I never thought of myself as someone who had courage. I still don't. I don't think anything I have done is particularly brave. People like to call other people brave a lot. Anything can be a courageous nowadays. I remember when my mom got sick. Everyone said she was brave for being ill and getting treatment. Everyone said I was brave for standing by her in her time of need. I didn't feel particularly brave. I was scared a lot. I was worried a lot. I cried a lot. But mostly, I just helped my mom, just like she helped me when I was little.  I cooked a lot more. I drove her to the doctors. I helped her with her meds. I held her hair as she puked until she had no hair, then I just rubbed her back. I cleaned the house more. As she got worse, I helped her in the bath, helped her walk down the stairs, all the things she used to do for me. I wasn't brave; I just loved my mom. She wasn't brave; she was just sick. I know she wanted to give up, quite a lot. I remember, once, we just sat the whole day at the park. We sat and talked. We said many things, most of which were just passing fancy, didn't mean much one way or the other. But as the day grew to a close, our conversation became all the things we never said to each other. More and more of our conversations turned into heart to hearts. I think we both knew, on some level, this was it. She wouldn't make it. But we never talked about it. Out of all the things we discussed, death was never one of them. I think she felt at peace with that though. She didn't want to die, but it was ok if she did, because we told each other all there was to say, and she knew she was loved. And she knew I knew she loved me. She probably figured I would be okay. And I was. Don't get me wrong; it was hard as hell at first. But as time passed, I became more and more ok. I learned to live without her. I don't think it was courageous. I think it was a necessity. I had to become ok if I were to be able to live my life. I don't think it was courageous that my mom had to die. We all die at some point. As scary as it is, all we can do is prepare. I remember reading a lot as a kid, and there was one character in my favorite books who went to extreme lengths to try to live forever, only he ended up being killed anyway. I think that's important to happen because we can never live forever, everything has a life cycle, and the end of that life cycle is death. Neither what I did nor what my mom did was courageous, we were just human. But that's ok. I think being human is the most important thing there is.