ChapterThirteen:Say It Now

FLASHBACK-Wednesday, November 28, 2001

Alex walked from home school. It was a long day of classes and basketball practice. He was decent with the game, though he wasn't particularly interested in it. He'd rather be with his theatre troupe, but they only met during certain days in the evenings and in the weekends. He was also in a theatre production every weekend. All of it was located in Truro.

He wanted to be alone as he walked home. His name was being circulated around the halls. Penzance was a small town, people were more likely to talk. That was something he realized since he was a toddler. He auditioned for a tween pop group in Cardiff, Wales; made the second round in London. Seven kids were chosen, and he wasn't one of them.

As far as he could tell, not many people left Penzance, let alone Cornwall. It would be a miracle to leave his quiet hometown for the largest city in all of Britain. Then again, he would miss his parents and his older siblings. He was the baby in the family. Would his parents let him leave for London?

He walked up to his house, which wasn't too far from his secondary school. He knew his parents worked, so he had to let himself in. He entered, noticing his parents on the couch.

Curious, he walked up to them. He asked, "Mum? Dad? What's going on?"

His mother looked up. She gave a smile. It was like a mixture of pride and sadness. She said, "Alex, Number9 Entertainment called. You're now a member of juniorConnect."

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Alex stared at the form in his hands his parents printed out. He was in the headmaster's office. He had to give out the form as he wouldn't be in school that much. He would be living in London with his bandmates, eventually touring all over England with Connect7.

The whole thing felt surreal. He was actually going to be living in London. Maybe he'll appear on everyone's TVs? He knew the group was a temporary project, but what were the odds that juniorConnect could become an actual pop group with full album?

The headmaster asked, "You have the form?"

Alex handed him the paper, waiting for the man to sign it. The man said as he wrote it, "Well, you know what they say. Go break a leg out there."

He nodded his head as he was handed back the paper. The headmaster asked, "When do you leave for London?"

"Tonight," Alex replied.

"Well, stay safe."

Alex got up from his seat. He wasn't ready to face his teachers and his classmates with this news, but he knew he had to.

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Alex watched his basketball coach signed the form. Alex looked his teammates. They all seemed peeved by this sudden change. The talk of him being in a pop group was all over the halls. His few friends congratulated him. His bullies jeered at him, attempting to put fear into him. He tried to be unfazed by this, but he was still bothered by their words and actions.

His team were no exceptions. They didn't particularly like him. Sure, he was nice, but they didn't like him being heavily involved with the arts. Now he might become a popstar. It was more than enough to make them hate him.

As he was given back the form, he walked towards the exit. He looked at their glares one last time. He hoped he'll stay in London for as long as possible. He'll get to be with people who didn't know him. He'll get to be on stage. Maybe he'll even appear on TV!

For now, the only eyes that were on him were the students who wanted nothing to do with him.

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PRESENT DAY-Friday, December 9, 2005

Lines queuing up outside HMV, mostly teenagers and their parents. Flashes from both disposable cameras and the flip-phones. The teens shaking hands, hugging, and talking to their favorite members of Connect8.

Alex was no exception. He signed the CD covers and the posters. He had his infamous toothy grin plastered on his face. Sure, he was on a high of meeting his adoring fans. He meant it, but he was tired of doing same facial expressions since he was thirteen. He tried to tone it down during the Dare2Dream gigs and promotions, but Seth advised him to go back to what he was known for.

Connect8 had just released their long-awaited third album, Say It! had a mixture of dance-pop, pop-rock, and urban pop. It was like they picked up where they left off from Nightfall, but with slight variations. The lyrics were still young, but they were getting mature.

As Alex did the fan meet-and-greet, he noticed he had a good amount of guy fans. It almost equaled his fangirls. The guys were relatively calm, but Alex could tell they were excited to see him. He wondered why he kept getting guy fans. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to, at least, ask one of them.

Alex asked a male fan as he smiled, "So, I was wondering, what makes you a fan of mine? Besides my awesome voice and slick dance moves."

Alex saw the guy seemed a bit surprised by the question. Or was it because Alex had to act like he was full of himself. That was the perception of him, right? Must keep it going!

The guy replied, seemingly a bit scared, "Well, yeah, you're talented, but I like your confidence when you're on the telly. I guess I wish I had that."

Alex felt his heart melt a bit for the fan. He was an inspiration, someone this guy looked up to. He said, "Well, I'm sure you will gain that confidence. It doesn't have to be on stage. It can just be in life in general."

The guy smiled, seemingly feeling encouraged by this. Alex signed his CD, thanked him for supporting him, and moved onto the next fan, which was a girl this time.

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Alex and three of his bandmates were shoved into their van by their security team. The other half were in another van. Alex was with Mason, Amber, and Lori. All four of them were the "adult" members of the band. Alex had just turned eighteen a week earlier, while the others were between twenty-one to twenty-four.

Alex felt out of place being in a van with twenty-somethings. He was still a teenager. He didn't feel "adult" enough to be around them. Sure, he went clubbing before, but now he was much more cautious of what he does.

The paparazzi were right outside the vans, mixing in with the screaming fans. Connect8 really exploded with their return. At least it meant that the band will be able to continue with their music for a little while longer.

For Alex, it meant all of Britain had eyes on him. Sure, they did before, but this was different. He was older, though he attempted to keep his famous toothy grin going. The band had less protection from both the media and the paparazzi, thanks to Amber, Mason, and Lori using the band for clout.

He looked out the window, watching the security team trying to keep everyone at bay. He overheard his three bandmates talking about something, most likely clubbing like they were Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

"Alex?" Mason asked, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Wanna join us?"

He looked at Mason, who was sitting next to him. He asked, "What? Clubbing again?"

"Yeah!"

"Nah, not really. I can get pissed in the kitchen. We got booze in the fridge."

"That's not fun!"

Alex rolled his eyes.

Amber jumped in, "Alex, you're legal now! You can actually go out and get drunk with us!"

Lori added, "You don't need to hang around Lauren, Diana, and Jerrod."

Alex glared at her. He said sternly, "I grew up with Jerrod and Diana, and Lauren's a good friend. If I'm wanna stay at the flat, then I'll do it!"

Mason snickered, "Do you still have your girlfriend?"

Alex scoffed. He wasn't sure himself if Mallory was still his or not. They both had been drifting apart since October. It didn't help that she had her increasing amount of homework and university dance rehearsals. He also had his band stuff, which was also a lot busier than in the past.

It also didn't help that the last time they sex was met with silence. It was like they both knew the truth, and neither of them wanted to admit anything. Well, Alex had been trying to push it far back, but every time he would notice an attractive man, his heart would begin racing. It had gone beyond Andrew and Liam, and he didn't like it.

Maybe he was bisexual like Andrew, but even he wasn't sure about that. He noticed in some of the UTurn photos of how close Andrew and Alyson were. The way they held their hands and their hips. They weren't awkward; they were in love. He even saw some of their photos on MySpace. They were clearly a couple, fans dubbing them as "Andyson." Then he would notice those photos would be gone, which Alex found weird.

He didn't feel that way towards Mallory, no matter how hard he tried. Whatever feelings he had for her were gone. There was no reason to continue their relationship. Maybe they could end up as friends, but that would be hard since it seemed Connect8 was only going to get even bigger.

"Alex?" Mason asked. "Are you and Mallory still together?"

Alex looked out at the window, watching the paparazzi trying to fight the busy London traffic. He said, "I don't know."

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Alex stared at the screen of his laptop. He was on the kitchen island counter with cup of flavored booze he got from the nearby grocery store. The screen was of a website called LiveJournal. He was stuck on the sign-up page, debating whether or not to join. He did create a second email account to make sure his team wouldn't find him.

"Alex?" he heard Jerrod asking him.

He looked up, and asked, "Yeah?"

"You okay? You got booze and you're on your laptop."

Alex looked back at the screen. He felt bad for hiding his issues from his bandmates, at least the ones he was close with. He was pushing them away. Why? Caleb wasn't around. The older members were probably trying to catch a chance to be a guest on Totally Scott-Lee.

He bit his lip nervously, and asked hesitantly, "Jer, you know...you know about those rumors, yeah?"

"The gay ones?" he asked.

"Yeah, those."

Jerrod sat down, and asked, "What about them?"

"Do...do you think there's some truth to them?"

Alex looked back at Jerrod, who seem stunned by the questions. Jerrod asked, "Do you think the rumors are true?"

He sighed as he ran his hand through his washed hair, free of the product from earlier. He wasn't sure how to answer that. Hell, he was scared say the truth!

He said hastily, "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

Jerrod blinked. "Well, I guess let me know what you think then?"

"Yeah, sure."

He noticed Jerrod walking out of the kitchen. Once again, he was stuck, trapped. Couldn't say or do anything without the entire nation saying something. He glanced back at the laptop screen. The sign-up page was still there.

"Xavier Kernow" was his alias. Maybe it was a little too obvious, but no one could tell, right? It could be some random guy stuck in a small town in Cornwall.

He stared at the blank post, daring him to type out his thoughts. Did he really want to blast his feelings out for the entire world to see? Then again, "Xavier" was a nobody.

I feel trapped was all he could muster up before deactivating his account.