So, there I was driving to the middle of nowhere because four cows escaped.

You heard me right. Four. Cows. Escaped.

The reality is I have a lot of questions. How does someone have four cows? How did they escape? Who noticed that they escaped? And most likely the most important question, why am I going to this by myself?

Catching cows isn't that difficult. They tend to just return to the hole that they escaped out of. However, four of them are a lot. Even for me.

When I drove up to the house in question I saw four cows hanging out outside of the gate. When I exited the vehicle, what I am assuming to be the youngest cow looked up at me. Like a dog, this cow's ears perked up and his tail began to wag.

The sight made me laugh so like an idiot I asked "Who's a good boy?" Well, the cow believed he was a good boy because he charged me. Not in a violent way, but he is still a cow.

I was quickly pinned between my car and the cow. He had his head against my chest as he was crushing my back against the vehicle. I tried my best to push the cow off of me, as I was slowly losing air.

As I watched my life flash before my eyes, I couldn't help but think of all the headlines that would come from my death. Death of cop by cow cuddles. Cop couldn't handle the beef.

I feel like vegetarians would use this to their advantage.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of struggling I told the cow to sit. To my surprise, he actually sat down like a dog.

My attention went to the other cows who were all standing in front of a gate that led into a pastor. It was clear to me that they were telling me where they lived. I was able to get the address for the land and call the owner. The owner confirmed that the cows belonged on the land.

It didn't take long for me to let the cows back in. The dog-like cow who I know called Stripe was upset that he was now behind the gate. I said my goodbyes as Stripe used his final dog-like trait and tried licking me.

"You are not a dog Stripe."

Stripe let out a very loud mow, as he said his goodbye. I can't believe I am talking to a cow.

When I got home I saw a nice bruise against my chest from where Stripe head-butted me. No one will believe that I almost died by a cow named Stripe.