Chapter Thirty

Time. It dragged ever so slowly, every second dissolving into helplessness. The hospital walls that had heard countless prayers now became a witness to another prayer, one recited over and over again, both, by the soundless lips and hearts of Zahid and Amal who sat in absolute silence, their souls heavy.

"Harris!"

A cry from the other end of the hallway alerted Zahid and he raised his head after what seemed like hours, dread settling in the pit of his stomach when he spotted the woman who rushed towards them.

He got to his feet, Amal standing up next to him. Zahid's head was hung low, and as the older woman came to a stop in front of him, he was unable to look up at her.

It seemed as if she was using every bit of her strength to contain herself, and when she spoke, her voice shook. "What happened?"

Zahid cursed himself. He cursed himself over and over again, feeling as if his lips were sealed and his heart was too heavy for him to handle. He wished then, that he were mute, and yet, he heard himself answer her.

"He was shot."

The heart-wrenching cry he heard chilled Zahid to the bones. His eyes squeezed shut, his fists balling by his sides. Harris' mother bent over, crying helplessly and a few gasps and cries from his two sisters were heard as they balanced their mother before she could fall over.

Then, she slapped him. Amal's eyes widened as the slap echoed in the waiting room. Amal made to step forward but Zahid grabbed her wrist.

He deserved this.

"I told him," she hissed, "I told Harris not to work with you. Defeat Shahid Raza? Stand up for the victims? At what cost; my son?"

Her words pierced through his heart. Zahid gulped, unable to raise his gaze till she had taken a seat at a distance, her cries filling in the room.

In the memory that later came to him as a blur, Zahid remembered the police coming over. They heard his statement, and when Zahid, again and again, claimed that it was Raza who had done it, the policeman who was investigating him grew tired.

He asked Zahid if he had seen the person who had shot Harris, and when he could give no answer to that, the policeman said that he would look into it.

Look into it. Zahid knew what that meant, and he wondered if this was what the police had said to every victim of Raza's.

Hours passed by and yet, they got no update on Harris' condition. Every now and then, Zahid would find himself retreating to the prayer room, his nafl prayers calming the storm that rose within him. He would pray endlessly, for Harris, and for his family, and the only prayer he uttered for himself was that of patience-

Because if Raza had appeared before him at that instance, Zahid could have killed him.

~~~

"Excuse me?"

Zahid raised his head, his brows drawing together when he noticed the nurse looking directly at him.

He stood up instantly. Did she have any news on Harris? He had only just opened his mouth to speak but the nurse beat him to it. "This dropped from the patient's pocket," she said, handing him a USB.

The device felt cold in his hands. Zahid's fingers instantly wrapped over the USB, a shiver running up his arm.

There is something I need to tell you. Harris' words echoed in his head and he felt his heart drum wildly against his chest.

He needed to check the content of this USB.

The device now in his hands gripped ever so tightly that his knuckles had turned white, Zahid had only just thought of retrieving his laptop from his car when the doors to the operation theatre finally opened.

Everything stilled, as everyone in the waiting room stood up, looking expectantly at the doctor who walked out. Zahid grew stiff, his heart clenching painfully as he tried to observe the expression on the doctor's face.

Please say you've saved him. Please say-

"The guardian?" The doctor asked, his voice low and the exhaustion evident in his expression. He had been in the operation theatre for the past seven hours.

Harris' mother stepped forward, and as the doctor turned to look at her, Zahid recognized the expression on his face... for did he himself not have the same expression when returning from a hearing that had not turned out in his favor?

"We managed to get the bullet out. He is on the ventilator right now. But..." The doctor lowered his gaze. "The damage was too great. He is braindead."

~~~

Braindead; when a person on an artificial life support machine no longer has any brain function.

Harris was brain dead. He could only breathe because of the several machines attached to his body and while his chest heaved up and down, his brain was no longer working.

His mother refused to let anyone take him off life support. "Let his father return from Dubai," she begged the doctors. "Let him say his goodbyes."

Zahid stood at the door. He watched as Harris' relatives filed in one after the other... crying and sobbing, but he could not move. He was oblivious to his clenched hands, his nails digging into his skin till they drew blood. His face was blank... emotionless, but inside him, a storm was brewing.

He wanted to walk inside. By God, he wanted to walk inside and sit next to Harris. He wanted to be able to see his friend once more, and he wanted to apologize, but his feet paid no heed to his command.

Flashbacks of how he had held onto his mother's hands when she had breathed her last flashed in his brain. Of how he had stood next to his father's hospital bed minutes after the doctor declared him dead, and Zahid felt like a child again, helpless against the pain that crashed over him, the rapid pounding of his heart.

He mustered up his strength and took a step forward, but the cries suddenly became far too loud. The blood pounded in his ears and his heart threatened to jump out of his throat. He could not do it. He stepped back again, fearful and scared.

Harris was dead- No.

Harris was murdered.

A sudden rage took over Zahid. Murdered. His friend was no longer alive because a man had thought he had the right to decide when someone lived and when someone died. A lowly man who thought himself god!

Zahid could only see red. His blood boiled, and the next thing he knew, he was walking across the hallway. Amal, who had been next to him this whole time, grabbed his arm, fearful of the rage within his eyes. "Zahid-" she began, but he snatched his arm away, storming down the stairs.

Ya Allah.

Amal inhaled sharply, rushing after Zahid but he was too fast. He did not stop when they reached the ground floor, and despite the darkness that enveloped the night, he walked outside.

Zahid headed towards his car, Amal close behind him. He had only just opened the door when she finally caught up to him, closing the car door. "Where are you going?" she asked, out of breath.

Zahid did not answer, reaching for the handle again, but Amal stood in front of him, blocking his way. "What are you going to do, Zahid?" she repeated, her voice fearful.

His eyes squeezed shut and it took him every bit of his strength to contain himself.  "Raza killed Harris," he said, his voice low and dangerous. Zahid raised his head, the vein throbbing in his neck. "He murdered Harris."

He stepped to the side, but Amal stepped in front of him again. "And what are you going to do? Kill him?" she searched his face, but when he did not respond, her eyes squeezed shut.

"Zahid, please-"

"That man deserves a fate worse than death-"

"He does! He does!" Amal said helplessly, "But this is not how you're going to take your revenge-"

"How else, Amal?" Zahid cut her off, his voice low and ironic. A lone tear streamed down his cheek. "Through justice. That's what you're going to say, aren't you?" he scoffed as if this was some great big joke. "Justice. Well, surprise surprise, justice is a myth. It never existed," his voice lowered, "And it never will."

They say some foundations are built so firmly, they never shake. They stand tall against all storms... but some earthquakes- some earthquakes can shake even the strongest of foundations.

The earthquake inside Zahid turned wilder by the moment." And you know what?" he continued, his voice rising, "Anyone who actually believes in justice and tries to do something about it ends up dead. Syed did. Our neighbor's husband. Mama. Baba," his voice broke. Another name was added to the list. "Harris."

A scar in his heart. An old bruise that ran down nearly half of his heart, a bruise that was ancient and deep, one that had sealed with much difficulty burst open again. The tears streamed down his cheeks and he turned away from Amal, looking down the road as if the entire world was present there... watching him break down.

"Where is justice- WHERE THE HELL IS JUSTICE?!" He hollered.

His jaw clenched, the tears in his eyes blurred his vision and Zahid rubbed at his face harshly. It hurt. His hand clenched over his heart in a helpless attempt to stop the pain, his knees buckling. He bent over, the pain in his heart too much to bear, and the silent sobs racking his body.

His best friend... a man who had a way of making him laugh and roll his eyes simultaneously. The friend he could have trusted with anything, and while he appeared casual, joking around so cheerily... the friend who was dead in his attempt to protect Zahid.

Suddenly, Zahid was no longer the man who had been able to stand strong against every storm that came his way. He was no longer the man whose will had been unshakeable.

Zahid was human. He was weak... and his strength faltered.

"I am so tired, Amal," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I am so so tired."

Amal's heart lurched, shattering into a million pieces. The next moment, she had her arms around Zahid, his shaking body pulled to her own. She held him, his tears wetting her shoulder while hers dripped down her chin.

"I know," she whispered. The hollowness in her heart made the task difficult, but she gathered the remnants of the strength she had within her.

"Inna nillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon," she whispered, and while that verse was one that was repeated ever so often, a verse that their ears had become accustomed to... at a state where their hearts were broken, where their hearts craved for some consolation, did they realize why this certain verse was recited during any calamity, the words of Allah having an effect on them like no other.

To Allah we belong and to Him is our return.

This life is only temporary; a test that will come and go. We are here only for a short period of time... and this test of life was never supposed to be without hardships. This dunya was never our destination, and we will all return to Our Lord one day.

Like a dressing over his wounded heart, Zahid felt as if someone had gently put an ointment over his scar, and taken away the weight within his chest.

"A shaheed is amongst the first to enter Jannah," Amal pulled back from Zahid, softly brushing away his tears. Her voice shook, but she continued, "Imagine where he is now, having fought for the sake of Allah."

"And never think those who have been killed in the cause of Allah as dead. Rather, they are alive with their Lord receiving provision." [3:196]

Zahid inhaled shakily. He felt his racing heart settle into a harmonical rhythm... his soul absorbing Amal's words like a sponge and the weak man within him gripped ever so tightly onto the rope of faith, he could feel nothing else.

~~~

He was back at his office in the dead of the night.

Amal had tried convincing Zahid to get some rest, but he only just shook his head, driving back to his office as soon as he had dropped her home. He did not have the time to rest with only two days left before the second week of investigation, and even if he had tried, Zahid knew that he would not be able to sleep.

The aspiration within him to win this case had now grown into an ache... a naked need to win, and if Zahid had worked hard before, he was now going to work strenuously. Two days. He had two days left, and Zahid was not going to go gentle against the dying light.

The office lit up and Zahid rolled up his sleeves. Exhaustion meant nothing to him. The heaviness in his heart was only an excuse, and the lack of sleep in the last twenty-four hours was of no significance.

He took out his laptop. The USB the nurse had handed over to him felt far too heavy in his hands and he glanced at it for a few seconds, taking a seat in front of his table. He inserted the USB in his laptop and his heart pounding wildly, Zahid clicked on the folder titled:

For Zahid.

There were several documents in that folder. One had a detailed account of all of the money Harris had received from Shahid Raza, while others held details of both the actual case and the false information Harris had made up to fool them.

His gaze barely skimmed through the other documents, stopping on one labeled: In case I am too scared to tell you everything.

With a sharp intake of breath, Zahid opened the word document.

Fun fact: I am an idiot. Okay, you probably know that. Anyway, I am making this just in case I prove to be too much of a coward to come clean to you. (Or maybe because I need a place to rant :p)

Back to where I was: I am an idiot. I just told Faaris that I would provide him with information when he did that whole bribery offer. Did I think through it? No. No, I did not. Ya Allah, what if he catches on?

-

Okay, I take that back. I am a genius. So I have been giving Faaris this fake information and would you believe it? He's actually falling for it! They're demanding more and more day by day and this is getting quite intense.

Eeek... why does it feel like I am a part of some action movie? And now that video matter has come up... who could have possibly put that up?

-

I made the perfect decision when I decided to do this. Faaris is beginning to trust me. He let his tongue slip once and... and I think I know who put that video up.

Faaris said that not a lot of people were involved in the whole Syed murder scene... and he made the mistake of naming one who was with them all along.

I'll confirm this first though.

Zahid straightened up, holding his breath. He scrolled down, and there was one sentence written only day ago.

It's Shamoor. 

Assalamalaykum. 

In all honesty, writing a chapter has never been as heart breaking for me as this one was. Whenever I would sit down to write, my heart would feel heavy and I would feel far too sad to write more than a few words. Until I got to Zahid's breakdown... at that part, I cried, having accepted that Harris was dead. 

Harris' dead, from the moment it first came to me, was never something that would happen just for the sake of killing off a character. I do not believe anyone can imagine how hard it was, being a writer, to kill off one of my characters... but some things can not be avoided. Harris' character, from the very beginning, was a symbol of innocence, and his death not only showed the extreme cruelty of those in power but that the innocent often becomes a target of the brutality of the increasing crime rate and the lack of justice.  

The darkness, at moments like these, seems overwhelming, but you should never forget that the light is still there. Within you. Things may seem hopeless sometimes, but we humans can change the world if we keep on fighting. 

Oh, and I am surprised that none of you guessed that Shamoor was the one who put up the video! His rebellion against Raza was made clear the moment he gave Zahid Qammar's information. :p 

Only a few chapters are left, but the ride is going to be a wild one. Jazakillah for sticking with me through this journey and I pray that we make it to the ending together.