ChapterSix:Voice Notes

FLASHBACK-Thursday, December 25, 2003

Christmas celebrations were underway in the house. Relatives of Alex's family were in his house, opening presents and such. Most of his cousins lived in Penzance, Truro, and Newquay. He heard stories where their ancestors were part of a Celtic tribe in the Cornish region. He knew some of his older relatives spoke the native language, but he was never taught that. He never questioned why. He just accepted it.

The talk of Diana reading the gay fanfiction of him and Caleb kept tugging at his mind. He had been wanting to go on his laptop to see them for himself but couldn't. He was busy with band stuff. He was scared to read it when he was around his bandmates, especially around Holly. He didn't want Caleb breathing down his neck in the most creepy way possible.

Now he was surrounded by his family, and he was slated to go back to London the next night. More juniorConnect gigs to do before the year was to end. It was now or never. He needed to slip away for a while.

He said, "I need a break."

His mother said, "Of course, Alex."

Alex nodded his head, and walked to his room. He locked his door, turning to face his MacBook. He knew his parents had recently gotten Wi-Fi internet. It was definitely better than cables and noisy modems. No debates over using the landline phone or not.

He walked up to his desk, opening up his white laptop. He remembered Diana has said she went to German fan-site. He had to guess which website it was as he searched through Google. connect8fever.de was one of the sites he found. He clicked on it, hoping this was the correct place.

He looked for the fanfic archive, soon finding it. He looked through the list of the works, seeing a link to the restricted section. He didn't care that he had just turned sixteen. He was going to lie about his age just to read what was in there. He knew Diana did.

Alex found one of the works, blatantly titled, The Love Between Caleb and Alex. It couldn't have been more obvious. He clicked on it, half-expecting to see smut on it, half-hoping there was just fluff. Besides, the LGBT stuff was considered as something for those over the age of eighteen.

Then again, he was sixteen. He couldn't be sheltered forever. He didn't know much about gay culture, but he didn't have a problem with it. He was just indifferent.

He read the beginning of the story. Everything seemed fine with his bandmates watching TV, that was until it was only him and Caleb on the couch. The two were talking to each other until they both started talking about how much they liked their little physical interactions.

The scene jumped to something he didn't expect to see. It was obvious they were about to have sex with each other in the bathroom. It was more than enough for Alex to close out of the browser.

He breathed quickly. The whole thing made him feel uncomfortable, scared even, yet curious? He wasn't sure what to make of the feelings swirling inside his head. He knew he and Caleb would never be a thing. The two didn't really like each other, especially since Caleb felt threatened by Alex's popularity. Why? He wasn't sure. It didn't make any sense to him. Caleb was the face of juniorConnect; Alex was just the dancer.

His breathing slowed down as he relaxed. A part of him knew he needed to go back to his family. The other part of him wanted to find more of these types of fanfictions. He even wanted to see what everyone was saying about him on the forums at the moment. He heard the rumors.

They weren't true. None of them were. They were all just rumors. He had a girlfriend. He was straight, and he was sure of it. So why did he want to read more of the fanfiction?

"Alex?" he heard his mother calling out for him.

Alex stared back at the laptop screen. He figured he could get back to it once everyone went to sleep. He closed the computer, letting it rest while he pretended everything was fine.

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PRESENT DAY-Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Alex sat in Seth's office with Lauren by his side. He wasn't sure how long the meeting would be for them. He knew his voice training would begin soon. It was just a matter of when.

He glanced at Lauren, who kept her eyes on the walls. It must've been her first time in Seth's office. He knew the man had gone to America numerous times during the first run of juniorConnect. He knew it was because he also had to manage juniorUS.

Alex knew all about juniorUS. They were formed on live TV a few years earlier, based off of the formation of his own band. The final line-up was strange: four girls and one boy. Two of the girls were sisters. Lauren was the oldest member, the one with the strongest vocals. The band covered songs from both Connect bands. Supposedly, it was a way to bring more attention to Connect in America.

Alex remembered the days when he and his bandmates wanted to go to America. It would only be fair since Connect7 went there for both gigs and filming productions. Then again, the senior pop band was overworked and jetlagged. British child labour laws protected juniorConnect from such a situation. That might change since Seth seemed obsessed with UTurn.

He still couldn't figure out why that was. Was Seth interested in signing UTurn? Did he want them to join the Connect franchise? Was it because they seemed similar to juniorConnect? Sure, there was Andrew who looked like him; the fact that Justin was the only British member; and that Alyson said that she was inspired and influenced by them. He heard their single, All Around the World, and their B-side, Back to You, on YouTube. Their music was more similar to the A*Teens than Connect8's. Maybe it was a safe way for the band to officially begin.

Still, the whole thing was somewhat unsettling. If he wanted UTurn, why did he have to bring back Connect8? Maybe Alex was overanalyzing this, like he had been doing towards the end of the first run of his band.

Alex felt more awkward with the silence. He wasn't sure where to begin and such. He cleared his throat, and said, "Your singing is pretty good."

Lauren blushed, "Oh, thanks. Yours too."

He chuckled, "I mean, I guess. I'm no Caleb or Jerrod."

"But still."

The silence returned, feeling more awkward than ever. He wasn't sure what else to say, until Lauren spoke up: "You're not mad about me doing juniorUS, are you?"

Alex's eyes widened. He exclaimed, "No, I'm not! Why? Because of our fans?"

"Yeah. Your Connect8 fans hated us. At least the ones who didn't become fans because of us."

Alex sighed. He saw those comments. They were harsh, all because juniorUS covered the Connect songs. They had no control over their content. If the fandom should direct their anger to anyone, it should be at Seth.

Alex said calmly, "I'm not mad, Lauren. It's not your fault. None of it is. Besides, you introduced your fans to our music. I don't think any of us could thank you enough for that."

He looked away, and asked, "Did you like our music?"

She replied, "Your Nightfall album was the best one. We all loved the title track."

He felt a smile appearing on his face. It wasn't his famous toothy grin that he would wear since he was fourteen. No, it was small, feeling slightly proud of the work he and his bandmates made. The public and the fandom loved it, while the critics called it "bratty material."

Lauren continued as she kept her eyes away from him, "It's still kind of unreal that I get be in Connect8 with you, Jerrod, Diana, and Sarah. I mean, I wish the others had rejoined, but I get to work with some of you. That's something."

Alex noticed her face seemed to be a shade of red, as if she held a small crush on him. He didn't mind, as long as she didn't try to make a move on him. He was not about to date any fans.

He heard the door being opened. He, and Lauren, turned to see Seth walking up to them. The man said, "I'm glad I have people showing up early for these meetings."

Lauren said, "I mean, we've been doing this for a while."

"Yes," Seth said as he sat down. "Now, I got two vocal coaches set up for both of you. Lauren, your lessons will begin tomorrow. Alex, yours begin today."

Alex's blue eyes widened at the announcement. It was that soon already? He had dance rehearsals with his group! Was it really time to record an album?

Alex said, "Seth, I have dance rehearsals!"

He sighed, "Alex, you can't continue to juggle both groups. You said you're committed to Connect8. You have to leave your dance troupe."

Alex sighed as he slouched in his chair. He did make the choice; he just didn't think stuff would be happening so quickly.

He said in defeat, "When does my training begin?"

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Alex stared at the ceiling of his room. He felt bad for telling the director of the dance group that he had to leave so soon. He couldn't reveal that he was back in Connect8. It was in their new contracts that they couldn't say anything about this. It was supposed to be a surprise for the Connect8 fandom.

The voice training, on the other hand, was intense; more so than he had ever experienced. Sure, the band did have a vocal coach, but this was different. This wasn't just to prove that he could sing as good as his bandmates. No, he was literally replacing Caleb as the face of the band.

He rubbed his throat. It was a tad sore. He hoped none of this will damage his voice. He would need it if he was going to be the new male lead singer.

Alex turned his head to see his laptop that was sitting on his desk. The words of Diana telling him to look further into Alyson and Andrew kept replaying his mind. He had been meaning to do that, but he was tired from everything.

He was done with his dance group. He was now working on "new commitments" instead. Might as well look into what Diana was talking about.

Alex went on the forums of the fan pages. He saw the individual topics, clicking onto Andrew's. He wasn't sure what he was looking for. Supposedly, Diana found something questionable about Andrew. He noticed certain topics were created around late March. There were all revolving around Andrew's behavior and sexuality?

He wasn't sure what those were about. UTurn was clearly a very new group, barely got signed, yet people were speculating on Andrew's orientation? He wasn't sure why, so he clicked on one of the topics.

There was a video embedded in the first post, a link from YouTube. He played it, watching the 230p quality of a school hallway. He could see they were all wearing uniforms, clearly one of those private schools in America.

Andrew was threatening a guy that he'll sue him for whatever reason. It sounded like an empty threat, especially when the American guy said his name and that his parents were lawyers. It was a whole other side to the guy that was living inside Alex's head. He was a bully, clearly using his parents as leverage.

A part of Alex wanted to exit out of the video, but he also wanted to see why people were talking about the guy's sexuality. So he kept playing it, witnessing a scene of some brunette girl trying to get Andrew to say something:

Brunette: "Come on, there has to be a reason you only target the guys. You never bully the girls. It has to be more than giving that job to Alyson."

Andrew: "I haven't targeted the girls since third grade, and why would I want to, anyway? That's just dumb."

"I bet you get turned on whenever you look at a guy. I bet you get hard whenever you bully another guy. So just say it, Andrew."

"Say what?"

"Say that you like guys. Admit that you're gay. It would explain everything about you."

"Why do you want me to say that so badly?"

Watching the scene was making Alex uncomfortable, but he kept his eyes glued to the screen:

"Andrew! Just tell me the truth! Are you gay or not!"

"No! I'm not gay! I'm bisexual!"

There it was. An actual confirmation of the school's popstar bully. There was no chance of Andrew ever backtracking that, and it seemed like he didn't.

Alex went back to the main fan page, looking on Andrew's bio and facts. Maybe he glossed it over, or he was busy just staring at photos of him. Andrew is openly bisexual and is rumored to be dating Alyson was one of the facts.

He felt conflicted about this. Andrew was now openly bisexual. He might be safe from the rumors, but it didn't mean he wouldn't face scrutiny and criticism. Hell, he lived in America! Alex heard that country was relatively conservative with pockets of progressive cities and regions. In a strange way, he felt sorry for Andrew.

He also felt a weird sense of hope. Hope for what? Why would Alex feel hope by finding this out about Andrew? Once again, he could feel something was trying to push itself to the front of his mind. He needed to push it back.

Everything was as it should be. No constant discussions, fanfictions, and harassment was going to make Alex say anything, let alone confront what was lurking inside his head. Everything was fine, and it will stay fine.

But for how long?

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PART TWO: PREMIERES FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4!