Shaking

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Made: December 24, 2021

⚠️⚠️⚠️THERE ARE THINGS IN THIS CHAPTER WHICH MIGHT BE DISTURBING OR TRIGGERING SUCH AS PANIC ATTACKS!! IF YOU PROCEED PLEASE DO SO WITH CAUTION!!⚠️⚠️⚠️

"The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once." - Albert Einstein

Percy's POV

Seeing Tony go off and swoop Pepper away, I had to give a little chuckle. It was mixed with a little sadness. He reminded me a bit of Bucky when he had just gotten in the swing of being a ladies man.

A throat cleared and I looked over. There, I found a man in a sharp suit, one I recognized from the Press Conference a few months ago. The very man was looking at me, he clearly wanted to talk.

"Can I help you, sir?" I asked him, and he gave a slightly plastic smile.

"Yes, actually. I'm Agent Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division." He began, but was cut off my me.

"S.H.I.E.L.D?" I asked, but was only distantly aware of saying that. My mind seemed to fog with images, memories.

I was sitting in a building, watching, observing. There were very specific people I was looking at, both men.

Ervin Akatami. Age 36. Eyes brown. Hair black. Japanese-American citizen. Marital status: Married: Husband of Fae Akatami. Father of three children: Tory Akatami, Gena Akatami, and Levi Akatami. Son of Mere Akatami and Yuuga Akatami. Simon la Rue. Age 47. Eyes brown. Hair brown. American citizen. Marital status: Divorced: Ex-husband of Julia Steinfeld. Father of one child: Christopher Steinfeld. Son of Clarisse la Rue and Christopher la Rue.

The two seemed to be discussing something, and not a good something at that. It seemed from reading their lips, they were talking about something important.

'We need to put an end to this.' Ervin was saying to the other. 'C'mon la Rue, it's been growing under their noses! The good ol' Cap is gone, died trying to get rid of the bastards!'

'I know.' Simon said back in slight frustration. 'But how'll we even get rid of it? The big man is in on it, we both saw that!'

'We gather people we know for sure we can trust and weed out those good for noth-'

He was cut off as a bullet flew through his head. Before Simon could so much as react, he too was dead on the floor. The people who had been walking through the plaza all screamed and scattered seeing two people die.

I just dismantled my sniper with great efficiency, leaving the area behind in seconds. As I did, a car pulled up on the street and I was able to see the logo. An eagle, and letters spelling out one word. S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Hey, Miss Barnes." Agent Coulson said, snapping my vision back to the present.

"Oh!" I exclaimed slightly. I shook my head, trying to get myself out of the remains of the memory. "Um, I apologize, what were you saying?"

Agent Coulson was silent for a few moments, as if trying to gauge if I was alright. Then, when he finally decided on it, he spoke.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. would like to take you in for some questioning, as well as testing for a period of time. You are, after all, supposed to have been dead for almost 70 years." Agent Coulson said, keeping it blunt and to the point. "We'd like to know how it is you're still alive and looking as though you haven't aged since your disappearance behind enemy lines."

The distant sounds of gunshots and explosions rung throughout my ears. I consciously altered my breathing, doing my best to keep that from my mind. I think my eyes might have watered slightly, though no tears fell if they did.

⚠️

"Uh, alright... I guess, i-it does make sense." I agreed, my voice echoing in my mind. It didn't sound as though it was really echoing outloud. "What about Tony?"

"Mr. Stark will be informed, and after a proper amount of time will be able to visit. You won't have to worry about him, Miss Barnes." Agent Coulson assured, but the echoing hadn't left. I think it might have been noticable to the Agent, because he asked, sounding very concerned, "Are you alright, Miss Barnes." Could he hear the gunshots too?

"I-i think I need to step outside." I heard myself say instead of asking if he heard.

I don't remember getting there, but I was suddenly outside, and was now aware that I was shaking. I wasn't cold, but the shivers just wouldn't stop, the the gunshots and explosions sounded right next to me. I couldn't see them, but they were so loud.

I flinched when I felt something drape over my shoulders, and turned to see Agent Coulson. He had taken off his suit jacket and put it across my shoulders. My eyes watered more, and tears slid down, my shaking increasing slightly and my breathing feeling as though it was restricted. But the echoing of gunshots and explosions got quieter.

"It helps to have something to hold onto to ground yourself." He said softly, a sad look in his eyes. I didn't say anything back, I couldn't even if I wanted to, but my hands found their way to the fabric and held it to my shoulders with an iron grip.

I didn't even try to slow the tears - Agent Coulson had already seen them. Having something to hold onto helped a lot, a lot more than I thought it would, and eventually I was able to breathe again. I focused on that, and the echoes faded, letting the noise of the real time come back, my shaking dialing down. The tears stopped and finally I was calm. Though I did still shake, it wasn't nearly as bad as before.

️END

"Tha-" I started, turning to Agent Coulson, but had to clear my throat first since no sound came out. "Thank you." I said, and he nodded.

"Don't mention it." He said. "It happens to the best of us."

"That's... never happened to me before." I muttered, more to myself than to him.

"Well, with whatever you've been through, you probably just haven't had time to properly process everything." He guessed before continuing. "It will get better over time, but for now, you should be careful and aware of what you do. I'll have to do the same."

"Alright." I quietly agreed, holding out his jacket for him. He just stopped me.

"I have several more, you can keep that one." He told me. I looked at him in slight surprise.

"You're sure?"

"Yes." He said with a nod. "You need it more than I do at the moment anyways."

Hey guys! I know, I finally posted something! Honestly, I wasn't sure if I would or not, but it's Christmas time, so I worked a couple hours just to give you a chapter. I just kinda realized that if I let my shitty life take away the one thing I actually enjoy doing for others, then I'd be even worse than I am right now. And so, chapter!

For the panic attack bit, it was also kinda a PTSD attack. I based Percy's reactions and what was happening off of my own PTSD attacks, so it could be wrong for others, but this is what it's like from my experience.

Things like people and sounds get distorted, I feel like I'll suffocate, start to cry without realizing, time becomes irrelevant making minutes feel like seconds and seconds feel like hours, and I end up hearing things that happened - sometimes louder than it occurred - even though those sounds aren't being made most of the time. I'm usually able to pull myself back, sometimes fairly quickly, when I have something to hold onto or fiddle with. It doesn't always work, but it at the very least allows me to focus better on what's happening around me.

ANYWAY! I hope you all have a good Christmas! You can expect the next chapter anywhere between tomorrow and never, but let's hope it isn't the latter of the two.

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