corinne asked.

"No, they don't want to see you because they don't want to see us. It's a shame and it hurts us because all of you are cousins and you don't get to know each other." Silence filled the room.

"There's more." Ken said. "Let me try to explain some other things to you. When gay people realize who they are and who they choose to love, they want to tell their friends and family. It's called coming out of the closet. And it can be a very difficult time. The person never knows how their family will take the news. They fear that their family will stop loving them; and that happens for some people."

"We were fortunate. Our parents accepted us as we were. Not everyone did, which is why you only know those family members who have accepted us, love us, and love you," Sebastian explained.

"I was so afraid that my parents and friends wouldn't love me anymore that I turned to drugs to cope. I used to get high all the time. I was in school and I started missing class, missing work. I had met your dad by then and it was beginning to ruin our relationship because I hadn't told him. He found me passed out on the floor, almost dead. They rushed me to the hospital and after they pumped my stomach I realized that I had to accept myself and my choice even if no one else accepted me."

Their children were speechless at these new revelations from their fathers. As the oldest Kenny thought he knew everything about his dads. He understood more than his siblings that his dads were gay. It had been a long time since he had thought who his mother was and where she was. But he just figured that she was someone who wasn't sure about being mom but made sure her son had a good home. Which he did; he nor his siblings lacked anything, especially love. He knew all parents kept secrets from their kids. He had no idea that Ken was keeping this one.

"I don't know what to say. I just..." Kenny's voice trailed off.

"I know son. There's no rule book on raising children and definitely not a chapter written on how to tell your children that you were a drug addict."

"So...are you on drugs now?" Cam asked quietly.

"No, not now. I've been clean almost twenty years. I don't have a desire for it anymore but I do have do be careful that I don't let my thoughts and feelings drift back to what I felt years ago."

"But you're out now; you don't have those feelings anymore, right?" Cam asked.

"Not those feelings. Sometimes when life gets hard and problems arise that I feel I can't handle, the feeling of hopelessness and despair dwell. Those feelings can make me feel like I want to use again, escape my problems." Cam thought about his dad's words.

"But getting high doesn't solve anything. The problems are still there, right?"

"You're absolutely right. The problems don't go anywhere. The drugs just take your mind off of things until you're ready to deal with them. But if you never deal with them, they'll never go away. And you try to get higher and higher to keep the problems away."

"Sounds like a never ending cycle." Camille said.

"That's exactly what it is. Exactly."

"Like Mr. Pickle's wheel." Corinne commented, referring to her hamster. Ken and Sebastian nodded and Ken was glad to see that she was understanding. "But he doesn't stay in the wheel all the time."

"Yeah," Camille said. "So how do you stop it?"

"You have to want to stop; hit rock bottom as they say. My rock bottom was ending up in the hospital. For some it's losing their entire family, no friends to depend on. People can lose everything if they're not careful. Then once you realize you want to stop you go to twelve-step meetings. Everyone in the meeting is recovering from something- sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, shopping. In these meeting you learn twelve steps that you can use to help you deal with things."

"Do you still go to meetings dad?" Kenny asked.

"I go when I feel I need to go. I went Monday after work. If I can't make it to a meeting, I call my sponsor."

"Have we met your sponsor?"

"Yes, Calvin is my sponsor. Has been since the beginning."

"So you have to find a new one?"

"Yes, I had breakfast with Calvin this morning and he gave me some names. It may take a few weeks after we settle in but I'll find one." Sebastian looked into the faces of their children, wondering what was really on their minds.

"Spring break will be a little different this year. We'll probably be looking at houses and visiting schools so you guys can get a feel for St. Louis other than just a vacation spot. We'll have to look for a new church home too but I guess that can wait until we settle in a bit." Sebastian told them. "This is a new beginning for all of us and we're going to make the best of it. We're a family and nothing will take that from us, okay?" The children nodded slowly. "And you guys know you can ask us anything. It may take a few days before you guys have any new questions."

"Will we get to meet some of those family members we don't know yet?" Asked Corinne.

"I don't know baby." Sebastian answered. "There are a lot of people we are protecting you from and we don't just don't know their intentions yet."

"Like who?"

"My old dealers for example." replied Ken. "They'll take every chance they can get to come after me. And this promotion is a big deal; it'll be all over the news. They'll know I'm back in town. I have to make sure all of you are safe. When I refuse them they will do all they can to get to me." Camille frowned.

"Daddy you're scaring me. They aren't that dangerous are they?"

"I wouldn't put it past them baby. There's no telling what they'll do."