Lady Thatcher refused to take no for an answer and within only a few minutes had managed to recruit all of us to attend her ball. James, although apprehensive at first, agreed and the invitation even extended to Christopher and Matthew. Although she had to inform us that Maisie Blacklock and her family had been invited at Mrs Ealing's request, I rather liked the idea of attending my first ball.

I hadn't been old enough when Mother Father would receive an invitation and would usually have to spend the evening with Aunt Molly learning which knife and fork to use at the appropriate time. From her bedroom door, I used to watch Mother dress in the finest garment she owned, pinning her hair up and adorning it with flowers. She always used to look so beautiful before she left, and I wanted so much to look the same when I was old enough. Mother said she would be with me when I could attend my first ball. That would never happen.

"I appreciate the offer, but just under a day is not enough time to prepare for a ball," James said as he thumbed through his wardrobe for his suit jacket.

"We don't have to go," I said.

When we returned home that evening, James made a be-line for his room to try and find his suit which he only wore when he had to. Kitty had decided to go through my things to see if anything would be suitable for a ball. I had my doubts, most of my dresses were for every-day use and my dress for the Christmas party had to be completed. One Christopher seemed prepared for the event at hand, the rest of us were going to struggle.

"It would look bad if we didn't attend, Rosie. The invitation has been extended and we are going to take it, besides, you can celebrate Mathias and Lucy's engagement and they would be disappointed if you weren't there."

"I suppose so."

"What's bothering you? And don't say nothing, I know you better than that."

"Mother always said that she would be there for my first ball, but she won't be. I don't know if I want to go if she's not going to be beside me."

James sighed, dropped the jacket he was holding and walked around the side of the bed to join me. He perched on the mattress beside me and dropped his hands into his life, tying them together as though not sure what he wanted to say. Despite living with him for a month now, we rarely talked about Mother and I felt as though we walked on eggshells around the subject of life before the factory. We never talked about Father or what he did. It was as though that part of lives never happened.

I had wanted to talk about Mother, she had been on the tip of my tongue for weeks and I could never bring myself to do it. What happed would always be a touchy subject, I knew as much when they first found out the truth, but I walked to talk about Mother. After so many years, I had very few memories about her and life before as I tried so hard to block them out in the factory. Memories of back home could be the thing that led to someone being hurt so we ignored them when we could.

Mother had died when I was seven and so I already had few memories about her, but those had faded over time and now I didn't know what was a memory and what I had created in my head. The only people who could fill in those gaps didn't want to mention her around me, but I know they had spoken of her when I had left the room. I just wanted them to talk about her in front of me. Perhaps now they would.

"I know losing Mother was difficult for you, especially after what Father did and you never really have the chance to grieve her, but you cannot let that hold you back from doing everything that Mother would have done. She would want you to go and enjoy yourself, you've earned it after what happened." He paused. "Mother will always be with you, even if she isn't here in person. She's in everything you do, and I see more of her in you every single day. She'd be proud of you for getting on with your life despite everything and you deserve to have a bit of fun."

"I suppose," I said.

"That's not all that's on your mind, is it? There is something else too."

"It's nothing."

"Rosie, spill. Nothing good has ever come from you keeping quiet about something or have you conveniently forgotten your shoulder injury?"

"Trust me, it's nothing like that."

"Somehow, I didn't think so. This is about Robert, isn't it? Or Maisie Blacklock."

I didn't reply.

"You know how I feel about you growing too close to Robert, you said yourself that it has been the cause of everything that happened in your last few weeks at the Ealing's. However, after the other day and the way you stood up to Mrs Ealing and how Robert spoke up, I feel as though I might have to revisit my stance. I'm still not keen on the idea and I know Mrs Ealing won't be, but you are old enough now to make your own mistakes. Your actions the other day proved as much. If you have feelings for Robert, I won't try and intervene."

"The thing is, I don't know if I do. The thought never really crossed my mind and how are you supposed to know?"

"This conversation might be better left to you and Kitty, she'll be able to explain it better than I can. What I do know, though, is that sometimes these things can creep up on you when you least expect it. Besides, I doubt you will have to worry all that much about. Robert didn't seem all that interested in Maisie when they were both in the shop."

I laughed and Kitty pushed open the door. Over her hands lay a pale blue dress with a sash made out of darker blue that dragged lightly on the floor behind it. It was the dress that James had made for me after the first time I had been to his shop almost two months before. He made something far too extravagant for every-day wear, so it had been placed in the back of my wardrobe and forgotten about. It finally had a purpose, but I knew it would never match up the dress the other girls were going to wear.

Matilda's birthday several months before had shown me just what other girls had, the things I could only dream of but wanted more than anything. Isabel always talked about one day owning the finest things money could buy from the most well-respected tailors. She thought it would make her happy after spending so long in the drab grey dress we wore and mended over several years. We would all daydream of owning finery rather than the same thing day in and day out.

Since leaving the factory, that dream had faded when I realised just how much I stood out because of the burn. Owning extravagant clothing would only have brought more attention to me so everything James made for me was simple so that I wouldn't stand out. It had worked for a while but now I would stand out more than ever because I wouldn't have the type of dress suited to a ball, especially one being held by Lady Thatcher. This time I would stand out for not having the finery that others had.

Kitty laid the dress over the bed beside me and walked to her own wardrobe to try and find something she too could wear to the ball. I watched as she thumbed through the dresses in the main wardrobe, but on finding nothing, walked to a small cupboard on the other side of the room that she never opened. Inside hung her wedding dress, a white gown adorned with lace on the bodice and sleeves as well as a pale-yellow gown that I had never seen before.

She pulled it out of the wardrobe and lightly ran her hand over the fabric. The dress was gorgeous with gold thread detailing along the skirt, sleeves and the back. I doubted Mrs Ealing had anything as fine as the dress Kitty had chosen to wear.

"I'll leave you two to talk," James said, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. He stood up, kissed Kitty lightly on the cheek and left the room.

"I take it you want to talk about something that makes James uncomfortable? That is the only time he will make an exit as quickly as that one," Kitty said. She laughed slightly and hung the dress back in the cupboard before closing the door and joining me on the bed. "Is this about Robert?"

"How did you know?"

"I pay attention to things and after the way he stood up for you in front of his mother the other day told me all I needed to know about how he felt about you. The way you went after him told me a little something as well. Come on, what is it?"

"How did you know that James was the person you wanted to marry?"

Kitty sighed and shuffled a little further back on the bed, swinging her leg up and making sure her dress covered her ankle in the process. I mimicked her but swung both my legs up and sat cross-legged in front of her with my dress hanging over my knee. She looked at me and smiled slightly, no doubt wishing she could get away with that sort of thing but not being allowed. Sometimes societies rules were a little stupid, and I always thought being forbidden from showing an ankle was one of them.

"Your brother always thought he had a certain way with the girls in our class at school. Due to your Father, he left before completing the school certificate and I must admit that I was somewhat relieved by that. He got on my nerves an awful lot when we were growing up and he knew it as well. I saw him again about three years later and there was something different about him, he was a lot calmer than I remember and had grown up far quicker than I thought he would. Of course, I didn't know what had happened to you at that point, so I just thought it had been your mother dying.

"We started talking for the first time in years and as he calmed down considerably in that time. It wasn't immediate, but over time I started to feel something for him. Butterflies I suppose it was, every time we spoke to one another I got a little tongue-tied and struggled to speak to him. The longer we spoke, the closer we became before we started stepping out with one another. After two years he proposed and we married in January, just before you came back into his life.

"Love, or even affection, is different for everyone. Sometimes it's hard to tell just what it is or what it means. As for you and Robert, you are only fourteen, you have your entire life to decide just what you want to do with it. You don't even have to marry if you don't want to, the decision is entirely yours."

I looked at her and then to my lap where I picked at my fingernails and tried to understand just what she may have meant by not having to marry if I didn't choose to. I always thought that it was expected of me. That, as a woman, I had to marry in order to do well in society and provide for a man who needed looking after. Aunt Molly always said that it was a woman's duty to marry well and provide well, but if Kitty was right, then I didn't have to do that if I didn't want to.

"Do you mean that?" I asked, looking up from my lap.

"Of course, I do. My Great Aunt never married, she lived with a friend for most of life and that was perfectly fine with her. Her parents didn't think it a good idea, but she did it anyway. No one can force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. As for this particular situation with Robert, you have all the time in the world to decide where you stand there, I'm sure he won't mind."

"Really?"

"Yes. From what I've seen, he is absolutely besotted by you and he's proved it time and time again. He'll wait if he needs to, I'm sure of that. You just need to figure out what it is you want from life and go from there. I know growing up is difficult, especially after spending so long in that dreaded place. I think you are allowed to take your time on these decisions." She paused. "Does that answer your questions?"

"It does, thank you."

"Go and get yourself washed up for supper, and don't worry, I won't tell James about of conversation. He'd die of fright at the topic of love."

"Probably."

Kitty smiled and laughed to herself as I tried to climb off the bed as graciously as I could. It didn't work. My foot got caught on the edge of the rug at the foot of the bed and I almost landed face-first on the ground. Not as gracious as it could have been, but I managed to avoid injury and quickly steadied myself using the end of the bed. I straightened my dress and looked at Kitty who fought to keep a straight face after almost seeing me tumble over. She didn't say anything as I slowly backed out of the room and back into the hallway.

I closed the door behind me and walked the short distance down the hall to my own room, where the window had been left wide open from that morning. A cold air wiped through the room and I did a slight jog to shut it before the room got any colder. I grabbed my shawl from my wardrobe and wrapped it around my shoulders before settling onto the bed to think through the new-found information that had come from Kitty.

All my life I had been under the illusion that getting married and finding the right person was all I would be good for. After seven years in the factory and the burn, I started to think it would never happen. Aunt Molly used to say that no one would want damaged goods and with the burn, I decided that that was what I had become. Both Kitty and James had managed to change my perception on marriage and whether or not I had to or if anyone would even want to marry me, burn and all.

Robert may have besotted by me, according to James and Kitty, but I didn't know how I felt about him or if admitting to those feelings would be for the best. His relationship with his mother was already fractured and I could break it completely simply by admitting how I felt. I didn't want to be the cause of his and his mother's relationship breaking down. Mrs Ealing may not have been my biggest fan and I may not have liked her all that much either, but I wouldn't want to ruin someone's relationship with a parent, especially as I knew how they felt.

"Why does growing up have to be so difficult?" I groaned, collapsing back against the bed and letting my legs hang over the edge.

"I'm with you on that one," Christopher said from the doorway. I rolled my head to the side and watched as he shuffled into the room and joined me on the bed, perching on the edge. "Let me guess, Robert?"

"How does everyone know what's on my mind before I do?"

"You are surprisingly easy to read when you're confused about something. That and James filled me in when I got back from work."

"So, it wasn't much of a guess then?"

"No, not really."

"Do you have any insightful words of wisdom as well?"

"Not really. I don't know anything about romance, love, any of it. You've probably been given the best information you could have received by Kitty; she knows more about this than anyone. What I do know is that overthinking it isn't going to solve any of your problems."

"What do you suggest, then? All I do is overthink."

"My recommendation, and perhaps the best recommendation of them all, is that you need to have some fun. You went from the factory to working for the Ealing's and even when you moved in here you worked at the shop. I think you need a break, a chance to do something for yourself without having to worry about anyone else but yourself. Everyone needs a little fun in their lives, and you are just about due some."

"You really think so?"

"I know so." He readjusted his position slightly, teetering on the edge of the bed as though he were about to fall. "Tomorrow's ball should be fun, to let your hair down and just do something enjoyable rather than working and trying to please everyone else."

"Is it really that easy?"

"It can be, you just need to put your heads in the clouds for once."

"I got in trouble for that when we were younger."

"Times change, Rosie-Posie." He paused. "Come on, supper will be ready, and I could eat a horse."

I swung my legs back over the side of the bed and accidentally kicked Christopher and leg and sending him toppling off the back of the bed and onto the floor with a thump. There had been no attempt at rescuing himself, so he just lay on his back on the floor staring up at the ceiling as I climbed off the bed and offered him a hand. He grabbed onto it and I helped to pull him up to his feet, biting back a laugh as he sheepishly put his clothing back in place and leaving the room.

Although I would rarely admit to Christopher being right about anything, this was the one thing he had been right about. I had spent half of my life working for other people and I got nothing out of it in return. It was my turn to have a bit of fun and I intended to enjoy it.

~~~

A/N - Chapter Twenty-One is here! For those you wondering, I am on Chapter Twenty-Six so about 9 chapters from the end of the book which is just weird to me. We're getting there.

I know things are crazy in the world right now, but I sincerely hope you are all staying safe and making your voices heard as we fight against the violence and oppression that has gone on for far too long. I'm going to leave a link to a petition in an inline comment here, please sign it. 

Anyway, this chapter had a lot of set-up for potential Robsie moments! Do you think anything will happen in the future? 

Comment below!

Dedication - This chapter is dedicated to V-thesweetpotato who summed up Doctor Ealing quite well in two words 'He ships' xD

First Published - June 2nd, 2020