ChapterTwelve:Hidden Fears

Monday, October 17, 2005

Alex was in Seth's office again. He wasn't sure what it was this time. He was sure there weren't any rumors about him sneaking into gay nightclubs. The only thing he did that might seem sketchy was when he tried take long routes to get to Liam's apartment. Still, he was sure the paparazzi didn't chase him down. He made sure of it even after he left the place.

Alex asked, "So why am I here again?"

Seth cleared his throat, and said, "I had been sent a few photos from the paparazzi of your car. There weren't that many of them, but they saw you driving out of a complex car park. It seemed like you were seeing someone in secrecy."

Alex raised an eyebrow. There were paparazzi, and they somehow tracked him down? He wasn't sure how. He didn't see any flashes coming at his way. The photos must've been taken at a distance.

Seth added, "I heard you have a girlfriend. Are you seeing someone else?"

"No, I'm not," Alex replied coldly.

"Then who was it you were seeing?"

"Just a friend. That's all."

Seth handed him a yellow envelope. "Alex, you know about those rumors about you. You better be careful where you go. The paparazzi and the press are more than ready to hound you and your bandmates down."

Alex asked, "But half of us are still under eighteen. Why can't you protect us like you used to during our first run?"

"I would, but three of your adult bandmates are already trying to take advantage of their new statuses as pop celebrities. As long as they continue to do that, you and the others will not be safe from the press."

"But Seth..."

"I can continue to try, but their behavior is out of my reach. I'll have my team to continue to clean up your image. In the meantime, get ready for the press. They're brutal, and none of you are the Royal Family."

Alex felt like his world was going to crash. He was sure no one would find him, but they did. Now he had no room to do anything in privacy. No sneaking around. No testing the waters, no matter how both scared and curious he was.

He was trapped in the confines of his mind. Those photos could be used as blackmail. They might even go to Liam to get the truth out of him.

It would only be a matter of time before Mallory starts questioning him. Would they break up? Alex wasn't sure, but he wasn't ready for that possibility. He would hope he could delay that, let alone prevent it, from happening.

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Alex sat in his car after his meeting with Seth. He looked around the area, seeing if there were any people waiting to take a picture of him. His car was now recognizable. He could be ridiculed for driving a vehicle from the 1980s, but it was all he could afford at the moment. Maybe within a year he'll get his own car, but he'll probably be surrounded by the paparazzi by then.

He needed to confront his older bandmates. They weren't those celebrities back in America. Then again, Connect8 was poised to become as big as Girls Aloud. Maybe. It would be about time to finally promote outside the UK.

A part of him missed having the privacy during the band's first run. Maybe he should get used to the increasing number of flashing cameras. Besides, all the talk was on the forums and the chat-boxes. It wasn't like the rumors were spilling over to The Sun.

He heard the ringtone of JoJo's Breezy song playing on his phone. He picked it up, seeing it was Mallory calling him. He hoped it wasn't anything bad, or worse, the end of his relationship.

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Alex parked at the visitors' parking lot of Mallory's university. He had both his hat and his sunglasses on, hoping that would make himself unrecognizable. Mallory asked him to meet her in the school's library. He was thinking of using one of the computers to see if those photos had surfaced online. Seth got a hold of them.

He looked at the campus map that was mounted on the ground. He walked over to the library, soon asking to use one of the computers as a guest. He was given a username and a password; and walked over to one of them.

Alex logged onto a PC desktop, something he hadn't used since he was thirteen. He would have to get used it as quickly as possible. He got on this browser called Internet Explorer, looking up different British tabloids. He looked on both The Sun and News of The World, hoping to find those photos.

There they were in an article from the day before as a News of The World exclusive. "CONNECT8'S ALEX TREDINNICK IS SEEING A MYSTERY PERSON" was the headline. The article was speculating he had a lover, assuming it was a woman. No assumptions on his sexuality.

Alex somewhat relaxed when he saw this. He logged out of the computer when he realized Mallory may have seen those headlines. There was no secret lover. He was only visiting a friend, which was true. He only saw Liam as a friend, well, he was a friend. Alex was pretty sure he blew any form of a relationship away.

He got up from his seat, walking around to find his girlfriend. He found her staring at her laptop, also a PC, which was covered in stickers. He could tell it wasn't an Apple computer based on an Underground sticker covering up the brand name.

He sat down, took off his sunglasses, and asked, "You wanted to talk to me?"

She looked up, turning the laptop to face him. It was the same article he just saw. She asked, "Who is this person?"

"It was just a friend. That's all."

"How did you two meet?"

"In school back home." Lie number one.

"Guy or girl?"

Alex narrowed his eyes at her. "Why should that matter?"

"I'm just wondering," she replied.

"A guy."

He noticed Mallory was pursing her lips, as if she was trying to figure out what to say next. She finally asked, "Why were you visiting him?"

"He was in town. I thought we would catch up." Lie number two.

"That's all, yeah?"

Confused, he said, "Yeah, that's all. Why?"

"You were visiting a guy."

Alex started to notice where she was heading. He could continue to act confused by her interrogation. Or he could confront her behavior. As much as he liked being with her, this was a major turn-off.

"So?" he asked. "I have guy friends. I work with other guys in my band. How is that any different? Are you on those forums?"

"What forums?" she asked, seemingly ignorant of what was out there about him.

"You're aware of the rumors about me. You know they're not true."

"I don't know what to think anymore."

Alex leaned back in his chair as he crossed his arms across his chest. "You're supposed to believe me, not the people talking about me."

"If you know they're not true, why don't you create an account and tell them off?"

"I can't. I'm a celebrity. Besides, they'll just say I'm posing as myself. They won't believe me."

"Didn't you say Diana used to go on those forums?"

"She did until our team took away her email account."

"So, do what she did."

Alex leaned forward on the table, and said in a low voice, "I just told you, I'm a celebrity. My team will find out what I'm doing. At the same time, the people online will say that I'm not me."

"Show proof that it's you."

"But then my team will find out. I can't have them take my email account."

"Why are you afraid?"

"Afraid of what?"

"Of what you might be."

Alex raised an eyebrow. He said sternly, "You know I'm straight, Mallory."

"I don't like to assume, but I don't think you're telling the truth."

"And what makes you think I'm not straight? Is it cause of the rumors online?"

"It's everything about you!" she exclaimed. Alex noticed some of the students hushing her. She continued in a lowered voice, "You're clearly trying to watch what you do and how you act. You get scared when guys show interest in you. You weren't hard with me until last week. There's something going on, and you got someone on your mind."

Alex sighed. He knew she was right about everything, but it didn't mean anything! He knew he was straight! He was sure of it!

Mallory sighed herself as she leaned back onto her chair. "Alex, do you still want to be with me?"

His eyes widened at the question. It was something he hoped to not hear from her. He held her hands, and said, "Of course I do, Mal. I want to be with you."

She pulled away, and said sternly, "Prove it."

"What?" he asked, surprised by the statement.

"Come to my dorm; and show me that I'm yours."

He shook his head. "I'm not in the mood to do this."

"Do what? Sex?"

"Yeah."

Mallory scoffed, "Just as I thought. You don't want to shag me, as usual."

Alex glared at her, not liking any of this. He didn't want to lose her, but he was starting to think he should. No! He was going to act like there was nothing unusual about him!

"If that's what you want," he said with a bit of anger in his voice, "then fine, let's go."

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Alex laid there as he held Mallory in his arms. They were both silent. He did go hard; but had to think of someone else. Liam came to his mind. It helped, but he figured she knew. She never said anything after act.

Alex could see their relationship was beginning to deteriorate. She figured out what was going on with him. She may have even guessed what he was, but he was still in denial. He wasn't sure how long it'll be until they both break up.

Then the paparazzi came into his mind. The media was starting to follow him. It would only be a matter of time before all eyes were placed on him. He may not be royalty, but just being a major public figure was enough to be given extreme scrutiny.

He could hide behind Mallory, but she would be more than done with him if he were to do that. He could end things now, but the rumors will spill into the tabloids. He could feel he was getting trapped. There wasn't any way out of this.

The only thing he could was just let his relationship slowly die as he hid his curiosity inside his head.